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THE EICHES OF GRACE. 



It 



THE 



RICHES OF GRACE: 



OR THE 



BLESSING OF PERFECT LOVE 



AS 



EXPERIENCED, ENJOYED, AND RECORDED, 



LIVING WITNESSE^M.,.^,^;,->'- 



EDITED BY KEY. D. S. KING. 



And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly ; and I pray God your whole spirit, and soul, 
and body, be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. Faithful is he that 
calleth you, who also will do it. St. Paul. 



BOSTON: 
GEORGE C. RAND AND COMPANY, 

No. 8 CORNHILt. 
1847. 






Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1847, 

By GEORGE C. RAND & CO. 

In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the District of Massachusetts. 



The Library 

OF Congress 

WASHINGTON 



stereotyped and Printed 

By George C. Rand and Company, 

No. 3 Comhill, Boston. 



PREFACE. 



For several years past, I have noticed in conference and prayer 
meetings, that the relation of Christian experience has been peculiarly 
interesting and profitable ; and as editor of the " Guide to Holiness," 
I could but be sensibly impressed, by public and private correspond- 
ence, as well as by personal interviews, with the importance of those 
communications which have described the deeper workings of grace 
in the hearts of God's people. 

Being desirous that the Church may know her highest privilege, and 
that her members may be filled with all the fullness of God, these 
observations have led me to the production of this volume. 'It is pub- 
lished not for the critic's eye, but as a portion for those who are pant- 
ing after holiness. Some of these experiences may well defy the 
scrutiny of the philosopher, or the criticism of the rhetorician ; but 
others are from the pens of such as are unaccustomed to write for 
public observation. These writers, and indeed I may say the same 
of all, designed, by this public memorial, to give glory to God for his 
loving kindness to them, and to lead others to these same heavenly 
treasures. A literary display has been the object of none ; while all 
have aimed to give an unvarnished account of their trials in the wav, 
the victories which they have achieved, and the joys of the full salva- 
tion which they have felt. For reasons which the reader can fully 
appreciate, the names of the writers are not given ; but from personal 
acquaintance and good vouchers, I depend on these experiences as 
from persons of responsibility and established Christian character. 



Vm P K E F A C E . 

It has been evident to me, that the experience of individuals of 
different temperament and different education, reciting their trials 
and temptations, relating the various encouragements which they met, 
and also the peculiarities of their frames of mind in the reception and 
enjoyment of the same blessing, could but be beneficial to the earnest 
seeker after holiness. In this volume will be found the records of 
sanctifying grace as manifested to the old pilgrim and the young con- 
vert ; to him who has had but few obstacles to overcome, and to the 
doubting, tempted, and tried ; to the Christian of sufficient leisure, 
and to the one overwhelmed with the cares and toils of life. And 
they have all found grace sufficient for them, and specially appropriate 
to their circumstances. In the account of such various trials, tempta- 
tions, and encouragements, it would seem that any one, earnest for the 
pearl of perfect love, would find something peculiarly adapted to his 
own emergencies. And if such be the result, the object of the com- 
piler will be entirely answered. 

And now, Father of Mercies, in honor of Thy Name for Thy great 
work of redemption, and the riches of Thy grace as recorded in this 
humble volume, to Thee we reverently dedicate these pages. Through 
the Son of Thy love wilt thou be pleased to accept the offering. May 
the Holy Spirit attend and bless them, to the edification and sancti- 
fication of Thy people, and Thine shall be the praise and the glory 
for ever. 

Boston, April 22, 1847. 



RICHES OF GRACE. 



EXPERIENCE I. 

There was a man of our acquaintance who had been for 
thirteen years a professor of religion, and during much of 
that time an oflScial member of the church. Like most of 
his brethren, he had been attentive to the means of grace in 
the closet and in the sanctuary. Yet his devotions had some- 
times been formal, not exerting a vital influence on his life. 
At four different times he had been roused from his luke- 
warmness, and under the warnings of the Spirit, and new im- 
pulses of grace, he had regained the comforts of religion. 

Once in night visions he stood on a snow-drift near to a vil- 
lage of thirty or forty old tenements. The street was on his 
right hand, some fifty rods distant ; and about as far from 
him in the oppoeite direction he saw in his dream a lion of 
the largest size, and of a most ferocious aspect, making to- 
ward him. He made for the nearest house, thinking that 
possibly he might run half the distance that his pursuing foe 
must accomplish in order to overtake him before he reached 
it. As he entered the house, and closed the door, his savage 



10 THE RICHES OF GRACE, 

pursuer reached it. Scarcely had he time to congratulate 
himself on his escape, when he perceived that the door was 
broken, and its pannels loose, and that a slight pressure upon 
it from without would expose him, unprotected, to the fury 
of the lion. He saw, too, that the house was uninhabited, 
and open at various points ; so that, after all his eflforts, he 
was not protected, and would probably soon be torn in pieces. 
In the agitation which ensued he awoke, with these words 
sounding, it seemed, in his ears, and through his soul, 
"Who goeth about as a roaring lion, seeking whom he may 
devour." 

None can conjecture the effect of this dream. The words 
of Scripture seemed for days to be ringing all through him ; 
and the supposed escape from the lion, with a vivid recollec- 
tion of the agony experienced in the exposed condition here 
described, made an impression so deep and abiding, that it 
proved, for a time, a salutary warning. It was probably the 
means of restraining him from a farther relapse, or perhaps 
an entire falling away ; for, doubtless, without supernatural 
checks and aids, Christ's disciples would all forsake him. 

At another time, when his faith had declined, and, of 
course, all the graces of the Spirit languished, he awoke 
from undreaming slumber, with these words impressed upon 
him in a most solemn yet consoling manner, '' I will be as 
the dew unto Israel : he shall grow as the lily, and cast forth 
his root as Lebanon ;" and blessed results again followed, for 
a season, this merciful visitation. 

On another occasion, when his heart had begun to turn 
aside like a deceitful bow, he dreamed that his Savior came 
and spoke with him face to face, warning him of his unfaith- 
fulness, and rem'nding him of all that had been done for him 
— of the agony it had cost the blessed Redeemer to bring 
him from darkness to light through the cross, and of the in- 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 11 

gratitude and the peril of forsaking Jesus and going back to 
sin. Under the influence of this dream, or rather of the 
waking impression which followed it, he was again recalled 
to Christian fidelity and watchfulness. 

Again, in a relapsed state of his affections, he dreamed 
that he was worshipping in a Baptist church, and that, the 
eucharist being administered^ he was denied the privilege of 
communion. But he seemed to be in the altar, on his knees, 
in a posture to receive the elements, and that there the love 
of God was diffused through his soul, wonderfully, as at his 
conversion. He thought that he began to proclaim the Sa- 
vior's love, and walked on his knees to the door as he did so. 
He awoke, and was so affected to find it was a dream, and 
not a sweet and saving reality, that he wept much. 

Meanwhile, it was the case that this disciple, so variable in 
his states of mind, and so visited in his slumbers, had gene- 
rally no faith in dreams. He seldom recollected the imagi- 
nations of his sleeping hours, and scarcely ever spoke of them ; 
yet, at the times above mentioned, his dreams were somehow 
connected with deep and solemn rehgious impressions, which 
served, in a measure, to check his backslidings, and restore 
his soul. 

In 184- this unfaithful follower of the Lamb became deep- 
ly affected at the recollection of his frequent relapses. It 
was no dream that then" drew his attention to the sad condi- 
tion of a backslider. Realities, which crowded upon him in 
fearful array, and burdened his soul in a manner indescribar 
ble, impelled him to seek the Savior's face, and re-assure 
himself of an interest in the atoning blood. As his heart- 
wanderings at this time had been more than usually aggra- 
vated, so his return was with deeper penitence — with much 
self-accusation and self-abasement. 

It commenced in the closet. Its earliest staire was a clear 



12 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

discovery — aided by circumstances extremely reproving — 
of his lukewarm, fallen state. He was brought to feel that, 
though born again, he had lost much of his confidence to 
claim freedom from present condemnation, and to enter into 
communion with God. A sense of the captivity which op- 
pressed him became very deep and affecting. In this state 
he betook himself more diligently to prayer. At first, it was 
a mere duty, almost joyless, and even burdensome — dis- 
charged not for present comfort, but in regard to resulting 
advantages. He resolved, however, to practise it night and 
day, as the means of return to his abused Savior. He antic- 
ipated that, for a long time, devotion would be a mere tra- 
vail of soul ; that it would be a severely protracted penance, 
to which might succeed the recovery of peace. For a few 
days it was as he expected ; but instead of months of agony, 
he soon felt the softening influence of the Spirit. His sore 
conviction of long and aggravated heart-wanderings soon 
turned into " godly sorrow," which all who have experienced 
know to be grateful to the soul — a pleasing rather than a 
painful state of mind. 

Within three weeks from the commencement of these efforts, 
he felt that his peace was restored ; and so powerful was the 
work of G-od in his heart, that his tongue was almost con- 
stantly employed in prayer or praise. Now it was that he 
saw more clearly than he ever had how earnestly and perse- 
veringly he must seek wisdom and strength from God, if he 
would be saved from backsliding, and escape an endless hell. 
He began to inquire yet further what safety there could be 
in one so prone to wander, while he carried about with him 
so many unsubdued tempers. He saw that in his heart were 
the roots of many evils, which, though they could not grow 
while under the reign of grace, yet were ever ready to spring 
up under the least declinings of faith and love. He felt that 



il 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 13 

there was no safety in this state, and that he could never hope, 
without presumption, to persevere in the ways of the Lord, 
without the entire destruction of these roots of evil. Moved 
by this single motive, therefore, namely, his own safety, he 
began to cry unto the Lord to deliver him from the remains 
of the carnal mind. 

The reader may say, " this motive was very selfish." 
Doubtless it was. But can an unsanctified heart act from 
motives entirely pure ? To say yes, would be a contradic- 
tion in terms. An unsanctified heart is a defiled fountain. 
Its motives are streams from that fountain ; and how then 
can they be without defilement ? Can a corrupt fountain 
send forth pure waters ? 

Day after day he besought the Lord to purify him from 
all sin. It might be said of him that he lived upon his knees ; 
for, indeed, he became so used to this posture, and so intent 
on the blessing which he sought, that he grudged the time 
devoted to his sleep and meals. Meanwhile, he was more 
and more blessed. He felt that he grew in grace from day 
to day. His was emphatically a wTCstling spirit. Bowed 
before the Lord, he had strength given him from above to 
take hold on God with an unyielding grasp. What fervors 
were then kindled in his bosom ! What joys immortal 
overflowed his soul ! He dwelt in the land of Beulah, 
and discerned the glories pf his distant, home. But with 
these joys he was not satisfied, and in them he determined 
not to rest. He persevered in almost unremitted cries for 
holiness. 

And now he had come to love holiness ; so that he desired 
it not only for safety, but for its own sake. It appeared to 
him infinitely beautiful and desirable. He thirsted for it as 
the hunted roe " pants for the water brooks." He could 
meditate, converse, read and pray of little else. Every thing 
2 



14 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

in the universe besides had become to him, as it were, a 
blank. All that was lovely in earth or in heaven seemed so 
merely on account of holiness. God was lovely because he 
was intensely holy. And his creatures were lovely or un- 
lovely in proportion as they did or did not partake of this at- 
tribute. 

Besides praying night and day for purity of heart, he read 
and studied on this, to the exclusion of almost every other 
theme. The Bible was his text-book. He examined, also, 
Wesley, Fletcher, Watson, Benson, and other Wesleyan au- 
thors, with Merritt's Manual, Mahan, and the Guide to 
Christian Perfection. One or another of those works was al- 
most his constant companion. He also resorted to the society 
of the sanctified, questioned them, joined with them in prayer, 
and by every possible means sought knowledge and under- 
standing. Thus his struggles daily increased. And finally 
he began to feel that he " had a baptism to be baptized with" 
— that he must be pure or die — that he could not endure 
life unless he might fulfil that language of the apostle, " as 
He is so are we in this world." 0, how his heart and his 
flesh then cried out for tho living God — that the image of 
the heavenly might be restored to him — fully restored ! He 
was straitened beyond measure, until this, even this should 
be accomplished in him. 

Yet, with such vehement desires burning in his heart, and 
glowing, as it were, through all his being, he was not unhappy. 
In the strength of these desires, and in putting forth these 
struggles, he rejoiced. In them he had hope. He saw that 
they were not from nature ; and if from the Spirit, which he 
could not doubt, this great and precious promise was suited 
to his case — " Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after 
righteousness, for they shall be filled." And in this hunger- 
ing there was even fruition as well as hope. The bread and 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 15 

the water of life were so given him as not instantly to fill his 
large desires, but (with much present comfort in partaking 
them) so as to sharpen his appetite for their exceeding sweet- 
ness. 

It must not be inferred that his state of mind was uniform 
— that no seasons of relapse or coldness broke in upon this 
life of quickening ardors and vigorous devotion. Far from it. 
In the midst of these journeyings he was often much discour- 
aged. Like the ship beating into port, whose pilot misses 
his expectation to enter the harbor on the present tack, so 
was this spiritual mariner more than once thrown back, to 
be tempest-tossed and almost wrecked ere he entered into 
rest. 

The work of grace in the human soul is progressive. Yet 
it has several distinct stages. Conviction of sin is one state, 
regeneration is another, and entire consecration a third. 
Each of these is, for the most part, feeble in its beginning, 
and strengthens by slow degrees. 

Conviction of sin may now and then be sudden and over- 
powering, as it was in Paul and Gardner. But in such cases 
the work is extraordinary. The history of the Church affords 
comparatively few such scenes as that of Pentecost. Revivals 
of religion are generally under forms more gentle, in which 
the Spirit is distilled '' like the dew," rather than sent forth 
like a " mighty rushing wind." In a large majority of in- 
stances, the election of the soul to life has been through a 
'^ strait gate and a narrow way" — a way which cost the 
earnest struggles of several days or weeks of agony. 

And what is true of conviction holds also in respect to re- 
generation. This is a distinct form of grace, radically differ- 
ing from conviction of sin, as it involves spiritual life, and not 
merely a struggle after life. But this life is first feeble. Yet 
by laying aside '^ all malice and guile," and "as new-bom 



16 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

babes, desiring the sincere milk of the word/' it becomes a 
growing life, in which all the graces of the Spirit advance to- 
ward maturity. 

Somewhere in this progress the third state obtains, which, 
though it is gradually approached, is instantaneously bestow- 
ed. This is known to some as the '' assurance of hope," and 
to others as " perfect love," or " entire sanctification." The 
last two are the Scriptural designations of the state. The 
former, " perfect love," is used by the " beloved disciple," in 
his first general epistle — "perfect love casteth out fear." 
" Entire sanctification" is a phrase authorized by this lan- 
guage of Paul, in Thessalonians, " And the very God of 
peace sanctify yoit wholly ;" that is, " entirely. "^^ That this 
perfect love, or entire sanctification, is specifically a new state, 
and not the mere improvement of a former state or of regene- 
ration, is plainly inferred from the Bible. Regeneration is 
like breaking up the fallow ground, and sowing it with wheat, 
in the growth of which there spring up tares. It is a mixed 
moral state. Sanctification is like weeding the soil, or gath- 
ering the tares and burning them, so that nothing remains 
to grow there but the good seed. Connected with this illus- 
tration, the growth of the soul in the graces of regeneration 
and of sanctification will be easily understood. In regenera- 
tion a spiritual growth is like the slow progress of the wheat, 
choked and made sickly by the intermingling weeds. The 
wheat represents the graces of religion, and the weeds our 
remaining corruptions. These, while they remain, are always 
in the way of the former. Entire sanctification removes them 
— roots them out of the heart, and leaves it a pure moral 
soil. Then the graces of the Spirit have an uninterrupted 
growth, except as the violence of Satan's temptations, like a 
tempest on a desolated field, may mterpose. 

Growth in sanctification may be illustrated thus. The weeds 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 17 

being uprooted from the field, there still remain certain me- 
thods of improvement. One is by enriching the soil. This 
is the privilege of the moral husbandman. When the Holy 
Ghost has cleansed the heart, or crucified its unholy affec- 
tions, we may enrich the soil by the acquisition of knowledge. 
The heart is cleansed by faith in the blood of Christ ; but we 
are exhorted to add to our faith virtue, or strength, and 
knowledge. Another method of growth is to mature the spir^ 
itual crop. The field may be cleared of weeds while the 
tender blade is springing up, and months will yet be necessa- 
ry to grow the grain. So the heart may be cleansed from 
sin, while our graces are immature, and the cleansing is a 
preparation for their unembarrassed and rapid growth. These 
hints may not interest some of our readers ; but in illustra- 
tion of a doctrine involved in this narrative, they will be read 
by those whose attention we are chiefly anxious to secure. 

In 18 — , the town of A — — was favored with a stationed 
minister, who was deeply experienced in sanctifying grace, 
having for six years walked in its light. In March of that 
year, he whose history we are relating visited that place, to 
enjoy the privilege of a religious meeting. He reached the 
town on Saturday, and in the evening heard a sermon on 
" perfect love," which was followed by inviting believers to 
approach the altar and pray for that blessing. He with ma- 
ny others bowed before the Lord for more than an hour. To 
him it seemed almost a fruitless waiting, though, as he after- 
ward learned, it was a blessed season to several souls. 
Through the Sabbath which followed, he had power with God, 
and much of the time was in a deep struggle for holiness of 
heart. 

On Monday morning he rose early, and wrapping his cloak 
about him, continued, until breakfast time, to plead for the 
baptism of the Holy Ghost. Hastily partaking of a slight re- 
2* 



18 THE mCHES OF GRACE. 

past, he returned to his chamber and fell upon his knees. 
While entreating God for a clean heart, his mind was led to 
contemplate '^ the image of Christ " as the single object of 
desire. To be Christ-like — to possess '' all the mind that 
was in " the blessed Savior, seemed to embrace all good ; 
and this became the burden of his earnest prayer. 

" And why do you not take his image ?" was suggested to 
him ; ^' for he has taken yours. Look at the crucified Lamb. 
From his bleeding feet, and hands, and heart — from his pale 
features, and from every convulsed member, as from a thou- 
sand mirrors, do you not catch the reflection of your own vile 
image destroyed by the fall ? Why does the blessed Jesus 
there hang and bleed, ' his visage so marred more than any 
man, and his form more than the sons of men V Is it for 
himself? No — Ono! He is innocent — immaculate. It 
is for me. There, on the cross, he bears my sin, and shame, 
and weakness, and misery, and death. And why does he 
bear them? To give me, in their stead, his purity, and ho- 
nor, and strength, and bliss, and life. Why then not take 
his image ? Give him your sin, and take his purity. Give 
him your shame, and take his honor. Give him your help- 
lessness, and take his strength. Give him your misery, and 
take his bliss. Give him your death, and take his life ever- 
lasting. Nay, yours he already has. There they are, bruis- 
ing him and putting him to grief! Nothing remains but that 
you take his in exchange. Make haste ! Now — just now, 
he freely offers you all, and urges all upon your instant ac- 
ceptance." 

All at once he felt as though a hand, not feeble but omni- 
potent — ' not of wrath but of love, were laid on his brow. He 
felt it not only outwardly but inwardly. It seemed to press 
upon his whole being, and to diffuse all through and through 
it a holy sin-consuming energy. As it passed downward, his 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 19 

heart as well as his head was conscious of the presence of this 
soul-cleansing energy, under the influence of which he fell to the 
floor, and in the joyful surprise of the moment cried out in a 
loud voice. Still that hand of power wrought without and 
within, and wherever it moved it seemed to leave the glorious 
impress of the Savior's image. For a few minutes the deep 
of God's love swallowed him up — all its waves and billows 
rolled over him. 

But Satan was there. Quick and subtle in his stratagem 
— ^^ Shame," said he, " that you should make this ado, to 
the disgrace of religion, and to the mortification of those 
whose hospitalities you share." He saw that it was an evil 
thought, and strove against it ; but after a sore conflict it 
prevailed. He became silent, his feelings subsided, and ho 
arose and proceeded to the meeting-house, where the pious 
were gathered for the worship of God. His heart still burn- 
ed within him, and his Savior whispered words of holy com- 
fort to his soul. 



EXPERIENCE 11. 



In the spring of ISIS, in connection with a remarkable 
revival, which took place in Dartmouth College, I suppose 
that I experienced religion. About three years afterwards, 
I made a profession of religion in the Congregational Church. 
Accordingly, I have been a public professor of religion for 
more than twenty years. During the greater part of that 
long period, I believe that I have striven earnestly for high 
religious attainments. For various reasons, however, and 
particularly the discouraging influence of the prevalent doc- 
trine that personal sanctification cannot fully take place till 
death, I did not permanently attain the object of my desires. 
Sometimes, it is true, I advanced much, and then again was 
thrown back — living what may be called the common Chris- 
tian life of sinning and repenting, of alternate walking with 
God and devotedness to the world. This method of living 
was highly unsatisfactory to me, as it has often been to 
others. It seemed exceedingly dangerous to risk my soul in 
eternity in such a state as this. In this state of mind I was 
led, early in the summer of 1839, by a series of special pro- 
vidences, which it is here unnecessary to detail, to examine 
the subject of personal holiness as a matter of personal 
realization. I examined the subject, as I thought, prayer- 

20 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 21 

fully, candidly, and faithfully — looking at the various ob- 
jections as well as the multiplied evidences — and came, 
ultimately, to the undoubting conclusion that God required 
me to be holy, that he had made provision for it, and that it 
was both my duty and my privilege to be so. The estab- 
lishment of my belief in this great doctrine was followed by a 
number of pleasing and important results. 

1. As soon as I had become established in the belief of 
present holiness, I felt a great increase of obligation to be 
holy. Many secret excuses for sin, which had formerly 
paralyzed my efforts, now lost their power. The logic in the 
case was very simple. God requires me to be holy now, and 
as he can require nothing unreasonable, I am under obliga- 
tion to be holy now. I could not turn to the right hand nor 
to the left. I knew instinctively and most certainly that 
God did not and could not require impossibilities. I con- 
sidered his command as involving an implied promise to 
help me fulfil it. I felt, moreover, that every moment's de- 
lay was adding transgression to transgression, and w^as ex- 
ceedingly offensive in the sight of God. Accordingly, within 
a very few days after rejecting the common doctrine, that sane- 
tification is fully attainable only in the article of death, and 
receiving the doctrine of the possibility and duty of present 
holiness, I consecrated myself to God, body and spirit, delib« 
erately, voluntarily, and for ever. I had communicated my 
purpose to no human being. There was nothing said ; 
nothing written. It was a simple volition ; a calm and 
unchangeable resolution of mind ; a purpose silently but irre- 
vocably made, and such as any Christian is capable of mak- 
ing. But simple as it was, I regard it as a crisis in my 
moral being which has, perhaps, affected my eternal destiny. 
I acknowledge that I took this important step in comparative 
darkness ; that is to say 5 clouds were round about me, and I 



22 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

went by faith rather than by sight ; but I had an unwaver- 
ing confidence in God, that he Avould in his own time and 
way carry me through and give me the victory. This im- 
portant decision was made in the summer of 1839, and about 
the middle of eTuly. Two almost immediate and marked re- 
sults followed this act of consecration. The one was an 
immediate removal of that sense of condemnation which had 
followed me for many years, and had filled my mind with 
sorrow. The other result, which also almost immediately 
followed, was a great increased value and love of the Bible. 
It required no great efibrt of reasoning to perceive that, in 
doing the whole will of God, which had become the fixed 
purpose of my life, I must take the Bible for my guide. As 
I opened and read its pages from day to day, its great truths 
disclosed themselves to my mind with an impressiveness and 
beauty unknown before. And this result, independently of 
the aid implied in the biblical promise that those who do the 
will of God shall understand his communication, was what 
might have naturally and reasonably been expected. Before 
this time, reading every where my own condemnation, I had 
insensibly but voluntarily closed my eyes to the doctrine of 
present holiness, which shines forth so brightly and contin- 
ually from the sacred pages. But now I found holiness 
every where, and I felt that I began to love it. 

2. I now proceed to mention some other changes of mind 
which I soon passed through. In December of this year, 
1839, I visited the city of New York on business, which 
brought me into communication with certain persons who 
belonged to the Methodist denomination. I was pro\a- 
dentially led to form an acquaintance with other pious Meth- 
odists, and was exceedingly happy in attending a number of 
meetings which had exclusive reference to the doctrine of 
holiness and to personal holy experience. In these meetings 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 23 

I took the liberty, although comparatively a stranger, to 
profess myself a believer in the doctrine of holiness and a 
seeker after it. And I found myself greatly encouraged 
and aided by the judicious remarks, the prayer and the 
sympathies of a number of beloved Christian friends. As I 
now perceive, the great difficulty at this time in the way of 
my victorious progress was my ignorance of the important 
principle, that sanctification, as well as justification, is by 
FAITH. By consecrating myself to God, I had put myself 
into a favorable pondition to exercise faith ; but I had never 
understood and felt the imperative necessity of this exercise, 
viz., of FAITH as a sanctifying instrumentality. My Metho- 
dist friends, to whom this view was familiar, gave me, in the 
spirit of Christian kindness, much instruction and assistance 
here, for which I desire to be grateful to them. I found that 
I must give up the system, already too long cherished, of 
walking by signs, and manifestations, and sensible experi- 
ences, and must commit every thing, in fight and in dark- 
ness, in joy and in sorrow, into the hands of God. Realizing, 
accordingly, that I must have greater faith in God as the 
fulfiller of his promises^ and as the pledged and everlasting 
portion of those who put their trust in him, and aided by the 
kindness and supplications of Christian friends, I in some 
degree (and perhaps I may say in a very considerable de- 
gree) gained the victory. I shall ever recollect the time. 
It was early on Friday morning, the 27th of December. 
The evening previous had been spent in deeply interesting 
conversation and in prayer on the subject of holiness, and 
with particular reference to myself. Soon after I awoke in 
the morning, I found that my mind, without having expe- 
rienced any very remarkable manifestations or ecstacies, had, 
nevertheless, undergone a great moral revolution. I was 
removed from the condition of a servant, and adopted into 



24 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

that of a SOX. I believed and felt, in a sense wliicli I had 
never experienced before, that my sins were all blotted outj 
were wholly forgiven ; and that Christ was not only the 
Savior of mankind in general, but my Christ, my Savior in 
particular, and that God was my Father. As I have ob- 
served, I had no ecstacy, but great and abiding peace and 
consolation. 

3. I mark here another step in the progress of this im- 
portant contest. Under the influence of the feelings which 
I have just described, I consecrated myself anew to God in 
a more specific and solemn manner. I now made a written 
record of my consecration, which I had not done before. 
But while it seemed to me that I sincerely endeavored to 
give up all, I was unable as yet, in consequence probably of 
some lingering remains of unbelief, or because God, in his 
wise sovereignty, was pleased to try a little longer the faith 
which he had given me, to speak confidently of my SANCTiri- 
CATio:Nr. I would take the liberty to say here, that I do not 
consider consecration and sanctification the same thing. 
Consecration is the incipient, the prerequisite act. It is the 
laying of ourselves upon the altar ; but it is not till God has 
accepted the sacrifice, and wrought upon us by the consum- 
ing and restoring work of the Holy Spirit, that w^e can be 
said to be sanctified. It is true that the one mav immediate- 
\j and almost simultaneously follow the other ; and this will 
be the case where faith in God is perfect. But this was not 
the case with me. But I was now, however, by the grace of 
God, in a position where I had new strength, and could 
plead the promises with much greater confidence than for- 
merly. God had given me great blessings, such as a new 
sense of forgiveness, increased love, a clear evidence of adop- 
tion and sonship, closer and deeper communion with himself, 
but I felt there was something remaining to be experienced. 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 25 

In this state of mind, not having fully attained the object 
of my expectations and wishes, but still greatly in advance 
of my former Christian experience, and with a fixed determi- 
nation to persevere, I left the city of New York about the 
middle of January, 1840. Immediately after my arrival at 
my residence in the State of Maine, I united with some Meth- 
odist brethren in establishing a meeting similar to those 
which had benefited me so much in New York, for the pur- 
pose of promoting personal godliness, and which was designed 
to be open to persons of all denominations of Christians. 
This meeting was very encouraging to me and others. 
Nevertheless, I was not able for about two weeks to profess 
the personal experience and reahzation of the great blessing of 
holiness as it seemed to be experienced and realized in otherSo 
The principal difficulty, as I daily examined my heart to see 
how the case stood between my soul and God, seemed to be a 
consciousness, while other evils w^ere greatly or entirely remov- 
ed, of the remains of selfishness. Indeed, at this particular 
time, the selfish principle, or rather the principle of self-love, 
in its inordinate and unholy exercise, seemed to be stimulated 
to unwonted activity. The remains of every form of internal 
opposition to God appeared to be centred in one point and to 
be presented in one aspect. I do not know that I was ever 
more troubled, during so short a space of time, with feelings 
of this nature. I do not mean to say that I was more selfish 
at this time than ever before ; by no means. But the exis- 
tence and horrible nature of this state of mind were more 
fully brought to view. I took this encouragement, however, 
that God was perhaps now showing me, as he often does 
when he is about to bless with entire holiness of heart, the 
very root of evil. And I was sincerely desirous to see it and 
to know it, that it might be slain in his presence. The good 
hand of the Lord was pleased to sustain my faith in this 



26 THE EICHES OF GRACE. 

sharp contest. My continual prayer to God was that he 
would enable me to love him with all my heart. I knew not 
fully what the nature of perfect love was ; but my prayer 
was that this love, whatever might be its nature and its in- 
ward manifestations, might in God's time and way be realized 
within me. And in the answer to this prayer, whenever it 
should be given, I confidently foresaw the termination of this 
internal conflict. For selfishness can never exist in union 
with perfect love. 

On Sabbath evening, the 2d of February, I was greatly 
afflicted in mind ; tossed to and fro as in a tempest ; and it 
seemed to me that I could not easily stand where I was, but 
must either advance or retreat. But God's grace was suf- 
ficient. My faith remained unshaken; and, on Monday 
morning, I thought I could say with great calmness and 
assurance, Thou hast given me the victory. I was never 
able before that time to say with sincerity and confidence, 
that I loved my heavenly Father with all my soul and with 
all my strength. But, aided by divine grace, I have been 
enabled to use this language, which involves, as I under- 
stand it, the true idea of Christian perfection or holiness, 
both then and ever since. There was no intellectual excite- 
ment, no very marked joy, when I reached this great rock 
of practical salvation. The soul seemed to have gathered 
strength from the storm which it had passed through on 
the previous night; and, aided by a power from on high, 
it leaped forward, as it were by a bound, to the great and 
decisive mark. I was distinctly conscious when I reached 
it. The selfish exercises which had recently, and, as it 
were, by a concentrated and spasmodic eifort, troubled me 
so much, seemed to be at once removed ; and I believed, and 
had reason to believe, that my heart, presumptuous as it 
may appear to some to say it, was now purified by the Holy 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 27 

Spirit, and made right with God. I was thus, if I was not 
mistaken in my feeUngs, no longer an offering to the Avorld, 
but SANCTIFIED UNTO THE LoRD ; given to him to be his, 
and no longer my own ; redeemed by a mighty power, and 
filled with the blessing of " perfect love." 

4. The enemy might now be said to be cast out of the in- 
terior of the castle. Nevertheless, he has never ceased his 
hostility. He has laid his snares and presented his temptar 
tions. It would be presumption to assert positively that I 
have never in any case, nor for any length of time, yielded 
to his power. But I can testify abundantly to the goodness 
of God's grace, that he has heard the voice of my prayer, 
and in a wonderful manner preserved me. Certain it is that 
my spiritual life has been a new life. There is calm sun- 
shine upon the soul. The praise of God is continually upon 
my lips. 

I have continually what seems to me to be the witness of 
the Holy Spirit ; that is to say, I have a firm and abiding 
conviction that I am wholly the Lord's ; which does not seem 
to be introduced into the mind by reasoning, nor by any 
methods whatever of forced and self-made reflection, and 
which I can ascribe only to the Spirit of God. It is a sort 
of interior voice, which speaks silently but effectively to the 
soul, and bids me be of good cheer. At times, especially on 
the 14th of February, 1840, I experienced some remarkable 
operations on my mind, which made a profound and lasting 
impression. Language would be but a feeble instrument in 
detailing them, and I will not attempt it. Indeed I do not 
know but I must say with the apostle, " whether in the body 
or out of the body, I cannot tell." But in view of what I 
then experienced and have experienced at other times, I 
cannot help saying with the apostle, " God hath also sealed 
us, and given us the earnest of the Spirit in our hearts." 



28 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

I could speak of many remarkable deliverances and sup- 
ports in time of mental trial. God has ever been with me, 
in time of trouble, a " faithful God." But these and many 
other things which have called forth the deep gratitude of 
my heart, I am compelled to omit. I cannot refrain from 
saying, however, that almost from the very moment of my 
obtaining the victory over those selfish feelings which have 
been spoken of, I was distinctly conscious of a new but pow- 
erful and delightful attraction towards the divine mind. 
This, I believe, is a common form of interior experience 
among those who have enjoyed the blessing of sanctification. 
I perceived and felt very dictinctly that there was a central 
existence, full of all glory, towards which the Spirit was 
tending. I could realize the meaning of the psalmist, " As 
the hart panteth after the water-brooks, so panteth my soul 
after thee, God." I felt like an imprisoned bird when the 
string is cut that bound it to the earth, and which soars up- 
'w^rd and spreads its wings to the skies. So conscious have 
I been that inordinate self-love has been the great cause of 
the separation between my soul and God, that the very idea 
of self as distinct from God is almost painful to me. When 
self is destroyed, the divine union, which sanctified hearts 
only know, takes place. If I know any thing, I know most 
certainly that the true resting place of my soul is and must 
be in the infinite mind ; that it is not and cannot be any 
where else. Perhaps no part of the Scriptures, during the 
more recent periods of my experience, has more affected me, 
than the prayer of the Savior for his disciples, " That they 
all may be one, as thou. Father, art in me, and I in thee, 
that they also may be one in us." It is difficult for mo to 
conceive of any heaven but God's presence ; of any hell but 
his absence. I realize that the cup of my happiness is full, 
whatever may be my personal trials and sorrows, whenever 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 29 

and wherever my heavenly Father is glorified in me. Ac- 
cordingly it is my earnest and constant prayer, that my will 
may be wholly and for ever lost in the will of God, and that 
I may never know self any more, except as the instrument of 
the divine glory. 



r 



EXPERIENCE III. 



The first distinct impressions of the nature of entire sanc- 
tification, and the first clear convictions of the necessity of 
attaining to this excellent grace, which I remember, were re- 
ceived at the early age of fourteen, while passing through a 
course of study preparatory to college. It was then, that, 
after reading the memoirs of a holy woman* encouraged by 
her example^ I went in secret to the heavenly altar, and in a 
place as humble as the cradle of my Redeemer, sought to 
bring my soul to the point of entire consecration. Of the 
success of that efibrt, at this distance of time, it is neither 
easy nor needful to judge ; but the more painful impression 
is deep in my memory, of quickly breaking my vows of con- 
secration, and taking back part of the sacrifice I had laid up- 
on the altar. The fascinations of an alluring world, the press 
of studies quite foreign in their nature to holy living, but, 
above all, a temperament buoyant and vivacious to a fault, with- 
out those guards of personal piety found alone in an acquaint- 
ance with the world and a knowledge of one's self, soon sunk 
me, in religious life, to a point, if possible, below my ordinary 
level. 

It was not till the fall of 1842 that these impressions and 
convictions were revived. While the first term of my senior 



THE BICHES OF GRACE. 31 

year in the Wesleyan University was drawing to a close, it 
pleased God to recall my attention, from a life hitherto com- 
paratively irreligious, to the subject of personal holiness. 
While the rain drops of the Spirit, falling on the surrounding 
country, were heralding the advent of a revival year, and, as 
some supposed, the advent of the world's Redeemer, I was 
led to compare my spiritual stature with the rising standard 
of personal piety around me, and, above all, with the elevated 
standard of Scripture — " the measure of the stature of the 
fulness of Christ." To facilitate the work of self-examina- 
tion and spiritual progress, I availed myself of the aids found 
in Christian interview and communion. Long will it be be- 
fore those sacred interviews perish from my memory. The 
hours spent with a brother student, or with a select band of 
choice spirits, after the hours demanded by worldly science 
were yielded, consecrated in the stillness of the night to the 
noblest of all sciences, the science of holy living, can never be 
forgotten. Though the definite object of our search was not 
then attained, nor the one desire answered, yet obstacles were 
surmounted, objections were removed, and the light of Scrip- 
ture and of our fathers was thrown forward on the path which 
was to conduct us to the interior of the spiritual kingdom, far 
through its portals of peace and forgiveness, to the palace of 
perfect love. 

About this period of my progress, it was my privilege to 
hear Dr. OKn preach. He stood where he had not stood be- 
fore for years, and where he had forborne all hope of stand- 
ing again. He came like one from the spirit world, where 
the soul had measured its responsibilities, and, in eloquence, 
overpowering the Christian hearer, seemed for a while to an- 
nihilate all personal claim to one's own self, one's influence 
and powers, exhibited the price which had bought up Chris- 
tian hearts, and urged home the claims of universal love on 



32 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

the heart of the world. Every thing then appeared mean in 
mj eye but consecration, and every degree of that seemed 
low and unworthy, which was not entire. The second service 
of the day Avas conducted by another. A discourse, excellent 
in its kind, held the attention of the congregation, but flailed 
to interest one, for it was foreign to the subject which had 
been riveted in his heart — entire consecration. Under such 
influence my soul went upward. The communication be- 
tween the suppliant and the throne was unobstructed, the dis- 
tance between heaven and earth annihilated, and communica- 
tion contracted to communion. The presence of divinity was 
then realized, not like a flood of bursting sunlight, not like an 
ocean of rolling glory, but like the circumambient air, sur- 
rounding, supporting, penetrating, and pervading all. It 
was like heaven, where the pure spirit takes its place among 
ranks of adoring seraphs before the throne, to whom God is 
" all in all." Then it was that all conviction and impression 
revived, and, with its full weight, inclined the ear of the un- 
derstanding to one voice, inviting — "Come up higher." 
That was the moment, — the happy moment, reader, when 
all was lost in God ? Ah, no ! but the moment when the 
hand of faith fell palsied through unbelief, fearing to take the 
blessing; the moment, when, cowardlike, the unbelieving 
heart fled from the pervading presence, and was lost in the 
mist and cloudiness of its fears. The responsibility assumed 
in professing, and the difficulties imagined in retaining this 
blessing, made me for a moment distrust that supporting grace 
which accompanied every blessing, and the joy of my heart 
fled, and surrendered the heart it had inhabited to fear and 
trembling. In all this there was nothing unusual ; such sea- 
sons of intimate communion Christians often enjoy ; but in 
the invitation and its impression^ when submitted to the ver- 
dict of judgment and cool reflection, I found enough to cover 



THE EICHES OF GRACE. 33 

me with shame, and to convince me that I had lost, by not 
accepting, the long sought blessing ; that, after contending 
for months, I had trembled in the moment of victory, and re- 
fused the proffered grace. 

The year rolled on, the term closed, and sacrificing the op- 
portunity which a long vacation presented for chosen studies, 
I consecrated the winter weeks to revival work, and offered 
the little aid I could supply to meet the great demand of that 
revival year. About four miles from our institution, in a lit- 
tle parish westerly of the city, stands an unpretending brick 
building, which, from its appearance and location, no stran- 
ger would mistake for any thing else than a village church. 
Radiating from this little church, as a centre, lie a scattered 
population of Christians, whose location, by its proximity to 
the town, and by its retired seclusion of itself, combines all 
the advantages of a city and a countr}^ life. Since the foun- 
dation of the Wesleyan University, this has been a field, to 
some extent, under its cultivation ; and the quiet people of 
the parish have been favored with every degree of pulpit ta- 
lent, from the seraph powers of the sainted Fisk, to the hum- 
ble attempts of the writer. Here many clerical students 
have first lifted their herald voices, and subsequently culti- 
vated those talents which have since ornamented the church, 

and blessed the world. The good people of M will ever 

live in the memory of those that have shared their hospitality, 
and around their names will cluster their earliest pulpit asso- 
ciations. Sacred are the associations which cluster around 
one at the present moment, and seem to follow the pen that 
traces these lines. Happy the remembrance of the winter 
of 1842. 

When our vacation was over, and we were remanded to 
our studies, rest from the stirring scenes of revival gave room 
for reflection. Then it was, while taking a retrospect of the 



84 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

winter's labors, that I discovered a principle, to me hitherto 
unknown. It was this, that one might labor for the salvation 
of others to the neglect of his own souL Let my brethren in 
the ministry, if they can endorse this sentiment from their 
own experience, engrave it on their hearts, and heed it in 
every revival. I was somewhat startled by the discovery, 
that during the winter I had made no advancement toward 
holiness, and had, indeed, quite waived, except in the formu- 
las of public prayer, the subject of entire consecration. As 
a laboring husbandman, neglecting the apostolic injunction to 
be the first partaker of the fruits, I found my garner almost 
emptied ; for, while pouring forth to others, I had neglected 
to water and replenish myself. As the results of this disco- 
very, my convictions revived with double force. 

One evening in the spring, meeting with a class of Chris- 
tians about one mile from our institution, while indulging in 
the usual exhortation to believers, " Go on to perfection," T 
thought of the unregenerate pastor, who cries, " Ye must be 
born again," and the relation which he sustained to sinners 
seemed not very unlike the relation which I sustained to 
Christians ; his inconsistency seemed analagous to mine. 
Every exhortation was answered back with the convicting re- 
proof, '' Physician, heal thyself." This, added to the rational 
probability, that not one of my brethren would precede me 
in this matter, settled like conviction on my heart. From 
that moment I turned my exhortation upon myself, and re- 
solved to sharpen the pointless dart of precept with sanctified 
example. 

For the rest of my experience touching this matter, I would 
adduce a few pages of a reUgious journal kept at the time, 
in which were carefully minuted the successive steps of my 
progress. 

" Feb. 17th and 18th. — Felt convicted of remains of sin 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 35 

in my heart, and deeply convinced of my need of holiness. 
Prayed for it, yet in vain ; and perhaps not entirely in vain, 
for prayer increased my confidence and quickened my expec- 
tation. Felt willing to give up all, and to do any thing to ob- 
tain the blessing : yes, longed to do some great tiling — to 
commit myself thoroughly to the search. Could I obtain the 
blessing by going twenty miles, where I might join with peo- 
ple praying for it, gladly would I go. Bat ! it is by faith, 
and not by works ; by grace, and not by merits. It is only 
to wash in the Jordan of Christ's blood, and be cleansed from 
the leprosy of sin. 

'' Evening of the 18th. — Attended class meeting at S 

H . Went with strong desires for the blessing : nor 

were they barren desires ; for a strong degree of expectation 
accompanied them. In this they differed all from my previous 
desires. Class full, and full of spirit. The meeting progress- 
ed so joyfully, that in the spirit of the meeting, Avhile partici- 
pating the joy of others, I lost all thoughts of sanctification ; 
at least, I did not make it the definite object of search, and 
the subject of wrestling prayer, as I intended. In this I was 
disappointed, and, when called to speak at the close of the 
class, could not conceal my disappointment. Humbly ac- 
knowledged my need and desire of being perfected in love, 
and my expectation that the work w^ould have been wrought 
that evening. ' Well,' repHed the leader, ' it is not too late 
yet.' I cast my eye upon the clock — it was but eight; I 
took him at his word, fell on my knees and began to pray. I 
prayed sincerely with increasing faith and fervency. Feeling 
that matters were verging to a crisis, and that what was done 
must be accomplished that evening, I played till there was 
cause to praise. I got sight of the blessing, and felt willing 
to receive it hj faith, and to receive it then. I crowded all 
that I was, or had, or was expecting to have, my interests for 



38 THE RICHES OE GRACE. 

time and eternity, upon tlie altar, and, sprinkled with atoning 
merit, I felt that my little all was all that was required, and 
was accepted. The blessing was before me, and the time to 
take it had arrived. Here, where my confidence and spirit 
had before failed, and a spirit of trembling possessed me, my 
faith sustained me. Feeling, as heretofore, that I was willing 
to be saved, I felt to go a little further, and exclaimed, I am 
ready ! I am waiting ! The fulness of the promise assured 
me that God was ever on the giving hand — willing, ready, 
waiting ; this reduced it to the present tense. Here infinite 
benevolence met the suppliant, and ' cut short the work in 
righteousness.' The blessing was mine — I felt I possessed 
it ; it made me contented. The witnessing Spirit supplanted 
my convictions, and I experienced a deep assurance that my 
prayer was answered, and the blessing bestowed. A mighty 
comfort pervaded my heart ; a mighty peace rolled through 
my soul. Pelt conscious that I had given all for Christ, and 
felt the witness of the Spirit, like an impression on my soul, 
that he had become 'all in all' to me. Then came a mo- 
ment's struggle. I had a vow to perform. I had promised 
God, if he would grant the desire of my heart, I would profess 
and make it known. A moment's hesitation — the devil 
tempted — the flesh cautioned — it was but for a moment. 
Resolved to fulfil my promise, and perform my vows, I arose, 
like a young convert about to declare the mighty change. I 
said but little — my soul was full — it overflowed. All sen- 
timents resolved themselves in one^ and all expressions were 
but synonymes of ^Z(?n/ .^ I sat down. Not a doubt linger 
ed, not a cloud obscured. The evidence then streamed in 
like sunlight, or rather like ceaseless undulations of glory. I 
had often felt sufficiently free, in religious meetings, to respond 
amen ! glory ! but never before had I felt it like something 
that MUST be uttered. 'Twas no ecstatic flight, no height of 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 37 

rapture ; but ! the depth ! The fathomless depth ! The 
ocean of love! 'Twas boundless billows of joy, and ceaseless 
swells of glory ! I went home all melted and subdued be- 
neath this fresh manifestation of the love of my Heavenly 
Father. 

" Sunday, Feb. 19th. — I arose, and reflected on last 
evening's scenes. It was dream-like. I inquired of myself, 
' Is it so V ' can it be V For a moment I trembled ; but 
promises of sustaining grace recurred to my mind, and made 
me confiding ; a thing quite unusual with me, for which I 
had never looked in my experience. They seemed like the 
oil of consolation poured on the sea of soul that had been ruf- 
fled by a little tempest. All was calm, or rather all was joy. 
Some parts of the day were peculiarly glorious. My cup was 
full to overflowing. A new world sprung up within me — a 
new creation sprung up around me. Love was the supreme 
law of the heart. I discovered new beauties in Scripture, 
and that all-comforting promise, 1 Cor. i. 30, ' But of him 
are ye in Christ Jesus, who of God is made unto us, wisdom, 
and righteousness, and sanctification, and redemption,' espe- 
cially, revealed a world of light and glory. My reflections 
gave me solid comfort. The scenes of the previous evening, 
instead of seeming extravagant^ were heightened by holy me- 
ditation. I was glad for all I had done, and could not suffi- 
ciently express my gratitude to God for that grace, which over- 
came my fears, and enabled me to attest his work. Thus 
passed the day in silent or shouting joy. I longed for even- 
ing to come, when I might preach a full salvation, and test 
it by my own experience. I sought a text that contained the 
word, or idea, salvation. Had a good time preaching, and 
wonderful freedom in prayer ; joyful in the hope, that now 
that one stumbling block is removed, my brethren and sisters 
4 



38 THE RICHES OF GRACE, 

will press into the kingdom , naj, into the palace of the king- 
dom — the palace of perfect love." 

One week subsequent I find the following minute : — " The 
past has been the happiest week of my remembrance. My 
soul has been a sea of peace, unruffled but by waves of joy.'^ 
And now, at the distance of nearly two years, setting to my 
seal that God is true, I can heartily subscribe all that I have 
transcribed as the truthfulness of God, tested in the earnest 
experience of Gospel Holiness. 

But let no dear Christian, searching for this priceless pearl, 
estimate its size or appearance by that exhibited in the ex- 
perience of the writer. Let no dear saint, in full enjoyment 
of this blessing, cast away his confidence in a complete Savior 
for the same reason. Let each consider, in the work of the 

m 

Spirit on the heart, how much is due to the differences of na- 
tural temperament^ and to one^s manner of telling ^vhat many 
have experienced. Let them also remember that our object 
is not fully attained till love becomes our law, and obedience 
our life. There is no sanctified saint on the footstool, who 
would not hail the approach of that time when all this tempest 
of joy shall subside in 

" The sacred awe that dares not move, 
And all the silent heaven of love." 



EXPERIENCE IV. 



I CONSIDER it not only a duty, but a privilege, to speak of 
the great goodness of God, toward one of the most unworthy 
of his children. For some months past, I have enjoyed that 
peace in believing, that deliverance from the bondage of sin, 
which I once supposed could not be enjoyed in this life. My 
highest expectations are more than realized, and I am fully 
convinced, from Scripture and my own experience, that " this 
is his will, even our sanctification." 

In the year 1829, during a revival of religion in my native 
place, I was awakened to see my danger while out of Christ, 
and enabled to lay hold on the hope set before me in the Gos- 
pel. Christians seemed very near, and I felt it would be a 
privilege, publicly to unite with the people of God, thus pla- 
cing myself under the watch and care of the church, which I 
felt I much needed, being young in years, as well as in Chris- 
tian experience. I spoke of my feelings to our pastor, who, 
in accordance with the customs of the church, thought it pro- 
per that some time should elapse, previous to my making a 
pubHc profession. I was much grieved, that I must for a 
while remain out of the pale of the church ; but believed it 
perfectly right, and my duty cheerfully to acquiesce. At 
the expiration of some four or five months, it was expected 



40 THE RICHES OF aRACE. 

that I should unite with the church ; but alas ! ere this I had 
left my first love. I had not so clear an evidence of my ac- 
ceptance as at first, and I refused to discharge this duty. 
The truth was, I had received Christ as my Justifier, but not 
as my Sanctifier. It had never occurred to me that I might 
be saved from all sin ; and indeed had such a thought crossed 
my mind, I should have considered it presumption in the ex- 
treme, so great was my ignorance on this subject. Though 
frequently urged to confess Christ before men, I lived in ne- 
glect of this duty for two years, when I united with the Con- 
gregational Church in R , and for several months en- 
joyed much of the divine presence. But at length my love 
began to decline, and I became a backslider in heart. 

Three years from this period, while laid upon a bed of sick- 
ness, I had ample time to review my past life ; and the re- 
view gave me little satisfaction. With bitter repentance did 
I look upon my heart-wanderings and backslidings from God, 
and earnestly did I seek pardon for my past unfaithfulness 
in the cause of Christ. God, in his infinite mercy, was pleased 
to speak peace to my troubled soul. Death now seemed near, 
and I rejoiced greatly in the prospect of a speedy deliverance 
from the corruptions of my sinful nature, and an entrance to 
the regions of perfect purity and holiness. With St. Paul I 
could say, " to die is gain ;" but I could not say with that 
holy Apostle, " to five is Christ." I felt to live was to sin, 
and therefore I earnestly desired to be taken out of the world ; 
not knowing that I could be " kept from the evil that was in 
the world." But my time had not yet come. When I found 
myself recovering, and felt that I must soon leave my sick 
room, and mingle with the world, I trembled, in view of the 
thousand dangers which surrounded me. Sin appeared ex- 
ceeding sinful, and I earnestly prayed for full salvation ; for 
I could ask for nothing less than this. I now discovered that 



THE RICHES OF GEACE. 41 

there was a strange inconsistency between my belief and my 
prayers : for while I asked to be saved from all sin, I denied 
that such a state was attainable in this life. This inconsis- 
tency, for a time, gave me considerable uneasiness ; but being 
ignorant of the nature of Christian Perfection, and having no 
means of gaining instruction on this point, except from the 
Bible, which I unhappily overlooked, I substituted angelic 
perfection in its stead, which I at once concluded could not 
exist on earth. From this period I was enabled, by the grace 
of God, to live more devoted to his service ; yet I was far, 
very far from what God required, and what I ought to have 
been. This I often felt deeply ; and while groaning under 
the bondage of sin, I looked forward with joyful anticipation 
to the time when the silver cord should be loosed, and my 
freed spirit should become an inhabitant of the realms of per- 
fect purity and holiness. 

In the autumn of 1837, while conversing with a Christian 
friend respecting my conflicts with inbred sin, I expressed my 
belief that I should never, in this life, gain a full triumph over 
all my spiritual foes. In reply, she alluded to the doctrine 
of Christian Perfection. A ray of hope now broke in upon 
my soul, and I eagerly inquired if she believed in this doc- 
trine. She replied that she could not say that she fully be- 
lieved it, nor could she deny its truth. That night, while 
seeking divine instruction, the following passages were deep- 
ly impressed upon my mind : " Sanctify them through thy 
truth. Thy word is truth." John xvii- 17. " And the 
very God of peace sanctify you wholly : and I pray God your 
whole spirit, soul and body, be preserved blameless unto the 
coming of our Lord Jesus Christ!" 1 Thes. v. 23. The in- 
quiry arose, would Christ ask any thing not according to the 
will of the Father ? It was suggested that the petition might 
be answered at, or near death. But St. Paul's prayer, 
4* 



42 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

" And preserve you blameless, '^^ seemed to convey the idea 
that some time was to intervene between sanctification and 
death. 

I continued seeking for light on this subject, when one 
night, after a severe struggle with unbeUef, I covenanted 
with the Lord, that if He would keep me from all sin through 
the next day, I would then believe that such a state might be 
enjoyed on earth. All was now calm. I arose in the morn- 
ing, in the same peaceful frame of mind, and at the close of 
the day, I could not but acknowledge that I had enjoyed 
something to which I had ever before been a stranger. An 
incident occurred which, at any other time, would have ex- 
cited feelings of anger ; but it did not in the least disturb the 
deep quiet which reigned within. The time had arrived for 
me to fulfil my covenant promise. But alas ! unbelief tri- 
umphed ; and I desired another sign, which was, the con- 
tinuation of this full salvation for one week. I thought this 
manifestation of saving grace would put the doctrine beyond 
any farther doubt. But I had had sufficient evidence. I had 
persisted in unbelief, and my request was not granted. My 
sins now rose before me in dread array. It seemed as if there 
was not virtue enough in the expiatory blood of the covenant, 
to cleanse a soul so deeply stained with sin as mine. When 
called upon to engage in any of the active duties of religion, 
the almost overwhelming sense of my sinfulness would rest 
upon me with awful weight. I dared not approach the 
throne of grace with that holy boldness, and hold that near 
communion with God which I was wont to do ; for it seemed 

as if God would spurn me from his presence. 

* 

" He made me feel 
The hidden evils of my heart : 
And let the angry powers of hell 
Assault my soul in every part." 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 43 

Satan was busy, presenting the most distressing tempta- 
tions ; one of which was the fear of being left to total aposta- 
cy. After laboring under this dreadful apprehension for se- 
veral weeks, I read John xvii. 12. " Those that thou gavest 
me, I have kept ; and none of them is lost but the son of 
perdition ; that the Scripture might be fulfilled ;" when I was 
enabled to repel the temptation. As I had been seeking for 
higher attainments in holiness, I wondered much that God 
should withdraw the light of his countenance, and leave me in 
such darkness and distress. In answer to this query, it was 
suggested that I had been unthankful for past blessings, and 
had asked for more than God had ever designed to bestow up- 
on his children in this life. I accordingly strove to retrace 
my steps, and regain my former enjoyment. But here I was 
met with the suggestion, that it was vain for me to cry for 
mercy. For two weeks I was in a state bordering on des- 
pair, when, conversing with the Rev. Mr. , I was con- 
vinced that this fear to approach the throne of grace was a 
device of the devil, and was encouraged to press my suit be- 
fore the mercy seat. In pursuing his advice, I obtained con- 
siderable reHef. My mind, however, still remained dark re- 
specting a full salvation. For two years, I continued alter- 
nately hoping and fearing, being unwilling to express my feel- 
ings to my Christian friends, knomng that the doctrine w^as 
not generally received by our church. One Sabbath in No- 
vember, 1839, while pursuing this subject, I felt a desire to 
converse with some one who believed in this doctrine. Un- 
expectedly, a minister called a few days after, of whom I ask- 
ed an explanation of Eccl. vii. 20. " For there is not a just 
man upon earth, that doeth good and sinneth not." This 
and other passages, ho explained as referring to the natural 
man. One great obstacle was then removed. The next dif- 
ficulty that presented itself was, that the doctrine savored of 



44 THE RICHES OE GRACE. 

self-righteousness. In perusing the journal of a Methodist 
sister who enjoyed this blessing, I found that humility was a 
plant that could flourish in the heart of a sanctified Christian. 
The " Guide " being placed in my hands, served to throw ad- 
ditional light on the subject, and I was soon enabled to believe 
on Christ as " able to save to the uttermost all those who 
come to God by him." I no sooner believed than my pur- 
pose was formed to obtain this great salvation, for I believed 
it was not only a/^*Z?, but ^^free salvation. 

Some time after this, Avhile groaning under the burden of 
sin, and crying to God for full salvation, believing " that this 
was his will, even my sanctification," my heart was melted, 
in view of the great goodness of God toward such hell-deserv- 
ing creatures. I lost sight of my own sinfulness, in contem- 
plating the infinite love of God in Christ Jesus. I had not 
long remained in this frame of mind, when it occurred to me 
that this was that for which I had so long sought ; but like 
Naaman, I had looked for some great thing, and thought this 
could not be the much wished-for blessing. But again the 
conviction forced itself upon me, that my sins were indeed for- 
given, and I cleansed from all unrighteousness. When I 
yielded to this conviction, I was filled with great joy. I 
seemed to be in a new state of existence ; the change being as 
great as at the time of my conversion. I could only wonder, 
admire, and adore. Being in feeble health, I soon feared that 
this great joy was wasting away my strength. I strove to re- 
strain my feelings ; but it was like impeding the progress of a 
stream, whose waters rise and swell, till, leaping every barrier, 
they proceed on their course with increased rapidity. After re- 
maining in this frame of mind for two weeks, feeling but little 
of the tempter's power, I was strongly tempted to attribute 
my exercises to mere animal excitement. It seemed too 
much to believe, that one so vile could be saved from all sin ; 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 45 

and I was on the point of resolving to live as near to God as 
possible, but say nothing of perfect love. In this trying hour, 
this promise was verified : " But God is faithful, who will not 
suffer you to be tempted above that you are able ; but will, 
with the temptation, also make a way to escape, that ye may 
be able to bear it." 1 Cor. x. 13. I came off conqueror, 
and more than conqueror; in that my evidence was 
brighter than before. Since that time, my peace has been as 
a river, each trial only serving to strengthen my faith. On 
that grace which has hitherto sustained me, I rely for the fu- 
ture. It is wondrous grace, that has opened my bhnd eyes. 
While contemplating what God has wrought, I am wrapt in as- 
tonishment, that a Being infinitely glorious in all his attributes, 
should stoop so low, to redeem one so utterly unworthy. With 
David I am ready to exclaim — "What is man, that thou art 
mindful of him, and the son of man, that thou visitest him ? " 
Ps. viii. 9. 

Permit me to add, " Search the Scriptures ; for in them 
ye think ye have eternal life ; and they are they which testi- 
fy " of Christ, as one " who gave himself for us, that he might 
redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a pecu- 
liar people, zealous of good works." Had I searched the 
Scriptures, under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, I could 
not so long have remained in ignorance on this most promi- 
nent doctrine of the cross. Seek to obtain the righteousness 
which is by faith. " Draw near with a true heart, in full as- 
surance of faith." Claim those " exceeding great and pre- 
cious promises ; " and " all are yours, and ye are Christ's, 
and Christ is God's." 



EXPERIENCE V. 



IiT regard to my early experience as a Christiaiij I would 
say, that that experience had two prominent characteristics, 
a desire, inexpressibly strong, to be freed from all sin in 
every form, and to be entirely consecrated to the love and 
service of God, in all the powers and susceptibilities of my 
being. Nor can any one conceive the gloom and horror that 
covered my mind, when older Christians assured me, and as 
I supposed with truth, that that was a state to which I should 
never, in this life, attain ; that my lusts would not be per- 
fectly subdued or subjected to the will of Christ, and that 
one of the brightest evidences of my conversion and growth 
in grace, was new discoveries of the deep and fixed corrup- 
tions of my heart — corruptions from which I was never to 
be cleansed till death should deliver me from my bondage. 
Notwithstanding all the impediments thrown in the way of 
my progress in holiness, I continued to press forward for a 
succession of years, till I could say, in the language of an- 
other, ^^ I do know that I love holiness for hoHness' sake." 

In this state, I commenced my studies as a student in 
college. Here I fell and fell, by not aiming singly at the 
"prize of the high calhng," but at the prize of college 
honors. I subsequently entered a theological seminary, with 

46 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 47 

the hope of there finding myself in such an atmosphere, that 
my first love would be revived. In this expectation, I grieve 
to say, I was most sadly disappointed. I found the piety of 
my brethren apparently as low as my own. I here say it 
with sorrow of heart, that my mind does not recur to a single 
individual connected with the " school of the prophets," 
when I was there, who appeared to me to enjoy daily com- 
munion and peace with God. 

After completing my course under such circumstances, I 
entered the ministry, proud of my intellectual attainments, 
and armed, as I supposed, at every point, with the weapons 
of theological warfare, but with the soul of piety chilled and 
expiring within me. Blessed be God, the remembrance of 
what I had been, remained, and constantly aroused me to a 
consciousness of what I was. I looked into myself, and over 
the church, and was shocked at what I felt and what I saw. 
Two facts in the aspect of the church and the ministry, 
struck my mind with gloomy interest. Scarcely an individual, 
within the circle of my knowledge, seemed to know the gos- 
pel as a sanctifying or peace-giving gospel. In illustration 
of this remark, let me state a fact which I met with in the 
year 1831 or 1832. I then met a company of my ministe- 
rial brethren, who had come together from one of the most 
favored portions of the country. They sat down together, 
and gave to each other an undisguised disclosure of the state 
of their hearts, and they all, with one exception, and the ex- 
perience of that individual I did not hear, acknowledged that 
they had not daily communion and peace with God. Over 
these facts they wept, but neither knew how to direct the 
others out of the thick and impenetrable gloom which cover- 
ed them, and I was in the same ignorance as my brethren. 

I state these facts as a fair example of the state of the 
churches, and of the ministry, as far as my observation has 



48 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

extended. When my mind became fully conscious of this 
fact, I was led to compare my own, and the experience of 
the church around me, with that of the Apostles and primi- 
tive Christians, and with the " path of the just," as describ- 
ed in the sacred Scriptures. I found the two in direct con- 
trast with each other. Here the great inquiry arose in my 
mind, What is the grand secret of holy living ? How shall 
I attain to that perpetual fulness and peace in Christ, which, 
for example, Paul enjoyed. Till this secret was fully dis- 
closed to my mind, I felt that I was and must be disqualified 
in one fundamental respect, to " feed the flock of God." 
While the gospel was not hfe and peace to me, how could I 
present it in such a manner that it would be life and peace 
to others. I must myself be led by the Great Shepherd, 
into the " green pastures and beside the still waters," before 
I could lead the flock of God into the same blissful regions. 
For years this one inquiry pressed upon my thoughts, and 
often, as I have looked over a company of inquiring sinners, 
have I said within myself, I would gladly take my place 
among those inquirers, if any individual would show me how 
to come into possession of the " riches of the glory of Christ's 
inheritance in the saints." But clouds and darkness covered 
my mind in respect to this, the most momentous of all sub- 
jects. 

In this state of mind, I continued to press my inquiries 
with increasing interest upon this one subject, till the fall of 
1836. At that time, during a series of religious meetings, 
a large number of the members of the church arose and in- 
formed us that they were fully convinced that they had been 
deceived in respect to their character as Christians, and that 
they were now without hope, and appeared as inquirers, to 
know "what they should do to be saved." At the same 
time, the great mass of the remainder disclosed to us the 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 49 

cheerless bondage in winch they had long been groaning, and 
asked us if we could tell them how to obtain deliverance. I 
now felt myselfj as one of the " leaders of the flock of God," 
pressed with the great inquiry above referred to, with greater 
interest than ever before. I set my heart, by prayer and 
supplication to God, to find the light after which I had been 
so long seeking. 

In this state I visited one of my associates in the w^ork, 
and disclosed to him the burden which had weighed down my 
mind for so many years. I asked him, if he could tell me 
the secret of the piety of Paul, and tell me the reason of the 
strange contrast between the Apostle's experience and my 
own. In laboring for the salvation of men, I observed, that 
my feelings often remained unmoved and unaifected, while 
Paul was constantly ''constrained^^ by the love of Christ. 
Our conversation then turned upon the passage, " The love 
of Christ constraineth us," &c. While thus employed, my 
heart leaped up in ecstasy indescribable, with the exclama- 
tion, " I have found it." I have now, by the grace of God, 
discovered the secret after which I have been searching these 
many years. I understood the secret of the piety of Paul, 
and knew how to attain to that blissful state myself. Paul's 
piety all arose from one cause exclusively, a sympathy with 
the heart of Christ in his love for lost men. To attain to 
this state myself, I had only to acquaint myself with the love 
of Christ, and yield my whole being up to its sweet control. 

Immediately after this, I came before the church and dis- 
closed to them what I then saw to be the grand defect in my 
ministry. 

1. Christ had been but as one chapter in my system of 
theology, when He should have been the sun and centre of 
my system. 

2. When I thought of my guilt and need of justification, I 

6 



60 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

had looked to Christ exclusively, as I ought to have done. 
For sanctification, on the other hand, to overcome the 
" world, the flesh, and the devil/' I had depended mainly 
upon my own resolutions. Here was the grand mistake, and 
the source of all my bondage under sin. I ought to have 
looked to Christ for sanctification as much as for justification, 
and for the same reason. The great object of my being now 
was, to know Christ, and in knowing Him, to be changed 
into his image. Here was the " victory which overcometh 
the world." Here was the " death of the body of sin." 
Here was " redemption from all iniquity," into the " glorious 
liberty of the children of God." At this time, the appro- 
priate office of the Holy Spirit presented itself to my mind 
with a distinctness and interest never understood nor felt be- 
fore. To know Christ was the life of the soul. To " take of 
the things of Christ and show them unto us," to open our 
hearts to understand the Scriptures, to strengthen us with 
might in the inner man, that we might comprehend the 
" breadth and depth, and length and height, and know the 
love of Christ which passeth knowledge," and thus be " filled 
with all the fulness of God," is the appropriate office of the 
Spirit. The highway of holiness was now rendered perfectly 
distinct to my mind. The discovery of it was to my mind as 
" life from the dead." The disclosure of this path had the 
same efiect upon others, who had been, like myself, " weary ^ 
tost with tempest and not comforted." As my supreme at- 
tention was thus fixed upon Christ, as it became the great 
object of my being to know Him, and be transformed into his 
likeness, and as I was perpetually seeking that divine illumi- 
nation by which I might apprehend Him, an era occurred in 
my experience, which I have no doubt will ever be one of the 
most memorable. In a moment of deep and solemn thought, 
the veil seemed to be lifted, and I had a vision of the infinite 



THE KICHES OF GRACE. 61 

glory and love of Christ, as manifested in the mysteries of 
redemption. I will not attempt to describe the effect of that 
vision upon my mind. All that I would say is, that in view 
of it, my heart melted and flowed out like water. The heart 
of stone was taken away, and a heart of love and tenderness 
assumed its place. From that time I have desired to " know 
nothing but Jesus Christ and Him crucified." I have liter- 
ally " esteemed all things but loss for the excellency of the 
knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord," and the knowledge of 
Christ has been eternal life begun in my heart. 

JSTow when the Lord Jesus Christ was thus held up among 
us, by myself and others, a brother in the ministry arose in 
one of our meetings and remarked, .that there was one ques- 
tion to which he desired a definite answer be given. It was 
this, " When we look to Christ for sanctification, what degree 
of sanctification may we expect from Him ? May we look 
to BKm to be sanctified wholly, or not ? " I do not recollect 
that I was ever so shocked and confounded at any question 
before or since. I felt for the moment that the work of 
Christ among us would be marred, and the mass of minds 
around us rush into Perfectionism. Still the question was 
before us ; and to it we were bound, as pupils of the Holy 
Spirit, to give a scriptural answer. We did not attempt to 
give a definite answer to it at that time. With that question 
before us, we spent most of the winter, in prayer and the 
study of the Bible. The great inquiry with us was, what 
degree of holiness may we ourselves expect from Christ, when 
w^e exercise faith in Him ; and in what light shall we present 
Him to others, as a Savior from sin ? We looked, for exam- 
ple, at such passages as this, passages of which the Bible is 
full, '' And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly, and 
I pray God, your whole spirit, and soul and body be preserved 
blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. Faith- 



6^ 



THE RICHES OF GRACE 



ful is he that calleth you, who also will do it." We looked 
at such passages, I say, and asked ourselves this question, 
Suppose an honest inquirer after holiness, comes to us, and 
asks of us. What degree of holiness is here promised to the 
believer ? May I expect, in view of this prayer and prom- 
ise, that God will sanctify me wholly, and preserve me in that 
state, till the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ? What 
answer shall we give him ? Shall we tell him that merely 
partial and not perfect holiness is here promised, and that 
the former and not the latter he is here authorized to expect ? 
After looking prayerfully at the testimony of Scripture in 
respect to the provisions and promises of divine grace, we 
were constrained to admit, that but one answer to the above 
question could be given from the Bible ; and the greatest 
wonder with me is, that I have been so long a "master in 
Israel, and have never before known these things." Since 
that time wo have never ceased to proclaim the redemjition 
of Christ as a full redemption. Nor do we expect to cease 
proclaiming it as a full and finished redemption, till Christ 
shall call us home. For myself, I am willing to proclaim it to 
the world, that I now look to the very God of peace to sanctify 
me wholly, and preserve my whole spirit, and soul and body, 
blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. I put 
up this prayer with the expectation that the very things 
prayed for will be granted. Reader, is that confidence mis- 
placed ? In expecting that blessing, am I leaning upon a 
broken reed, or upon the broad promise of God ? 

There is one circumstance connected with my recent ex- 
perience, to which I desire to turn the attention of the rea- 
der. And that is this ; that I have forever given up all idea 
of resisting temptation, subduing any lust, appetite or pro- 
pensity, or of acceptably performing any service for Christ, 
by the mere force of my own resolutions. If my propensities, 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 63 

which lead to sin, are crucified, I know that it must be done 
by an indwelling Christ. If I overcome the world, this is to 
be the victory, " even our faith." If the great enemy is to 
be overcome, it is to be done " by the blood of the Lamb." 

Believing, as I now do, that the Lord Jesus Christ has 
provided special grace for the entire sanctification of every 
individual, for the subjection of all his propensities, for a 
perfect victory over every temptation and incentive to sin, 
and for rendering us, in every sphere and condition in life, 
all that He requires us to be ; the first inquiry with me is, 
In what particular respect do I need the grace of Christ ? 
What is there., for example, in my temper that needs cor- 
rection ? Wherein am I in bondage to appetite, or to any 
of my propensities ? What are the particular responsibilities, 
temptations, &c., incident to each particular sphere and con- 
dition in life in which the providence of God has called me to 
act ? What is the temper that I ought, then, to manifest, so 
that I may every where, and under all circumstances, reflect 
the image of Christ ? 

Thus having discovered my special necessity, in any one 
of the particulars above referred to, my next object is, to 
take some promise applicable to the particular exigency be- 
fore me, and to go directly to Christ for the supply of that 
particular necessity. By having the eye of faith perpetually 
fixed upon Christ in this manner, by always looking to Him 
for special grace in every special exigency, yes, for " grace 
to help in every time of need," how easy it is to realize in 
our blessed experience the truth of all the " exceeding great 
and precious promises " of divine grace. How easy it is to 
have the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, 
" keep our hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." " Our 
peace is then as a river, and our righteousness as the waves 
of the sea." The mind seems to be borne upward and on- 
5* 



64 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

wardj as upon an ocean of light, peace and blessedness, 
which knows no bounds. 

" O glorious change ! 't is all of grace, 

By bleeding love bestowed 
On outcasts of our fallen race, 

To bring them home to God ; 
Infinite grace to vileness given, 
The sons of earth made heirs of heaven." 

And now, reader, " my heart's desire and prayer to 
God " for you, is, that you may know this full redemption. 
If you will cease from all efforts of your own, and bring your 
sins, and sorrows, and cares, and propensities which lead into 
sin, to Christ, and cast them all upon Him, if with impUcit 
faith, you will hang your whole being upon Him, and make 
it the great object of life to know Him, for the purpose of 
receiving and reflecting his image, you will find that all the 
" exceeding great and precious promises" of his word, are, 
in your own blissful experience, a living reality. The water 
that Christ shall give you, " shall be in you a well of water 
springing up into everlasting life." You shall have a per- 
petual and joyful victory over the " world, the flesh, and the 
devil." Every where, and under all circumstances, your 
peace in Christ shall be as a " river, and your righteousness 
as the waves of the sea." " 0, taste and see that the Lord 
is good." " There is no want to them that fear Him." And, 
reader, when your cup is once filled with the love of Christ, 
you will then say with truth, " The half has not been told 
me." " Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered 
into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared 
for them that love Him." 



EXPERIENCE VI. 



1. Though I have maintained since my conversion, which 
was about sixteen years ago, a general purpose to serve God, 
I have been conscious in most, if not in all cases, when I have 
brought myself to the test, of an unwillingness to take the 
will of God as my rule of life in all things. I have known that 
I was not ivholly consecrated to Grod — that I*was keeping 
back a part of the price. I have felt a reluctance to give up 
some things of which I doubted, at least, the lawfulness. 
Self has claimed some indulgence, and has not always been 
denied. In this state of mind I have not only done that for 
which I felt condemned after performing the act, but of 
which I was before admonished of conscience that it was not 
right. This has been chiefly in matters where self-denial 
was required. Over these sins I have mourned and repented, 
and sometimes have been almost in despair : then I have felt 
that I was forgiven, and have resolved that in future I would 
be more firm in resisting temptation. But alas, alas, how 
often have my vows been broken. I resolved and re-resolved, 
and yet remained too much the same. I was wanting in an 
unwavering purpose to obey God always. My will was not 
at all times in perfect submission to his. 

55 



56 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

2. I have also been conscious of an unsanctified state of 
the heart, i.e., of the propensities, appetites, &c. In this 
respect, however, I think I have in general been growing in 
grace. Those principles which were inordinate have been 
weakened, and most or all brought more and more under the 
control of reason and conscience. 

3. From unbelief I have suffered much. This has not 
resulted from any apparent defect in the arguments in favor 
of the existence of a God, or the truth of Christianity. In 
my study of nature I have met, as appeared to me, with almost 
innumerable demonstrations of the existence of a great intel- 
ligent First Cause — possessed of infinite wisdom, goodness and 
power. The arguments I have read, and that have been 
suggested to my ow^n mind when investigating the subject, 
have appeared very satisfactory in favor of revealed religion. 
And yet my mind has not been perfectly satisfied. Doubts 
and fears, for the existence of which I could assign no good 
reason, have been floating in my mind almost continually. In 
this state of mind I have reasoned thus : — If Christianity is 
not true — if this life constitutes the whole of man's existence 
— then it matters little how I live ; but if Christianity he true, 
then it is of incalculable importance that I live as it requires. 
I will therefore stake all upon its truth, and endeavor to live 
as if I had no doubt. This for several years I have been 
striving to do. Still I have felt the paralyzing effects, of this 
vague kind of infidelity. Among other evil effects in con- 
nection perhaps with too great a desire to please, it led, I 
think, to a degree of insincerity at times in my devotional exer- 
cises. I have not always been sufficiently careful to have my 
words precisely express the sentiments of my heart ; and yet 
I have not intended to be a hypocrite, 

4. As a general thing I have not felt a perfect victory over 
the fear of death, or an entire readiness to appear before God 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 57 

in judgment. And yet my feelings in view of death have 
been very different from what they were before my conversion. 
My fears have been comparatively sKght ; and often I have 
rejoiced in hope. But I have not always enjoyed the full 
assurance of hope. 

5. My experience has been rather variable. At times I have 
been quite zealous — have felt revived and quickened — ^have 
had joy and peace in believing, victory in some good degree 
over sin, and in a few instances have felt that I was near the pos- 
session of perfect love. Once indeed for a few days I thought 
I enjoyed that great blessing. But at other times I have felt 
cold and worldly-minded. And yet I have never wavered 
since I professed faith in Christ, in my purpose to make the 
service of God the great, the leading business of life — to live 
to his glory and prepare for heaven. 

6. I have often felt the inconsistency of professing a belief 
in the doctrine of entire sanctification in this life, and yet not 
living in its enjoyment, or seeking it with all the heart. As 
a minister of the gospel, I have felt the need of holiness, that 
the power of God might rest upon me, and that from experi- 
ence I might be prepared to lead others into the heights of 
Christian perfection. For its attainment I have often resolved 
and often prayed, but for the most part with a consciousness 
that there was not a perfect yielding up of myself to God. 
I desired holiness, but was unwilling to make the required 
sacrifice. 

7. During the past year I have often preached on the duty 
of entire consecration to God, and of its connection with 
sanctification. This I believe has been rendered a great 
blessing to myself. My mind has been enhghtened, and my 
heart impressed by the truth I have preached to others. Of 
late I have been urging the importance of regarding the 
truths of the gospel as facts. This has caused me to feel 



58 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

their weight. They have come with an authority before 
unknown. I have also, for a few weeks especially, been striv- 
ing to be perfectly sincere in my devotions. This has seemed 
to bring me near to God, and to give me renewed power with 
him in prayer. 

8. About two weeks since, while engaged in social prayer 
with a small circle of friends, I experienced, in connection 
with others, an uncommon baptism of the Spirit. My phj^si- 
cal strength was well nigh prostrated, while my soul was filled 
with peace and joy unspeakable. At this time my desires for 
holiness were greatly increased. I took pleasure in conversing 
upon the subject, and in encouraging others to seek its attain- 
ment. 

9. Last Sabbath was a memorable day in my experience. 
I was attending a quarterly meeting at B — . Much of the 
presence of God was manifested in the congregations and 
social circles during the day. After retiring to my room at 
night, while meditating upon the provisions of the gospel, and 
the character of God, especially as manifested in Christ, the 
Spirit seemed truly to help my infirmities, and to take of the 
things of Christ and show them unto me. I saw that the 
same Jesus who tabernacled in the flesh, the same compas- 
sionate Jesus who was. all tenderness and love towards his 
disciples when on earth, was m?/ Lord and Master, and that I 
was his disciple. So convincingly was this impressed upon 
my mind that I could not doubt. I felt, I knew it to be a 
fact — a glorious reaUty. And 0, how blessed did the rela- 
tionship appear. How my dehghted soul exulted in it, and 
in what sweet confiding faith was I enabled to commit all my 
interests into his hands ; and how willing did he appear to 
bless me with all the riches of his grace ! 

My mind was now more especially directed to the subject 
of entire sanctification as a matter of present and personal 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 69 

experience. Never before had I seen so clearly God's ability 
and willingness to save from all sin. Justification and sancti- 
fication seemed so related in the plan of redemption, that the 
latter appeared as certainly and fully provided for as the 
former, and I could not doubt but that God was then willing 
to make an end of sin in my heart, would I but put all upon 
the altar of consecration, and accept salvation as a free, un- 
merited favor ; and I think, calmly and confidingly, I did 

" Give up myself through Jesus' power, 
His name to glorify, 
And promise in that sacred hour 
For God to live and die." 

I saw how reasonable it was that I should make the will of 
God my only rule of life, and felt a strong desire to do and 
suffer his will in all things. And now, without any sudden 
transition of feeling, I felt an assurance that God accepted 
the sacrifice — ^that he sanctified the gift. My mind was 
never calmer, my judgment and reason more clear and active ; 
and the word was my ever present guide. I felt that I ought 
to believe the promises — ^that it was most unreasonable not to 
beheve them ; and believing them, I could believe for nothing 
less than full redemption. 

While considering my state of mind, and inquiring w^hether 
I ought to regard myself as in possession of the great blessing 
of perfect love, such a sense of my unworthiness was revealed 
to me, as almost forced me to exclaim, can it be possible that 
J, so inferior in talents and so much less distinguished for 
self-denying efforts to promote the interests of the Eedeemer's 
kingdom, than many others who have not attained to this 
state, should receive such a signal mark of divine favor. 1 
was deeply humbled, but not cast down. I saw that it was 
upon the simple condition of faith that the blessing was offered, 



60 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

and that the unworthiest therefore were as sure of receiving 
it upon believing as any. It was then suggested that I had 
not passed through such a struggle of soul in seeking the 
blessing as some who profess to have obtained it. But the 
simple declaration, " he that helieveth shall be saved, " was 
sufficient to silence the accuser. 

Upon opening the Bible, I was surprised to find a depth 
and fulness of meaning in many passages which I had not 
before observed. Indeed there appeared a correspondence 
between the ?vork and the word beyond what, till then, I had 
ever experienced — " Deep answered to deep" — God's Spirit, 
through the word, returned with my spirit to the work he had 
wrought. I felt that I loved God supremely. And 0, with 
what sweetness and power was the word applied ! Truly it 
was as the honey and honey-comb to my soul. I could say 
with the Psalmist, " I love thy commandments above gold, 
yea, above fine gold ; I esteem all thy precepts." 

It soon occurred to me that I had sometimes doubted the 
existence of God. Immediately I had such a realization of 
the awful fact, with such a view of his character, as filled me 
with reverential awe and adoring love, and in a moment I felt 
his all-pervading presence surrounding me. But how shall I 
express the hallowed influence of that hour ! I felt of a 
truth that I divelt in Qod and he in me. Every power of 
soul and body was soothed to sweetest peace, and wrapt in 
holiest joy. The language of the poet is hardly too strong to 
express what I then experienced : 

"The overwhelming' power of saving grace, 
The sight that veils the seraph's face ; 
The speechless awe that dares not move, 
And all the silent heaven of love. " 

10, Since that time I think that my evidence of entire 
sanctification has been daily strengthening. I have experi- 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 61 

enced almost uninterrupted peace, and considerable joy. I 
feel the beginnings of a new life — a life of faith in a higher 
sense than I have before known : a life of entire consecration 
to God — of scriptural holiness. In comparing my past with 
my present experience, I appear to have formerly served God 
as a servantj but now to be serving him as a son. I have 
also experienced the truth of the declaration, that '' if any 
man will do the will of God he shall knozo of the doctrine, 
whether it be of God.'' 

11. In the preceding statement I have endeavored to give 
a simple narrative of facts, 1 have prayed for guidance, 
and felt the blessing of God resting upon me while writing. 
It has afforded me at least one evidence of a radical change 
having been wrought in my heart. If not entirely mistaken, 
I have been enabled to write uninfluenced by selfish motives. 
I have written from a sense of duty, and with a desire to 
glorify God. And now with heart-felt gratitude would I 
render up to him my tribute of praise for his grace vouch- 
safed to me J an unworthy sinner. For his glory may I ever 
live. 

* FiOrd, arm me with thy Spirit's might, 
Since I am called by thy great name ; 
In thee let all my thoughts unite, 

Of all my works be thou the aim ; 
Thy love attend me all my days, 

And my sole business be thy praise." 
6 



EXPERIENCE VII. 



The want of personal responsibility, attached to an ex- 
pression of almost any sentiment, in verse, might be given as 
a reason why it should not be employed in a relation of re- 
ligious experience. This objection has presented itself to 
my own mind, and I would therefore disclaim all wish to take 
an irresponsible position, in this respect, though I have cho- 
sen poetic measure as the easiest (because the most common) 
mode with me, yet I should not consider the following effu- 
sion entitled to a place in " The Kiches of Grace," if I 
could not in sober and unadorned ^ros^, subscribe to every 
sentiment contained therein. I know that I have given you 
" more truth than poetry ;" and though in my former guilty 
aspirings after literary distinction, a conviction of this kind 
would have been a source of deep mortification ; yet I re- 
joice to feel that it is no longer thus. I am content with the 
possession of a truth, which can never be exalted by ideal 
flights, — which has never yet woven itself into the baseless 
fabric of a vision ; a truth that stands forth in its own un- 
borrowed light, — a light to which fancy is but a flickering 
ray, and poetry an idle dream. What I have written, there- 
fore, I am willing to acknowledge a true relation of my own 

experience. It appears real (to use a figure elsewhere em- 

62 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 63 

ployed) that I have long been on board the wrong ship — 
sailing indeed under Christian colors, and supposing that my 
destined port was " Mount Zion, the City of the living God." 
Alas for me, that it was necessary to remove every earthly 
trust — to turn every reed on which I leaned into a thorn, 
piercing me through with many sorrows — to change every 
cup of earthly bliss into one of wormwood and gall, before I 
could resolve to leave all for Christ. But thanks be to Him, 
whose eye has been upon me during many long rebellious 
years of miserable compromise with a guilty world — who 
has seen my vain, but earnest struggles to secure an inheri- 
tance in Heaven, without relinquishmg one jot of my hold on 
earth, and who at last, with infinite kindness, sent the moth 
and the rust upon my earthly pleasures, the blight and the 
mildew upon every earthly joy, that I might turn to Him, in 
whose presence I have found fullness of joy, and at whose 
right hand there are pleasures forevermore. 



THE VOYAGE. 

'T WAS lovely all — this glorious earth, 
With sunny garniture of bloom — 

I walked in lij^ht and beauty forth, 

And well nigh had forgot the tomb. 

Well nigh, alas, there was a breath 
Of poison on the summer air — 

And life and joy, disease and death, 

Seem'd often, strangely, blending there. 

And whispered tones of coming ill — 

Ah me — I could not choose — but hear 

That life was but a gliding rill. 

And death's dark waves were rolling near. 



64 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

Which way to fly — that murmuring stream 
Was music to my spell-bound ear — 

I strove, as with a magic dream — 

Pleasant — but still combined with fear. 

I strove, and conquered — broke the spell, 
And ask'd again, which way to fly — 

Turned from the path that leads to hell, 
But saw no other pathway nigh. 

Far ofl*, upon the distant sea, 

There lay a bark of wond'rous size - — 

With canvass spread, she seemed to be 
A cloud upon the summer skies. 

A waving flag, of crimson fold. 

Circled the lofty topmast round — 

And on its crest — inwrought with gold — 
I read the words, "For Zion bound." 

For Zion bound — that bark had borne 
Its thousands to a happier shore, — 

And though 'twas old, and sadly worn, 

I knew 't would bear its thousands more. 

I stretch'd my arms — they saw me there, 
Half deluged by the driving spray, 

They lower'd a boat, with anxious care, 
And made the shore whereon I lay. 

Just then a little skipper pass'd, 

With trim white sails and pennons gay- 

Mount Zion, too, was on her mast. 

As o'er the waves she wing'd her way. 

Take me, I cried, with frantic wail. 

As down upon the breeze she bore ; 

They turn'd her helm, and shifted sail. 
And ran her close along the shore, 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 65 

On board, they cried — we run a race 

For Zion's port — and close beside, 
A thousand boats are on the chase. 

While we are losing wind and tide. 

With eagar haste I seized a hand, 

That quickly drew me from the shore; 

I only thought of Zion's land. 
Of life — of life forevermore. 

Ah, beautiful it was to fly 

So like an eagle in the air, — 
To pass the shore so quickly by. 

And dream that we were almost there. 

To dream the passage would be short, 

Alas — it seemed not thus to me — 
We touch'd along from port to port, 

But seldom ventured out to sea. 

We would not run a race in vain. 

But snatched the good each moment brings -- 
And made our godliness a gain. 

By bartering some for earthly things. 

Our colors floated on the breeze, 

With Zion's flag of crimson glow; 
But colors too, diverse from these. 

Were floating o'er our deck below. 

We sang the songs of Zion's hill. 

On holy-days, our raptures told — 
But often anchor'd where the chill 

And sluggish streams of Babel roll'd. 

And there our earthly love prevailed, 

'Till hushed at last was Zion's song, 
And e'en the port for which we sail'd 

No longer seemed to urge us on. 
6* 



66 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

All things to us were lawful then, 

All things expedient — and divine — 

To buy and sell the souls of men, 

And lay them on our Moloch shrine. 

To tamper thus with earthly dross. 
To wear its tinsel bright and gay, 

'Till ev'ry vestige of the cross 

Had faded from the soul away. 

One night — alas, can I forget 

The horrors of that fearful night, 

When billows washed our reeling deck. 

And storm-winds blew with fearful might, 

Unlade the ship — the trumpet tone 

Above the bellowing tempest roar'd ; 

Bring forth your treasures every one. 
And quickly cast them overboard. 

We brought our merchandize of souls 
And cast it on the foaming wave ; 

Back on itself the billow rolls 

And opens wide a watery grave. 

We brought our treasures, with a sigh, 
Our earthly treasures, one by one — 

They turn'd to bubbles — floated by — 
Upon the angry surges borne. 

One moment more — a moment brief — 
And clinging to that sea-washed deck. 

The storm- wind bore us to a reef. 

Where all was cast — a shapeless wreck. 

All — all was gone — each beam and spar, — 
'Twas then we raised our failing eyes, 

And saw amid the clouds afar 

A ray of starlight, in the skies. 



THE RICHES OE GRACE. 67 

And just beneath this cheering ray, 

Far down upon the troubled sea, 
We saw that ship, that in the bay 

So old and worn appeared to be. 

On — on her course, with sails unfurl'd, 

And like a spirit seemed to glide, 
While mountain waves were o'er her hurPd, 

And breakers roared on either side. 

Save us, we perish — loud the cry, 

That rose above the tempest's wail — 
While through the mist we strained our eye 

To watch that swiftly gliding sail. 

Fear not, 't is I — the ocean spray 

A moment, spread its misty pall — 
The next, upon that deck we lay, 

Saved — saved at last — but strip'd of all. 

The storm is past — and sunlight steals 

Along the waters, bright and free, 
And to the eye of faith reveals 

The land that lies beyond the sea. 

We pause no more to fling our gold 

For pebbles on the nearest strand ; 
But keep our wealth, of price untold, 

And lay it up for Canaan's land. 

And should the storm again o'er whelm 

Our bark upon life's changing sea, 
If Jesus holds our vessel's helm, 

The storm and calm alike shall be. 

High on the raging billows borne. 

Or sweetly wafted o'er the deep. 
Alike to us, the calm or storm. 

If IsraeVs guard our watch shall keep. 



68 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

And when the ransomed of the Lord, 
With singing unto Zion come — 

And ev'ry harp — from ev'ry chord, 

Shall shout the pilgrim's welcome home ; 

When far beyond the billow's roar. 

The hidden rock, the treacherous sand, 

We furl our sails and hail the shore — 
The verdant shore of Z ion's land ; 

Oh then, we'll sing of dangers past — 

Of toils that made our bliss complete — 

That brought our crowns and palms at last, 
And laid them all at Jesus' feet. 

And there, in anthems loud and long. 

The heart shall tune its rapturous chord — 

TAl angel choirs shall catch the song. 

And heaven shall echo — Praise the Lord. 



EXPERIENCE VIII. 



Being one of the manjj who have been profited by your 

views of Christian Perfection^ I feel it a duty and privilege 

now, as life is fast receding, and the opportunity will soon be 

forever past, to express the gratitude my heart feels for that 

precious little book, [Mahan's Christian Perfection.] It 

came at a time, when, awakened by the Spirit of God, my 

soul felt its bondage, and was vainly striving, by the force of 

renewed resolutions, to escape from " the horrible pit." I 

felt that every such effort plunged me deeper and deeper in 

" the miry clay." Many times, under such circumstances, 

have I sunk down despairing of dehverance from sin here ; 

yet resolving that I would do as well as I could, till death 

should set me free. Blessed be the name of the Lord ! I 

was not at this time left to hug my chains in hopeless sadness. 

For your views of the plan of salvation encouraged me to look 

for brighter days. I read it again and again, with deeper, 

and still deeper interest, and resolved, if the way were so 

easy, I would know the blessedness of perfect love. I sought 

it by prayer and supplication, but it seemed to flee from me, 

and, on searching for the reason, I found I had not entirely 

surrendered my own will, but was marking out the way for 

69 



70 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

the Lord to work. Nor was I heartily ready to welcome the 
reproach of a sanctified state. I thought within myself, I 
had better die than live, dishonoring my God, as I had for 
years past. With this feeling, I entered my closet, and fall- 
ing down before God, determined not to leave the spot until 
conscious, in my soul, that I had consecrated all, and had 
yielded every point. Holding in my hand the promise, " I 
will make you whiter than snow," I had scarcely commenced 
speaking, ere my mouth was stopped, [" before they call I 
will answer, and while they are yet speaking I will hear."] 
The burden of sin, like a mountain weight, had rolled from off 
my soul, and " the peace of God that truly passeth all under- 
standing," flowed in upon me. It was not joy, but peace. 
So sure I felt of my acceptance, such a witness that my soul 
was cleansed, so sweet was the peace of God, that it was be- 
yond the power of language to express my feelings. So com- 
pletely was my will lost in the will of God, that I seemed 
scarcely conscious of my own individuality. In this state of 
mind, with a continual longing after the souls of my brethren, 
so intense that I could have laid down my life for them, I 
remained for three days, during which time, however, I had 
a most severe conflict with the tempter. He came upon me 
in this form: "You don't believe — this is not faith — you 
are forcing all this — there is no religion in it." Many a time 
had I formerly yielded to such suggestions, not knowing 
whence they came, and had given up my faith ; but, this 
time, " thanks be to God, who giveth us the victory," I knew 
the enemy's voice, and for nearly an hour, in close contact, 
was obliged to face his fiery darts. I could do nothing but 
walk the room, repelling his suggestions, by constantly afiirm- 
ing, " I do believe, I do, I do believe." The tempter at 
length fled, leaving me in peace. The third day morning, my 
thoughts turned upon myself; when it occurred to me, I had 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 71 

not that fullness of joy, which others have received, and which 
the Savior evidently intended for us, when he said, " that 
your joy may be full.'' The thought arose in my mind, I had 
received according to my faith, and if I would receive more, 
I must exercise more faith. My heart cried out, " Lord, I 
will, I do believe." The words were scarcely uttered, when 
a sense of the infinite love of Christ seemed to pervade the 
universe. Wave after wave rolled upon me, until I could 
only cry out, glory ! glory ! And what, thought I, is this that 
overwhelms me. It seemed like light ^ and its essence love. 
Here, language fails me. 



EXPERIENCE IX. 



As you wished me to relate something of the Lord's doings 
with me, I cannot deny your reasonable request, while I 
shrink at the thought that you, or any other one should for a 
moment imagine, that I have merited such great kindness. 
God has done the work, and done it in such a manner as 
effectually to exclude all boasting, save in " his glorious grace.'' 
Not unfrequently have I been constrained to cry, why all 
this grace to me ! Had he done so for almost any other one, 
I might have been able to find some reason sufficient to satisfy 
my own mind, in regard to the course He has taken ; but that 
He should do so much for me, seemed at times almost unac- 
countable, were it not that He loves " to choose the weak 
things of the world to confound the mighty, and base things, 
and things that are not, to bring to naught things that are, 
that no flesh might glory in his presence." 

My Christian experience (if I may be allowed to call it so,) 

for about eight years after my conversion, is graphically 

described in the latter part of the 7th chapter of Romans. I 

felt the galling yoke, and was conscious that I was a slave to 

sin, but knew not w^here to find deliverance, and could only 

say, " wretched man that I am ! who shall dehver me from 

the body of this death." — To ^v^U w^as present with me, 

72 



i 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 73 

but how to ferform^ I could never find. During this time I 
had seasons of repenting and breaking down before the Lord ; 
and days of fasting and prayer and making resolutions. Af- 
ter writing down my resolutions, and calling God to witness 
that I meant to keep them, I would subscribe my name to 
them. But they were all no better than spider's webs. The 
first breath of temptation severed them and carried me before 
it. All this only tended to plunge me deeper in the mire. 
Broken vows wore upon me, and how could I appear before 
the Lord and enjoy communion with Him ? I would have 
written a stronger resolution and signed it with my blood, if 
there had remained the least hope that I should keep it. The 
thing was in my mind, but I dared not execute it, lest I should 
incur greater guilt. 

Not unfrequently after having discharged w^hat are com- 
monly called the duties of religion, have I asked myself, 
^' Does the love of Christ constrain me to the performance of 
these duties ?" I would gladly have answered in the afiirma- 
tive, but could not. I did not feel that I was thus constrained. 
The next inquiry was, '^ Has the gospel done all for me that 
it can do V If it has, it has not met my necessities, nor has 
it realized my expectations. The Bible, if I understand it, 
teaches me to expect vastly more than I have ever received. 

In this state of mind I was thrown into a place where I 
soon perceived that a few had received that which I had been' 
inquiring after. I was refreshed by the preaching of the 
word. But the more I strove to attain the blessing I sought, 
and get nearer to God, the harder my heart appeared to grow. 
This alarmed me. Still I knew not what to do, for the more 
I strove the more I sinned. One evening, before retiring to 
rest, I knelt as usual to pray, but I felt that I had nothing to 
say before the Lord. I laid open my heart before Him, told 

Him my state, and asked help, but not long. In an instant, 

7 



T4 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

as it were, my heart melted like wax, and my eyes overflowed. 
The view I received of God's boundless love completely over- 
came me. If He had frowned upon me, or sent me to hell, 
I thought I could have borne it. But the view of his willing- 
ness to forgive, I could not bear, and I fell prostrate at his 
feet. I saw He could freely forgive all, but how could I for- 
give myself. 

Soon after, I felt that the power of sin was not destroyed. 
It had, to be sure, received a deadly wound, but there was 
danger that the wound would be healed, and it might yet 
live. My fears were not without foundation. Frequently, 
when on my knees, I have been afraid to rise and leave my 
room lest I should fall into sin. And as I feared so it was. 
To resolve against it I could not, for I was convinced that 
resolutions had enslaved my soul. Thus I went on during 
the following winter, tossed about by every blast of tempta- 
tion, so that by spring I found I was going back " by a 
perpetual backsliding," but had no power to resist the tide of 
influence that was bearing me away. This passage was con- 
stantly present to my mind, and strikingly described my 
state, " unstable as water, thou shalt not excel." In this state 
of mind I knew I could not, nor would I preach the gospel. 
To preach about Christ, I could not. The Church I knew 
was dying under such preaching ; if I ever preach at all, I 
will preach Christ. I will speak what I know, and testify 
what I have experienced, of the power of the gospel. I felt 
myself sinking in a " horrible pit of miry clay," but knew 
not how to extricate myself. In my distress I called upon 
the Lord and besought Him for his name's sake to save or I 
perished. I confessed my great guilt, told him I was igno- 
rant and blind, and knew not where to look or what to do. 
The promise was suddenly brought to my mind, " I will lead 
the blind by a way they know not, and in paths that they 



THE mCHES OF GRACE. 75 

have not known, I will make darkness light before them, and 
crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them 
and not forsake them." 

I clenched it like a drowning man, and would not let it go. 
This is the word of God who cannot lie. But the adversary 
quickly suggested, " True, it is the word of God, but made to 
people in other ages." But, replied I, were not the things 
which are written, written for our edification, on whom the 
ends of the world are come ? Has not God given us the Bi- 
ble as a whole, and not a part of it merely ? If w^e are not 
to take the whole, why has He not told us so ? I will hold 
on to this promise and prove it. 

The sins of my life, were brought fully before me, and 
black was the catalogue they presented. My apprehensions 
of sin were of such a nature, as to annihilate the fear of hell 
in me. Nothing Avas so dreadful as the thought of sinning 
against such an infinitely glorious being as I then saw God 
to be. 

I felt it would be a privilege, even in hell, to stand up 
in vindication of God's righteousness, and could not forbear 
begging of God to send me there, if he could there keep me 
from sin. The language of Job was frequently in my mouth, 
" My soul chooses strangling and death rather than life " in 
sin. During all this time I had no fear of punishment, but a 
deep abhorrence of sin. It had indeed become exceeding sin- 
ful, and all my cry was to be delivered from it. 

I told the Lord that if He w^ould only deliver me from sin, 
He might do with me just what He pleased. If He would 
give that knowledge of Himself and of Jesus Christ which is 
eternal life. He might withhold from me whatever the world 
held dear, and call me to suffer whatever He pleased. I felt 
that I could willingly " count all things but loss and dung for 
the excellency of the knowledge of Christ." My inmost 



76 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

soul cried. Lord, give me thyself. Reveal thyself in me* 
Nothing less would satisfy the cravings of my soul. 

But how can I be delivered from sin ? Can one so vile be 
cleansed ? ^' Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be 
white as snow ; though red like crimson, they shall be as 
wool," was the answer. 

How shall I be secured in obedience, was the next inquiry, 
so that I shall not forget and forsake the Lord ? The an- 
swer was, " I will put my law in their inward parts, and write 
it in their hearts ; and will be their God, and they shall be 
mj people." My difSculties were thus brought up and an- 
swered one by one. I had before thought that I had dilSScul- 
ties peculiar to myself; but the Lord gave me to understand 
that if I had peculiar difficulties. He had likewise peculiar 
grace exactly adapted to meet them. 

I felt that I could, and did rest my whole soul upon the 
promises He had thus given me, and I could take Jesus as my 
Savior from all sin. Having thus cast all my burden upon 
Him, I felt the peace of God which passeth all understand- 
ing^ take possession of my heart. And now after such a 
sinking into the ocean of God's infinite love, that I was con- 
strained to cry out, '^ Perfect love hath cast out fear," and I 
had received the spirit of adoption, how could I forbear to 
cry Father ! Father ! 

My mind has remained substantially in the same state for 
more than two years. At times I have not felt the same in- 
tense emotions, but the peace has flowed on, and faith has 
been constantly strengthening. But my emotions have fre- 
quently been so great as to deprive me of the power of utter- 
ance, and my soul seemed ready to rend the body and fly to 
Jesus. I have frequently had seasons of great temptation, 
but God has been true to his promise, and opened up a way 
of escape. At times I have longed " to depart and to be with 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 77 

Christ ;" not that I was tired of earth, or unmlling to serve 
Him here and suffer for his sake. I could look abroad on 
all the works of God, and feel that " all is very good." 
When thinking of the goodness of God I have often been 
affected to tears, and in view of his goodness could not but 
exclaim, " righteous Father, the world hath not known 
thee," and with a heavy heart added, neither have the 
Church. In view of the condition of the Church and the 
world, my soul has cried, how long, Lord ! how long? I 
could honestly appeal to God that I would willingly pour out 
my blood for their sake. 

I would tell you a great deal more did time permit. I 
love to speak of the goodness of God. He has done the 
work, and to his name be all the glory. 

7* 



EXPERIENCE X. 



I DESIGNED to Write you a long letter, but shall not be 
able, owing to a great pressure of domestic cares. 

To YOU I owe much under God for leading me by a way 
which I knew not. Your very kind and instructive letter 
was duly received, and proved a great blessing to me. I 
give you many thanks, under God, for all the instruction I 
have received from you. I know, dear brother, you will re- 
joice and praise God with me, when I tell you that I am 
truly blessed of the Lord. " My soul doth magnify the name 
of the Lord," and my heart is filled with praise, for behold, 
" God is my salvation." Yes, I can now trust and not be 
afraid ; and with joy " do I draw water out of the wells of 
salvation," for " the Lord Jehovah is my strength and my 
song." Amazing grace ! and love — how boundless! The 
night of affliction was long and truly dreadful, but the day 
is glorious beyond all description. I yet hear the howling of 
the angry tempest, the billows rage and roll hard by, but 
they break at my feet — they cannot harm me, for I am in 
the "port of Peace." Sweet haven of rest — it shall be a 
rest to my soul, " and here will I dwell forever, for I have de- 
sired it. 

78 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 79 

During the last two or three years, a series of afflictions, 
temporal calamities, &c., have followed in quick succession. 
How to " cast my burdens on the Lord," and " possess my 
soul in patience," I did not know. I resorted to various 
methods to enable me to do so, but all in vain. I wearied 
myself with doing, doing, doing — " ever learning, but never 
able to come to a knowledge of the truth." '' My days were 
consumed like smoke, and my bones were burned as a heath. 
I was as a pelican of the wilderness, or as an owl of the 
desert — as a sparrow alone upon the house-top." In Sept. 
'38, my dear husband died. I waited on him during his 
sickness — stood by his bed-side and received his last token 
of friendship — closed his eyes in death, and all with ap- 
parent composure, and, as I thought, with resignation. But 
when he was gone, my soul was broken up. I then studied 
my Bible with renewed dihgence, and set my face to seeking 
after the Lord, and vnth one of old, determined that let oth- 
ers do as they may, as for me I would serve the Lord. That 
year was one of breaking up and of healing to some extent. 
I think I received far greater blessings, and had more com- 
munion with God that year than ever before. Still my feet 
were not established. I was often brought into condemnation. 
There was something wanting. I longed to be filled. My 
soul panted for deliverance. I cried, " Lord, search me and 
try me, and lead me in the way that is everlasting." I fully 
believed that victory was for me through the grace of Christ, 
and determined never to give over the search till that victory 
was mine. At that time I heard considerable said about the 
evil tendencies of the doctrine of Christian Perfection, or 
Sanctification, as taught at Oberlin. I did not read their 
publications, but from what I heard, I became very much 
alarmed, and my mind was now constantly harassed in every 
effort I put forth after the blessing I was seeking. In short, 



80 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

I can now see that I was seeking after holiness of heart, but 
careful not to have it tinctured with perfection. And here, 
dear brother, you found me last fall, strongly prejudiced 
against that truth. 

The first interview I had with you, my mind was very much 
changed. I began to read my Bible with double diligence. 
Whenever I heard you preach, I read and compared. The 
truth weighed me down — the Spirit strove with me. But 
there was the temptation — if I give myself up to the lead- 
ings of the Spirit, I might become a perfectionist, and so 
bring disgrace upon the Church. I was often roused from a 
quiet sleep in the greatest distress of mind conceivable, by 
the simple suggestion of the word perfection. Although I 
could now see that my mind had been greatly abused in rela- 
tion to the doctrine as taught by the brethren at Oberlin, yet 
I had so long associated extravagancies with the terms Per- 
fection and Sanctification, that it seemed impossible to separate 
the one from the other. In short, I can now see that I was 
a dupe to these artifices of the devil, and by these he easily 
held me in bondage to sin. And here I remained, as you 
know, in this dreadful condition during most of your labors 
witli us. 

In the spring, (the first Sabbath after you left in conse- 
quence of ill health,) the Lord, by a remarkable providence, 
as it seemed to me, sent President Mahan to this place. I 
heard him preach on the Sabbath. This, thought I, is indeed 
the doctrine the Apostles preached — the spirit that testifieth 
of Jesus. I listened for a time with great interest to the 
gracious words. The Spirit seemed to present the truth, and 
I could almost reach and take the blessing. But in a moment 
the suggestion returned — the Church — what will become of 
the Church ? Here again I let my fears prevail. I grieved 
the gentle Spirit and fell into the dark, and was carried 



THE EICHES OF GRACE. 81 

away under the dominion of the tempter, and here I remained 
for some weeks longing for dehverance. I had wearied my- 
self out, and could do nothing more. 

At length the Savior's load was put upon me. I followed 
him into the garden — I heard his groans — I saw him as- 
cend the hill of Calvary bearing his cross, forsaken. With 
the iniquities of the world upon him I heard him exclaim, 
" It is finished /" He was a sinless sufferer. An awful mo- 
ment it was. The face of nature was veiled in the deepest 
mourning. This view served greatly to strengthen me 
through the coming night of trial. Here a flood of tempta- 
tions rushed in upon me. Sins long since forgotten, and as I 
had supposed, repented of, were set in order before me, and 
seemed like mountains. Deprived of the sensible presence of 
God, I was left in despair. There was no respite, no relief 
for weeks. I was indeed shut up and could not come forth. 
I raised my voice in supplication to Heaven, " Oh, how long, 
how long !" At length the. Lord had mercy upon me, and 
gave me a brief day of rest. These moments I improved 
with the full expectation of renewing the conflict, and with 
the settled determination never to give over till victory was 
mine. And now I was again thrown into the furnace of 
affliction. I shall attempt no description other than what is 
mentioned in the 88th Psalm. I sought solitude and the 
darkness of night to pour out my soul in prayer to God that 
He would strengthen me, and put underneath me his Al- 
mighty arm. My mental sufferings at this time were incon- 
ceivably awful. The Lord put a seal on my lips. While I 
kept silence, and as the fire that burnt within was consuming 
me, there seemed like the whisperings of the Spirit within — 
" When thou art sufficiently tried thou shalt come forth puri- 
fied as the gold and the silver." At length the storm sub- 
sided, the billows receded, till all was quiet as the chamber of 



82 THE RICHES OF aRACE. 

death. Mj load, however, yet remained with me, but I soon 
felt my heart begin to relent and run like wax before the- fire, 
for my vision was now filled Avith Jesus in his glorified state 
standing near by. I opened my hymn book and read : 

" Oh, that my load of sin were gone ! 
Oh, that I could at last submit ! 
At Jesus' feet to lay me down — 
To lay my soul at Jesus' feet. 

Rest for my soul I long^ to find- 
Savior, if mine indeed thou art, 
Give me thy meek and lowly mind, 
And stamp thine image oh my heart." 

There seemed to be such a charm in the meeh and lowly 
mind of Jesus, that I could not help but raise my eyes to 
heaven, and as I repeated the verse my heart went out with 
an intense longing that this blessing might rest on me. My 
request was granted. I instantly felt myself sinking infinite- 
ly low at his feet, wiUing to be any thing or suffer any thing 
for Jesus' sake. But I did not even now feel that I was 
complete in Christ. I read the next verse : 

" Break off the yoke of inbred sin, 
And fully set my spirit free ; 
I cannot rest till pure within, 
Till I am wholly lost in thee." 

And my eyes were opened to behold the full day — the bright- 
ness of the glory of God. " Blessed are the pure in heart, 
for they shall see God." That blessed moment God spake, 
and it was done. I knew that I was delivered from all con- 
demnation — that my heart was now circumcised to keep the 
law, because the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus had 
made me free from the law of sin and death, " that the righte- 
ousness of the law might be fulfilled in us who walk not after 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 83 

the flesh but after the Spii-it." Mj soul was filled with un- 
utterable glory, adoration, and praise. The whole face of 
nature seemed most delightful, every where smiling and silently 
chanting the praise of its Creator. 

I now looked around for my sins — they had long been my 
companions — but they were no where to be found. Jesus 
had borne them all away. Oh, what a salvation ! I am a 
wonder to myself. But it is all of grace, grace, grace. 

My soul goes out by day and by night in heart-breaking 
longings for the entire sanctification of the whole Church of 
Christ on earth. God will hasten it in its time. But my 
Savior hath wrought in me, and constrains me to proclaim to 
all around, a full redemption from all sin by the free and 
sovereign grace of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. " And 
his name shall be called Jesus, for he shall save his people 
from their sins." But I see I am protracting mj letter to a 
much greater length than I designed when I commenced, so 
I will close by saying that I continue to go from strength to 
strength, and from victory to victory. I find it matters not 
whether my cares and trials are few or many. The promise 
covers the whole — " My grace shall be sufficient." 

Dear brother, I know that you will and do adore with me 
this God of love. I have no fears now but the fear of offend- 
ing so kind a Father y so good a Grod^ so great a Savior. 



EXPERIENCE XI. 



Feeling deeply sensible that I should be doing injustice 
to the cause of my dear Redeemer, were I longer to neglect 
to testify what infinite grace has done for one of the most 
unworthy and undeserving, I take my seat at the feet of my 
beloved Savior, and give Him all the praise, while I speak 
of his salvation, a salvation purchased by his own precious 
blood. 0, it is so free, so full, so perfectly adapted to my 
every want, that had I an angel's heart and an angel's 
tongue, I never could sufficiently praise my blessed Savior, 
that I have been led to embrace it. 

It is fourteen years since I professed to be a child of Grod ; 
and although I had some evidence of his acceptance through 
the merits of his Son, I was often sensible I followed Him 
" afar off." I often committed sins ; especially was I guilty 
of sins of omission, which gave me much sorrow and led me 
to w^eep in secret places. But I did not understand how to 
get the victory over these sins. At times I had some peace 
and rest, but it Avas only for the moment. Thus I went on 
sinning and repenting, resolving and re-resolving to be more 
faithful, without any real, abiding, controlling change in my 
feelings for twelve years. At length through a kind provi- 
dence I was led to contemplate the subject of " Christian 

84 



THE RICHES OFGRACE. 85 

Perfection." At first my heart revolted at the idea, but to 
live on as I had done I could not. I therefore resolved, in 
the strength of Christ, to yield to the teachings of the Holy 
Spirit. I resorted to my Bible as my guide, and poured out 
my soul to Grod in earnest unceasing prayer, that I might 
know by experience the joy of sins forgiven, and what it was 
to be united to Christ " as the branch is united to the vine." 
For four weeks my soul longed after fall redemption. The 
subject had become deeply interesting. My Bible was my 
constant companion, my closet was my retreat, but still '' there 
was an aching void within." I did not find that peace and 
rest I heard of others enjoying. At length I became sensi- 
ble I was trusting too much to my own efforts to obtain what 
I so much desired. By the aid of the Holy Spirit, I resolved 
to cease trusting in any thing I could do myself, and cast all 
on Him who has said, " Call upon me in the time of trouble ; 
I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me." I soon be- 
came willing to make any sacrifice necessary that I might be 
delivered from this bondage of sin, and enjoy that " liberty 
wherewith Christ makes free." I cast away my cherished 
idols, and sought my closet at the midnight hour, and there, 
in the agony of my soul, sank at the feet of my blessed Re- 
deemer, a poor, helpless, miserable sinner. Before I was 
aware, my Savior met me and spoke peace to my burdened 
soul. And now language is powerless to convey even a faint 
idea of the deep uninterrupted pleasure, joy and delight that 
filled my soul the following day. Oh, it is all of grace ; to 
God be all the praise and all the glory. 

From that time till the present my peace has been as a 
river, and my righteousness as the waves of the sea. My 
mind seems continually soaring upward and onward, panting 
for more and more holiness, as the " hart for the water brooks." 
My confidence in God increases day by day, and He has 



86 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

taught me that no spiritual blessing for myself is too great to 
ask of Him in prayer. I have been encouraged to ask greater 
blessings, and often the promise has been verified, " Before 
they call I will answer, and while they are yet speaking I 
will hear." My trials and conflicts are not few. But be 
they ever so many it matters not ; the promise, " my grace 
shall be sufficient for thee," makes every burden light. 

0, it is blessed to trust, yea, most blessed to sit at the feet 
of our dear Redeemer and learn of Him. Truly his " yoke 
is easy and his burden light." I am often led to wonder and 
adore the goodness of God, in manifesting Himself to me, one 
of the greatest of sinners, as he has done. Had I a thou- 
sand tongues I could not sufficiently praise Him, but I give 
Him all. My whole being is at his disposal. In sickness or 
health, prosperity or adversity, I will praise the God I love, 
the God whom I adore. 

My soul longs greatly to have all God's people see and 
feel the fulness of the promises and the fulness of a Savior's 
love. I trust the day is not distant when God will appear 
and purify his people, and transform the whole moral image of 
this fallen world. " God is faithful who has promised, who 
also will do it." 



'I 



EXPERIENCE XII. 



I HAVE often thought of recording some of the mercies of 
my God — the experience of his goodness to my soul — not 
for publication — but thinking it might be a comfort to my 
dear children, when they could see my face no more. As 
you, however, and our dear friend N. have requested it. and 
suggested that it might do good to others, I have concluded 
to attempt it, and leave to those who control such things to 
decide whether what I write will be useful for publication. I 
know that could I declare the thing as it is — could I show 
forth as I desire to do, the praises of Him who hath " called 
me out of darkness into his marvellous light," it would rejoice 
the hearts of the righteous, and " revive the spirit of the 
humble and contrite ones." 

" But oh, eternity's too short to utter all his praise." 

The first that I recollect of the striving of the Spirit of 
God in my heart was when I was, I believe, about four years 
old. A pious lady, who lived in the house with my father, 
took me up on her lap and sung to me " The Hiding Place :" 

" Hail, sovereign love ! which first began 
The scheme to rescue fallen man ! 
Hail ! matchless, free, eternal grace ! 
That gave my soul a hiding place," &c. 

87 



88 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

I believe, had that dear friend, or my dear mother, known 
how I felt, and given me instruction, and taken the pains that 
many, at this day, believe in taking for the early conversion 
of children, I should then have given my young heart to the 
Savior. But I passed on, the subject of frequent awakenings ; 
sometimes by the death of friends, and sometimes by hearing 
the word preached — yet fond of the gayeties and follies of 
my age, till I was fifteen — when it pleased the Lord to give 
me a loud call, by laying on a bed of death one who was very 
dear to me as a former teacher — one who, though young, 
had taken in that place unexampled pains to impress on the 
hearts of his scholars lessons of piety, and to lead them to 
the love and service of God. He was at this time a student 
in college, preparing for the sacred ministry, with every 
prospect before him to make life desirable. He calmly re- 
signed himself to the will of his God — the glories of eternity 
beamed on his pathway to the grave — and he sweetly fell 
asleep in Jesus. I visited him a few days before his death, 
and from that moment my resolution was fixed to endeavor to 
live the life of the righteous, " that my last end might be like 
his." 

In all former seasons when God called me, I was unwilling 
to part with the vanities of the w^orld, or to bear the reproach 
of the cross. I wanted the Christian's safety, without his 
duties and crosses. But I now fell at the Savior's feet, and 
inquired, with trembling anguish, " Lord, what shall I do ? 
I will part with every thing, or do any thing, for an interest 
in Jesus." 

I do not recollect deep conviction for any particular sin, 
but that I had lived so long in neglect of God, not being 
willing to acquaint myself with Him who was the fountain of 
all blessedness. I did not obtain an evidence of pardon and 
acceptance for about three weeks, though I sought it with 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 89 

prayer and tears. Yet I think I see now, that God was 
gently leading me to a knowledge of Himself, and his way of 
life and salvation, and preparing me for the glorious manifes- 
tation of Jesus, my advocate and Savior. My burden had be- 
come exceeding heavy, too heavy for my strength. I laid 
down on my bed ; but the cry was in my ears, 

" The Savior 's knocking at your door 
Arise without delay." 

I arose and returned to my chamber, with groanings that 
could not be uttered, and took hold of my work, (spinning,) 
but soon sunk to the floor, kneeling beside my wheel, and was 
at once absorbed in contemplation of the glories of the hea- 
venly world, where the inhabitants are freed from sin, and 
clothed in the white robes of a Savior's righteousness. This 
sweet hymn came into my mind : 

'^ Savior, I do feel thy merit, 

Sprinkled with redeeming blood ; 
And my wearied, troubled spirit 
Now finds rest in thee, my God. 

Now our Advocate is pleading 

With our Father and our God ; 
Now for us He 's interceding, 

As the purchase of his blood. 

Hark ! methinks I hear Him praying, 
^ Father, save her, I have died 

The remainuig part of the verse is — 

And the Father answers, saying, 
* They are freely justified.' " 

But these lines came to my mind in their place, 

" Tlie Father lays his thunder by. 
And smiles upon the Son." 

8* 



90 THE RICHES OE GRACE. 

And I saw, too, as I then supposed, by an eye of faith — I 
saw my pleading Savior and my smiling God, and my soul 
was filled with love, and joy, and peace, in believing. In an 
instant, darkness, sorrow, and mourning fled away ; and joy, 
unspeakable and full of glory, took their place. 

" The opening heavens around me shone, 
With beams of purest bliss ; 
While Jesus showed his heart was mine, 
And whispered I was his." 

I rose to my feet to sing and rejoice, in the name of my 
ilear Redeemer. I was from home, in a family who were not 
Christians, though amiable, kind friends. I said nothing to 
them ; but have since felt condemned. They had noticed my 
distress, and now observed the happy change, and informed 
my mother. She conversed with and instructed me. At 
seventeen I united with the church. Among my private 
writings I find the transaction thus recorded : 

'' Jan, 13th, 1805. — I have this day publicly devoted my- 
self to the service of God. Have entered into a solemn cov- 
enant with the Eternal King of Heaven, to renounce the sin- 
ful pleasure of the world, with whatever is displeasing in his 
pure and holy eyes ; to walk in his commandments and ordi- 
nances ; to seek his glory and the best interest of his Church 
here below ; and in confidence of well-doing, to look forward 
to a happy inheritance among the saints in light." 

For a season I thought I was dead to the world, but did 
not persevere in that course of consecration, which alone se- 
cures unwavering hope. In those days much was said about 
superstition and singularity. Even ministers of the gospel, 
in some cases, encouraged their young people to attend balls 
and pleasure parties, with the gay and thoughtless. As I 
was the only young person in the neighborhood, who profess- 



i 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 91 

ed religion, amid a large society, naturally amiable and be- 
loved, I had many temptations to return to folly, which I 
mainly resisted ; but sometimes went with them, instead of 
endeavoring to bring them all to Christ. 0, could young 
Christians know what I have since suflFered, when the news 
of the death of one and another of those dear companions of 
my childhood and youth, who have died without hope, has 
reached me, they would not, for once, descend from the high 
and holy enjoyment of communion with God, to mingle in 
scenes of frivolity and mirth — and thereby encourage others 
to continue to waste their time thus, to the neglect of a prepa- 
ration for death and the judgment. 

Here was first experienced a diminution of my haf)piness. 
I could not go from the circle of folly to my closet, and find 
my Savior, and hold sweet communion with Him. But, 
with adoring wonder, I remember, that when I repented He 
forgave me, when I returned to Him, " He healed my back- 
slidings and loved me freely." 

After I was married, and children were given me, IsuJfFer- 
ed six years to pass before offering my letter to another 
church for admission ; when my husband united with me, on 
profession of faith. It was a great comfort, to have my 
companion a helper, to train up our children " in the nurture 
and admonition of the Lord." Yet I had many cares, and 
found it necessary to work very hard, and neglected, too 
much, their early religious instruction. Being desirous of 
having them converted young, I conversed with them some, 
and prayed for them. As they advanced in years, the elder 
of them began to talk of leaving the paternal roof, to learn 
trades. I felt great anxiety, and could not bear the thought 
of their going out amid the snares of a sinful, tempting 
world, without religion. I asked the Lord, if it was not from 
my own want of faith, as well as faithfulness, that they were 



92 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

without it ? Awful reflection ! Immortal souls had been 
committed to my care — and who could answer for the blood 
of souls ? — and that, too, of my own children ! 

Other circumstances, likewise, led me to reflection ; health 
failed ; I was in the decline of Ufe ; what had I done for 
God and the souls of my fellow-beings ? " Weighed in the 
balances and found wanting." My prayer was — "Lord, 
wake me up to zeal and activity in thy service." I found 
that I needed a deeper work of grace in my heart — " that 
when for the time I ought to be a teacher, I had need that 
one teach me again which be the first principles of the ora- 
cles of God." My life was all imperfect — "My duties 
black Ifith guilt." Could it be that I had ever been made a 
child of Crody by the regenerating influence of the Holy 
Spirit ? Would a child of God, born of the Spirit, be other- 
wise than holy ? And if holy, how commit sin ? My prayer 
was, " Create in me a clean heart, God ; and renew a 
right spirit within me." I longed for forgiveness ; but this 
could not satisfy. I wanted to be freed from sin, and thor- 
oughly cleansed from all iniquity, so that I could never vex 
or grieve Him more. I can never express what I suffered 
during this season of darkness, and hiding of my Father's 
face, and from the buffetings and temptations of Satan; which 
lasted something over a year. But I continued to cry though 
as it were " from the belly of hell," to Him who was able to 
deliver ; but durst not appropriate the promises of his word 
to myself. The threatenings were mine. I had shut myself 
out from the promises. Sometimes, however, I would get 
hold of a promise, long enough to raise my head above " the 
billows " for a few moments, but they returned " the more 
fiercely," and plunged me again in the deep. I now knew 
that Jesus was near and sustained me in those conflicts ; 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 93 

thougli I then felt, that He had left me alone, to contend 
with the powers of darkness. 

One morning, near the termination of these conflicts, I 
awoke from sleep, with these words in my mind : 

" Jesus, my King, proclaims the war ; 
Awake ! the powers of hell are near! 
' To arms ! To arms !' — I hear him cry — 
' Tis yours to conquer, or to die.' " 

I was roused by the sound, and sensible of the presence of 
the foe — but my helmet and my shield, how should I get 
them on ? My armor, how ? I could only use the weapon 
of prayer. This was almost as constant as my breath ; and, 
blessed be his name, it was not used in vain. 

Soon after this, and I tremble while I write it, while resist- 
ing with all my might the temptations to rebellion against 
God — to call Him unjust — to reproach Him for creating me, 
when He knew just what I would be and what I would do, 
&c., I thought I could hold out no longer — would end the 
conflict and learn what would be the result. All was still, 
but God's word, proclaiming slowly and solemnly, " I am the 
Lord, the Lord God — gracious and merciful.''^ The impulse 
or temptation came, " Contradict Him !" I did it ! But oh ! 
the horrors of that moment ! Till then I resisted every 
temptation, as I thought, and had resolved to resist while life 
lasted ; but now a worm, crushed to the earth beneath the 
mountain weight 9f its sins, had dared to rise in the face of 
infinite wisdom and excellence, and contradict Him. This 
must be the sin for which there is no forgiveness ! But I 
could weep tears of penitence — • could sink at his feet, and 
own it just. What less could insulted Majesty and Purity 
do, than crush the rebel worm ? But He did not do it. Not 
even a frown was on his gracious brow. The promises of his 



94 THE RICHBB OF GRACE. 

4 

blessed word passed in review before me. 0, how glorious, 
" engraved in eternal brass," or letters of gold — so bright 
— so strong — so full — so sure — enough for the present 
and eternal salvation of every sinner who had not, like me, 
contradicted Him, and thereby " made Him a liar." I could 
attend to nothing else but the matter between God and my 
soul, and gave myself to reading the Bible. I contemplated 
the glorious character of God, and saw, that unless I could 
find evidence that my sin was '' against the Holy Ghost," I 
should only be repeating that dreadful sin while I refused to 
believe them intended for me when penitent. 

I read Erskine on the unpardonable sin ; but after contin- 
uing my search about a day and a half, and not being satisfied 
that this was it, I retired with my Bible — spread it open be- 
fore me — and, kneeling, read and prayed over the chapters 
in Hebrews which represent the blessed Savior as our sacri- 
fice and High Priest. At the 25th verse of the 7th chapter, 
I found this assurance : " He is able to save them to the ut- 
termost that come unto God by Him, seeing He everliveth to 
make intercession for them." Here was something to meet 
my case. " To the uttermost" I had insulted Him, but " to 
the uttermost" He could save. I believed — and here my 
soul entered into rest — 

" Lost in wonder, love, and praise." 

I embraced the promises, rich and boundless, as my own. 
In Christ Jesus they are all " yea and amen." I felt and 
said, with heaven-born confidence — ^^ This is firm footiug, 
this is solid rock." My feet are placed upon it, to remove 
no more. 

" Here at thy cross, my dying* God, 
I lay my soul beneath thy love, 
Beneath the droppings of thy blood, 
Jesus — nor shall it e'er remove." 



THE RICHES 0¥ GRACE. 95 

The view was not transporting, or rapturous, like my first 
conversion, (if so it may be called,) but calm, delightful, 
" strong consolation " — firmer than the everlasting hills ; 
because founded on the immutable word and oath of God in 
Christ. It was " hope as an anchor to the soul, both sure 
and steadfast, and which entereth into that within the vail.'' 
I have accounted it the " assurance of faith." 

Eleven years have passed since, and my peace has been 
like a river. In the world, to be sure, I have had tribulation, 
and expect to have ; for Jesus told me I should ; but, blessed 
be his name, in him I have peace. 

" In Him I hope, in Him I trust — 
His bleeding cross is all my boast: 
Through troops of foes he'll lead me on 
To victory and the victor's crown." 

I rejoice to live and labor for God, in this world, and I ex- 
pect to rejoice more when the summons arrives for me to 
cross the Jordan of Death, and be for ever with the Lord ; 
though I have sometimes thought He did so condescend " to 
draw nigh to me," and so to fill my soul with his love, and 
sweet submission to his holy will, that I could hardly con- 
ceive how saints and angels could be more blessed or feel 
more happy. 

I greatly desire, that all Christians should obtain " like 
precious faith," and believe it to be their privilege. The 
Church must have this faith, die to sin, and " live by faith on 
Jesus" — or she never will — aye, never eauy usher in the 
great millennial day of purity and love. 

I hailed the Oberlin Evangelist with joy, and have read 
it from the beginning of its publication, with satisfaction and 
profit ; especially the articles on the Holiness of Christians. 
I love the subject of Christian Perfection, or Entire Sanctifi- 



96 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

cation in this life, and have blessed God. for the paper — 
prayed for its success, and for all who have sustained and 
who now sustain it. But there is, and ever has been a lit- 
tle fog on my mind, in regard to calling any state entire sane- 
tification, Christian perfection, or consecration to God, in 
which there is a liability or possibility to sin. I know that I 
sometimes do wrong, and as soon as I discover it, I at once 
repair to the 

" Fountain filled with blood, 
Drawn from Immanuel's veins," 

and feel that I am cleansed. This is all the perfection of 
which I have any knowledge ; yet, I believe, I perfectly 
desire to do the wUl of God. May God bless the efforts of 
all the dear brethren, who are laboring to promote the sancti- 
lication of believers. I beheve He has blessed, and will 
continue to bless them greatly ; and I pray the Lord to sus- 
tain them under all their sore trials, and to strengthen them 
for all their conflicts. 



EXPERIENCE XIII. 



It is now about twenty years since I have supposed myself 
to be a child of God ; and during most of this period, I have 
had little or no doubt of my being accepted of Him through 
the merits of his Son. Yet there has been a sad deficiency 
in the practical power of the gospel upon my heart to subdue 
sin, and keep me under the protecting wing and inspiring eye 
of my Savior. I have been conscious of sins, and have strug- 
gled against some of them long and hard, and almost in vain. 
For many years, my intellectual perceptions of truth were 
always in advance of my moral sensibilities in view of it. 
Over this, I have mourned bitterly as a grievous sin, and 
often have thought that my inveterate habits in this respect 
were incurable. 

But I did not apprehend the adequate fulness of the pro- 
visions of the gospel. I was resisting sin more by dint of 
resolutions than by the aid of simple faith in Christ. I had 
not seen that there is grace enough provided to justify the 
rational expectation of being delivered in this hfe from all 
known sin, and from all sin as fast as revealed to us by God's 
word and Spirit. With these views, how could I expect 
more victory over sin, and more ample communications of 
the Spirit than I had ? 

9 97 



98 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

Through a most kind providence, my .mind, more than 
a year since, was strongly turned to the investigation of this 
subject, especially as taught in the Bible. The result in re- 
spect to my sentiments, you have in this treatise.* The 
result on my spiritual state remains to be briefly told. 

1. My views of the provisions of the gospel have been 
greatly enlarged and have become more definite. The Bible 
taught me to regard them as entirely adequate for their ob- 
ject — the supply of all my spiritual wants. 2. I see with 
great clearness how certainly and intensely the heart of 
Christ is set upon sanctifying his Church, and how ardently 
the energies of each person in the Trinity are devoted to this 
work. 3. Consequently I have learned to ask for greater 
blessings. No spiritual blessing for myself seems too great 
to be sought of God in prayer. I have a precious convic- 
tion — worth more than both the Indies — that I cannot please 
God better than in asking every moment to have my capaci- 
ties absolutely filled with spiritual gifts and graces. I know 
that the more earnestly and confidingly I pray to be just like 
Jesus Christ, the more acceptable will my prayer be, and the 
more sure of being answered. 4. Of course, I have learned 
to expect greater blessings. And, 5. Of course, also, I have 
received greater blessings. God has shown me that my 
moral insensibilities under intellectual apprehensions of truth 
can pass away in a moment under the melting touch of the 
Spirit's power. On gospel truths and promises my soul now 
feasts with a luxury which none can ever know but by experi- 
ence. Every thing about religion becomes a blessed reality. 
I know not how in better and fewer words to describe my 
state. Rehgious truths are transformed into solid reahties. 
The shadowy objects of a dim and weak faith have assumed 
the full form, and vivid features of real existence. 

* Referring to- a little volume on holiness. 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 99 

This result I attribute to the operations of the Spirit. Yet 
without truthj intelligently and really believed, the result 
could not have been effected. In this view, the truth respect- 
ing the full provisions of gospel grace has been worth more 
to me than I can express. 

Moreover, I have never before been so much and so de- 
lightfully engaged in studying God's law, and in carrying out 
its great principles over the whole broad field of human agen- 
cy. I have desired intensely to know all that God would 
have me do, and to ascertain in regard to all the most minute 
thoughts a.nd actions, what does, and what does not please 
Him. There has been a love of denying myself, and a desire 
to find things in which I might properly do it, and thereby in- 
dulge and cherish my regard for Jesus Christ. In this state, 
I am ready to carry the principles of the divine law over the 
entire field of my physical, social, and mental enjoyments, and 
have God show me how many and which of them all he would 
be pleased to have me sacrifice for Him. Any thing. Lord, — 
has been the language of my heart — any thing will I give 
up most sweetly for thee. I cannot sacrifice too much. 

The great spirituality of God's law has been to me its chief 
glory. I rejoice that this law demands just all that we can 
do — love with all the heart, and soul, and strength. For in 
this view I see that God is seeking to make us perfect as we 
can be ; and for the universe I would not stop short of that. 
And when, with this view^ of the extent and spirituality of 
God's law, I couple the precious truth that the provisions of 
gospel grace exactly correspond with them ; have the same 
glorious end in view, viz. — our sanctification ; and are adapt- 
ed to secure it; I see that God is really in earnest "to 
cleanse me from all filthiness of the flesh and of the spirit," 
and to have me " perfect holiness in his fear," and my soul 



100 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

rejoices in God exceedingly. His glory is unutterably pre- 
cious. It is truly " glad tidings of great joy." 

Yet am I far as ever from regarding my work of spiritual 
improvement as finished. I have only begun it — have 
but just learned how to get and hold the victory over sin 
— how to have bad tempers transformed to good, and my 
soul hept in peace and love. My state is far as can be 
from his who supposes himself to have attained so much, 
and of such a kind, that his labor of growing in grace and 
watching against sin is over. I have no sympathy with that 
state. God has taught me to press onward and upward. 
He has kindly taught me how to take hold of his arm, and 
believe his gracious promises — yes, really to believe them, 
and to know assuredly that I may trust him for grace to help 
in every season of need. He has taught me how precious it 
is to love^ — how sweet to lie infinitely low before Him — and 
how strengthening to feel that Jesus is mighty to save. The 
teachings of the Spirit sometimes make me feel that I never 
knew any thing before — with such amazing clearness do 
many of the most simple truths of the gospel present them- 
selves to my mind. My soul longs greatly to have all God's 
people know how exceedingly clear and rich are the teach- 
ings of the Spirit, and how wonderfully adapted his influences 
are to sanctify the soul, and really to jill it with love, joy, 
peace, and every grace. Under his power, religion becomes 
a blessed reality. 

And now, in conclusion, I cannot say less than that my 
heart's desire and prayer to God for all Christ's dear flock, 
is, that they may be saved — yea, really saved now from the 
power of their spiritual foes, through the abounding grace of 
God in the gospel of his Son. 



EXPERIENCE XIV. 



Oisr reading the following lines in the 13th number of the 
Oberlin Evangelist, viz : " There are many in the Church 
who ought to testify what the blessed Jesus has done for them 
within the few last years," and, " Let the facts of a full sal- 
vation accompany the arguments for a full salvation," I 
thought in a moment, cannot I glorify God in this way, by 
telling what a gracious God has done for me the last year ? 
If you think what I say will in the least degree promote the 
glory of God, you are at liberty to make what use you please 
of it. 

Though I can write but few words at a time, on account of 

severe sickness, yet I feel that I owe ten thousand talents to 

my blessed Savior, and the love of Christ constrains me to 

speak of Him to all that come to see me. Since God can 

take " a worm to thrash a mountain," I have thought, it may 

be possible for God to make use of such a feeble worm, and 

suffer me, all unworthy as I am, to be an instrument in his 

hands of glorifying his holy name ; especially, as God often 

blesses the dying words of his children ; and these I feel are 

my dying words. 

It is nearly fifty years since, through grace, I was enabled 

to give my heart to God, and receive Him as my portion. I 
9* 101 



102 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

can now testify, that He has not been a barren wilderness to 
my soul. 0, no ! but as a strong hold in the day of trouble ; 
and my trials have not been few. My heavenly Father has 
found it necessary, on account of my unbelief and disobedi- 
ence, to scourge me every step of the way to heaven. But 
thanks to God, my soul praises his name for condescending 
to correct me, and thus bringing my wandering feet back. I 
have for more than twenty years been praying for holiness 
of heart. I thought I should obtain it by fasting, and prayer, 
and good resolutions. But alas ! I found I was as far as 
ever from the enjoyment of the long wished for blessing ; and 
yet, astonishing to tell, at the same time that I was praying 
for holiness, I did not then believe that Christ died to save 
his people from their sins till death. 

Last summer a friend lent me President Mahan's book on 
Christian Perfection, and before I read it, I most solemnly 
prayed, that God would lead me into the truth, and that 
what was agreeable to his precious word I might see and em- 
brace. After I had read it through once, I saw, clearer than 
ever before, what was implied in Christian Perfection. I 
read it through again and again. And whenever I sat down 
to read the book, my heart was lifted up in prayer, that what- 
ever the truth was, I might see and believe it ; and before I 
had finished reading the book the third time, I saw plainly, 
that the precious doctrine of entire sanctification in this life, 
was clearly taught in the Bible. I wondered how it could be 
that I had never seen it before. 

About last December, the Lord gave me such a view of 
my unbeliefs in making God a liar, because I had not believed 
*' the record He had given of his Son," that I wept day and 
night for some time. And though I now feel and do believe, 
that my sins are all cast into the bottom of the sea, and 
washed away in the blood of the Lamb ; yet, it seems at times, 



I 



THE RICHES OP GRACE. 103 

if it is possible to weep or grieve in heaven, I shall weep 
through eternity, for so long disbelieving God's precious 
truth. 

For some time after I believed in Christ's ability and wil- 
lingness to save, I dared not let any one know it, and thought 
I would keep it all to myself. But I soon found that it 
brought darkness into my mind ; and as soon as I began to 
speak to others about it, and acknowledged that I believed in 
the doctrine, I felt a sweet peace come into my mind, and 
that peace is like a river. 

I have not been in darkness, or had a doubt of my accep- 
tance, since last January. My happy soul rejoices in God 
all the day long ; and though I am confined to my bed, (in 
the last stages of consumption,) I do bless the Lord, that I 
can say, from my inmost soul — 

" Sweet is the confidence of faith, 
To trust thy truth divine ; 
Sweet to lie passive in thy hands, 
And have no will but thine." 

My prayer is, from hour to hour, " Not my will, but thine be 
done." And thanks be to God, I now am enabled by his 
grace, to live hy the day^ in a very different sense from what 
I have lived before. I now feel that I have nothing to do 
with to-morrow ; but only to cast my care upon Jesus, from 
day to day. When the Lord sends any one into my sick 
chamber, I feel it a privilege to use what breath I have, in 
trying " to speak of his goodness and talk of his power," and 
bear my feeble testimony to his faithfulness. If I can glorify 
his glorious name, I feel willing to lie here just as long as he 
pleases. Still it would be delightful news, to hear Him bid 
me come home. 

I bless God, that I have lived to see this day, when so ma- 



104 THE RICHES OP GRACE. 

ny of his children are seeking and enjoying the blessing of 
holiness of heart ; but alas ! how many there are yet, among 
the friends of Christ, who have no faith in a full salvation. 
Still I believe the Lord has begun to purify his people ; and 
He will purify them. They will give up their sins, and show 
to the world, by their daily walk and conversation, that their 
treasure is indeed in heaven, and that Christ has provided 
grace to meet all their wants — that he is both able and wil- 
ling to keep his children from heart sins. 0, how I long to 
see the Church of God take Christ at his word, and be made 
holy. 



EXPERIENCE XV. 



From a child I believed the Bible to be the word of God. 
Mj parents were not professors of religion, but were favora- 
ble to Christianity. And although I was not taught either 
by precept or example to pray, yet I was taught to reverence 
and fear God. When I was but six years old, I remember 
a remark of my only brother to my mother, that no one could 
go to heaven without being converted. I was surprised at 
this, for I thought only the very wicked needed a change ; 
but being assured by my mother, that the Bible taught that 
all must be born again, I examined the Scriptures, and pray- 
ed, and became fully convinced of it. But my believing 
right on this subject did not alter my course, for I became 
very wild, and indulged in the usual sins of youth, such as 
profanity, and breaking the Sabbath by making it a day of 
sport. 

In this way I continued till the year 1839, when I was 
brought to see my sins. I had been laboring under deep 
conviction some time, when one night I went to my bed room 
to retire. My colleague was sleeping, as I thought, very 
sweetly, (he had been converted that morning.) I stood a 
few moments reflecting on his condition and my own. He 

105 



106 THE RICHES OE GRACE. 

appeared very happy. I knew I was ' wretched. It was at 
this time I formed the resolution that I would no longer con- 
tinue in sin, but would now submit to the requirements of the 
gospel. After I had thrown myself upon the bed, it was 
suggested to my mind, that the Savior must do this work for 
me, and that He was willing to do it, but that I must ask 
Him before He would. I thought, yfhj not ask Him now ? 
I made the attempt to pray, and that moment all my anxiety 
was gone ; I felt emotions of peace and joy ; but the leading 
characteristic of my feelings was love. I could not believe 
that so simple a thing as this could make me a Christian, and 
refused the evidence God gave me. Although I had sub- 
mitted, some unbelief still remained, and it was not till the 
next Thursday evening (this was Monday) that I received 
evidence that I was a child of God, so strong that nothing 
could ever make me doubt. At this time I was eighteen 
years old. The next Sabbath after, I united with the church. 
For a year I enjoyed communion with God, and was warm in 
my first love. 

Being but a youth, and having no regular home, I met 
with many temptations, especially after I came to C, which 
was in the latter part of 1840. Here I was obliged to be in 
company with those who knew not God, as I boarded with 
such. In many instances they proposed to take me to the 
theatre gratis ; and it will ever be a souf ce of gratitude to 
God, that amidst all this I never gave up my purpose to 
serve Him, never omitting an opportunity to pour out my 
soul in prayer to God for help. Though now I regret that 
my course was not more consistent, for had I been more 
faithful and let my light shine, some of those young men 
might have been converted, but I sometimes felt as though I 
had very little light myself. As J. B. Taylor says, I had 
some darker scenes after my conversion than before. My 



THE KICHES OF ft E, ACE. * lOT 

heart was often cheered in prayer, for which I praise God. 
In this way I lived, sometimes enjoying the presence of 
Christ, and sometimes far, far away, till I came to the semi- 
nary. I then concluded I should be able to live a more con- 
sistent life, as I should be free from the temptations to which 
in the city I had been exposed, and I rejoiced in the thought 
of being separated from the world. But I soon found that 
Satan was in the country as well as city, and that I had the 
same heart then as I had before — that I did not change 
with circumstances. I saw that some there had come into a 
state of more permanent holiness, and I began in earnest to 
seek it, trying in every way to overcome my besetting sins ; 
for I thought this was the first thing to be done. But the 
more I tried the more I felt, and the darker mj path grew. 

Wesley declares three things to be indispensable to its at- 
tainment. 1. Expect it by faith, 2. Expect it just as we 
are. 3. Expect it now. The conversation of those who had 
attained the " assurance of faith," tended to the same point. 
Yet nothing would satisfy me but trying to overcome my be- 
setting sins, before I attempted to believe. As to coming to 
Christ just as I was, I could not believe he could bless me 
till I made myself better. In consequence of the slowness 
of my heart to believe, the Lord let me try the experiment. 
In this way I tried and tried, mustering all my forces again 
and again, until I was anxious to return ; but the Spirit of 
the Lord suggested, victory or death. When I attempted 
new resolutions, the tempter would say. You have tried so 
often and failed, there is no use in trying any more. I 
thought I knew what Paul meant when he said, " 0, wretch- 
ed man that I am," &c. Just at this time I heard a sermon 
on Holiness, showing that this blessing was attained by faith, 
in which it was stated that we should at the very outset, be- 
lieve and rest upon God for the accomplishment of this great 



108 * THE RICREv^ OF GRACE. 

work. Here I begun to take courage, and promised some of 
the brethren that I would never rest short of it. I took my 
pen and wrote down my besetting sins, promising to forsake 
them all and give myself entirely to the Lord. Here I made 
an entire consecration of myself, and went to my Savior. I 
now began to see I could make myself no better, that I could 
not even keep from running into sin without Christ's help. 
So I began to pray with all my might to God for the blessing ; 
but the same darkness continued. Now Satan suggested 
that the Bible could not be God's word, for it said, " Ask, 
and ye shall receive." I knew I had asked for a long time 
in earnest ; still I could not give it up. One brother told me 
I was trusting too much to feeling ; but I told him I only 
wished to know the work was done ; so what am I to do ? 
He said believe without a sign. You must believe. 

Not long after this conversation, these thoughts presented 
themselves to my mind. First, I know Christ is able to save 
me from my sins, '' for his name is called Jesus, that He 
should save his people from their sins." Second, He has 
declared it to be his will, even our sanctification, and has com- 
manded holiness. Thirdly, But is he willing now ? Yes, for 
I have just read, " now is the accepted time," &c. But is 
he willing to save me ? Yes, for he tasted death for every 
man^ and has shown by his death the interest he feels in us. 
V/'hat, then, hinders me from being saved ? Certainly no- 
thing but a want of compliance with his terms. But what 
are his terms ? What does he require ? " He that believes 
shall be saved." " TMs is the work of God, that ye believe 
on Him whom He hath sent." Then I see faith is all that is 
necessary. But my heart is so cold and hard, can I believe ? 
Yes, I will believe, let my feelings be what they may. Let 
the evidence come as it may, or when it may, it is my busi- 
ness to believe. I can^ I will^ I do believe. This is all I can 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 109 

do. It is all that Christ requires me to do. The rest I 
leave with him, and I believe He will do it. In this state of 
mind I left the throne of grace, without a single emotion. 
I went about my studies and work, feeling that I had done 
all I could, and that Avas nothing but to leave myself in the 
hands of God to let him do for me. I sometimes felt uneasy, 
because I did not feel more ; but this I left to Christ, to give 
me feeling or not, as he saw fit, feeling that he w^ould do just 
right. Twenty-four hours passed before I had any change 
in my feelings, then I begun to feel great peace. I felt re- 
lieved from my besetting sins. Christ had taken them away, 
and I felt a sweet resting on him. Oh, it was delightful thus 
to leave myself in the hands of Jesus, so full of love ! It 
Avas glorious to feel such confidence in my Savior! Up to 
this time I can realize that by faith I am able to quench all 
the fiery darts of the wicked, and come off conqueror, and 
more than conqueror. 

"Faith lends its realizing light, 
The clouds disperse, the shadows fly, 
The invisible appears in sight, 
And God is seen by mortal eye." 

Satan has often since contended sharply with me about 
faith, yet when I go to Christ he enables me to realize his 
willingness to save those who trust in him, not because /am 
any thing, but because "• He will keep him in perfect peace, 
whose mind is stayed on him." Why ? because he trusts 
in him." Now I can leave the future in his hands, feeling 
he will do just right. Now, instead of making advances one 
day and going back the next, I feel that my confidence is 
daily increasing, and that I am growing in grace. The great 
lesson I feel I have learned, is to live by faith. This I know 
is an anchor to the soul. I realize noAV that faith is a sub- 
stance^ as Paul says, Heb. xi. 1. Not a metaphysical ab- 
10 



110 THE EICHES OF GRACE. 

straction: but a something that may be known and felt. 
" Thanks be to God who giveth us the victory through our 
Lord Jesus Christ." I need not dwell here, for you know 
infinitely more about this subject than I do. Christ has done 
all. All I did was to give myself away to him, and as soon 
as I did this he filled my soul with his love. Hence I feel 
strong confidence that he will perfect his work, for he is able 
to keep that which we commit into his hands. I praise God 
that this work is so rapidly spreading in our churches, and 
Christians every where are beginning to feel that something 
must be done, and that a different experience is necessary ; 
that it will not do for them to depend on waking up in time of a 
revival, but they must come into a permanent state of holi- 
ness, in which it shall be their meat and drink to do God's 
will. I feel that the time has come for Christians to awake 
to this subject, for we have full evidence that God will not 
convert sinners while Christians are living so for this world, 
while the standard of piety is so low. 



1 



EXPERIENCE XVI. 



It is now several years, since, after a season of spiritual 
gloom and sadness, I came fully to the conclusion, that there 
was something in the religion of Jesus Christ, to which I had 
been a stranger. I had seen myself to be a sinner before 
God, richly deserving his everlasting indignation. I had 
seen that God would be holy, just and good, and worthy of 
universal and eternal adoration, while punishing me with ever- 
lasting destruction from his presence and from the glory of 
his power. I had also seen in Christ a Savior, who, after 
atoning for all mankind on the cross, was able, on the merits 
of that atonement, to save to the uttermost all that come to 
God by him ; and on that Savior I had cast myself as my 
only hope, and trusted in him, and him only, as my deliverer 
from the wrath of God. 

Trusting thus in him — my crucified Savior — for my sal- 
vation, I was for a time filled with great joy and peace in be- 
lieving, and went on my way rejoicing. But years passed 
away, and to these lively emotions of joy in the Lord, I had 
been almost an entire stranger, except for a short season im- 
mediately succeeding my first conversion to Christ — when I 
did taste in a good degree, the peace which those are sure to 
find, who come with a heart penitent for sin, and trust in the 

111 



112 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

merits of a crucified Savior for pardon and everlasting life. 
But I had come now to the full conviction, that my religious 
state was very far from what it ought to be. This arose 
partly from w^hat I had learned in the Bible respecting " the 
riches of the glory of this mystery, w4iich is Christ in us the 
hope of glory," '' the peace of God that passeth all under- 
standing, keeping the heart and mind of the Christian through 
Christ Jesus," " and the joy unspeakable and full of glory to 
be found in him, w^hom not ha/ving seen we love, in whom, 
though now w^e see him not, yet believing we rejoice ;" and 
partly from what I learned about that time of the experience 
of some Christians, to which experience I knevf myself to be 
a stranger. 

I came then to a settled determination to know^, with the 
help of God, more of spiritual things. Since that time, 
which is now some years, I have, as never before, " cried 
after knowledge, and lifted up my voice for understanding, 
seeking her as silver, and searching for her as for hid trea- 
sure, that I might understand the fear of the Lord, and find 
the knowledge of God." I have sought for spiritual bread 
and for the water of life, with an earnestness which I know I 
have never felt for any of the possessions of this world. I 
have sought these in the Bible, in the experience of eminent 
Christians who have gone to their reward, and in the writings of 
living Christians, who seemed to know most of spiritual things. 
I have sought them in personal conversation with those who 
seemed to know most of the deep things of God, and I have 
sought them on my knees, with many tears, and with earnest 
wrestlings in the name of Christ for the teachings of the Holy 
Ghost. For a long time there was no definite blessing that I 
had in my mind as the object of pursuit, except that I might 
have more of the Holy Ghost, and be far better prepared 
than I had ever been to live to the glory of God. But I 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 113 

was made acquainted in the providence of God, with some of 
those Christians, who believe that it is the privilege of all 
disciples of Christ, to be, through the " Great God and our 
Savior Jesus Christ, who hath loved us and given himself 
for us, redeemed from all iniquity, and purified unto himself 
a peculiar people, zealous of good works ;" and we " through 
the blood of the everlasting covenant to be made perfect in 
every good work to do his will, by his working in us that 
which is well-pleasing in his sight through Jesus Christ " — 
" to be sanctified wholly, and to have their whole spirit, and 
soul, and body preserved blameless unto the coming of our 
Lord Jesus Christ, through the faithfulness of Him who hath 
called them" — "to be cleansed from all filthiness of the 
flesh and spirit, and to perfect holiness in the fear of God, 
through the promises of God which are all yea and amen in 
Christ, unto the glory of God by us," and thus "through the 
exceeding great and precious promises, to be made partakers 
of the Divine Nature, having escaped the corruption that is 
in the world through last." When I first knew this class of 
Christians, and first read their writings, I was greatly opposed 
to their views of truth ; and from what I had learned of the 
mistakes and excesses of some who had professed to hold this 
truth, and to enjoy the experience of it, I was led to regard 
the whole subject with very great aversion. But I have 
learned, that truth is not to be held accountable for the mis- 
takes which some may hold in connection with it, nor for the 
excesses into which these mistakes may lead them, nor for 
the sins of those who hold the truth in unrighteousness. 

While I was thus crying after knowledge, and lifting up 
my voice for understanding, the Lord began to teach me 
more and more of the love of Christ, so that I was not only 
restored to my first love, but made to know, in my own expe- 
rience, that the path of the just is as the shining light, which 
10* 



114 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

shineth more and more unto the perfect day, and that " whoso 
foUoweth Christ shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the 
light of life." The " peace of God, which passe th all un- 
derstanding, keeping the heart and the mind through Christ 
Jesus, and the joy unspeakable and full of glory," of which 
the Bible speaks, became realities to my mind ; and I had 
learned the blessed truth, that all the promises of God in 
Christ are yea, and in him, amen, unto the glory of God by 
us;" that it is the Christian's privilege, by trusting in Christ 
for the fulfilment of the promises, to enjoy the fulfilment of 
every one of them, just as the awakened sinner has fulfilled 
to him the promise of pardon, when, and only when he be- 
lieves for this on Christ. I had then inquired what has God 
promised, and what is he willing to do for me, if I believe 
for it in Christ. I examined the Bible with this principle in 
view, and found that God had said, " I will instruct thee and 
teach thee in the way thou shalt go. I will guide thee with 
mine eye." This promise I knew to be yea and amen in 
Christ unto the glory of God by me, and I therefore prayed 
and trusted in Christ that God would instruct me, and teach 
me in the way that I should go, and guide we with his eye, 
" into all truth respecting the doctrine of sanctification." 
When I read the promises on this subject, I found them full 
and explicit. " I will circumcise thy heart and the heart of 
thy seed to love the Lord thy God, with all thy heart and 
with all thy soul." "I will sprinkle clean water upon you, 
and make you clean ; from all your filthiness and from all 
your idols w^ill I cleanse you. I zvill take away the stony 
heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh, 
and I will put my spirit within you, and cause you to walk in 
my statutes, and ye shall keep my judgments and do them. 
And I will save you from all your uncleannesses." " And 
I will make an everlasting covenant with you that I will not 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 115 

turn away from jou. to do you good, but I will put my fear in 
3^our hearts, that ye shall not depart from me." " And this 
is the covenant which I will make with the house of Israel 
after those days, saith the Lord, I will put my laws into their 
hearts, and in their minds will I write them, and their sins 
and their iniquities will I remember no more." I also found 
that Christ, our Redeemer, was called Jesus, because " he 
would save his people from their sins ;" that he was mani- 
fested to take away our sins, and that whosoever abideth in 
him sinneth net." I also found many other scriptures equally 
full, and explicit. But after all this, unbelief triumphed in 
my mind, and I could not see how it should ever be to me 
reality in this life, that " the blood of Jesus Christ should 
cleanse me from all sin." But as I prayed more and more 
for the teachings of God's Spirit, and searched after the 
truth, I found that if we confess our sins, " He is faithful 
and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse from all un- 
righteousness." As faithful to cleanse as he is to forgive. I 
found, also, that Christ was " raised up an horn of salvation, 
to perform the mercy promised unto the fathers, to remember 
God's holy covenant, the oath which he sware unto our father 
Abraham ; that he would grant unto us, that we, being de- 
livered from the hand of our enemies, might serve Him with- 
out fear, in holiness and righteousness before him all the 
days of our life." When I inquired, why are not these 
promises, so rich and full, made good to God's people, I saw 
that as they were yea and amen only in Christ, they were to 
be fulfilled, like the promises pledging the pardon of sin, to 
those, and only those, who believed in Christ for their fulfil- 
ment. This led me to see, that if I would be cleansed from 
all unrighteousness, as well as have my sins forgiven, I must 
believe for that cleansing, in him of whom it is said, " if we 
confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, 



116 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.'* On him, therefore, 
I now endeavored oftentimes to east myself, by trusting sim- 
ply in his faithfulness, that he would cleanse me from all un- 
righteousness. But I had yet no evidence on which I could 
rest a belief that I was thus cleansed. I went on thus, con- 
tinuing to pray, and endeavoring to trust in Christ, for this 
cleansing gift of the Holy Spirit, desiring, above all things, 
to be cleansed from all unrighteousness. In this state of 
mind, I had one day taken my Testament, and a little work 
on Christian Perfection, by Fletcher, and given myself up to 
reading, meditation and prayer on this subject. I opened 
Fletcher at the following passage : 

" My heart-strings groan with deep complaint — 
My flesh lies panting, Lord, for thee, 
And every limb, and every joint, 
Stretches for perfect purity.'* 

" But if the Lord be pleased to come softly to thy help ; 
if he make an end of thy corruptions by helping thee gently 
to sink to unknown depths of meekness ; if he drown the in- 
dwelling man of sin by baptizing, by plunging him into an 
abyss of humility ; do not find fault wit/h the simplicity of his 
method, the plainness of his appearing, and the commonness 
of his prescription. Nature, like Naaman, is full of preju- 
dices. She expects that Christ will come to make her clean, 
with as much ado and pomp and bustle, as the Syrian gen- 
eral looked for, when 'he was wroth, and said. Behold I 
thought he will surely come out to me, and stand, and call on 
his God, and strike his hand over the place and recover the 
leper.' Christ frequently goes a much plainer way to work: 
and by this means disconcerts all our preconceived notions 
and schemes of deliverance. ' Learn of me to be meek and 
lowly in heart, and thou shalt find rest to thy soul,' the sweet 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 117 

rest of Christian Perfection, of perfect humility, resignation 
and meekness. If thou wilt absolutely come to Mount Zion 
in a triumphal chariot, or make thine entrance into the ne\\ 
Jerusalem upon a prancing horse, thou art likely never to 
come there. Leave, then, all thy worldly misconceptions 
behind, and humbly follow thy King, who makes his entry into 
the typical Jerusalem, meek and lowly, riding upon an ass, 
yea, upon a colt, the foal of an ass." 

These remarks were particularly blessed to me. It seem- 
ed to me, indeed, a most delightful thing to sink into the meek 
and lowly spirit of the blessed Savior. I had before been la- 
boring to rise above my sins, and thus leave them ; now I felt 
willing to sink below them, into a depth of humility, where 
the proud, unhumbled spirit of sin would not be willing to 
follow ; and it seemed a delightful thing to sink in the arms 
of my Savior, helow the reach of all my spiritual foes, when 
I had long been seeking in vain to escape them, by soaring 
above. I felt then in my spirit a most sweet and heavenly 
sinking into the arms of my Redeemer, such as I had not be- 
fore experienced, and it was followed hj a calm, unruffled, 
blissful peace in Christ — such as I need not attempt to 
describe to those who have tasted it, and such as I cannot 
describe to the comprehension of those whose hearts have 
never felt it. It was attended Avith such a full and dehghtful 
submission in all things to the will of God ; such a joy of 
heart, in the thought of being for life, and for death, and for 
ever, altogether at God's disposal ; such a gladness in giving 
up earth in all its possessions and pleasures for Christ's sake ; 
such an overflow of humble, penitential, grateful love to my 
Redeemer ; such a satisfaction in the thought of having him 
as my only everlasting portion ; such praise to his name that 
I might possess him as the portion of my soul for ever ; such 
full-hearted and unshrinking confidence in all his promises, 



118 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

and such a readiness to do and suflfer'all things, even to the 
laying down of life for his name's sake, that I felt constrained 
to say, this is purity of heart. I knew that nothing but the 
Holy Spirit could ever fill such a heart as mine had been, 
with such feelings as these, and I therefore believed it to be 
the work of the Holy Spirit, cleansing my heart from the 
defilement of sin. I know that some persons are ready to 
say, all this may be the delusion of Satan, leading you to 
think of yourself more highly than you ought to think. But 
I do not think that the devil ever yet attempted to fill the 
heart of any man with the love of God. Christ said to his 
disciples, " I Avill pray the Father, and he shall give you 
another comforter, that he may abide with you for ever — 
even the spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, be- 
cause it seeth him not neither knoweth him. But ye hnow 
himy for he dwelleth with you and shall be in you." The 
true disciple, therefore, will know the comforter. I know 
that the feelings I have now described were a blessed reality ; 
that there was nothing left in my will or afiections in opposi- 
tion to them, and I do therefore believe that the Savior gave 
me to know, at that moment, something of the blessedness of 
being redeemed from all iniquity, and purified unto himself. 
For some length of time I continued in that blessed state of 
mind. The glory of my Redeemer shone upon the vision of 
my soul without a cloud. He had before seemed to shine 
upon me with a brightness like the noon-day sun, but now, 
instead of shining from a particular part of the heavens, he 
seemed to fill the whole firmament, and to shed his mild, and 
sweet, and heavenly, and life-giving, joy-inspiring radiance up- 
on me from every point. Above and around me all was light 
and gladness, and praise to the name of my Redeemer seem- 
ed the language of every breath. I cannot but feel that in 
that state of mind sin had no dominion over me. I feel that 



I 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 119 

God, at that time, gave me the victory through our Lord 
Jesus Christ. 

But I had yet one lesson to learn, and there was probably 
but one way by which I could learn it ; and that by drinking, 
like Peter, of the cup of sorrow, that I might in future be- 
ware. I had been accustomed to say, that if persons believed 
that they had reason to regard themselves as fully sanctified, 
there was no necessity for making it known, and the enemy 
of my soul doubtless knew enough of me, to commence his 
attack, where I was most likely to be overcome. 

I was therefore led to say within myself, this need not be 
mentioned, it never shall be said of me that I go about boast- 
ing of my own goodness. To boast of my own goodness I 
certainly felt no disposition, for I clearly saw that all which 
had been wrought within me, was the work of the Holy 
Spirit, and that of my own I had nothing of which to boast. 

But I came to the conclusion not to saj^, even to my dear- 
est friends, that I had ever thought myself to be cleansed 
from sin even for a moment ; I would enjoy it alone with 
God, and let my life bear witness. The consequence was, 
that when brought where I feared another might suspect me 
of thinking this of myself, I was led, for the purpose of giv- 
ing him a better opinion of my humility, to say that I enter- 
tained no such opinion. 

Herein I fell into sin, by denying what I had believed to 
have been wrought in me by the Spirit of God. I was now 
made to feel w^hat I had lost. I had been told that I could 
not remain in the delightful state in which I had found my- 
self, without confessing to the honor of Christ what I believed 
he had done for me by his Spirit, but I believed it not. I 
accordingly made the attempt, and fell into the snare of the 
wicked one. I now found the same sins besetting me as be- 
fore, and bringing me into bondage, and my state precisely 



120 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

what it was, previous to what I believed the Lord had shown 
me of the blessedness of a pure heart. I know that by deny- 
ing that blessed work which the Lord did in me, and by de- 
nying it that I might have a reputation for humility with man, 
I brought leanness and darkness into my own soul. 

In this state, however, I was led to desire most earnestly, 
and to pray most fervently, that I might be made like Christ. 
The burden of my petition was, that I might be made as 
much like Christ as it was possible for a soul to become while 
in the body, and I felt that I could be satisfied with nothing 
short of this. After praying thus for a time, I saw most 
clearly that there was nothing which God was more willing to 
do, than to make me thus like Christ, and I felt a sweetness 
of assurance in him, that it should be granted me. Now it 
was that the Lord showed me what must be the consequence 
of being like Christ, and that I could not possibly have the 
likeness of Christ, without meeting these consequences. I 
saw that if I would live godly in Christ Jesus, I must suffer 
persecution, and that I could not be like Christ, without be- 
ing willing to share in his reproach. The Holy Spirit now 
showed me the sin which I had committed, in denying what 
God had done for my soul, and I now saw that while with 
" my heart I believed unto righteousness, with my mouth I 
must make confession unto salvation," from being again led 
into sin. This I had not done. "With my heart I had be- 
lieved unto righteousness, but instead of making confession 
with my mouth, of the grace which God had shown me, and 
thereby being saved from the sin of denying it, I had refused 
to make the confession, and by so doing fell again into the 
hands of my spiritual foes. I now saw that, to continue in 
the enjoyment of that blessing, I must confess the whole and 
take the consequences. These I knew would not be small. 
I knevf that almost every friend I had on earth would regard 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 121 

me as almost utterly fallen, the moment I should make such 
a confession, and that my brethren in the ministry whose 
confidence I had valued above all earthly good, would with- 
draw their confidence at once, and in all probability cast me 
out from among them. i 

I had now eome truly to the plucking out of the right eye, 
and the cutting off of the right hand — to the point where I 
must " forsake father and mother, and brethren and sisters, 
and wife and children for Christ's sake and the gospel's." 
Could I make the sacrifice ? Could I become an outcast 
from my brethren, and an alien from my mother's children ? 
Could I become as lost, to the friends I had loved most dear- 
ly, and have my name cast out as evil, by those whose kind 
regards I most wished to retain, in order to please my Savior 
and enjoy his love, as for a little while he had permitted me 
to do ? The struggle was severe. It cost me as much to 
make these sacrifices as it would cost any one of my brethren ; 
but I could not long hesitate. I had prayed that I might 
continually enjoy the Savior's love, and he had now shown 
me what it would cost me — and, blessed be his name, he 
gave me strength to make choice of his love, at the sacrifice, 
if necessary, of every thing that I held dear on earth. 

I was enabled to pray, Lord, restore me again to that 
blessed state of conscious purity and peace, and love to thee, 
and blessedness in thee, which I once enjoyed, and I will 
confess thy faithfulness to the world, and let my worthless 
name be reproached as it may. Save me. Lord, from my 
sins — redeem me from all iniquity, and give me evidence of 
it on which I can rely, so that I go before the world with no 
hypocritical pretensions to something which I do not possess 
— let me in deed and in truth be cleansed from all unrighte- 
ousness, and have full and satisfactory evidence that thou 



122 THE RICHES OE GRACE. 

hast done this for me, and I will declare thy faithfulness, 
and in thy strength meet all that shall follow. 

In this state of mind, I took up the Avord of God, and came 
to the following passage, in the words of Paul to the Romans, 
— '-Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed 
unto sin, but alive unto God, through Jesus Christ our Lord." 

I had before thought of this passage, and it had seemed to 
me that there was a meaning in it which I did not understand. 
I had said in my thoughts, What if I do think myself dead 
to sin, how will just thinking myself dead to sin, make me 
thus dead ? How will any change be wrought in the state of 
my heart before God, by my laboring to think so ? Again, 
I had thought of the injunction, — "Likewise, reckon ye 
also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin," and I had said 
in my heart I will endeavor so to do ; but found myself 
w^hoUy unable to do so in any w^ay that even began to satisfy 
myself, that I was in truth " dead to sin." It w^as not the 
comfort of a sincere mistake respecting my own character, 
that I desired. " As the hart panteth after the water-brooks," 
so panted my soul after a full conformity to the will of God. 
I felt that nothing would satisfy me for a moment, but '' to 
be dead indeed unto sin, and alive unto God." Nor was it 
an ambition to have others think me free from sin, that I was 
seeking to gratify, for if I could have made the whole uni- 
verse believe me free from sin, while it was not a fact, it 
would not have begun, in the least degree, to satisfy the 
longings of my soul. Could I have possessed all the wealth, 
and received all the honor, and enjoyed all the pleasure, 
which the whole universe could have lavished upon me, and 
have been thought by every creature of God in earth and 
heaven to have been as pure as the spirits that wait continu- 
ally before the eternal throne, all this would have done 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 123 

nothing to fill the desires which burned in my heart, to be 
" cleansed from all unrighteousness." 

Stillj however, with my eye on the injunction, — " Like- 
wise, reckon ye also j^ourseh^es to be dead indeed unto sin, 
but alive unto God, through Jesus Christ our Lord," I was 
not able to see how I should do this, so that it should be 
indeed and in truth a reality in the sight of Grod; and 
nothing short of that would satisfy me for a moment. I now 
remembered that blessed promise of our divine, and glorious, 
and loving Savior, — " When he, the Spirit of Truth, is 
come, he shall guide you into all truth. He shall teach you 
all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, what- 
soever I have said unto you." I now cast myself down be- 
fore the Lord, and prayed in the name of Christ, that the 
Holy Spirit might guide me into all truth respecting the pas- 
sage before me, and teach me how to reckon myself dead to 
sin and alive to God, so that it would be a reality, and not 
a thing of imagination. Having made known my request, I 
trusted in Christ that the teachings of the Spirit would be 
given me, for I knew he had told me, — "Verily, verily, I 
say unto you, whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, 
he will give it you." I therefore placed my confidence in 
the Savior, and believed that, for his sake, the Holy Spirit 
would show me how " to reckon myself dead indeed unto sin, 
but alive unto God, through Jesus Christ our Lord." In- 
stantly, while I was even on my knees, with the blessed Bi- 
ble open before me on those words, there seemed shed upon 
them a flood of heavenly light, and my very soul was filled 
with unutterable gladness, with "joy unspeakable and full of 
glory, " with the thought that seemed clear as the brightness 
of a thousand suns, that I was " to reckon myself dead unto 
sin," by trusting my Lord Jesus Christ to keep me dead to 
sin ; " and alive to God," by trusting my Lord Jesus Christ 



124 THE EICHES OF GRACE. 

to keep me alive to God. This I saw would be reckoning 
myself to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God, 
through Jesus Christ my Lord. It was to cease for ever 
from placing my confidence in my own strength, and to rely 
altogether upon the strength and faithfulness of my blessed 
Lord Jesus Christ, to 

" Make and keep me pure within," 

to make and keep me '^ dead indeed unto sin," to make and 
keep me " alive unto God." And now, if I had found my- 
self that moment monarch of the world, with its crown on 
my head, its sceptre in my hand, its accumulated treasures 
at my feet, and every individual among all its multitudes 
ready to do my bidding, it would not have begun to afford 
me the joy which I felt, when I saw, as I then did, the privi- 
lege which a God of infinite love had granted me, to reckon 
myself dead indeed unto sin, by trusting my Lord Jesus 
Christ to make me dead to sin and keep me so, and to reckon 
myself alive to God, by trusting my Lord Jesus Christ to 
make and keep me thus alive. How glorious and lovely did 
my Savior then appear ! " Or ever I was aware, my soul 
made me like the chariots of Amminadib," and if the crown 
and the sceptre, and the riches and the homage of the world 
had been mine, I should have leaped for joy and run to give 
Christ the sceptre and the crown, the riches and the homage ; 
and to lay myself in the dust at his feet, to be his humblest, 
lowliest servant for evermore. 0, since I have known my 
high privilege to reckon myself dead indeed unto sin, but 
alive unto God, through Jesus Christ my Lord, " His name 
has been indeed to me as ointment poured forth." " He has 
kissed me with the kisses of his love, and his love has been 
better than wine. He has drawn me and I have run after 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 125 

him, and the King has brought me into his chambers, and 
made me to be glad and rejoice in him ; therefore will I re- 
member his love more than wine, and (by his strength) I will 
uprightly love him." 

When the Holy Spirit thus enlightened me respecting the 
privilege of reckoning myself dead indeed unto sin, but alive 
unto God, through Jesus Christ my Lord, he that moment en- 
abled me to avail myself of the privilege, and I instantly 
found myself more than restored to that blessed state of con- 
scious purity of heart before God, from which I had fallen, 
by refusing to confess before men, what my Savior had done 
for me. 

The love of the world was gone ; no sinful indulgence had 
any charm for me. My w^hole heart was won by Christ, and 
filled with overflowing love to him, and I feel that a thousand 
hearts, had they been mine, would have been most joyfully 
consecrated to his service. I had no will but his, and no de- 
sire of life or death, or eternity, but to be disposed of in that 
way which would secure the highest possible praise to my 
Redeemer. I was now delivered from the fear of man, and 
as I had covenanted with the Lord, to confess his faithful- 
ness to the world, when he should give me evidence on which 
I could rely, that I was redeemed from all iniquity, and as I 
had now found myself, and in a way so glorious and dehght- 
ful beyond every thing I had ever before conceived, made 
" dead indeed unto sin, and aUve unto God, through Jesus 
Christ my Lord," and had been so abundantly enlightened 
respecting the privilege of every Christian, to be kept in that 
state by the faithfulness of the dear Redeemer, I could not 
for a moment hesitate, that it was my duty to declare to the 
world, that by the power of the Holy Spirit given me by my 
own blessed Savior, I was made " dead indeed unto sin, but 
alive unto God, through Jesus Christ my Lord." 

ir 



126 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

Besides, I had once known the bitterness of denying my 
Savior here, and the blessed work which he had wrought in 
me, for the purpose of retaining the good opinion of man ; 
the Holy Spirit had set that sin before me, and I had opened 
my mouth to the Lord, that if he would restore me, I would 
bear his reproach. And now he had enabled me once more 
in his infinite and abounding mercy, " with the heart to be- 
lieve unto righteousness," and it remained that " with the 
mouth I make confession unto salvation " from falling again 
into the snare of the devil. 

I have been enabled to make this confession to the world 
— That " the great God and my Savior Jesus Christ, who 
loved me and gave himself for me, has redeemed me from all 
iniquity, and purified me unto himself; that I am dead unto 
sin, and alive unto God, through Jesus Christ my Lord ; that 
the God of peace is faithful to sanctify me wholly, and to 
preserve my whole spirit and soul and body blameless unto 
the coming of my Lord Jesus Christ ; that the God of 
peace, who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, that 
great Shepherd of the sheep," does " through the blood of the 
everlasting covenant, make me perfect in every good work 
to do his will, working in me that which is well pleasing in 
his sight through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and 
ever. Amen." I felt that in making this confession, I was 
laying myself and my all, a sacrifice on the altar of my God 
and Savior ; but that Savior had led me by his own amazing 
love, and given me a heart that could deny him no more, and 
that was ready and glad at all hazards, to confess his faithful- 
ness and power and love to the world. 

I knew that the world would reproach me. I knew that 
God's professed people would cast out my name as evil. I 
knew that the friends whom I loved most dearly would 
many of them, perhaps, weep over me as lost. I knew that 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 127 

the confidence of the churches with which I stood connected 
would be withdrawn from me, and perhaps all my past pros- 
pects of a maintenance for myself and my household be en- 
tirely cut oflF; but I knew that my Redeemer lived — and 
that all power was given unto him in heaven and on earth, 
and that I had only to seek first the kingdom of God and his 
righteousness, nothing doubting that " he who feeds the fowls 
of the air, and clothes the lihes of the field, as Solomon was 
never arrayed in all his glory," would surely feed and clothe 
both me and mine. 

In this state of mind, I did at the altar of my God, make 
confession of what God had taught me of his truth, and of 
what I had been made to feel of his purifying, sanctifying 
grace in Jesus Christ; and thus I discharged a duty to 
which I am sure I never could have been led by any thing, 
but a once crucified and now glorified Savior's love, manifest- 
ed to me by the Holy Ghost. I have no more doubt that I 
was constrained to this step by the love of Christ, than I 
have that Christ or my own soul has a being. I know I was 
not led to it by a love of the world, for I never could have 
done it, until the last vestige of the love of the world had 
been taken from me. I know that until I had made of the 
whole world an entire sacrifice to Christ, I never could have 
thus held myself up to scorn. 

On the morning of the day which immediately followed 
the Sabbath when I first "witnessed this confession" before 
men, I had a season of communion with God, of which I will 
speak, because I think it may do good. I was alone in my 
chamber, and meditating upon some passages of Scripture, 
which made mention of the faithfulness of God. Such as 
the following : — " God is faithful by whom ye are called in- 
to the fellowship of his Son Jesus Christ. Faithful is he 
that hath called you, to sanctify you w^holly, and to preserve 



128 THE EICHES OF GRACE. 

your whole spiritj and soul, and body, blameless unto the 
coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful^ who will 
not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able, but will 
with the temptation also make way for your escape, that ye 
may be able to bear it. And I saw heaven opened, and be- 
hold a white horse, and he that sat upon him was called 
Faithful and Truey 

His name is also called the Word of God. " And he hath 
on his vesture and on his thigh a name written, King of 
kings, and Lord of lords." While reflecting thus upon the 
faithfulness of my God and Savior, my whole soul seemed 
heaved with inexpressible emotions, and poured out in floods 
of gushing love at my Redeemer's feet. I felt that I had 
forsaken all for him, and could now only leave myself in his 
hands, and commit all my interests to his disposal. And 
now, in view of the safety of trusting my all with him, my 
soul exulted with amazing gladness, and I could only walk 
my room weeping aloud for joy, and pouring out my tears of 
overflowing delight, as I uttered again and again the single 
expression — My faithful God — my faithful God. 

Since that time I have had various conflicts with Satan, 
but I have never for a moment doubted the faithfulness of 
my Redeemer in saving all his people from their sins, who 
will believe on his name for that blessing ; and I see most 
clearly, that the only reason why any Christian is not saved 
from sin, is " because of his unbelief." 

I have by no means been all that I hope, or expect to be ; 
for I see that it is the privilege of the Christian that has 
been redeemed from all iniquity, still to " forget the things 
which are behind, and reach forth unto those which are be- 
fore," and, " beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, 
to be changed into the same image, from glory to glory, even 
as by the Spirit of God." I beUeve that to be cleansed from 



THE RICHES OF aRACE. 129 

all unrighteousness is by no means the height of the Chris- 
tian's privilege on earth ; that beyond that he may go on to 
comprehend with all saints, what is the length and breadth, 
and depth and height, and to know the love of Christ that 
passeth knowledge, and be filled more and more " with all 
the fulness of God." And that even then, we may say to 
him with the apostle — " Now to him that is able to do ex- 
ceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according 
to the power that worketh in us, unto him be glory by Christ 
Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen." 



EXPEEIENCE XVII. 



Faith is the touchstone of our salvation. It raises us up 
" from the horrible pit and the miry clay," and brings us into 
the liberty of the sons of God. Faith has a divine and 
saving efficacy. Thousands, in all ages of the Church, have 
been redeemed and saved through this heavenly medium. 
" Without it, it is impossible to please God." It is the only 
sure road that leads back from sin and death to God and ho- 
liness. We are regenerated and sanctified by faith — simple, 
energetic, unwavering faith. " Whatsoever things we ask of 
God, believing^ we receive." We live by faith, walk by 
faith, and we are saved by faith. Of what importance is it, 
then, to the true Christian, to " have faith in GrodJ^ 

Through faith in Christ Jesus, some sixteen years ago, 
when quite a youth, Ireceived " the washing of regeneration " 
and the adoption of a son, whereby I could most confidently 
cry, " Abba, Father." " Being justified by faith^ therefore 
we have peace with God through Jesus Christ." How happy 
was that hour when I first behoved ! But I have enjoyed 
much happier hours since. The seeds of the kingdom first 
sown in the heart have sprung up, and are now yielding the 
peaceable fruits of righteousness. Since the period of my 
conversion, I have enjoyed many distinguished mercies and 

130 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 131 

"blessings. '' Great things hath the Lord done for ine, whereof 
I am glad." How often have I felt that " there is therefore 
now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus." — 
But the constant language of my heart has been, 

" O that the perfect grace were given, 
Tlie love diffused abroad ! 
O that my heart were all a heaven^ 
For ever filled with God P^ 

How earnestly and sincerely, and prayerfully have I sought 
to be "perfect — to be made holy — to be sanctified and 
preserved blameless until the coming of Christ." How 
have I " groaned to be set free and be renewed in the image 
of God." But I was young ; there was in me a w^ant of 
light and knowledge ; I was inexperienced in " the deep 
things of God ;" there were none to recommend to me " the 
Way of Holiness." The doctrine of Christian Perfection 
was not preached — it was little understood, and I fear little 
enjoyed. Frequently did I go burthened and faint to the 
house of the Lord, earnestly desiring something from the 
ministers of grace upon this absorbing subject. But no : it 
was forgotten, or neglected ; and recommended and enforced 
as seldom as if it were not an integral part of Methodism. 
But in these times of need, the Bible was my guide, and the 
Spirit my divine instructor. I still endeavored to " press 
toward the mark, for the prize." I considered " Him faith- 
ful, who also will do it " — who has promised to " seal us un- 
to the day of redemption." 

But God would have us, in seeking the blessing of sancti- 
fication, to exercise the faith of reliance. First, He gives 
us to see our full need — next, to " have faith in God;" 
after that, the blessing is bestowed, and then we receive the 
direct witness of the Spirit. But the evidence often is given 



132 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

sometime subsequently to the imparting of divine favor. 
Here again is need for the faith of reliance, till God imparts 
the faith of assurance. 

About three years since, while partaking of the emblems 
of the " broken body and shed blood " of the blessed Re- 
deemer, I felt 

" Faith's increase, and Love's resistless power." 

I saw, by faith, mercy as free as the purling rivulet, full as 
the overflov/ing fountain, and abundant as the waters of the 
ocean. I rejoiced exceedingly at the richness of God's 
grace. A joy filled my soul that was " unspeakable and full 
of glory." For many months after that blessed season, my 
" peace flowed as a river. " I never recur to that sacramen- 
tal occasion in nature's great temple, but with inexpressible 
delight. It was truly the power of God and the grace of 
God that filled my soul ; it was the renewing of the Holy 
Spirit. Had 1 fully believed, the work had been completely 
accomplished at that hour. 

Nevertheless, the witness was delayed. My faith was not 
sufficiently of that comprehensive character which reahzes a 
present Savior. Yet I had great peace in believing. I was 
drawn out much, and particularly in seeking and praying for 
the evidence of sanctifying grace. It was not, however, un- 
til the 26th of January, 1845, that I entered into the rest of 
faith. It was Sabbath evening. I was sitting among a room 
full of kindred at home, reading the December (1844) num- 
ber of the " Guide to Holiness." At the moment when the 
light of heaven shone in upon my soul, I was perusing in- 
tently the experience of J. A. B., where the minister said, 
" Brother, on the night you was so powerfully blest, had you 
believed that you then received the blessing, the w^ork would 
have then been wrought. Now believe that it is done, and 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 133 

it will be done." Just here my soul was devoutly lifted up 
to heaven by faith in prayer, and the language of my heart 
was, — Lord, I can, I may, I will, I do believe. That mo- 
ment the conflict was past and the work accomplished. I 
received the witness of the Spirit by believing the work al- 
ready done. This appeared like behoving against belief, 
apprehending what I had no lucid, no evident ground to ap- 
prehend. Nevertheless, I did believe, and my " faith, ac- 
counted to me for righteousness, made me whole." I took 
right hold of the promises of God, and reviewing what God 
had aforetime performed in me by faith, doubting nothing 
now of his willingness and ability, I felt the sanctifjnng 
leaven spread throughout my soul. The purpose of God 
concerning me was then fulfilled. I then entered into the 
rest of faith. To God be all the glory. 

A peace at that hour pervaded my soul till then unknown. 
It was a peace, a joy that passeth understanding — that 
flows as a river, that abounds as the waves of the sea. It 
was a peace that kindled to joy and gratitude, and afterwards 
swelled to praise and triumph. the fulness of redeeming 
grace ! the depth both of the mercy and the love of God ! 
It is to the soul of the believer sweeter than honey, or the 
delicious droppings of the honeycomb. Come, taste and see 
that the Lord is good. Praise ye the Lord. 

This is a state of grace, the effects of which are not only 
peace^ but quietness and assurance for ever. 0,it is a most 
delightful assurance, a glorious assurance, a continuous as- 
surance ! Though sickness blast, though foes unite, though 
death devour — though the winds blow high or the winds 
blow low — in sunshine and in shade — in the racking storm 
or in the heavenly calm — this assurance^ equivalent to hope 
itself, " is an anchor to the soul, sure and steadfast." It 
lifts us up in the atmosphere of heaven, and continually 
12 



134 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

points the weary traveller home. Eiioch walked with God, 
and he had the assurance that he pleased God. This as- 
surance is a divine treasure. 

This grace imparts a consolation in grief — ^joy in sorrow^ 
" We joy in tribulation also, knowing that tribulation work- 
eth patience, and patience experience, and experience hope, 
and hope maketh not ashamed." how joyful the heart 
when the light of God's countenance beams fully upon us. 
There is a joy in suffering as well as doing the will of God. 
What heights and depths in grace to which we have long 
been strangers. God now pervades and dwells in the soul, 
"made a habitation through the Spirit." The Sun of 
Righteousness, full-orbed, now illuminates our pathway. " 
come and let us magnify his grace together !" 

" But love caste th out all fear that hath torment " — fear 
of the grave, fear of death, of hell, of eternal condemnation. 
" Love is the very bond of perfection. No stronger tie can 
unite us to God or to one another. It is the beginning of the 
law and the end of every commandment." " It envieth not ; 
it vaunteth not itself, is not ' puffed up ;' doth not behave 
itself unseemly ; seeketh not her own ; is not easily provoked ; 
thinketh no evil ; rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in 
the truth." We feel at this time through grace that no love 
of the world, nor of the creature, nor of self, has a fixed seat 
in our heart, but if love at all dwell within (and we know it 
does) it is '' the love of Christ that constrains us." 

" 'Tis love that drives our chariot wheels, 
And death itself must yield to love." 

" God is love." " He that dwelleth in God dwelleth in 
love." *^^He that loveth God will love his brother also." 
Yes, 'tis universal love — love to God and love toman — 
love as liigh as heaven and hroad as the universe. 



i 



THE RICHES OE aRACE. 135 

" In Christ, in paradise, in heaven, 
Our all in all is love." 

I never saw more beauty and divinity than now, in the 
volume of God's inspiration. " I find the Scriptures in- 
creasingly delightful. I read no book with more pleasure. 
It is indeed not a dead letter^ but spirit and life. Divinity 
is stamped upon its pages ; and when carried home to the 
heart, its truths are life and power." Yes, I have had new 
light, new joy and new consolation in reading God's word. 
Were every character of the Bible written in letters of gold, 
and each of all those exceeding great and precious prom- 
ises set around with diamonds, they could not appear to me 
more precious. Above all other volumes that have ever been 
written, the Bible should be least neglected and most re- 
vered and devoutly perused. It is a sacred treasure. In it 
are the words of eternal life. May its truths " dwell in our 
hearts richly in all wisdom." Let us recommend it every 
where, while we live, to the sons of men. From first to last 
it is exceedingly precious, 

" O may these heavenly pages be 
My ever dear delight ; 
And still new beauties may I see, 
And still increasing light ! " 

I have been kindly solicited to pen my experience for " the 
Guide." I have endeavored to do so (in part) with all 
humility in the fear of God. Nothing but the sense of duty, 
the cause of Holiness, and the continuation of God's favor to 
me, by confessing his name openly to the world, could have 
induced me thus unwaveringly to speak of " the deep things 
of God." But again I pray, as I have most devoutly while 
writing, and before I commenced, that this feeble effort to 
advance the interests and kingdom of the blessed Redeemer, 



136 THE RICHES OP GRACE. 

may not be in vain. May these mites cast into " the Lord's 
treasury, " be effectual in turning some soul to the way of 
righteousness — of " presenting some believer perfect in Christ 
Jesus." " The Guide " has been a great blessing to me, 
and the experiences and excellent things therein contained, 
instrumental in a laying hold on the hope set before me, and 
being " renewed in the image of God." may my experi- 
ence be alike effectual and precious to others ! May they by 
grace in Christ Jesus through us experienee '' like precious 
faith.^^ " I called upon the name of the Lord and he heard 
me. I cried unto him and he answered my prayer." 

Now to you who are seeking " the rest of faith," and 
" earnestly groaning to be set free," let me address a word. 
Be willing to receive the blessing of sanctification just in the 
appointed way. Set the standard no higher and no lower 
than the Bible does. Let down your golden pitchers into 
salvation's well — here draw large supplies and drive all your 
wants away. Here are higher joys, wider rivers of pleasure 
and oceans of delight, than we have ever conceived of or 
yet tasted. Let us launch out. " There is enough for each^ 
enough for all^ enough for evermore ^ Glory to God and 
the Lamb for ever for such an ample atonement, for such a 
full redemption, for such an overflowing fountain ! Here is 
a feast to which all are invited as welcome guests ; a blessed 
Bethesda — come to its healing waters : " all things are now 
ready." Leave all your merit behind — come to the cruci- 
fied as your '^ righteousness^ your sanctification, and your 
redemption^ Have faith in God. This is the keystone of 
our salvation. It will remove mountains ; yes, a world can- 
not remove its influence. But self must be entirely cruci- 
fied ; bind it hand and foot and cast it bound hard by the 
cross — 0, there remain till thy whole soul is melted into 
silent awe and perfect love ! Believe it attainable^ and be- 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 137 

lieve it now^ and you have it. seek it aright^ believe it 
already in your heart, and you will find the treasure yours. 
May the blessed Jesus speedily bring you into " the rest of 
faithj" and " cleanse you from unrighteousness." 

12* 



EXPERIENCE XVIII. 



The subject of entire sanctification became one of deep 
interest to me immediately after my conversion. This fact 
being known to some of my religious friends, they placed in 
my hands, I think, the " Plain Account of Christian Perfec- 
tion," by Mr. Wesley. I distinctly remember that about that 
time (1831) I often engaged heartily, as I thought, in prayer 
to God for a clean heart. But my heart was unbelieving. 
At least my faith was too weak in the promises of God to 
claim the blessing. 

Immediately after my admission into the ministry, having 
removed by this act (obeying the call of God) one insupera- 
ble hindrance to my happiness, I enjoyed many happy sea- 
sons, and am persuaded was often on the very threshold of 
perfect love. Could I then have had the society and conver- 
sation of a friend who enjoyed the blessing, it would have 
been of incalculable advantage to me, and I doubt not would 
have resulted in my entire sanctification. 

Like all, or most, other ministers of our Church, I have 
always preached holiness, whatever were my attainments at 
the time ; but the more earnestly and frequently when most 
engaged in its pursuit myself. During the years 1843 and 
1844, the " Guide to Christian Perfection," edited by D. S. 
King, Boston, was sent to me regularly, a number each 

138 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 139 

month. This work is a real treasure, and ought to be read 
by all who are seeking to " go on to perfection." I was 
blessed in reading it then, but much more in perusing the same 
numbers of late. At an early period of the present year, 
som.e two or three members of our society sought, obtained, 
and professed the blessing of a clean heart. Their testimony 
was not doubted. They had previously been among the 
most faithful of my charge, and their account of the matter 
was both rational and Scriptural. Their profession had its 
influence upon the society, and upon their pastor. I attend- 
ed a camp meeting in a neighboring circuit in August, where, 
after preaching from " One thing thou lackest," (which, 
though applied chiefly to the unconverted, was but too true 
of professors generally ^^ I went into the altar, and invited 
jny brethren in the ministry and members of the Church 
present to seek with me holiness of heart. Some two hours, 
or more, I spent in prayer thus, and obtained no inconsidera- 
ble victory. Though much exhausted physically, I was 
greatly strengthened in spirit. Some points in Christian ex- 
perience, as attainable, were then discovered, which have 
never been lost sight of since ; still the blessing of perfect 
love was not attained. Two weeks after this meeting (assist- 
ed by my colleague and the brethren in the vicinity) I held 

one at B . During this interval my mind was very 

much taken up with the study and pursuit of entire sanctifi- 
cation. I greatly desired at this meeting to hear a clear 
and forcible discourse on the subject from one who then en- 
joyed the blessing ; but failing in this, I discoursed freely 
with a few friends privately in reference to the matter. On 
the Sabbath of the camp meeting I preached from Matt, 
xxii. 37, '' Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy 
heart," &c. I felt that this effort was beneficial to myself, 
and I trust was not without some good effect upon others. 



140 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

At a subsequent period in our exercises, at a prayer and ex- 
perience meeting, I arose and declared frankly to all present 
the true state of my mind on the subject, and avowed my 
purpose never to cease to seek the possession and enjoyment 
of a clean heart. 

A few extracts from my diary will show the transition state 
of my experience subsequently to the above declaration, and 
down to the attainment of the perfect love of God. It is 
proper, perhaps, for me to say here, that about this time 
(September) I commenced a careful reading of Dr. Peck's 
work on the subject of Christian perfection, and by the time 
I had concluded it, I was enabled by the grace of God to 
bear my testimony to the attainableness of " a heart from sin 
set free." This work may have its defects, perhaps it has ; 
but certainly it has 7nan7/ excellences^ excellences which vastly 
outweigh its defects, and highly recommend it to the atten- 
tion and careful perusal of all who would understand the 
nature and enjoy the blessing of Scriptural holiness. 

I will now proceed to give the extracts promised: — 

" Sept. 16. The doctrine of Christian perfection is elicit- 
ing much attention and interest at present. My own heart 
pants, I trust I may say thirsts^ for all the fullness of God. 
This day I have frequently seemed to be almost in reach of 
the blessing. My soul has magnified the Lord. I feel, Christ 
shall be ' all in all.' It seems to me I would have it sonow^ 
but my faith is not perfect, it wavers, and the result is, I am 
not yet filled with God. 

" 21 22, and 23. My poor heart is unusually drawn out 
in prayer to God for the blessing of perfect love. This is 
the Lord's doing, but why do not I attain the thing sought ? 
This delay is my fault, I think I often feel happy — I call 
the Almighty my Father — I am growing in grace. All the 
graces of his Spirit are, I think, maturing, being perfected. 



THE RICHES OF GEACE. 141 

Surely I am not far from the promised salvation : yet I have 
not obtained. Of this I am perfectly conscious. There are 
dispositions, or emotions, or propensities, which, although I 
have, I believe, victory over in the main, are nevertheless 
lurking within. I try to analyze my experience. I am cer- 
tainly now in the Lord ; he reigns in me ; but the prosperity, 
composure, and seeming peace of the wicked, I think I feel 
a disposition to envy. Not that I would change situations 
with them — no ! no ! But mj displeasure toward them 
seems to exceed my pity for them. Again, although I wish 
to love God with all my heart, and believe that generally 
now I love him supremely, yet this affection is not sufficiently 
strong, uniform, and constant, to exclude all sinful, and sub- 
due all unlawful and inordinate feelings, always. Again, 
toward my enemies, and the enemies of God and religion, 
though for a while I think I pity" and love, yet presently, if 
the insult is repeated or persevered in, I find a spirit of re- 
tahation rising up, and seeking exercise. 

"As to my prospects for the future, if I am capable of 
ascertaining them when in health, and not in immediate dan- 
ger of death, I have confidence that it will go well with me ; 
but my hope is partly based on the conviction that God will^ 
vjhenever he calls me, perfect the work, cut it short, sanctify 
me wholly, if it has not been previously done. Thus viewed 
in any and every light, still the great truth is before me, viz : 
that I yet need to be saved from all sin. 

" Besides striving now to pray for holiness without ceasing, 
I retire for prayer six or seven times each day, when I am 
enabled to exercise much faith, and have access to God, and 
know that the Lord favors me with his presence and love. I 
try also to make a matter of conscience of the manner of 
spending my time, and no small portion of it is spent in read- 
ing his Holy Word, and other works on the subject of holi- 



142 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

ness. But in all this I know, I feel there is no merit, nor 
virtue, abstractly ; prayer, reading, &c., are only means ; 
•while I thank my Savior for them, I must look only to him 
for life and salvation. 0, may he fill me with all his fulness! 

" 27, 28. One fact I think I have clearly discovered for 
some time past, viz : that I am growing in grace : I am also 
groaning for full redemption ; still I cannot say I have it, 
that is, that I am saved from inward or inbred corruption, or 
' cleansed from all unrighteousness,' or that my heart is pure, 
or that I am ' sanctified wholly.' Whatever term be used to 
express the perfection of the Gospel, or evangelical perfection, 
I am not satisfied that I am in possession of it. Now this 
blessing and the evidence of its possession I sincerely desire 
and am in pursuit of. Never can ' I rest till pure within, 
till I am wholly lost in him.' My faith I find strengthened ; 
have more love for souls, more zeal for the cause of God ; 
I am enabled to pray with more fervor, and my hope of 
heaven is much brighter. Manifestly the Lord is at work 
for me, and in me, I am, it is true, taught to fear from what 
I find in myself, lest under strong temptation I should be car- 
ried away by the torrent. My hope is all centred in Christ, 
and I must every hour cleave to him^ or I fail. His good 
Spirit must assist me, or my habits of evil will prevail against 
me. that my divine Master may now cleanse me, and 
keep me clean ! 

" October 2 and 3. I find now my peace almost uninter- 
rupted ; by the grace of God I have of late gained real and 
great victories over myself, the world, and the devil. My 
heavenly Father this week has been more precious than ever. 
In my closet, the pulpit, the study, while travelHng, and in 
conversation, I have in all these places and engagements 
been conscious of his indwelling presence and poiver. 
Through Christ I think I feel all is well, yet I cannot say he 



i 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 143 

has sanctified me wholly ; I tliinlc not. This is the point at 
which I am aiming ; as yet I have not that evidence of its 
accomplishment which I think the Lord Avill give me when 
done ; I am inclined to believe, too, that at times now I find 
evidence in myself that it is not done. that the Lord may 
guide me right in this matter ! I have infinite cause to 
praise him for what he has already done for me ; and as re- 
gards what remains to be done, my soul breaks out in ecstatic 
hope, and says, 

" His love I soon expect to find 
In all its depth and height, 
To comprehend the Eternal Mind, 
And grasp the Infinite." 

'' May the Lord now witness with my heart that the work 
is done. Amen, even noiv^ my Redeemer !" 

" 9. I have had to struggle more for the last three days 
to keep up the same amount of religious fervor and feeling ; 
but by the grace of my Redeemer, for the most part of the 
time I have been successful ; I cannot, I must not question 
the reality of my salvation. Too frequently I find myself 
hesitating to express all I now enjoy — all I now experience 
— for fear of h^mghereafter overcome by some of mj former 
besetments. This evening, at general class, lest some one 
had hesitated to express all their enjoyments, and had kept 
back a profession of their full attainments in the religion of 
Christ, from the very guarded manner in which I spoke of 
my own at the opening of the class, near its close I arose, 
and by the grace of my Master, testified thus : ' I now de* 
clare to you, my dear friends, mj firm conviction that Inoiv 
love Grod with all my heart.'* My heart I felt and expressed 
was small, yet small as it was, and depraved and wicked as 
it had been, God, through the adorable Savior, enabled me 



144 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

then to love him with all my powers. To God, the Father, 
Son, and Holy Ghost, be unceasing praises now and ever. 
Amen. On his altar I now anew lay all I have, and all I 
am — a poor little all indeed, yet it is all. may he accept ! 
He does ; may he preserve and save for ever ! He will^ he 
will. Glory, glory, ALL glory to God. Amen. 

" 10. I see no cause this evening to change any thing in 
the above. I am still persuaded that my heavenly Father 
now saves me from sin, all sin, I am also fully persuaded 
he will do so while I trust him implicitly. 

" 15 and 16. Through much mercy I am enabled to keep 
my mind and heart fixed on God. He keeps me in perfect 
peace. This is an effect or result to which I have heretofore 
been a stranger. It is true, it is not maintained without 
effort. I am enabled to pray more than ever, and I rarely, 
if ever, arise and leave without the answer to my prayer. 
Through the Lord Jesus I have fellowship with the Father, 
and with the Son ; and the blood of Jesus Christ, I believe, 
cleanseth me from all sin. That my piety is still defective 
in the sight of God I have no doubt, but by his grace I am 
trying to do what to me seems best, relying upon the teach- 
ings of his word and Spirit, and then the unavoidable defects 
are continually pardoned, through Jesus Christ my sacrifice 
and my Redeemer. 

" Christ has my heart; in his hands I commit and leave all 
for ever. My purpose is, that not in one single pointy duty, 
privilege, or experience, will I retrograde ; no, not one mo- 
ment. I pray from five to eight times every day, read two 
or three chapters of Holy Scripture, and other good books 
considerably. Glory to God, he sanctifies his truth to my 
salvation. how precious to my soul ! Surely my heavenly 
Father will not suffer me to be deceived. If he has not 



1 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 145 

sanctified me wholly, I am certain the work is progressing, so 
that all shall be finally well. 

" 17, 18, 19. These three days I have spent at quarterl}^ 
meeting, two of them at our own, and the other in the ad- 
joining circuit. On the 17th I preached from Psalm i. 1, 2, 
3. Never before did I feel its appropriateness to my own 
experience as much as on this glad day. Truly God's law 
is my delight^ and in it do I read and meditate day and night. 
By the grace and mercy of my Redeemer, I am as a tree 
^planted by the riv^ers of water. how pure and refreshing 
their stream, their banks overflow, occasionally at least, and 
every grace is watered and replenished by the proprietor 
of the vineyard, the Lord our righteousness ! On the 18tli 
(Sunday) in the love-feast I was enabled to acknowledge and 
praise my adorable Redeemer, not only for justifying grace, 
but for sanctifying love also ; and at this time, and through- 
out this day, more than all my life before, I am enabled to 
realize that ' Christ is all and in all.' I can but ask myself 
continually, wliy have I spent so much of my time in com- 
paratively a wilderness state ? Why have I not gone up and 
possessed the land before ? Thank God that at length he 
hath brought me in to enjoy the promised rest. I have had 
an interview with a dear friend and brother in the ministry 
to-day, and have conversed freely on the subject of my ex- 
perience. To him I related and read much that I have 
marked and written in reference to the w^orklng of my mind, 
both before and since I have received the blessing of a clean 
heart. This intelligence he received with much joy, and I 
felt that the relation of it w^as profitable to myself. One 
great reason, he thinks, why so few in the ministry and mem- 
bership in the Church seek and obtain it is, the want of a 
deep conviction in themselves of its need. This opinion is 

doubtless true ; but this conviction can be wrought, and ivill 
13 



146 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

he ivrought^ if proper attention to reading and study on the 
subject be given bj those who are living in the favor of 
God." 

From the above extracts may be learned the state of 
my experience for the last two months, or more, and the 
steps by which I was led from a deep anxiety on the ac- 
count of remaining corruption, and an ardent desire to be 
free from all sin, to the possession and enjoyment of perfect 
love. ' 

For the most part of the time since I have professed this 
great salvation, I have had no difficulty in " exercising the 
presence of God," that is, in realizing the fact that God is 
with me, and in me. Under a full conviction of this I re- 
pair to his house, to the closet, to his word, and to Christian 
conference, and in all my faith apprehends his presence, and 
through Christ claims and enjoys the bread and water of life. 
Under it also I experience that " the water he gives me is in 
me a well of water springing up unto eternal life." 

To say that I have no temptations, no trials from without, 
would be incorrect. Such a state I am persuaded is not 
consistent with human probation. The grand adversary has 
not been idle since the good work has been going on, nor is 
he now ; but, thank God, by his grace I stand, with Satan 
beneath my feet. My language in relation to his assaults is, 
" Now thanks be unto God which always causeth us to tri- 
umph in Christ." The vjorld^ too, is busy. With its spirit, 
maxims, fashions, and various allurements, marshalled under 
the prince of darkness, attempts are made, through the pas- 
sions, affections, desires, imaginations and appetites of my 
heart, to introduce secret and wily foes in order to its re- 
capture, but without success. '- God is the strength of my 
heart and my portion for ever." My song is. 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 147 

"My passions hold a pleasing reign 
When love inspires my breast ; 
Love, the divinest of the train, 
The sovereign of the rest." 

A thousand times, perhaps, or more, both in my closet and 
in my ahnost constant aspirations, have I said to my heavenly 
Father, 

" Nothing on earth do I desire 

But thy pure love within my breast ; 
This, 07}ly this, do I require, 
And freely give up all the rest." 

Praise God, my soul, for his unspeakable gift. In the 
strongest temptation that I have had, an appeal to my Sa- 
vior for the sincerity and truthfulness of my entire consecra- 
tion to him, leaves the matter beyond a doubt that he entirely 
accepts. " Hallelujah, the Lord God Omnipotent reigneth," 
and by the communications of his mercy and grace enables 
me now to say, 

" My hope is full (O glorious hope) 
Of immortality." 

This sketch must be brought to a close. Pleasmg as is 
the theme to me, it may not (if extended too far) be so to 
your readers. Though " it is good to be here," and on this 
mount I may wish to " make tabernacles '^ and dwell, yet I 
must not detain you, nor the i*eaders of your paper, till all 
this is accomplisned, lest I fail of the grand object intended 
by writing, viz : to impress the importance, and give instruc- 
tion and encouragement to those who may be without the 
blessing of a full and present salvation. 

In conclusion — holiness of heart, or entire sanctification, 
is attained like pardon and regeneration, by simple faith in 



148 THE RICHES OF GRACE, 

Christ. The conviction of its necessity being deeply im- 
pressed by the Spirit of God, an Jiumhle trust in the merits 
of Christ, and a hearty belief of the promises of God will 
not fail to secure the thing sought without delay. 

In most persons, perhaps in all, it will be gradual. But 
even this does not imply that any considerable time must 
necessarily elapse ; I believe it is not necessary. Every mo- 
ment God is much more willing to save us from all sin, than 
we are to be saved. 

One distinct^ strong impression I wish now to make : it is 
this — • that " loving God with all the heart, with all the soul, 
and w^ith all the mind," is the attainment of the blessing of 
entire sanctification. When this Y^omi is known to be gained^ 
by the grace of God let it be professed. 

jSTone ought to conclude that the possession of this higher 
degree of love is to be attended by a cessation of effort to 
" go on to perfection." So far from this being the fact, their 
efforts to get and do good will be increased^ and their at- 
tainments much more rapid. The works of God, his provi- 
dences, and particularly his Avord, will be developing to the 
contemplative mind of the sanctified Christian facts of in- 
creasing interest every hour. 

When it is attained, not only profess it, but " walk by the 
same rule, mind the same things," use as much exertion to 
enjoy, honor, and recommend it, as to gain it. 

A few of the advantages of possessing this blessing now^ 
are: 1. It secures the observance of the second grQ^ii com- 
mand, loving all men as ourselves, which effectually prevents, 
or destroys all jealousy, envy, anger, malice, ill-will, sus- 
picion, &c., &c. 

2. It gives efficiency to all our efforts to do good, and char- 
acterizes all our labors in religious matters, "as done heartily 
unto the Lord." 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 149 

3. It makes our faithfulness in duty and perseverance in 
the cause of God much more probable. 

4. It alone gives us fully to realize the promise that " the 
peace is as a river y'^ (fee, that is, always abiding 2Lni increas- 
ing as it rolls on. 

5. " It casteth out fear," all fear that is attended with the 
least apprehension or unpleasantness, and of course all fear 
of death always. 

6. I sum up many things in saying, in the language of 
inspiration, " It is the fulfilling of the law^'* and therefore 
makes us always pleasing to God, and " meet for the inheri- 
tance of the saints in light." 

13* 



EXPEEIENCE XIX. 



In compliance with the wishes of some dear friends, and I 
do not know but the requisition of Him who hath said, " Ye 
are my witnesses," I will endeavor, briefly, to give in niy t-es- 
timony. 

One Monday morning, a little more than twenty-one years 
since, when but a feeble child, seeing a minister apparently 
very happy, I desired the same enjoyment ; and was instant- 
ly prompted to secure it, by seeking to become a child of 
God. And on the Wednesday following, after an earnest 
struggle for pardon, I heard Jesus whisper, 

" Thy sins are forgiven ; 
Accepted thou art ! 
I listened — and heaven 
Sprang up in my heart !" 

My transported soul, perfectly unconscious of earthly ob- 
jects, was permitted, as if disembodied, to mingle with the 
heavenly choir in praise and adoration. The witness im- 
parted that moment has never since been questioned. For 
weeks my joys were uninterrupted — not even a temptation 
was permitted to cloud my sky. About two years after, I 
was presented with Wesley's Views of Christian Perfection. 

150 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 151 

My mind was peculiarly happy at the time, but I began to 
pray earnestly for all that it was my privilege to enjoy, and 
became very anxious. For the jBirst time, I now heard the 
voice with power, — " I am the Almighty ; walk before me 
and be thou perfect." But 0, the subtlety of my enemy ! 
The very means used in bringing me to the door, was now 
made to bar it against me. I sought it for instruction, but 
astonished, I read, " We are not now speaking of babes in 
Christ." Again and again it was resorted to, but for years 
the adversary would scarce permit me to pass — " It is only 
of grown up Christians it can be affirmed," &c. My desires 
were intense — - my temptations powerful. But how often, 
in flying to Jesus for refuge, have I felt all the sweetness 
and security of a babe in its mother's arms. I was a habe^ 
and felt as a babe. My soul was also frequently encouraged 
by the consideration — it is the " Almighty " who commands. 
Then, endeavoring to take hold of Omnipotence, I would be 
enabled for a season to rejoice in hope. 

It was not until 1824 the veil was lifted, that I might 
glance at the corruptions of my nature. Then I was almost 
overwhelmed at the sight ; and while abhorring myself, was 
perfectly astonished that even the infinite love of Jesus could 
look on one so impure. My views of sin, its awful demerit, 
and anguish felt in consequence, was now much, much more 
clear and keen than before justification. It now seemed as 
if the enemy must be forced to surrender by continued re- 
sistance, and the conflict was sore. In the early part of 
1825, I obtained The Christian's Manual, and through this 
means was led to expect deliverance through faith in the 
atonement. While in this state of extreme anxiety, I dream- 
ed one night of being alone in a large, beautiful field of snow, 
on a lovely moon-light evening. Nature looked so pure and 
heavenly, that I thought surely God is here — I will kneel 



152 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

and ask him to purify my heart just now. I did so, and was 
immediately filled with light and inexpressible glory, and ex- 
claimed, this is not holiness but heaven, I awoke filled with 
holy rapture, and said, if I had only been awake, I should 
have no doubt but that God had purified my heart. I im- 
mediately arose and fell on my knees to ask the blessing, but 
prayer was lost in praise ; yet I could not confidently claim 
the witness of holiness. Those distressing views of depravi- 
ty seemed now to be withdrawn, and the enemy often sug- 
gested that I was losing my convictions for holiness ; but my 
soul was all athirst for the fall impress ; my views of faith 
became more clear, and I often attempted to believe now. 
Thus I went forward for about three months, generally re- 
joicing, and sometimes believing that the blood of Jesus now 
cleanseth. One Saturday evening I resolved not to rise from 
my knees the whole night, or even the next day, without the 
witness of holiness. I plead earnestly. Several times the 
promise was presented, — " The blood of Jesus cleanseth.'' 
Tremblingly faith would take hold and say, I do believe ; but 
impatient for further manifestations, I would again resume 
pleading. About one o'clock in the morning, I opened the 
precious Bible on " Ye have need of patience, that after ye 
have done the will of God, ye might receive the promises. 
For yet a little while and he that shall come will come, and 
will not tarry. Now the just shall live by faith." I felt the 
reproof, also the encouragement ; and calmly said. Lord, I 
will believe ; I am wholly thine ; help me to abide in thee. 
I then retired, resolving to live by faith. At the dawn of 
day I awoke, desiring the Lord (almost as a condition of 
perseverance) to confirm my faith, by directing my eye to 
some special passage, and for that purpose reached to take a 
Bible. The suggestion came, " It will open on some pas- 
sage you have marked," Indulging the impression, I with- 



THE#RICHES OF GRACE. 153 

drew my hand, and took another which I had not used ; when 
the Holy Spirit, in infinite condescension, directed my eye 
to, " Now the just shall live by faith : but if any man draw 
back, my soul shall have no pleasure in him." A thrilling 
sensation came over me ; I felt, to draw back would be death, 
and cried, Lord, keep me. Throughout the day, a most pro- 
found solemnity rested on my mind. Holiness seemed writ- 
ten on every object. On Monday the enemy said, " It is 
possible that you may yet be deceived ; you have not received 
this blessing as you expected." But my heavenly Father 
soon assured me, if an earthly parent would not give a stone 
for bread, or a scorpion for fish, neither would he. My soul 
was now sweetly and continually sustained by the precious 
promises. It was only to ask and receive. On Tuesday 
morning, a very powerful temptation being presented, I 
hastened to the closet, and pleading my youth and inexperi- 
ence, felt encouraged to ask another and a still more powerful 
assurance of purity. The answer was instantly given by a 
most powerful application of '' Now ye are clean through the 
word which I have spoken unto you." It was enough, and 
my enraptured soul could only adore such infinite condescen- 
sion. For nearly a week, I was permitted, in a manner un- 
known before, to walk and talk with God, continually receiv- 
ing repeated and powerful assurances of purity. 

On Friday afternoon I went to my class, almost impatient 
to declare the loving kindness of God, but at the commence- 
ment our leader prayed, " Lord, sanctify us wholly ; let it 
not be a think so, a hope so, or a believe so." It was enough 
for my insatiable adversary ; it came as an arrow to my heart ! 
" You have only believed so ; you have no evidence only as 
connected with believing." It was a fatal dart ! My only 
hope seemed now, as by violence, wrested from me. Uncon- 
scious of all about me, I seemed intent on having the question 



154 THERICHES OF GRAOE. 

decided ; '' Is It a reality or a believe so." When aroused by 
the leader's inquiry as to the state of my mind, I merely 
said, " I have received some very remarkable answers to 
prayer through the past week," and without listening to his 
reply, w^as immediately absorbed in reasoning with the enemy. 
The struggle was severe for about two hours, and when rising 
to leave the class room, the fatal decision came ; I will give 
up this intense interest on the subject ; others seem to enjoy 
the favor of God without the witness of holiness ; I will try 
to do so too ; and little thinking of the impossibility, I thought, 
I will live without sinning against God, but will never again 
yield to such anxiety, or say any thing more respecting the 
witness of the Spirit. Until that moment, there seemed a 
plausibility in the reasoning of the arch deceiver. But now 
language is utterly incompetent to convey an idea of my 
feelings. I seemed as if instantly hurled into a bottomless 
abyss of blackness, darkness and despair, with nothing be- 
fore me but the awful doom of the fearful and unbelieving. 
I did not now think I had been deceived ; but, from what had 
I fallen ? While rn^j senses were almost astounded with, " If 
any man draw back, my soul shall have no pleasure in him." 
For weeks my sense of ingratitude was so great that I did 
not dare to hope for pardon, but vfas afterwards enabled to 
plead the infinite mercy and forbearance of God toward sin- 
ners. But for years the temptation prevailed, that I could 
never expect to live in the enjoyment o? full salvation ; that 
state I had forfeited, and so subtle was that temptation, that it 
was not even suspected as such, until 1833, when speaking 
of the impression, I w^as fally assured it came from the enemy. 
I now began to struggle for deliverance, and after a few 
weeks it came, almost as suddenly, and sensibly, as at my 
conversion. The Holy Spirit now imparted a more comforta- 
ble evidence of my acceptancCj but not that joyous witness 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 156 

formerly possessed. During this long period of comparative 
desertion, I do not know that I once violated a vow made 
soon after my conversion, never (m consequence of feeling) 
to forsake the closet, or refuse to speak, or pray, when called 
upon by a brother or sister. Yet my spiritual energies seem- 
ed in a degree paralyzed, and failing to receive those spiritual 
supphes so necessary, my enjoyments became too intimately 
connected with the domestic interest of my friends. And 
now I began most painfully to feel, '' The Lord your God is 
a jealous God." The contest was long and severe. The 
way was marked out in which I supposed the Lord required 
me to walk. But death (of the body) seemed preferable to 
these terms. While in this state of mind, one Sabbath even- 
ing, in August, 1834, our beloved brother (now bishop) 
Waugh read for his text, " I call heaven and earth to record 
against you this day, that I have set before you life and death, 
blessing and cursing : therefore choose life, that both thou 
and thy seed may live." It was the voice of God. The 
crisis had come — the moment had arrived, when life must 
be chosen on the terms proposed, or the negative was death! 
That moment divine aid was imparted, and I was enabled to 
say, " Lord, I will be wholly thine ; only give thy smile ; 
the scorn of worlds shall not be heeded ; the faintest inti- 
mations of thy Spirit shall be obeyed." Instantly the tem- 
pest was hushed, and there was a great calm. And with 
what astonishment did I look back upon that heart which had 
dared to question the claims of Jehovah. Since that hour 
his commandments have not been grievous ; but with much 
delight I have been enabled to sing — 

" Lo ! I come, with joy to do 
The Master's blessed will ; 
Him in outward works pursue, 
And serve his pleasure still." 



156 THE RICHES OF aRACE. 

But it was not long before the enemy began to question my 
motives in almost every religious duty ; but I was generally 
enabled to appeal to the Searcher of hearts as to their sin- 
cerity. I was now a mystery to myself, enjoying sweet 
communion with God, and constant victory over the world, 
and when pleading for holiness, would generally lose myself 
in praise. 

In the former part of May, 1835, an impression was felt 
so much like unhallowed emotion, that it caused extreme pain. 
I then resolved if it was possible to have the positive 2iSS\xV' 
2iMGQ oiinward purity ^ I would have it. I immediately went 
to my room, and in the most solemn manner entered into 
covenant with God, to withdraw my mind from every object 
that might divert it from this point, and to leave no means 
unused to which he might direct ; most earnestly imploring 
divine guidance. I now withdrew as much as possible from 
society, and with much fasting and reading the Scriptures, 
with continual prayer, waited before the Lord. Temptations 
over which the Lord had enabled me to triumph for months, 
were now presented with renewed force ; each motive, pur- 
pose and practice, was required to undergo a renewed in- 
vestigation, and the result was too clear for even Satan to 
question. My only desire was to walk in the narrowest part 
of the narrow way. I now waited, expecting an immediate 
baptism of the Holy Ghost. I had not once thought of 
claiming the blessing without it ; but it did not come. It 
seemed as if my heart would break with desire to be filled 
with God. One day while thus breathing out my desires, 
too great for utterance, it was suggested, '' emptied, then 
filled :^^ this turned my attention, and instead oi fill^ I now 
cried, empty, thoroughly purify my heart. That moment, as 
if directed by God, I opened the life of H. A. Rogers, and 
read, " Eeckon thyself dead unto sin, and thou art alive unto 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 157 

God from this hour begin, begin to reckon now : fear not, 
believe, beUeve, believe ; and continue to believe, so shalt 
thou continue free." I fell on my knees and cried. Lord, I 
will beUeve, I now believe. " Help (now) my unbelief." 
I now believe the blood of Jesus cleanseth from all sin. 
Thou hast purchased pardon and holiness for me, even me. 
I will from this moment reckon myself " dead indeed unto 
sin." Perfectly composed, I looked at the time, and continu- 
ed to say, " Yes, Lord, from this hour, half past two, P. M., 
the twenty-first of May, I dare reckon myself dead indeed 
unto sin." I waited speechless and motionless, expecting an 
instantaneous baptism, but felt no emotion except a sacred 
stillness. The word of life was lying before me, I cast my 
eye on it and read, " I am the way, the truth, and the life : 
no man cometh unto the Father but by me. If ye had known 
me ye should have known the Father also, and from hence- 
forth ye know him, and have seen him." A new and inex- 
pressible consciousness of having come to the Father through 
the Son was now given : and I cried, fill me with the Holy 
Ghost ; but all was calm and stillness ; I had none of the ex- 
pected emotion. I arose from my knees fully determined to 
rest in God, when the enemy immediately suggested, " You 
have no more evidence now than before ; you might have be- 
lieved long since ; who ever heard of believing and continuing 
to believe without evidence ?" Immediately the Spirit replied, 
" Blessed are they that have not seen, yet believe." For 
nearly a week I do not think there' was a joyous emotion, but 
an unnecessary effort to believe. Presumption, enthusiasm, 
antinomianism, were the constant cry of the enemy. But 
the sword of the Spirit prevailed, though the contest -was 
very, very severe. To draw back I knew was death to the 
soul, and I resolved to endure the conflict while mortal life 

should last, if no other evidence was given. Just after form- 
14 



158 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

ing this resolutioiij the promise came with more power than 
ever, " Blessed is she that believeth, for there shall be a 
performance of (all) those things which were told her from 
the Lord." Thus nerved afresh, I was enabled to obey the 
oft repeated exhortation, 

" Tarry till thy Lord appears, 

Never, never, quit thy hold ! 
Murmur not at his delay, 

Dare not set thy God a time : 
Calmly for his coming stay ; 

Leave it, leave it, all to him." 

The whole of that hymn was made a blessed means of sus- 
taining my soul under this severe trial of faith. The next 
Wednesday afternoon, in a prayer meeting, I was sorely tried 
by having no liberty in prayer. This, for the enemy, was a 
powerful argument. " Where the Spirit of the Lord is, 
there is liberty ;" but I could only reply, 

" Be it I myself deceive, 
Yet I must^ I will believe." 

On my return from this meeting, business required me to 
call on a beloved minister. Speaking of holiness, he said, 
" Sister, you know something of this by experience, do you 
not ?" I was startled, and replied, " I am not prepared to 
answer that question:" but after a moment's hesitation said, 
" I have made a bold venture ; I have dared (though perhaps 
presumptuously) to believe, and reckon myself dead indeed 
unto sin." Our dear father gave me much encouragement ; 
said, '' Never fear presumption in J^Kmri^ God ; presumption 
lies in daring to doubt." All fears now vanished, and on 
leaving the door, I began to glory in being wholly the Lord's, 
and immediately my soul was filled — 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 159 

" unutterably full 



Of glory and of God." 

For a week, the mortal powers could scarcely sustain the 
weight of love. I had such a deep consciousness of purity 
as is utterly inexpressible : nor do I think there has been an 
hour since, but I have been enabled to rest in the atonement, 
and much of the time, with the most indubitable assurance 
that the blood of Christ notv cleanseth. And with what 
holy rapture, with what triumph, have I since been permitted 
to dwell in God : 

"'Tis more than angel tongues can tell, 
Or angel minds conceive." 

Though, as before stated, the witness of the Spirit has not 
been withdrawn for an hour, yet there have been instances 
when sudden temptation has assumed so much the appearance 
of sinful emotion, as to cause severe sensations ; but I have 
been invariably enabled almost instantly to appropriate that 
blood which now cleanseth from all sin, known and unknown. 
These acts of faith have generally been immediately succeed- 
ed by a most joyous assurance of acceptance; and but a 
very short season has, at any time, intervened before the 
Comforter has come. There are also on record, seasons when 
almost positively convinced of having yielded to temptation, 
I could 

" Weep my life away, for having grieved his love." 

But ! infinite condescension ! Glorious plan ! My Ad- 
vocate has prevailed ; the fountain has been opened, and 
I have been permitted immediately to wash and be made 
clean. 



160 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

My consciousness of the necessity of the momentary in- 
tercession of our Lord Jesus Christ, is much more clear than 
ever ; and never was the petition, " Forgive us our trespasses," 
presented with more fervor, than it has been since I have 
been kept from vohmtary transgression. There has also 
been seasons when, for days in succession, the arch enemy 
has seemed to rally all his forces to wrest my shield : espe- 
cially on one occasion recently, the powers of darkness were 
permitted so to prevail, that I seemed almost constrained to 
cry out, " Hast tliou forsaken me ?" But deliverance came, 
Omnipotence prevailed, and his feeble one was enabled to re- 
joice in him, " Who always causeth us to triumph." 

Since I have been enabled to abide in Christ, I believe the 
language of my heart has been, 

" No cross, no suffering I decline, 
Only let my whole heart be thine." 

The honor of being an agent for God, seems very, very 
great, and yet I fear I often lose opportunities of acting for 
want of wisdom. Perhaps there is no grace of which I feel 
so much the need. I feel that I am nothing^ I have nothing^ 
I know nothing ; and am therefore constrained to cry con- 
tinually, " Teach me thy way ; lead me in a plain path." 
And 0, how precious do I find the promise, " I will instruct 
thee, and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go ; I will guide 
thee by mine eye." The word of God is increasingly pre- 
cious. It is principally through this medium I am permitted 
to hold converse with Deity. And while his infinite love and 
faithfulness are unfolded to my enraptured vision, I hear him 
say more, and still more, audibly, " Ye are my witnesses " of 
these things. And 0, with what holy ambition does he often 
inspire this feeble one to test by actual experiment, the ex- 
tent, the glory, of all those " exceeding great and precious 



THE RICHES OP GRACE. 161 

promises " given to redeemed ones. Even to be continually 
"filled with all the fullness of God." 'Tis only for this I 
would live^ to be the happy recipient, and joyful diffuser, of 
all my heavenly Father is willing to communicate. 

14* 



EXPERIENCE XX. 



I HAVE been for more than twenty years a professed fol- 
lower of Christ. It pleased the Lord, after many and strong 
temptations to despair of his mercy, to give me a clear view 
of the way of salvation by a crucified Savior, which view 
brought such a peace to my soul, that I thought I never more 
should doubt. Although I have never since indulged in those 
distressing apprehensions of my spiritual state, with which 
many apparently devoted Christians seem to be troubled, yet, 
I have had much occasion to mourn over a backsliding heart, 
and my course has been like most professed Christians, that 
of sinning and repenting ; and when I have heard Christians 
despair of getting beyond this state in this life, I never could 
feel fully satisfied that it must be so. At one time my at- 
tention was much aroused, by hearing a clergyman relate the 
exercises of his mind. I thought if this is the privilege of 
one, it must be of all. I could not rest until I sought and 
enjoyed a greater degree of the presence of God. Since 
that time my mind has been more favorably impressed with 
the doctrine of sanctification. At one season, after a deep 
sense of the unreconciliation of my heart under some peculiar 
trials, I was enabled, by earnest prayer, to feel such an entire 
renunciation of my own will^ that I could rejoice in every 

162 






THE RICHES OF GRACE. 163 

dispensation of Providence toward me, whether prosperous or 
adverse, and wished only to live to do the will of God. I 
felt that nothing short of entire conformity to the will of God 
could satisfy me, and I could not but believe God was able 
and willing to satisfy these desires. But for want of proper 
instruction, and a fear of expressing all I felt, lest I should 
be thought self-confident^ I did not emerge fully into the 
blessed liberty of the gospel. By unbelief, and the fear of 
man, I lost, in a degree, that sweet communion with heaven, 
which, for a long time, I enjoyed, and often mourned over a 
stupid and unreconciled heart. Though I enjoyed a com- 
fortable hope, and many precious seasons, yet there was an 
inconstancy in my faith, which I was sensible was not in ac- 
cordance with the Bible. I felt deeply the need of a more 
elevated faith and piety in myself, and in the church 
generally. 

A little more than a year since, while brought low by a 
lingering illness, I was brought to a deep sense of my ingrati- 
tude and unbelief, in not living up to the light I had received. 
I felt it would be just in God now to leave me in darkness 
until death, and I could ask for nothing but submission to his 
holy will. A view of the Savior, however, calmed my fears, 
and enabled me to look with composure at death, because it 
would release me from a possibility of again dishonoring him. 
The prospect of a partial restoration to health brightened, 
but the thought of living at the same half-hearted rate as 
formerly, was truly painful. I found I was not wholly dead to 
the world. About this time, I was favored with an interview 
with one who enjoyed perfect love. By conversing with her, 
I was led to look at the subject in a somewhat different light 
from before, viz : as possessed, and enjoyed by simple faith in 
Christ, and not by our own efforts. Some numbers of the 
Guide fell into my hands, also the Memoirs of J. B. Taylor, 



164 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

which served to increase my interest, although there were 
still difficulties in my mind respecting receiving sanctification 
at once, as I had been accustomed to consider it a progres- 
sive work. But when I opened the Bible with a sincere 
desire to know the will of God concerning his children on 
earth, and with a determination to receive and acknowledge 
what I should there find to be truth, however it might 
conflict with my own preconceived opinions, or with the opin- 
ions of others, my difficulties soon vanished, and I could no 
longer doubt but this was his will, even our sanctification, 
and that it was the duty and privilege of every Christian to 
attain it. Though unbelief would often suggest my former 
failures, notwithstanding all my prayers and efforts, and 
also of those far more devoted, who exclaimed bitterly 
against themselves, still I felt there was safety in trusting 
in the immutable word of God ; surely he was faithful who 
had promised. I trust I was enabled deliberately, not only 
in view of sickness and death, but of life and health, to make 
an unreserved consecration of my all to Christ, and to feel 
that in whatever situation I might be, holiness to the Lord 
must henceforth be my motto. I could now yield myself a 
willing subject to the sanctifying grace of God, believing he 
would work in me according to the good pleasure of his will. 
Soon a heavenly calm possessed my mind, a sense of the di- 
vine glory surrounded me, and my whole soul seemed in 
sweet harmony with the holiness of God. There were no 
rapturous emotions, but I felt 

" The sacred awe that dares not move, 
And all the silent heaven of love." 

How easy now seemed the divine requirement, to love Him 
with all the heart, and my neighbor as myself. I felt a pecu- 
liar tenderness of conscience, and feared nothing but to offend 



I 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 185 

my Savior. Being still feeble in body, I could not endure 
strong mental exercises ; and as the change in my feelings 
was not sudden, nor characterized by strong emotions, I was 
soon tempted to doubt, whether it was really what I had 
been seeking for. I prayed earnestly for a fullness of joy 
and an undoubted evidence, but the more I sought for this, 
the less my evidence appeared, until I was willing to leave 
all with God, to give either a crumb or a full meal. My 
peace then returned, and blessed be God, it has continued 
like a river, to flow broader and deeper to the present time. 
Never before did I feel so much my entire dependence on 
all-sufficient grace, and such a confidence that it would be 
given in every time of need. Like a little child, I have 
looked into the Bible for instruction, and 0, what an inex- 
pressible glory has beamed therefrom ! A new blessedness 
has appeared while receiving Christ as a Savior from all sin, 
— a present Savior, a full Savior. How glorious the consid- 
eration to one who has all her life, in some degree, been sub- 
ject to bondage ! Truly I can now say, the Holy Spirit has 
led me into the truth, and the truth has made me free. I no 
longer feel like a wanderer, but like a child at home. My 
weary soul now rests in Christ, and finds " his yoke easy, and 
his burden light." With entire confidence can I now com- 
mit all my interests, temporal and spiritual, into his hands, 
and feel that they are safe. My greatest desire is to know, 
and to do, the will of my heavenly Father, and to possess all 
the mind of Christ. I feel deeply interested in the progress • 
of hoHness. With all my heart can I bid Godspeed to 
those who are engaged in promoting this blessed cause, for 
which the Savior left the realms of glory, suffered and died. 
I rejoice that the subject is exciting so much interest in 
the different denominations of Christians. May the time 
speedily come when all darkness and prejudice shall flee away, 



166 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

and the Christian church become truly what its great Head 
designed — ^"the light of the world." May His kingdom 
fully come, and His will be done on earth, even as it is done 
in Heaven. 



EXPERIENCE XXL 



Ten days after I first began to examine the doctrine of 
holiness, in the evening, as I retired alone to my room, I felt 
a desire to continue in calling upon the Lord until I obtained 
a cleansing. I felt a greater degree of encouragement than 
usual. The promise, '^ He that cometh will come and will 
not tarry," was presented to my mind several times with un- 
usual force. I felt to say, '^ Lord, I cannot let thee go ex- 
cept thou bless me." 

I endeavored, with all the earnestness I was able to exert, 
believingly to lay hold on the promises, especially those con- 
tained in that part of the new covenant where it is said, 
" Then will I sprinkle clean water upon you, and ye shall be 
clean ; from all your filthiness and from all your idols will I 
cleanse you:" at the same time praying that I might ap- 
proach the Mediator in faith for an answer to his own prayer, 
which he offered in behalf of his people ; and also striving to 
yield myself up to his sweet control, believing that every 
necessity of my nature, every demand of my being, was met 
in Him. Suddenly, before I had labored long in this man- 
ner, the thought came to my mind, Why not yield now ; and 

167 



168 THE RICHES OE GRACE. 

instantly I felt such a sinking into the arms of the Savior, 
such a falling down before God, as I never before experienced. 
I felt myself deserving of hell, yet my heart was filled with 
that " perfect love " which '' casteth out all fear." I thought 
I should feel no fear if admitted into the immediate presence 
of my Judge. The thought of being one day thus admitted, 
was glorious beyond expression. The presence of the triune 
God seemed a reality, and my heart was deeply affected with 
an adoring awe and reverence. And yet I have no language 
to describe the love which seemed increasingly to fill my 
heart. I can only say it was filled to overflowing. There 
was a rapture in the name Jesus ! 

After some time I thought of the change wrought in me, 
and whether I believed that every demand of my being was 
met in God. I thought of some things which had heretofore 
occasioned me anxiety. But immediately there was a prom- 
ise of Scripture applied which seemed exactly suited to my 
case, and I felt not the least anxiety. I could cast my 
" burden upon the Lord," and truly '' he sustained" me. 

While engaged in prayer for others, I was filled with an 
ecstasy of joy, and thus remained until weary nature found 
repose in sleep. 

The next morning was a new day to me. As I walked 
abroad I could see God in every thing, and felt that every 
demand of my nature was met in God. In every plant, 
leaf and flower, and in all the works of creation, particular- 
ly in the human countenance, I saw marks of creative power 
and wisdom of the divine Author far more clearly than ever 
before. During three weeks succeeding, the state of my 
mind was much the same. Such a confiding trust and con- 
fidence in God I never felt before. My heart was filled with 
love, and I was kept constantly in perfect peace. Sin ap- 
peared truly to be that detestable thing which God's " soul 



I 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 169 

hateth," and I desired greater evidence that my heart was 
" cleansed from sin." I could pray for nothing less than to 
be cleansed and kept continually from all sin. But I found 
it difficult to distinguish between sin and temptation. I felt 
that I needed the abiding witness of the Spirit. 

After being favored with the privilege of conversing upon 
the subject with some Christian friends who enjoyed the bless- 
ing of sanctification, my views became less obscure. I was 
reminded of some passages of Scripture which afforded me 
consolation. Light was thrown upon the subject, and a bless- 
ing was let down into my soul more and more. The Holy 
Spirit seemed increasingly to witness with my spirit that the 
work wrought in me was of a purifying nature. The joy 
I experienced at times was so great, it almost seemed, if it 
should be long continued to so great a degree, that the spirit 
would burst its tabernacle of clay. And when visited with 
acute bodily pain, I felt that I could not say I was afflicted ; 
for it seemed sweet to suffer, because it w^as the divine will 
that I should ; and, though unknown to me how long it would 
be continued, yet it seemed as if it w^ould be sweet to suffer 
so long as our compassionate Father saw best. 

It is now twelve weeks since I was met with a blessing. 
During this time spiritual things have constantly appeared 
realities. I trust I have experienced that " peace which 
passeth understanding," and felt love to God, and no feelings 
other than those of love, and deep compassion, for any of 
the human family. 

Although I have not recently felt so much of those rap- 
turous joys which I at first experienced, yet on the whole my 
joy has increased. I have constantly more of a realizing 
sense of the divine presence. I enjoy a deeper peace within, 
and feel my heart more drawn out in prayer to God. 



170 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

The love of Christ, as manifested towards one all unworthy 
as I am, is wonderful ! Truly his love is ififinite. " Bless 
the Lord, my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy 
name." 

The Lord has not only manifested himself to me in days 
which are past, but I can say in the language of another, '' I 
now feel his presence ; my heart is stayed on the Lord ; Jesus 
is precious ; and I feel an increased determination to give up 
all for Christ, for he is worthy — he has blessed my soul be- 
yond my highest expectations." To him be glory everlasting. 

What I enjoyed in former years seems now but very little, 
compared with what I have of late experienced. The last 
change in my feehngs seems greater than the one when I 
first indulged the hope that my sins were pardoned. This 
mercy has undoubtedly been bestowed in answer to believing 
prayer. 

Notwithstanding I do not doubt but the Lord has blessed 
my soul, I feel that there is no safety even for a moment but 
in looking to him, who alone " is able to keep us from falling, 
and to present us faultless before the presence of his glory 
with exceeding joy." 



( 



EXPERIENCE XXII. 



Fourteen years have nearly elapsed since I believed the 
Lord, for the sake of his Son, forgave my sins. At that 
time I had never heard the doctrine of Christian perfection 
preached, or advanced in any way whatever ; but shortly 
after my conversion, I began to feel the need of a deeper 
work of grace in my heart. I was, at that time, an utter 
stranger to the doctrine of holiness ; but there was a certain 
something which I could not define, which I was anxious to 
obtain. I told my feelings to an experienced friend, who 
put into my hand the Christian's Manual. I read it with 
prayerful attention, and readily received its doctrine, 
and fully believed it to be the duty of every Christian to 
seek for, and their privilege to enjoy, perfect love. I 
searched the Scriptures daily to see if these things were 
so, and found enough on almost every page to confirm my 
belief. 

I therefore began with all my heart to seek for this great 
salvation, and prayed without ceasing. The burden of my 
petition was, Lord, give me a clean heart, and renew within 
me a right spirit. My convictions continued to increase for 
about ten months : they were nothing like the convictions I 
felt before conversion ; there was no guilt or deep remorse 

171 



172 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

connected with it ; but a deep, heart-felt sorrow, that I did 
not love God with all my heart. And this I felt that I could 
never do while sin, either inward or outward, had dominion 
over me, or dwelt within me. There was to be a camp-meet- 
ing held in the town where I resided ; and about two weeks 
before its commencement, my convictions became deeper, 
clearer, and more powerful. I looked forward to the meeting 
with much interest, expecting there to be blessed, not be- 
cause I thought the Lord to be confined to a place, but there, 
I thought, I shall be excluded from the world, and its cares ; 
there will be many praying people and much faith, and my 
own faith will thereby gain new strength ; and there, the 
Lord being my helper, will I become his entirely. Thus 
resolved, I went to the meeting. The first and second 
days passed by without any particular change in my feel- 
ings. On the morning of the third day, an aged minister 
of the gospel preached from the words, " May the very God 
of peace sanctify you wholly." I listened with the most pro- 
found attention ; every word fell with great weight upon my 
heart. At the close of the sermon, a sister arose and told 
the way and manner in which she was convicted for and 
received sanctification. The agitation of my mind and body 
became so great, that it was with difficulty I could remain 
upon my seat till she concluded. I then went into the 
woods and tried to pray, but could say nothing. It seemed 
as though the heavens were brass ; gloom and darkness 
overspread my mind. The remainder of that day, and the 
former part of the next, I spent in painful suspense ; hope 
and despair alternately took possession of my mind. At 
the close of the afternoon sermon, I went into the praying 
circle, and knelt with the mourners, but felt that to be no 
place for me. I then returned to the tent where I boarded, 
and sat me down to reflect. The sun had already begun to 



I 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 173 

decline, the meeting was to close the next morning, and my 
soul was unblessed. I was deeply impressed to go to a re- 
tired part of the grove, where, unheard by the congregation, 
I might pour out my whole soul to Him who had power 
" not only to forgive sin," but whose blood was sufficient 
" to cleanse from all unrighteousness." I did so, accom- 
panied by two Christian friends. When we had reached 
a place deemed convenient, we bowed before our God 
in solemn prayer ; and there we found him ready to verify 
his promise. While leading in prayer, I believe the power 
of the Lord fell upon me as it never had done before ; but 
feeling at that time a disposition to love my neighbor as my- 
self, I did not give full vent to my feelings : I knew those 
who came with me, as well as myself, came to seek a blessing : 
but while they were praying, the agony of my mind nearly 
overpowered me. When they had prayed, I renewed my 
supplications. I felt the Lord to draw divinely near, and 
his presence inspired my soul with fresh courage — unbelief 
began to yield to faith. I earnestly pleaded the merits of 
Christ, and claimed him as my whole Savior. I cried unto 
the Lord to help me exercise that faith which brings the 
blessing now : and ere I was aware, I exclaimed, " I will be- 
lieve." In a moment, all my doubts were gone ; every cloud 
of darkness was dispersed by the glorious rising of the 
Sun of righteousness. Heaven came down to earth, and 
my unworthy soul was unutterably full of glory and of God. 
Then did I find love, joy, and peace in believing. Then 
did I find myself truly humbled under a sense of my own 
unworthiness, and God's great goodness. In short, the man- 
ifestation was such that I can never doubt the nature of the 
blessing I then received. 

It was " perfect love," for which my soul thirsted, and 
it was for this I sought without intermission, for the space 
15* 



174 THE RICHES OE aHACE. 

of ten months. I can say with truth, the grand object of 
my search was never absent from my mind. It was for this 
I prayed to God in the name of Christj for this I be- 
lieved on the Lord Jesus, and I can never beheve that 
when I asked for bread he would give me a stone, or any 
thing else instead thereof. For some three or four years 
following, I believe I enjoyed the blessing in some good 
degree, but meeting with some opposition, I declined speak- 
ing of it openly, and therefore lost my evidence ; and for the 
last nine years have been in an uncertain state of mind. 
But at a camp-meeting, recently held in this town, the Lord 
renewed my witness, and filled my heart with peace ; which 
continues to be as a river. I have never before had such 
an overwhelming sense of God's presence. 0, how sweet 
do I find it ! to give my all to him for time and eternity. 
But sweeter, far sweeter, to feel an evidence in my soul, 
that for Jesus' sake the offering is accepted, poor as it is. 
Yes, I feel a blessed assurance that God receives and loves 
me. how delightful to feel 

" That sacred awe that dares not move, 
And all the silent heaven of love." 

I have ever loved the doctrine of holiness,and striven in 
my feeble way to help its promotion ; and this only in- 
duces me to send you this sketch of my experience. And 
I pray Heaven that this simple relation may be blessed as 
an encouragement to some humble seeker to press into the 
full liberty of the children of God. As for myself, I 
still feel to be a seeker ; still my thirsty soul cries out for 
more. 0, for an enlargement of the heart, and then to 
be filled to overflowing with that love which waters cannot 
quench 



I 



EXPERIENCE XXIII. 



I HUMBLY desire to magnify the grace of God, by publicly 
testifying what grace has done for me. Truly, it is the little 
leaven that leaveneth the whole lump. Five years ago I was 
convicted of my state as a sinner, needing a Savior. I great- 
ly desired to become a Christian : but I did not receive the 
Savior by faith, as mine to wash me in his blood. I only 
hoped in his mercy. My friends urged me to join the 
church. In much fear I went before the Session, and was 
received. I was then told to go to work for the good of sin- 
ners. This I did, but it was all labor. I had no love con- 
straining me to seek their salvation. How then could I 
speak of love to others ; while I was myself under a legal 
dispensation, and in bondage, serving God with a slavish 
fear? 

Last winter, my Savior was pleased to send his Spirit to 
convince me of sin, to show me my state as a sinner in his 
sight, exposed to wrath. I gave up my hope and came to 
Christ anew. I could be satisfied with nothing short of com- 
plete deliverance from sin ; and I was led to receive Him as 
a full Savior — not only to pardon my past sins, but to 
cleanse my soul, deliver me from the dominion of sin, and to 
fill my heart with perfect love. Glory be unto hi% name. 

175 



176 THE RICHES OP GRACE. 

He did deliver me from all my iniquities, and filled my soul 
mth peace. how sweet was the name of Father. Christ 
became my Prophet, my Priest, and my King ; my Prophet 
to teach, my Priest to atone, and my King to rule in my 
heart ; bowing my will in sweet subjection, so that the will 
of my heavenly Father was mine. My heart was filled with 
longing desire, that all the children of God may know this 
great salvation. I was grieved, that the ministers of Christ 
should so limit his power. how my soul longed to hear 
Christ preached as a full Savior, who delivers from all sin. 

I can now rejoice in the prospect of death ; for why should 
we fear to go to Him whom our souls love — who is to us 
'' the chief among ten thousand, and the one altogether love- 
ly ?" I can say, with Paul, that " to live is Christ, but to 
die is gain." As ray body is sustained by daily food, so is my 
spirit sustained by Christ. He is my life ; I do, indeed, eat 
his flesh and drink his blood, day by day ; I live by him. 
what a glorious life — a life of faith — a hidden life, which 
the world knows nothing of. I adore the goodness of God, in 
bringing my soul into this glorious rest. The rest of Christ 
is glorious ; a rest from our own works, that Christ may 
work in us to do his perfect will. It is not being engaged in 
the service of God a part of the time, and the other part 
serving ourselves ; but it is our life to do his will. what a 
delightful prospect of growing up into Christ, our living 
Head in all things. Before, it was sinning and repenting, 
always falling ; but now, glory be unto God, it is growing in 
grace and in the knowledge of my precious Savior. It is re- 
ceiving of his fullness. It is having my conversation in 
heaven. It is having, constantly, an earnest of my inherf- 
tance. Before, I was afraid to speak of Christ to sinners ; 
for I did not know Him myself; but now I feel a joy in recom- 



I 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 177 

mending Him to all. The arms of love that encompass me, 
would all mankind embrace. 

Many of my friends think, that I am in an error. All 
praise be unto Jesus. He is my strength. I know that it 
is all of grace, purchased by the suflferings and death of my 
risen Lord. Because He lives, I shall live also. I know 
that the moment I trust in self, then I fall. He is my alL 
that all his people might know Him as he is ! How sweet 
is his promise, that with Himself He will freely give us all 
things. What love ! what condescending love ! to bestow on 
us such rich blessings. that all his children would taste 
and see that the Lord is good. 



EXPERIENCE XXIV. 



Through the ever-abounding goodness of Him, whose I 
am, and whom I serve, I am now favored with my usual de- 
gree of health, and what is much better, I am blessed with 
an unusual degree of heavenly light, and life, and love, inso- 
much that my soul is exceeding joyful ; and for some days 
past I have experienced such a sweet and intimate union with 
my blessed Savior, and such melting, blissful, and overpow- 
ering communications of his love, as have surpassed all my 
mforer experience in divine things. Of one signally glori- 
ous manifestation, I must give you the particulars, because 
I think it may be for the glory of God. It was on the last 
Wednesday evening, at sweet twilight hour, (my favorite sea- 
son of communing with heaven ;) I had retired to my cham- 
ber to spend an hour alone with God. As I bowed down 
before the mercy seat, I felt an extraordinary degree of the 
sacred unction, to pervade my soul, and such a spirit of fer- 
vent, wrestling supplication, that I might sink deeper into 
the ocean of love, and be wholly absorbed in God. I felt 
immediately, that I had " power with God," as had Jacob ; 
and that like him I " should prevail." My faith gathered 
strength, and with mighty energy, arose, seized all the ex- 
ceeding great and precious promises, and appropriated them 
178 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 179 

to my own soul — • claimed the rich and boundless stores of 
grace in the treasury of heaven, as mine — the purchase of 
my own adorable Redeemer, as expressly for me^ as though 
there was not another creature in existence, and realized in 
blessed verity the sweet words applied. All are yours, and ye 
are Christ's, and Christ is God's — feeling as never before, the 
blessedness of being united to the Father, and to the Son, 
and having fellowship (0, what blissful fellowship,) with both. 
I now sweetly realized, what I had been so earnestly plead- 
ing for, viz : that my heart might be as a clear and perfect 
mirror, into which my adorable Jesus would look and see re- 
flected his own lovely image. Such a heaven of love — such 
a fullness of bliss, as I cannot describe, then took possession 
of my soul ; — the thought of bearing the image of the im- 
maculate Jesus, in full, deep impress — indelibly, and for 
ever, on my heart — of being emphatically one with Him — 
united in the most intimate, sacred and eternal union — 
with '^ Him whom my soul loveth," and to be permitted to 
do his blessed will — to work, and speak, and think, for Him 
alone — 0, this, this was more than angel's tongue could 
tell, or " angel's mind conceive." Overwhelmed with this 
stupendous grace, " my happy soul was breathing unuttera- 
ble praise, in rapturous awe, and silent love," — when sud- 
denly the glories of the bright abode of the redeemed on 
high, seemed to burst on my vision, as though the veil that 
intervenes between the heavenly world and ours had been 
drawn aside, and I was permitted to gaze upon the spirits of 
the just made perfect, and behold the " full glories of the 
Lamb," that fill with ineffable splendor the celestial world, 
beaming upon the happy throng who had " washed their 
robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb" — a 
radiance, surpassing the brightness of the sun at noon-day. 
In a moment, they all seemed to approach me, and I w^as 



180 THE RICHES OE GRACE. 

surrounded by a host of heavenly spirits, who all were look- 
ing at me with intense interest, and the glory of the upper 
temple seemed transferred to earth. All around me was 
light, and glory, and bliss, unspeakable. The arms of my 
adorable Jesus seemed to encircle me, and I felt my happi- 
ness was consummated. I thought, can this be earth ? — am 
I not in heaven ? — Then the sweet words came to my mind 
with such a sense of their meaning, as I never before 
realized : 

" Thy presence makes my paradise, 
And where Thou art, — 'tis heaven." 

Then I thought, I never before was conscious of being 
constantly surrounded by heavenly spirits. I have believed 
that there were '' ministering spirits," sent to guard me ; but 
I did not know that all the hosts of the redeemed are ever 
near me, and that at any time I may realize their presence 
and commune with them. Can it be that they are always 
thus near to me ? — A voice spoke to my heart — Yes, they 
are always near — never distant — when you are in close 
union with Jesus. They are one with Him, and when he 
is near, they, also, are near. Then I thought, I need 
no more feel sad at the thought of not being permitted to 
mingle often with pure and holy ones, for the pure spirits that 
are disrobed of their mantles of clay, and dwell in the pres- 
ence of the Highest, are my companions ! I may hold sweet 
converse with them in spirit ; may enjoy their society, and 
feel that heaven and earth are one ! 0, what ecstatic rap- 
ture did this thought inspire ! My spirit seemed as if en- 
wrapped in the glory that encircled the throng of celestial 
visitants, and I was for some time, forgetful of all below. 
This glorious manifestation left upon my mind a hallowing 
influence, which has remained with me ever since, and my 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 181 

spirit seems to be sinking deeper and yet deeper into the 
ocean of love. I look back upon my former experience, 
when, though I had stepped into this blessed ocean of 
heavenly enjoyment, I was lingering so near the shore, that 
I did not enjoy a constant, overwhelming fullness. True, 
wave after wave would come in quick succession, and my 
happy soul would be bathed, as it were, and refreshed by 
their heavenly influence ; but then, the waters would recede, 
and sometimes leave me quite on the shore. Here I could 
nofc, would not, rest a moment. I would urge my way on- 
ward, till, again, I would feel the ocean waves roUing over 
me, yet hesitating to take a deep plunge — that I might lose 
all foothold of earth, and be lost and swallowed up in God. 
But I rejoice to feel and know, that I have been pressing 
farther and farther into this sea of love, for some time past ; 
and I now feel that I have come into the deep water, — yes, 
I have launched out into tlie unfathomable deep, never, never, 
to return to earth again, 

16 



EXPERIENCE XXV. 



As I look back on the first eigbt years of my Christian 
experience, I see a life of continual condemnation, doing 
things I ought not, and leaving undone things I ought to have 
done ; temptation overcoming me daily ; having only periodi- 
cal seasons of much enjoyment in religion ; duties were 
crosses ; oftentimes the closet col4 and dreary, no sensible 
communion with God; groaning continually, "0 wretched 
man that I am, who shall deliver me from the body of this 
death;" when I would do good evil was present with me; 
what I would not do, that I did ; far from being satisfied with 
my experience. I could find no deliverer only in death, as 
I had received the doctrine that this was inbred sin pro- 
ducing these effects, which constituted the Christian warfare, 
and could not be eradicated while in the flesh. I tried to 
enjoy myself as well as I could, and do what little I could 
for my master with this experience. Beholding my fellow- 
men perishing, I longed to see them converted, and have the 
enjoyment even of the flickering hope that I had. I con- 
secrated Myself to the work of preparation for the ministry. 
Dark as were these years of mourning over sin, and the condi- 
tion of my fellow-men, I bless God for the Uttle Hght I had. 

I saw, at times, so much sin and corruption in my heart, that I 
182 



i 



THE RICHES OP GRACE. 183 

was almost inclined to give up my hope, but conversing with 
older and better Christians, I found their experience similar 
to mine ; and reading such works as the Memoir of Brainerd, 
I was enabled to hold on. 

But bless the Lord, my soul, a brighter day has dawned. 
Some four and a half years ago, I was led, by the preaching 
of President Mahan, to examine the promises of God's word, 
and after reading, I embraced the belief that the promises 
of God are yea and amen, to the believing soul, through 
Christ. It appeared too much, that I could be delivered 
from sin, be kept by the grace of God above all temptation ; 
have a conscious assurance of acceptance with God ; and 
have all doubts and fears which had been harassing my soul 
continually, removed. But I saw the word of God plainly 
promised this, and to place that honor upon the atonement of 
Christ that was its due, required the belief. I began to cry 
for freedom, but soon thought of myself, my corruptions, as 
Peter did of the wind and the waves, forgetting the Savior. 
I began to look about, think of my reputation, and ere long 
I had lost my earnestness for the blessing, yet never gave up 
the belief. The Lord led me through scenes of deep afflic- 
tion. After a long and trying period of sickness, he removed 
from me the object of my first love, in whom my heart was 
bound up ; it was the cutting of heart strings. I merited 
the chastisement. My Father, not willing to deal with me 
as I deserved, had in store for me untold blessings, as the 
fruits of this affliction. The chain that bound me to earth 
was now broken, my thoughts were turned inward and up- 
ward. I saw myself all corruption, deserving the deepest 
hell ; my unfaithfulness to my covenant vows, how great ; 
my ingratitude to my heavenly Father for His rich temporal 
blessings, how awful ; sinners dying all around me in their 
sins, and I wrapped up in self; Jesus having imparted some- 



184 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

thing of his dying love to me, how little effort to impart it to 
others ; a throne of grace opened to me freely, by the blood 
of Christ, and how often forsaken, or the privilege slightly 
improved ; then having been pointed to the bleeding sacrifice, 
atoning for all my sins, the blood able to cleanse from all sin, 
and Jesus willing to sustain me by His grace, and yet all 
slighted. 0, such a heart ! If God had cut the brittle 
thread of life and let me perish, I could have praised Him. 
God's ways are not as our ways, and his thoughts not as our 
thoughts. He appeared ready and waiting to forgive and 
receive me. I seemed to see Jesus on the accursed tree, and 
hear him say, " It is finished ;'' the Spirit took of the things 
of Jesus, and presented them to my mind so that He appear- 
ed indeed the one altogether lovely ; and though I had most 
unfaithful been, 

" Of all who e'er his grace received," 

He waited to be gracious. Sweet accents came to my soul. 
" Ask what thou wilt in faith, and it shall be done." My 
whole being cried, " Lord, cleanse me from all sin." Are 
you willing to give up all earthly good, willing to have your 
name cast out as evil, and counted as a fool, if need be ? 
Yes, any thing, Lord. 

" My heart-strings groan with deep complaint, 
My flesh lies panting, Lord, for Thee, 
And every limb and every joint, 
Stretches for perfect purity." 

Deny me what thou wilt of earthly good, grant me thyself 
to know. I felt conscious of consecrating every thing to 
God ; my body, soul, time, talents, property, influence, all 
to the Lord, for time and for eternity. There was no urging, 
it was a natural, delightful yielding. I had been seeking 



i 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 185 

for some days previous, a witness of acceptance, and found 
it notj nor peace, but now I simply yielded the conflict, laid 
my all at the feet of Jesus, waiting his holy will ; happy in 
the consciousness that I was willing He should order all my 
circumstances, grant me an evidence or no evidence, peace 
or no peace ; and in such a way as He chose. Jesus now 
appeared in all his loveliness ; my will bowed ; my soul 
yielded ; all was laid upon the altar. So sweet was the sacri- 
fice, that, had I a thousand hearts, it would have afforded me 
joy to have laid them one after another at the foot of the 
precious cross of Christ. I left the offering in faith, doubt- 
ing nothing. There was a serenity reigning, which I had 
been a stranger to before. I did not think this an evidence, 
for I looked not for an evidence. Jesus had conquered — 
his love had overpowered — my language was — 

" To do or not to do ; to have, 

Or not to have, I leave to thee ; 

To be or not to be, T leave ; 
Thy only will be done in me, 

All my requests are lost in one : 

Father, thy only will be done." 

This was January 17, 1842. At the close of the next day, 
after a busy day's work, on my way home, my soul was 
illuminated to such a degree, by a view of the blessed 
Jesus, that all my heart could utter with the voice, was, 
" Blessed Jesus," '^ Precious Savior," " Lovely of the love- 
liest," and like expressions. Then I felt my Lord had indeed 
visited me, and with tears of love I cried, " Abba, Father," 
" My God and my Redeemer." And now, as I look back on 
that holy hour, and trace the way the Lord has led me ever 
since, I exclaim, 0, the loving-kindness of the Lord, how 
great ! mercy and goodness has flowed upon my poor unwor- 
thy soul, drawing me out continually in love and filial obedi- 
16* 



186 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

ence. How can I express the benefits derived ? Previous 
to that gracious hour of baptism, my natural temperament of 
fretfulness or impatience preyed upon me constantly ; diffi- 
dence, had prevented activity in the service of my Master ; 
urged to take part in meetings, but always avoided as much 
as possible, and it was ever a cross to pray before others, 
(though this had not the power then as formerly,) all my life 
time subject to bondage from the fear of death ; these and 
other things had power over me, but, as it were, in the 
twinkling of an eye they were gone. From that hour scarce 
an inclination to fretfulness has found a place in my bosom. 
Diffidence is a stranger ; in meetings now I can scarcely keep 
my seat. I long to speak of the goodness of God, the glori- 
ous plan of redemption, and of a precious Savior. To be 
with my Savior has been the desire of my heart. Death has 
lost its terror. Glorious change ! freedom for the soul ! 
How shall I account for the change, so entire ? It could 
have been accomplished in no other way, than the clear ap- 
prehension, by faith, of the blessed Jesus through the Spirit's 
influences. His image seemed impressed on my heart ; his 
Spirit pervaded my soul ; constrained by his love, my heart 
seemed to beat in unison with his heart of love, in the great 
work of redeeming a world ; to labor for souls, was my de- 
light ; to pray, food. His blessed word was never so full of 
meaning ; the promises of that word how unspeakably great 
and precious ; the Spirit how consohng ; the Savior how 
lovely ; God how holy, and what kindness and compassion in 
his character! Sin I was not conscious of; I felt I was 
cleansed. Faith, how simple its exercise, how powerful its 
influence. Resting all on Jesus, and the word of his grace, 
every want was met ; his grace was sufficient ; my peace 
as a river. Call it a delusion who may, a blessed reality it is 
to my soul. Jesus is a full, free and present Savior to every 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 187 

soul that is staid upon Him. I know it, and must proclaim 
it. The blood of Christ cleanses from all sin. I feel it, and 
must declare it. His grace is sufficient in every hour of 
need. I have tried it, and must tell of it. My heart is full : 
Jesus is love ; I feel its constraining power. 0, praise the 
Lord for such a salvation ; — such a sonship ; — such an 
inheritance on earth, what must Heaven be. My heart 
longs to see this grace filling the hearts of the professed 
followers of Jesus. 0, how they would then love to get 
down before the Lord and plead with Him for the salvation of 
souls ; how delight in the services of our holy religion ! 
Deadness, stupidity and coldness would be strangers in 
their experience. No longer would they have their harps 
hung on the willows, or sing in mournful strains — 

" Look, how we grovel here below, 
Fond of these earthly toys ; 
Our souls can neither fly nor go, 
To reach eternal joys." 

"Where is the blessedness I knew, 
When first I saw the Lord," &c. 

" Do I love the Lord, or no ?" 
but praise lofty would vibrate the strings, 

" Thou know'st I love thee, O my Lord;" 

" O, for this love let rocks and hills 
Their lasting silence break." 

In view of what the Lord has done for my poor, hell- 
deserving soul, — delivering it from the bondage of sin, giving 
power to overcome the world, the flesh and the devil, im- 
parting such peace and joy ; causing to spring up such 
earnest desires for the salvation of a perishing world; 
leading away from worthless self, and an arm of flesh, into 



188 THE RICHES OE GRACE. 

all the fullness of God ; inspiring such a child-like confi- 
dence, that the soul hangs upon his promises to have every 
real want met, so that it forsakes all for God, and abides 
in Jesus, as the branch abides in the vine, bringing forth, 
from the ocean of his love, living fruit ; purifying the heart, 
and lifting the spirit to communion sweet with God and 
his son Jesus ; — in view of this, I say, can it be expect- 
ed, that I should, were it possible, keep silence ? I love 
the followers of Jesus, of whatever name or denomination : 
especially dear are those of our own church ; and knowing 
that many of them, from their own confessions, are groaning 
in the same bondage that I experienced for eight years, how 
can I but long for their deliverance, and plead and pray 
till the desire of my heart is accomplished, and the will of 
God, even their sanctification, manifested in their lives. 
Knowing something of the doctrine of holiness by simple 
faith, by blessed experience, love constrains me to 

" Tell to all around, 
Of the dear Savior I have found." 

It is SO positively and clearly taught in the Bible, that 
it is the will of God, that we should be sanctified wholly ; 
cleansed from all sin ; made partakers of all the fullness of 
God ; dwelling in God, and God dwelling in us, in this life, — 
that I am astonished that I have been so blind ; and then the 
promises are so full, on this very point, I am constrained to 
say, blindness has happened unto Israel. May God have 
mercy on Zion, hear her groans, and take the scales from 
her vision, that she may see the exceeding great and 
precious promises ; and seeing, may she behold to her joy, 
that they are all yea and amen, through faith in Christ 
Jesus. 



EXPERIENCE XXVI. 



As your little publication was the means by which God, 
in his infinite goodness, saw fit to bring me acquainted with 
the glorious doctrine of entire sanctification, I have wished 
that you might know the blessing which attended your labors, 
and the great happiness you were the instruments of confer- 
ring. I have had, also, an increasing desire to add my feeble 
efforts to those of others who are engaged in endeavoring to 
promote the cause of heart holiness^ but I have yielded to 
the persuasion — for I dare not neglect known duty — that it 
was not required of me to write any thing for publication. 
Various reasons, of a private nature, led me to shrink from 
this. I could not, however, dismiss the subject entirely, but 
have been waiting to know what the Lord would have me do ; 
and I have been made willing to take up even this cross, for 
the sake of Him, who " made himself of no reputation " for 
me. If enjoying the presence of my Savior is any evidence, 
I am in the path of duty. Having derived so much benefit 
from reading the experience of others, I will give you some 
account of my own, hoping, if you should think best to give 
it a place in the Guide, that I may, by the blessing of God, 
encourage some desponding souls to trust in Him at all times, 

though thick darkness surround their path, or stimulate some 

189 



190 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

one seeking for perfect love to renewed diligence and perse- 
verance. Although blessed with the instructions of pious 
parents, and the ministration of an eminently devoted servant 
of Christ, and often the subject of religious impressions, I 
grieved the Spirit, refused to give my heart to the Savior, 
and persisted in seeking happiness from every source but that 
where alone it is to be found. I intended to have religion at 
some future time, but was not ready to give up the world. 
God, who is rich in mercy, suffered me not, by this spirit of 
procrastination, to destroy my soul, as millions have done. 
In my twenty-fourth year, after several days of deep convic- 
tions of sin and earnest prayer, feeling that the Spirit was 
striving with me for the last time, I deliberately resolved to 
give up all for Christ, and found peace and joy in believing. 
The change was so great, I could compare it only to passing 
from total darkness to the brightness of the sun at noon-day. 
For several months I was very happy, and not expecting to 
feel any more the stirrings of pride, or self in any form, 
when I saw in my heart the remains of inbred sin, I was 
tempted to doubt the reality of my conversion — a special 
season of fasting and prayer brought no relief to my mind, 
and I yielded to the conviction that I never had known, and 
never could hnow^ from experience, any thing of religion. 
And now, all the sins of my past life — my misimproved 
privileges — a crucified Savior — an angry God — the re- 
alities of the eternal world, and the scenes of a future judg- 
ment, were presented to my mental vision with a vividness of 
which I could not before conceive. I pass over the next nine 
years, for those who have been in a similar state of mind 
need not to be reminded of such temptations and dee^y anguish^ 
and to others, language would be wholly inadequate to convey 
any idea of the reality. 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 191 

What added the greatest poignancy to my suflferings, was, 
that I had destroyed myself. God was just ; I felt w^hat it 
was to be without God, and without hope in the world. But 
my Savior was even then watching over me in love, though I 
knew it not. He was present by restrairdny and sustaining 
grace, and in his own time, gently lifted me out of the horri- 
ble pit and miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and put a 
new song into my mouth, even praise to his name. Often, 
during these years, would I have sought religion as one who 
had never felt its power, but the conviction forced upon my 
mind at first, that I had grieved the blessed Spirit to leave me 
for ever, would return, and I could not. I read not my Bi- 
ble — I tried not to pray, for I felt that this would be 
mockery, and only increase my condemnation, already sure. 
At last, finding a wounded spirit and bodily infirmities a bur- 
den almost insupportable, I resolved to forget the past, and 
not look forward to futurity, but commence reading my Bible, 
and endeavor to regulate my daily conduct according to its 
precepts and commandments, thinking that it might afford me 
relief while I lived. It was a strange resolve for an immor- 
tal being to make, but it bears the impress of that Spirit 
who dictated it, for it was the only motive that would induce 
me to use the means of grace. I put this resolution into 
practice ; and the third day, while reading a passage of Scrip- 
ture, my heart was melted, and, for the first time for nine 
years ^ a ray of heavenly light beamed upon my soul, and 
awakened to life a trembling hope that the work of grace had 
been begun in my heart. I cherished it, and in less than one 
week I was in a new world. I saw the love of God in all 
around me, felt it in my heart, and began to live for God. I 
now looked back with wonder and admiration at the way in 
which I had been led, and saw that it was the right way — 
the only way by which such a heart as mine could be hum- 



192 THE BICHES OF GRACE. 

bled, proved, and brought to a right state of feeling. I think 
my first resolve was, that I would never give up prayer, for 
by so doing I had been brought under the power of the 
tempter ; and I determined, in the strength of God, that my 
future life should evince to the church and world the sincerity 
of my repentance and my love. So long in the habit of 
driving from my mind, as far as I could, all thoughts of a 
serious nature, I found myself a babe in Christ — a babe in 
knowledge as well as grace, and was obliged to begin with the 
first principles of the Gospel ; but I saw, that by diligence 
and perseverance. Christians might make great attainments 
in the divine hfe. As often as I read the blessed Scriptures, 
I felt that I did not come up to their requirements^and that 
God would not require of his creatures what they were un- 
able to perform. I felt my obligations to be wholly the 
Lord's, and to be able to cry with the spirit of adoption, 
^' Abba, Father," but thought such a state could be attained 
only by years of prayer and watchfulness, and a gradual 
overcoming of sin. Often was I tempted to discouragement 
by the slowness of my progress. I endeavored to be faithful 
in the performance of every duty; I had no distressing 
doubts, but I had not an assurance. I mourned the weak- 
ness of my faith, and my want of strength to resist tempta- 
tion, and to take up the cross. I longed to have Jesus reign 
without a rival in my heart — to have my will brought into 
sweet subjection to the divine will in all things. After about 
two years, I was, by a train of circumstances, simple in them- 
selves, but plainly marked by the finger of God, placed where 
I had an opportunity of reading the Guide, and determined 
to examine for myself what this new doctrine was. I com- 
menced with a prayerful desire to be taught of the Spirit, 
and that I might, without prejudice, receive truth from any 
source. In connection with the Guide I studied the Bible, 



THE EICHES OF QBACE. 393 

and soon my objections — the result of ignorance — vanished 
before the light of truth. I saw that the doctrine of entire 
sanctifieation was as plainly taught in the Bible as any other, 
and that the blessing of perfect love was just what I needed, 
to enable me to follow the footsteps of my divine Master, in 
that narrow path where the Bible and my own conscience 
taught me I ought to walk ; and that it was alike the privi- 
lege and duty of every Christian to possess it ; but it was 
some weeks before I could resolve to seek it, for I saw that 
the way of holiness was indeed a narroiv way^ and the bless- 
ing must be sought for hfe. Satan w^as busy with his temp- 
tations, so well known to all seekers of holiness. He told me, 
that if I had the blessing, I could not retain it, and by losing 
it, should greatly dishonor the cause of Christ — placed all 
that I must give up in the most alluring point of view, and 
magnified every cross. One consideration bore with much 
weight upon my mind — that I had solemnly covenanted to 
give up all unreservedly^ and as long as I kept back any part 
of the price, was living in disobedience ; and by the grace 
of God I was enabled to overcome, and make this resolve — 
that I would earnestly and perseveringly seek for entire 
sanctifieation, not that I might be happy, but prepared to 
glorify God. Beading that it was obtained by faith, and only 
partially enlightened as to the way, I tried to believe^ but 
could not. I then learned that there must first be an act of 
entire consecration, and looked to God for strength to give 
up all ; I examined my heart — my idols were shown me, and 
I was astonished and alarmed to find with what tenacity self 
clung to these ; but God is faithful^ and I continued to plead 
the promises, and was, I trusty after many severe struggles 
with self, enabled to lay them all upon the altar. From the 
first, I tried to form my conduct according to rules which I 
knew must govern me if I obtained the blessing, or I should 
17 



194 THE RICHES OF aHACE. 

lose it, and was now endeavoring to seek the glory of God 
in all I did ; but afraid to say that I would^ not knowing 
what situation I might be placed in. I thought I must look 
forward to the end of life, and resolve, that under all circum- 
stances I would deny self and take up every cross, and it 
seemed impossible to have grace sufficient for this ; and God 
showed me that He did not require it, but I must live by the 
moment. This was hard^ but after many weeks of earnest 
prayer for faith, unbelief — the last strong hold — -was given 
up. One morning while reading some marks in the state of 
those who had consecrated all to God, the hope that I had 
done so increased, and I resolved to begin, that moment, to 
seek the glory of God, and trust Him for the future. Imme- 
diately faith sprung up in my heart, and I could say, with 
confidence, my Father, and my Savior. I had no rapturous 
emotions, but love, and joy, and a delightful peace filled to 
overflowing my soul. I had no idea that this was the bless- 
ing I had so long been seeking, but felt that God had grant- 
ed me an increase of faith to encourage me to persevere — 
a blessing I had received, and felt that I held it by the mo- 
ment, and hardly dared speak or move, for fear of grieving 
the Spirit. The eiGfect of it was much nearer access to the 
throne of grace ; a more realizing sense of the presence of 
God at all times ; the Scriptures seemed to have a new 
meaning, especially the promises, the passages relating to 
holiness, and to the Savior in his different offices, and en- 
larged views of the fullness of the atonement, and of the 
privileges of every believer. With regard to the future, I 
felt like a little child in the care of a kind parent, and could 
trust my all with God. As I read the experience of others, 
and looked into my heart, I hoped that God had indeed given 
to me that " perfect love which casteth out fear," and I felt 
that it was wholly for his own glory that he had bestowed 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 195 

this grace upon one so unworthy, and that no moment of my 
future existence was my OAvn, but all was to be devoted to his 
service. Some days after, w^hile thinking of the crosses I 
had been enabled to take up, I trembled in view of those be- 
fore me, when the still small voice of the Spirit spake, " The 
Lord that delivered me out of the paw of the lion, and out of 
the paw of the bear, he will deliver me out of the hand of 
this Philistine." I was strengthened, and often since, when 
in heaviness through manifold temptations, these words have 
afforded rich consolation and support. Seven months have 
passed, and so far as I have lived in the exercise of entire 
consecration and implicit faith, mj peace has been as a river, 
and I have, in the strength of God, overcome my spiritual 
enemies. I have learnt much of the subtle wiles of the ad- 
versary, and should many times have cast away my confi- 
dence, had it not been for the instructions received from the 
experience of others. I returned to my friends with a fixed 
determination to tell them what God had done for me, and 
urge them to seek the same grace ; for the Spirit had shown 
me plainly my duty in this respect ; but owing to the excite- 
ment, fatigue, and want of retirement attendant upon a 
journey, I did not enjoy so clearly the witness of the Spirit 
as I had done, and it was suggested to my mind that I had 
better not say any thing respecting it until I felt more, and 
my friends should see the effect in my life. I listened to this 
plausible reasoning, for how could I profess that I loved God 
with all my heart, unless I felt and manifested this love ! I 
kept my all upon the altar, and waited many days for the 
fire to enkindle a flame of love in my heart, but in vain. I 
felt no condemnation, but had no longer nearness of access 
to a throne of grace, and the distance between God and my 
soul seemed to increase. I inquired w^hy it was thus, and 
found that I had been listening to the tempter, and yielding 



196 THE RICHES OF GEACE. 

! 

to distrust, and could not expect a blessing without perfect 
obedience. A resolve to embrace the first opportunity for 
speaking of the goodness of God to me, and trust him for 
grace to maintain the honor of my profession, restored sweet 
peace to my heart, and brought my Savior near ; and I have 
since often been blessed while speaking of this precious doc- 
trine. I learned from this to ^^ try the spirits." When, 
through the strength of temptation, and the power of past 
habits, I have yielded^ it has not discouraged me as hereto- 
fore. Alarmed at the possibility of losing a treasure so in- 
estimable, I have sought, by immediate repentance, and a 
new consecration, pardon, and a new cleansing of the atoning 
blood, and begun again to walk in the narrow way, with a 
renewed sense of my entire dependence, and I trusty deep- 
ened humility. While I daily feel more and more my need 
of the momentary intercession of my Savior, and that with- 
out Him I can do nothing — while I mourn the slowness of 
my progress in the divine life, and that I possess so little of 
the spirit of my Master — that my gratitude, love, zeal and 
humiUty are so little proportioned to the goodness of God, 
I think that I am becoming more estabhshed in this blessed 
way of living hy faith ; and my hope and expectation in- 
crease, that I shall continue to walk in it to the end of life. 
The Spirit witnesses with my spirit that I am born of God. 
I cannot doubt that I am accepted in the Beloved. I feed 
on heavenly manna, and draw water with joy from the wells 
of salvation. What I have received stimulates me to press 
forward, for I know it is but a drop from the exhaustless 
fountain of Infinite Love. But it is all of grace, God 
began, and he has carried on the whole work — • to Him be 
all the glory. I love the cause of holiness, and rejoice in 
every new effort to promote it. Next to my Bible, I prize 
^' The Interior Life," and wish it might be read by every 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 197 

Christian in our country. that all the children of God 
would avail themselves of their high privileges, and in his 
strength come up and enter into the promised rest of faith. 
Its blessedness can be known only by experience. 

17* 



EXPERIENCE XXVII. 



I HAVE at length made up my mind to comply with your 
request, which was, to write my Christian experience. You 
will find it, as I told you, to be so simple in its nature, that 
it is better calculated for the eyes of children, than young 
men and fathers. 

I was early taught the principles of religion ; my father 
and mother were pious and devoted members of the M. E. 
Church. Their house, from my earliest recollection, was both 
a chapel and home for the ministers of Christ, and for as 
many as were disposed to listen to the word of life. When 
I did not love these welcome messengers, I cannot tell. When 
first I believed and loved the Lord Jesus, I cannot say. 
The first time I kneeled before him in prayer, and felt his 
love in my heart, I cannot say. But this one thing I re- 
member distinctly, upon one quarterly meeting, about forty 
persons staid at my father's house. (As we lived nearly 
four miles from church, my father always craved the 
privilege of taking a sufficient number home with him to 
have a prayer meeting, independent of the one at the 
church.) During the prayer meeting in the evening, the 
Holy Spirit came down in a powerful manner, and while 
it sat as a refining fire upon the hearts of all the believers, 

198 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 199 

some prayed, while others shouted aloud the high praise of 
God. As I sat near one that was partaking largely of the 
teeming shower ^ I became very anxious and curious to know 
how she obtained so much. I drew very near to her, put my 
face close to hers, and found she was praying and receiving 
at the same time the things she asked for. I then and there 
resolved to pray as nearly like her as I could, till like her I 
should be filled with -the divine presence. I was then ten 
years of age ; and from that period to the present, which has 
been twenty-seven years, I have endeavored to lead a pray- 
ing life, and have every day since had a continual hungering 
and thirsting after God and his righteousness. I did not that 
evening receive what I called religion ; it was not until some 
months afterward, at a camp-meeting, when the light broke 
into my path so clearly that I ventured to make a public pro- 
fession of my faith, and joined the church. From that period 
until eighteen years had passed by, I continued earnestly 
seeking the blessing of perfect love. I searched for it as for 
hid treasures, and my constant cry was, how shall I under- 
stand the fear of the Lord, and find the knowledge of God^ 
I never doubted but that my former sins were blotted out, 
and the assurance was all the while given me that when I 
died I should go to heaven. I was seldom under condemna- 
tion for actual transgression against a known law^ and was as 
seldom in heaviness ; so that I could rejoice in the Lord. It 
was always my object and delight to render a perfect obedi- 
ence to God in the discharge of duty. Though I did, with 
others, feel a great tremor in my system under the cross. I 
was ever groaning to be freed from inbred sin, and generally 
felt its weight the greatest when with all my heart I was 
striving to break from its power, and was crying with the 
poet, " Every limb and every joint stretches for perfect pu- 
rity." Sanctification at this time was seldom preached upon 



200 THE RICHES OF GEACE. 

or talked about , consequently I had not the simple, happy 
theory of faith to aid me, but was all the while, (as I see 
now,) seeking it by works ; and verily thought, when I had 
gotten my thoughts, words and actions, so rightly organized 
that I did not offend with my tongue, I should then enjoy 
perfect love. Praise God, he did not break the bruised reed, 
or quench the smoking flax, till the same omnipotent voice 
and power which said, " Let there be Kght, and there was 
light," spoke to my inmost soul and said, " Arise, Arise ! 
thy light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon 
thee." The little leaven which was hidden in my heart, I 
knew not when, where, or how, had at length leavened the 
whole lump, and brought forth a new creation in my soul. 
Here was a change radical and glorious — complete regener- 
ation^ entire sanctification, perfect love, an ocean deep and 
wide, a place of broad rivers and streams. Here was para- 
dise restored ; my very flesh and bones seemed imbued with 
a spirit which was unearthly. I believe that, had I waked 
up in the eternal world, the change would not have been 
much greater or more astonishing to my vision than what I 
then realized. The Son of Man came to put an end to sin 
at a time when I did not expect him ; it was while praying 
in secret by my bed-side, before retiring to rest. The unut- 
terable bliss I then felt continued, without the slightest inter- 
ruption, for twenty-four hours, during which time I had no 
temptation, not even an idle thought passed through my 
mind, but I reclined on my Savior's bosom, feeling all was 
safe and secure as the infant in its mother's arms ; when, lo ! 
the serpent came, and, like Eve^ I listened^ believed in Mm^ 
and fell. Reader, take care how you listen to the enemy of 
your soul ! It was while praying in the same place where I 
received the blessing the night before, that the powerful as- 
sault was made at my soul. It was this : one wandering 



THE KICHES OF aHACE. 201 

thought only ; what that thought was I do not now remember, 
or should I e^er have thought of it again, if he had not made 
up a lie from it. He told me no one ever had idle, wander- 
ing thoughts while they enjoyed this blessing, and of course 
I had sinned. Believing this, it brought darkness equal to 
that of the sun being put out in the twinkling of an eye at 
noon-day. The darkness, the gloom, the horror, and the 
disappointment I then felt, was as great as the heaven of 
love which preceded it, and both were exceeding abundant, 
above all I ever realized before. The most of the night, 
with many others after it, I spent in agonizing prayer, till 
at length the angel of mercy appeared, crying, '' thou 
afflicted ! tossed with tempest and not comforted, for a mo- 
ment have I forsaken thee ; but with great mercies will I 
gather thee. My God will still supply all your need ac- 
cording to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus ; not by any 
works of righteousness which we have done, but according to 
his mercy he saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and 
renewing of the Holy Ghost." These precious truths sank 
deep in my poor heart, and I felt that my spirit was being 
melted by them like wax before the fire. The Sun of righte- 
ousness arose again in my soul, bright as the summer's noon- 
tide ray, and from that period to the present, it has never 
withdrawn its shining, so but that it has been as a pillar of 
cloud by day, and a pillar of fire by night, leading and guid- 
ing me to the " Lamb of God, that taketh away the sins of 
the world." But 0, with what slow and trembling steps have 
I followed this light ; how many times have I had to cry, my 
leanness, my leanness, so slow of heart to believe, and hard 
to understand the diiHFerence between temptation and sin, and 
that sin did not consist in being tempted, but in yielding to 
temptation ; and not until six months past have I been able 
so to abide in Christ, as to hold fast the profession of my 



202 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

faith without waveringj and reckoning myself dead unto sin 
and ahve unto God, through Jesus Christ my Lord. I be- 
lieve had I followed the teachings of the Spirit more fully, 
instead of taking for my doctrine the commandments of men, 
I might now have been a giant in the cause, whereas I am 
but a poor grovelling dwarf. I was advised by those in 
whom I placed the strictest confidence, to say as little about 
perfect love as possible, unless it was to those who enjoyed it, 
(as it would be casting pearls before swine,) and as I seldom 
met with those who enjoyed the blessing, I did of course say 
but little about it in public or private. Sometimes in my 
Christian zeal, the flame of love would rise so high that all 
around could see the light. This was a great trial to my mind, 
because I had given my brethren and the world reason to 
believe that I intended to make a public profession of the 
blessing. This I did not intend to do, as I had learned, as I 
supposed, that it would not tend to the glory of God. My 
chalice of joy at length ran over so often, that my trial be- 
came a burden too intolerable to be borne, and I had either 
to make a public profession of my faith, and no longer keep 
back a part of the price, or give up the ground, with all its 
pleasant fruits, into the hands of my enemy. Here was war ; 
to give up what I had for so many years learned by the aid 
of the Holy Spirit, and what I had been gathering, cherish- 
ing and cultivating, I could not ; and to make a public pro- 
fession of" entire sanctification I dare not, as I thought it 
would be impossible for me ever to come up to the standard 
of holy living which was requisite for all who took upon them 
this profession. At length I resolved in the strength of the 
Lord on perfect obedience ; to uncover the light and no 
longer to smother it ; to bind myself with all I had upon the 
altar that sanctifieth the gift, and believe that he who had 
ordered and accepted the same, was able, also, to establish 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 203 

and keep me from evil, and preserve me blameless unto the 
coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. No sooner had I put this 
resolution into practice, than trials, temptations, doubts and 
fears all fled like chaff before the wind, and it was as easj to 
believe the promises and obey the commandments of the 
Lord, as to breathe the air or eat my food ! I now saw more 
fully than ever before, that to obey was better than sacrifice, 
and that God never imparts the spirit of his grace to be 
put under a bushel. My heart soon appeared like a 
garden of choice fruit, sealed to all but God. Before, 
it was like a city without walls, or a garden without 
gates, without any thing to keep off the enemy. Now, 
there Avere both w^alls and gates ; yea, more, the firm 
lock and key o? faith d^xi^ good toorksv^ere applied, where- 
with I have been able so far to quench all the fiery darts of 
the wicked, and to keep the enemy of all righteousness on 
the outside of the walls. Here may he ever remain, and 
there will he remain, so long as Faithful keeps the gate. 
Praise the Lord, he has given me the oil of joy for mourning, 
and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. O 
may I ever offer unto him the sacrifice of praise, and may I 
be found under the shadow of his wings. He is my all and 
in all. I feel to rejoice ever more, to pray without ceasing, 
and in every thing to give thanks, and do daily taste of the 
good word of God, and the powers of the world to come. I 
know the darkness is past, and the true light now shineth. I 
believe, and do continually enter into rest. I believe that I 
abide in Christ, for I have the things I ask. I believe that 
I love God and his children, for his commands are not griev- 
ous, but joyous. I believe I am walking in the highway cast 
up for the ransomed of the Lord to walk in. I find no lions 
in the way, or any ravenous beasts therein ; praise the Lord. 
Nor do I see any gloomy vale of death at the end of the 



204 THE RICHES OE GRACE. 

way, but the strait gate is there, and over it is written, 
Eternal Life, No frightful ghost is pictured there ; no 
smoke of endless torment rises there ; but Jesus, with out- 
stretched arms and bleeding hands, is there ; the cross, all 
stained with hallowed blood, is there ; angels in their chariots 
of love are waiting there, to escort me to the paradise of 
God. Grlory^ honor ^praise and power he unto the Lamhfor 
ever. I believe I enjoy perfect love, for I have no fear, but 
great boldness, and feel to shout without ceasing the praises 
of my blessed Redeemer. 



EXPERIENCE XXVIII. 



Your request that I should state to you some of the points 
on which my own mind has labored respecting the precious 
doctrine of sanctification by faith, has laid me under an obli- 
gation which I dare not violate , though fully aware of my 
incompetency to do justice to such a subject. Often have I 
asked myself, when disposed to shrink from duty. Are not 
the vows of God upon me ? Did I not often promise, during 
that season of bitter anguish which I was passing through 
last year at this time, that if God would but reveal himself 
in my soul, I would cheerfully labor with all my powers to 
extend to others the knowledge of his name ; and shall I not 
'^ pay my vows which my lips have uttered^ and my mouth 
has spoken when I was in trouble ?" Shall I put my light 
under a bushel because it is not so brilliant as another's ? If 
I know my own heart, I think, dear sister, that I am willing 
to be a little one. Though my light be feeble as that of the 
glow-worm, it shall ever be emitted to the glory of Him who 
made me what I am. While I may endeavor, then, as God 
shall give me opportunity, to give you a plain account of some 
of the difficulties which have obstructed my own way, you are 
at perfect liberty to make any use of my experience which 

may seem calculated to aid the cause of our dear Immanuel. 
18 205 



206 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

Perhaps no single thing has presented a greater obstacle 
in my way than not clearly distinguishing the twofold light 
in which the Scriptures require us to accept Christ as our 
Savior. Is he not there clearly set forth, first, as fulfilling 
the righteousness of the law /or us, as our justifier; second- 
ly, as our sanctifier, fulfilling that righteousness in us ? The 
former presents him as paying our debts, the latter as wel- 
coming us to the treasures of heaven. The one sets us free 
from bondage, the other introduces us to all the privileges of 
children. By the one, guilt is removed, by the other, holi- 
ness is felt. The former can give us, at best, but a doubtful 
title to heaven, the latter brings heaven to earth. In a word, 
the one is a negative., the other is a positive good. 

My difficulty was not in a want of intellectual apprehen- 
sion of a truth so clearly taught in the Scriptures. But 
while, in the one case, my faith really took hold on his prom- 
ises to perform in me the purposes of his grace, so as to 
prove by sweet experience that Christ has power on earth to 
forgive sin, I was somehow expecting that the latter would 
follow as a consequence of the former, so as not even to feel 
the necessity of receiving Christ as my sanctifier, by a sepa- 
rate and continued act of faith. 

Paul, you know, tells us of some Christians who were yet 
carnal and walked as men, of some who, having begun in the 
Spirit, were seeking to be made perfect by the flesh. To 
whom could this language better apply than to myself ? I 
believe that I began in the Spirit. Never could I feel any 
fellowship with that doctrine, which regards man as having 
within himself a greater or less degree of virtue, which only 
needs cultivation in order to fit him for heaven. Whatever 
importance might be attached to Christ as our example, or 
to his precepts as the rule of our life, I have ever felt that if 
faith in him as our atonement were set aside, there could 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 207 

never be any real progress in virtue. Selfishness might be 
brought to manifest itself under a less disgusting form, but it 
would be selfishness still — • " Whatsoever is not of faithy is 
sin.^^ 

It has ever been my belief that we must be born of the 
Spirit — be renewed in the inner man, before we could ever 
commence a religious life. And, through the grace of God, 
I trust that more than seventeen years ago, I was brought to 
see my absolute need of a Savior, and to throw my guilty, 
self-condemned soul into the arms of his everlasting mercy. 
Since that time, my only hope has been in the pardoning 
grace of God, through the atoning blood of Jesus. 

But though I thus began in the Spirit, I now think that I 
was seeking, like the foolish Galatians, to be make perfect 
by the flesh. That is, instead of giving up all dependence 
on my own works, and clinging to Christ continually to work 
in me, both to will and to do of his good pleasure, I have not 
even suspected that I w^as rejecting an offered Savior, while 
vainly laboring to establish a righteousness of my own. My 
views, it is true, were very vague and indefinite on this sub- 
ject, but so far as I can now analyze them, they might be 
expressed something like this : — Regeneration imparts to the 
believer a greater or less degree of holiness, which is from 
time to time increased, just in proportion to our faithfulness 
in the use of the means of grace, while we look to Christ as 
our great example, and to the Holy Spirit as our sanctifier. 

In this way I have been laboring, striving and praying to 
have holiness built up in my heart. And though I could see 
no particular progress, yet I have attributed my failure 
rather to a deficiency of effort, than to my having wholly 
mistaken God's plan of sanctifying his people. From time to 
time these efforts have been increased, and I have struggled 
on, resolving and re-resolving, yet seeing no hope but that I 



208 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

must die the same. I now believe that neither any amount 
of efforts on mj part, nor yet of grace received from God, 
could ever have secured a growth of holiness in a heart like 
mine. As well might we hope to gather grapes of thorns, or 
figs of thistles. It was because I sought it not by faith, that 
I attained not that which I sought after. 

As a result, then, of my mixture of faith and works, I 
have known Christ only as a justifier. To this point, that 
is, receiving him as my justification, I was urged by the fact 
that I felt the absolute necessity of being justified before God. 
Yet even here I was not driven to Christ till I had tried every 
other refuge. And could I have ever been made to believe, 
that a theoretical faith in Christ as the sinner's justification 
was all that God required, I might to this day have rested 
in any thing else but Jesus, just as ten thousands do. In 
respect to sanctification, I did not feel the absolute necessity 
of being wholly the Lord's ; I did not realize that the gospel, 
as imperiously as the law, required me ''to serve the Lord 
my Grod with all my heart and with all my soul^ and to keep 
all his commandments and his statutes.^^ True, I have re- 
garded this as the mark to which I should ever aim. But 
though continually conscious of falling short, very far short 
of this mark, yet I was so stupid as to believe that my faith 
in Christ as the Lord, my righteousness and my sanctification, 
which I now see was mere theoretical faith, was all that the 
gospel required. My conscience, which has always convicted 
me of sin, has been silenced by the thought that salvation 
was dll of grace ; that, though I should be forced to give up 
in despair, were I depending on a single good act of my own, 
yet through grace I could now hope in Him who had perfectly 
fulfilled the righteousness of the law for me. Thus, instead 
of being driven to Christ as my sanctifier, I was constantly 



THE RICHES OP GRACE. 209 

driven back to him as my justifier ; though living in the 
Spirit, I was walking in the flesh. 

The distress of mind which I was passing through a year 
ago was not owing to my losing sight of the atonement of 
Christ, nor that I doubted his ability or his willingness to 
forgive my aggravated sins. As an all sufficient sacrifice, 
as our High Priest with God, I could still trust in him. 
Again and again had my burdened conscience found relief 
through faith in his blood, and felt the truth of that promise, 
" I have blotted out as a cloud thy tramsgressions^ and as a 
thick cloud thy sins,^^ How often has my sin-sick soul re- 
posed on Christ for pardon ; and, while from the depths of 
my heart I could exclaim, 

" A guilty, weak and helpless worm, 
On thy kind arm I fall," 

how often has there sprung up within me the soul-reviving 
consciousness of sins forgiven. I do believe that I had ex- 
perimental faith in Christ as a pardoning Savior. My trouble, 
then, must be sought in something else. 

My attention had been turned, as I trust, by the Spirit of 
God, to examine the conditions of discipleship^ as given by 
our Savior, rather than the terms of pardon. I heard the 
same voice which said. Behold thou art made whole^ add the 
imperative command. Sin no more^ lest a worse evil come 
upon thee. I saw that his gospel was designed to fulfil the 
righteousness of the law in us who walk not after the flesh 
hut after the Spirit — that " if we live after the flesh we shall 
die^'' but that if we walk in the Spirit ^ we shall not fulfil 
the lusts of the flesh. It was the gospel, not the law, that 
condemned me. And I felt that I needed Christ not only as 
a Priest, but as a King, ruling, reigning in my heart, and 

bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of 

18* 



210 THE RICHES OF aEACE. 

himself. I loved holiness ; my soul thirsted after it. It was 
the hope of obtaining it which made heaven above all things 
desirable. I could conceive of no heaven without it. Still 
I had the bitter consciousness that I was " carnal^ sold under 
sin,^^ " To will was present with me^ hut how to perform 
that which was good I found not,'^^ I could neither believe 
that Christ had abrogated the law by purchasing an indul- 
gence for his people, nor yet reconcile the strictness of its 
requirements with the Savior's declaration, " My yoke is 
easy, and my burden lights 

Whatever the world or Christians might think of me, or 
in whatever way others might understand the gospel, I wished 
only to know what Christ thought of me, and how he intend- 
ed his gospel to be understood. This was my position when 
light first broke into my mind respecting sanctification by 
faith. how glorious did the gospel appear when I first 
saw its completeness as meeting all my wants. Yet for a 
long time I saw it as Moses saw Canaan, not knowing that 
it would ever be my blessed portion. It was not till after a 
severe conflict that my proud heart was made willing to be 
utterly nothing, so as wholly to go out of self and live alone 
in another. Surely nothing but infinite grace and almighty 
love could ever have conquered such a soul. I have now 
given up all hopes of ever being any thing or doing any thing 
in myself; yet I see in Christ a full supply for every necessity 
of my being, and my faith lays hold on him as my only hope. 
In myself perfectly helpless, vile and wretched, yet in him I 
see that I may stand complete. I find it just as easy now to 
trust in him for strength to love him with all my soul, 
as I ever did to trust in him for pardon ; and I have the 
same sweet assurance that he does bestow the one blessing as 
the other. For the last eight months I have felt a sweet and 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 211 

abiding consciousness that Christ has my whole heart, and I 
wish to be his for ever. 

You, my dear sister, will understand me when I say, the 
world has lost its charm, the spell that bound me is broken ; 
Christ has captivated my heart, and I feel conscious of no 
other wish than to know and do his will. Had I understood 
my privilege and duty of living by faith in him seventeen 
years ago, how much more might I have accomplished in the 
service of him I love. How much more should I now know 
of his will ; how much better might I serve him the remain- 
der of my days. Pray, dear sister, that I may ever abide in 
him. 



EXPEEIENCE XXIX. 



I WAS born in this place the 18th day of July, 1801, and 
in the year 1821 was placed in a public office, where I am 
to the present as a surrogate. My father, who died in De- 
cember, 1803, was, I have since learned from others, deisti- 
cal in his religious notions. My mother, many years before 
her death, embraced religion and attached herself to the 
Methodist Episcopal Church, and died suddenly in March, 
1829, and I hope in the faith, although in the latter part of 
her life she was rather indifferent on the great subject of the 
souFs best interests. I do not recollect that my mother ever 
spoke to me of religion, more than she caused me to be learn- 
ed and repeat, when a child, the Lord's Prayer, on retiring 
to bed. With a view of commencing at my earliest convic- 
tions, I remark that, in 1810, or 1811, whilst the late Bishop 
Emery was laboring on this circuit during a revival of reli- 
gion, I was much affected, and the impressions made upon 
my mind at that time, strongly inclined me to be reUgious ; 
but I did not then yield to those impressions. From that 
time until the year 1823, 1824, or 1825, I had doubtless 
many slight convictions, but do not recollect any very serious 
and strong impressions until one of those years ; yet I was 
a regular attendant on the Methodist ministry. 

212 



THE RICHES OP GRACE. 213 

About this time, whilst I was sitting under the sound of 
the gospel, some truth reached my heart ; there was then no 
particular religious excitement or revival here, nor any extra 
effort being then made for the conversion of sinners. I was 
induced to leave the house of prayer and retire to a place in 
the open lot, where it seemed to be suggested to my mind if 
I would go then, I would obtain religion ; but after retiring 
to the place, and praying, I obtained no relief, but was led 
by suggestions made to my mind to go to another place, 
where I still found no relief. I then endeavored to break off 
from my sins, and did for some two or three months come out 
from the wicked, and took to reading the Scriptures, in which 
I had considerable delight ; conversed with several Christians, 
on the subject of religion, and spoke of my convictions, and 
was much encouraged by them and advised to give the sub- 
ject my special attention. During all this time I made no 
profession of religion, nor did I attempt to join any society 
of Christians. If I had done so, I have no doubt I should 
have saved myself some nineteen or twenty years of living 
in sin and folly, and rebellion to God ; for in an evil hour I 
gave way to a sudden temptation to anger, and lost my good 
impressions and strong desires. From that time to the year 
1843 I gave way to a course of sin and folly, and ran into 
many acts of gross wickedness, which make me blush to think 
of. Billiards, cards, dice, and such things, I delighted in ; 
notwithstanding I had many convictions of sin, righteousness, 
and a judgment to come. 

In 1840, whilst a friend was in great distress and seeking 
religion, I was deeply convicted of the importance of religion, 
and made many excuses, and even at one time took medicine 
to avoid going to the house of prayer, the exercises of which 
I could hear from my room. In March or April of 1843, I 
heard a sermon by the Rev. Mr. Vardon, of the M. P. 



214 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

Church, from these words, " All are yours," which made 
considerable impression on my mind ; soon after which a re- 
vival of religion commenced in the Methodist Episcopal 
Church of this place. The protracted services of this meet- 
ing had been begun and kept up for some eight or ten days 
before I ventured to the church, during which time my mind 
was suffering under painful excitement and anxiety. I was 
restless and uneasy — the Spirit doubtless striving with me 
and I resisting it. I felt an intense anxiety to learn every 
morning if any person had been forward the previous night 
to the anxious or mourners' bench, to seek religion ; yet I 
feared to ask. I learned, during the progress of the meet- 
ing, that the Rev. Mr. S. had said he was satisfied there 
would be a revival ; the announcement of this seemed to un- 
nerve me, and created in my breast singular emotions and 
flutterings. At length I learned some had been forward and 
found peace. Oh ! what feelings I had on hearing this ; 
fear, despair, conviction, seized my mind, my feelings became 
almost insupportable, yet notwithstanding I endeavored and 
succeeded measurably to conceal them under a cheerful coun- 
tenance. Sometime during that week, I, and one who is 
dear to me, together with a young lady, (who is still in the 
gall of bitterness, and for whose salvation I often pray,) made 
an agreement to go to church and go forward to the mourn- 
ers' bench to seek religion. This contract, or agreement, 
although made in seemingly trifling spirit with us all, was 
nevertheless adhered to, and we accordingly went to the 
church. When the invitation to seekers was given, my dear 

friend and Miss , and others went forward, which left no 

alternative for me. However, I tarried for a while, and ask- 
ed and insisted on an acquaintance that was sitting by my 
side to accompany me, observing to him I believed in the 
truth of experimental religion, and remarking at the same 



THE RICHES OE aRACE. 215 

time, that if others could obtain it we could, and that we 
were somewhat advanced in years, and were preventing, by 
our example, other persons from seeking religion ; he replied 
yes, he believed in it too, but refused to go forward, saying 
he did not feel like it. I observed, as well as I now recol- 
lect, neither do I, but I will go, and arose from my seat and 
went forward and kneeled under the most painful feelings of 
mortification and shame. After kneeling some five or ten 
minutes, my convictions increased and became deep, pungent 
and powerful, and I cried mightily to God for mercy, but 
could get no comfort that night. The next night I again at- 
tended and took a seat near, or among the members of the 
church (which I found a great cross to do), but refused to 
kneel at the mourners' bench ; yet I desired to be considered 
as a seeker. Oh, the pride of the human heart I During 
the meeting I continued to attend, refusing to kneel, only as 
the congregation kneeled. The protracted exercises of this 
meeting lasted some week or more after this, during the con- 
tinuance of which I found no permanent peace. After these 
services closed, I resolved to break off from my sins by righte- 
ousness. I therefore joined the society on trial, and forsook 
my former companions and places of amusement, and sought 
the company of the religious and pious, talked about religion, 
inquired of such the plan of salvation and of their Christian 
experience, prayed much, established regular hours for private 
prayer, became very punctilious in the observance of all the 
means of grace, especially class meetings and private prayer, 
(and have never to this day missed my class, unless distant or 
sick, except once ; then it was to attend preaching.) I 
became very attentive in reading the good book, often taking 
it on my knees and asking light from Heaven. Sometimes 
I fancied I had rehgion, and again I would be thrown into 
doubts and fears ; and would often despair of mercy, feeling 



216 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

my former course of life bear heavilj upon me. I repeatedly 
read Mr. Wesley's sermon on " Servants and Sons/' and 
was often comforted in the belief that I was a servant and 
should be saved. In August, 1843, a very particular friend 
died, whose death, together with other circumstances growing 
out of this Providence, gave me great affliction of mind, and 
added much to my previous distress ; however, it drove me 
close to a throne of grace, for the day after his interment I 
took up family prayer, and notwithstanding I found it a great 
cross and was often tempted to drop it, yet I persevered ; 
often almost despairing of ever obtaining a clear evidence of 
my acceptance with Heaven. However, it pleased God in 
his abundant goodness and mercy, after ten months, drinking 
the wormwood and gall, on the 7th of February, 1844, to 
set my captive soul at liberty. Whilst bowed before God in 
prayer (and immediately after closing the public prayer), 
I asked the Lord to show me what it was that prevented me 
from obtaining a knowledge of the forgiveness of my sins ; 
and that portion of Scripture came to my mind wherein it is 
said, "And a certain ruler asked him (Christ) saying, 
Good Master, what shall I do to inherit eternal life. And 
Jesus said unto him. Why callest thou me good, none is good, 
save one, that is God. Thou knowest the commandments, 
do not, &c. And. the ruler answered and said. All these 
have I kept from my youth up. Jesus replied. Yet lackest 
thou one thing ; sell all that thou hast and distribute unto 
the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven ; and come 
and follow me." I was struck at first with the importance 
of a literal compliance with the Savior's instructions, and . 
rather drew back when making an application of the language 
to my own case ; yet upon one moment's reflection, I resolved 
to acquiesce, even though this should be required of me, and 
replied I think audibly, "Yes, Lord, I will;" then it was, 



I 



THE KICHES OF GRACE. 217 

this language was communicated to my senses by the Holy 
Spirit, clear as if written in letters of gold before me, " Your 
sins are pardoned, you are free," and as quick as thought I 
was filled with the fruits of the Spirit, peace, love, ecstatic 
joy in the Holy Ghost, and was enabled to rise and rejoice in 
hope of the glory of God, having a new song put into my 
mouth, even praises to our God. Then was it manifest to 
me that I had no genuine religion before this. Yet I still 
believe, had it pleased Almighty God in his wise providence 
to call me from earth, at any time between April, 1843, and 
February 1844, he would have cut short the work in righte- 
ousness, and taken my soul to rest. Glory be to God for his 
forbearing mercy and tender kindness. 

The next morning after my justification, and regeneration, 
and entire forgiveness of my sins, I felt the kindlings of re- 
venge and unkind feelings towards an individual with whom I 
had had some misunderstanding touching a business matter. 
These feelings alarmed me much and gave me much uneasi- 
ness of mind for the moment ; yet I soon went to Christ, 
and inquired of him in my closet, how these things could be, 
and prayed that they might be removed ; and forthwith my 
heart was again filled with love to God and love for this same 
individual, as well as all the world. I was then very happy 
for two weeks, with little or no intermission. The language 
of my heart was, 

" Jesus all the day long, 
Is my joy and my song." 

After these feelings abated, I was again thrown into doubts 
and fears by discoveries of the remains of the carnal mind ; 
a disposition to anger, malice, revenge, pride, impatience, 
self-will, &c. &c., in all of which the enemy of God and man 
19 



218 THE RICHES OE GRACE. 

took the advantage of, and would and did make to me many 
suggestions. 

However, I now took a decided stand and prayed much, 
fasted, read the word of the Lord, inquired of the Lord on 
my knees with his word open before me, for light, and when 
done reading, would pray that instruction be sealed upon my 
heart, and that the truths might be treasured up in my mem- 
ory, that thereby my understanding might be enlightened, 
my judgment informed, that I might have my fruit unto holi- 
ness and my end peace. I never have, since God spoke 
peace to my mind, neglected any one day, (unless sick in 
bed,) the reading of a portion of the good book. I early 
discovered that I was growing in grace and in the knowledge 
of the truth as it is in Christ. At a camp-meeting, the sum- 
mer after my conversion, whilst a local brother was praying 
in the meeting tent, I received such a blessing as almost in- 
duced me to think it was sanctification, which I knew nothing 
of and had heard but little about. Yet I was early con- 
vinced after this, that my heart was not cleansed, for I still 
found in it the remains of the carnal mind. 

During the latter part of the year 1844, and the begin- 
ning of 1846, my mind was drawn to the subject of sanctifi- 
cation, or holiness of heart : chiefly, I think, by my own dili- 
gence in searching after truth, with the aid of the Holy 
Spirit enlightening my understanding. I was continually 
striving to know the truth of this doctrine, by doing the 
will of God, which I found to be the advice of Christ. 

I talked with many Christians, both of the ministry and 
laity, but (I regret to say it,) I could find but few that un- 
derstood or enjoyed this blessing. I examined Wesley, 
Fletcher, Peck, Carvosso, Mrs. Palmer, Clarke's Commenta- 
ry, and many other writers on the subject, in which I became 
very much interested. 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 219 

Sometime in the Spring and Summer of 1845, I visited 
Baltimore, and attended the Saturday evening meetings held 
at the chapel, by Dr. Roberts, for the benefit of those who 
were seeking holiness. I listened attentively to the experi- 
ence of others, and to the holy advice and instruction given 
by that man of God, but could not exercise faith so as to 
make a personal application of the advice. 

I have been (and I speak it without boasting and without 
the fear of contradiction,) attentive on all the means of 
grace, pubhc and private, from the time God in his infinite 
goodness spoke my sins forgiven, and I have enjoyed a large 
portion of the divine influence, and have been made to re- 
joice and shout the praises of the God of my salvation. I 
have been often much drawn out in prayer after holiness, 
entire sanctification, and often, rather despairing, become in- 
diSerent. 

In December, 1845, I was struck with the great victory 
I had obtained and was still obtaining over inbred sin, and 
began to believe more than ever in my privilege of obtaining 
the complete victory over the remaining corruptions of my 
nature, (if any,) for indeed I was sometimes almost con- 
strained to say, to be sure my inward foes are all vanquish- 
ed and gone. In January, 1846, our much beloved and 
dear Bishop Janes paid our village a pastoral visit, and 
preached some three or four times, once from Romans 8 : 
18, and 12 : 1, Rev. 3 : 18, in which he beautifully por- 
trayed the duties and privileges of Christians ; that they 
should by the mercies of God present their bodies living 
sacrifices, holy and acceptable unto God, which he clearly 
proved to be their reasonable service, showing that the sufier- 
ings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with 
the glory which shall be revealed in them ; he therefore 
counselled them to buy of Christ gold tried in the fire, that 



220 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

they might be rich, and white raiment, that thej might be 
clothed, that the shame of their nakedness might not appear, 
and to anoint their eyes with eye-salve that they might see. 
These sermons, together with a conversation had with the 
Bishop, and his general deportment and holy living, greatly 
encouraged me, and I became again deeply engaged with 
the Savior for a clean heart. These sermons were to many 
as bread cast upon the waters, seen after many days, and 
have been, I believe, the chief instrument of building up 
the walls of Jerusalem here, — (new church erected,') 

Sometime in February of the present year, (yxsi two years 
from the time God, for Christ's sake, forgave my sins,) I 
had retired to my chamber in the afternoon for prayer, and 
whilst kneeling and pleading with Grod for a clean heart, for 
the removal of all inbred sin, to be cleansed from all my 
idols, and to be sprinkled with clean water, for holiness of 
heart, for entire sanctification and dedication of all to God, 
and perfect love, I became much humbled before the Lord, 
with a deep sense of his presence, during which I felt much 
of the melting, tendering influence of his grace, with great 
poverty of spirit, weeping and agonizing with considerable 
earnestness of soul, when the Holy Spirit gently communi- 
cated to my mind, " that you ask for, you have." This 
was entirely different from what I had expected, as I did 
expect it to come as the rushing of a mighty wind. My 
faith laid hold and I believed, and whilst retiring from my 
chamber and proceeding down stairs, with my foot resting 
on the first step, the enemy suggested. May you not have 
been mistaken ? — and forthwith I began to doubt, and im- 
mediately returned to my chamber and bowed before God, 
and asked of him a renewal of the witnesses or a confirma- 
tion of that given, whereby all doubts might be banished 
and my faith increased, and again the same language was 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 221 

sealed upon my mindj " that you ask for, you have ;" after 
which I heartily praised the Lord in silence ; my soul seem- 
ed to exult greatly with deep humility, and great meekness 
and poverty of spirit. 

I resolved at once I would make a profession of my faith 
in Christ's sufficiency to cleanse from all sin, from a know- 
ledge of what I had thus felt and now enjoyed. I found 
many temptations to hold my peace ; the enemy suggesting 
that I had not made a profession of religion sufficiently long 
to profess hoUness, that there were so many others in society, 
even in the class to which I was attached, who had been ten, 
fifteen and twenty years in society, and had never made any 
such profession, and some of them were considered very 
pious, and that they would not believe me. 

However, I resolved that others might do as they would, 
I should and would acknowledge, as I believed it to be my 
duty to do, what the Lord had done for me, and accordingly 
I did so the first opportunity, which was in class, probably 
the next evening, and I have never from that day to this 
ever regretted my profession, or for one moment doubted 
the genuineness of the work. I have felt from that time 
to the present, that all doubts and fears were gone, all 
roots of bitterness, anger, wrath, mahce, impatience, self- 
will, are all expelled, and I have an abiding consciousness 
that I please God, and shall, by faith through grace, 
inherit eternal life. Patience now has its perfect work, 
and perfect love hath cast out all fear which hath torment, 
either of death, hell, or falling from grace, though I am 
conscious I yet dwell in a house of clay, and have no confi- 
dence in the flesh. I have had various temptations and in 
various ways, but out of them all the Lord delivered me, 
and continues thus to deliver, and I am assured he ever 
will whilst I put my trust in him and cast my care on him. 
19* 



222 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

I have often been in great heaviness from these temptations, 
but whilst thus tempted and tried, I have felt always a 
calmness and peace within, whilst my soul has been sus- 
tained by the promises, " Lo, I am with you always ;" 
" Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but God is able 
to deliver them out of them all ;" " In six troubles I will 
be with you," &c. ; and in patience I am enabled to possess 
my soul. I trust it will not be considered presumption in 
me to assert positively that I have never for one day in 
the shghtest manner yielded to the influence of sin; I 
certainly have never for one moment since felt any con- 
demnation. I have now an imphcit confidence and trust 
in the atonement, and perceive that I am daily strength- 
ened in faith, and am advancing still in the knowledge 
and love of Christ. I now understand spiritually what is 
meant by Paul in the 11th chapter of Hebrews, by faith 
all things were done as therein enumerated. I feel that I 
am now crucified with Christ and made comformable to his 
death, " the body of sin is destroyed ;" and I, (that is my 
corrupt nature,) live no longer, being dead to sin, but 
Christ liveth in me, and is as a well of water springing up 
unto eternal life, and as a fountain in my inmost soul, from 
which all tempers, words and actions flow, and the fife that 
I now five in the flesh, even in this mortal body, I live by 
faith in the Son of God. 

Since I have been thus established and made this pro- 
fession, I have had the good pleasure of seeing the work 
of the Lord revive much in this part of his moral vine- 
yard. Some six or eight other witnesses have been raised 
up to testify of this great salvation, and many others are in 
full stretch for the kingdom ; praise be to Jesus' name, the 
work is reviving here ; the will of the Lord be done, praise 
ye the Lord. 



EXPERIENCE XXX. 



From the earliest period of my remembrance, my thoughts 
and feelings have been religiously inclined. Not being 
blessed with pious parents, and on account of feeble health, 
Jiaving but few religious privileges, I remained in perfect 
ignorance of the way of salvation " by/azYA," till I was six- 
teen or seventeen years of age. At times my mental an- 
guish was intense. My soul would frequently breathe forth 
the following sentiment of the poet, 

" 'T is a point I long to know, 
Oft it causes anxious thought; 
Do I love the Lord or no, 
Am I his or am I not?" 

As soon as I understood in theory the way of faiih^ my 
purpose to be immediately saved, became fixed and unwaver- 
ing. Sufiice it to say, my mind became tranquil, and at 
times joyous. All the prominent evidences of being in a jus- 
tified state before God, were freely imparted to my poor hun- 
gering soul. In this state I lived some twelve or fifteen 
years without having heard or understood any thing definite- 
ly respecting the doctrine of entire sanctification. I now 
think, however, there were seasons in which I was in this 

223 



224 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

state, though at the time unconscious of the fact. I 
loved God with all my heart ; loved his will in preference 
to every thing else, and delighted to meditate upon his glo- 
rious attributes. Some four or five years since, I became 
acquainted with one who understood this subject both in 
theory and by experience. By his personal efforts in my 
behalf, I became deeply interested to know and to experience 
all that was my privilege of the blessing of gospel holiness. 
Such were my desires for this, that it seemed at times as 
though soul and body would part. I viewed myself sinking, 
as it were, beneath a load I had not power to sustain nor 
power to throw off. I now came to a stand in my mind ; 
and was for a short time unconscious of doing, or desiring to 
do any thing, not even to hope, or to pray, or to yield the 
conflict. While in this state, in a moment there was an in- 
describable consciousness of the divine presence, which per- 
vaded and filled my soul, and there was a stillness, an awe 
that dared not move. I sat in silence (although in com- 
pany,) for some time. I did not wish to move or speak lest 
that spirit should pass away from me. However, when I did 
move and speak, it remained ; and for some days it seemed 
as though my soul swam like a mote in the sunbeams of 
atoning righteousness. I now believed for the first time that 
my soul had entered the Canaan of " perfect love." 

Some time after this, while passing through severe trials, 
and manifold temptations, I began to doubt the genuineness 
of the work : unbelief grew stronger and stronger, till I gave 
up the idea that I ever had yet experienced the blessing. A 
year or two passed on, in which I enjoyed much at times, 
But made no pretensions of being in a sanctified state, though 
some of my friends thought and expressed themselves dif- 
ferently about me. This, however, afforded me no satisfac- 
tion, but rather added to my griefs. The Lord now raised 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 225 

me up another Christian acquaintance, who was diligent in his 
efforts to set me right again. He dwelt on the necessity of 
living for the present moment hy faith^ and being very care- 
ful not to attach any importance to frames and feelings. 
" Leave ity (he would say,) entirely with the Lord to give 
feeling, or no feeling , to give joy^ or to give sorrow. Make 
and maintain the entire consecration, and then expect the ful- 
filment of Grod'^s promises.^^ With these instructions I 
cheerfully complied. Since that time my soul has been in 
constant peace, though not always joyful. I sometimes 
weep, and sorrow, and grieve ; but I am just as content and 
happy with these as with joyous emotions. I regard them as 
being equally the fruits of the Spirit. Faith looks up and 
claims the divine aid and presence in every duty. There is 
no shunning the cross, no parleying with temptation. God's 
will is law, yea, in every thing the best for me. If life or 
death, prosperity or adversity, were proposed to me for a 
choice, I choose to refer it to the Lord to give that which he 
sees best. Thus I live day by day under the consciousness 
of entire submission, and with a constant resting on the aton- 
ing Sacrifice for every thing I have or want in time and in 
eternity. Had I been instructed in the outset of my religi- 
ous course to make the entire consecration, and then to live 
and walk solely by faith, without attaching any importance 
to frames and feelings, I should have been saved years of 
mental conflict and useless toil. 



EXPERIENCE XXXI. 



In the autumn of 1842, the doctrine of Christian Perfec- 
tion was first distinctly presented to me, as having claims 
upon my understanding and heart. A dear brother, through 
the Lord's great goodness, was brought into the enjoyment 
of what he called " the blessing of sanctification," and urged 
upon me the privilege and duty of giving my undivided heart 
to the Savior I had long professed to love. Owing to de- 
nominational views, and misapprehension of his terms, I was 
very much opposed to the doctrine, although I could but 
acknowledge, his experience was scriptural, that he was in a 
" good place," and I felt an earnest desire to obtain a simi- 
lar state of mind. My first step was to drop all controversy, 
and confine my attention to that which was beyond dispute, 
— the duty of loving God with all the heart. For the en- 
couragement of those who are laboring with friends and rela- 
tives on the subject of holiness, I will just say — that bro- 
ther's efforts, accompanied by his believing prayers, under 
Grod, removed my prejudices against the doctrine, and were 
the means of bringing me into the glorious liberty of the gos- 
pel. 

My views of divine truth, and the object I desired, were 
exceedingly indefinite. A deeper work of grace was what 1 

226 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 227 

felt that I needed ; having always been a doubting, halting 
Christian, (if indeed I was a child of God,) I earnestly de- 
sired ^' to read my title clear," and finally determined not to 
rest till I had obtained a full assurance of an interest in 
Christ. I asked the aid of the Holy Spirit, that I might be 
made to see just what I was, just what I needed ; with a 
sincere desire to know and be led in the way of all truth. 

The first work of the Spirit was to convince of sin ; the 
guilt of withholding part of the price ; I had been trying to 
serve God with a divided heart ; no wonder I had always 
felt it would be presumption for me to say, " I know that my 
Redeemer lives." 

Are you willing now to be wholly the Lord's ? Enth^e 
consecration is the absolute requisition ; I could get no fur- 
ther till this point was settled. I saw that it was a reason- 
able as well as a just requirement. A distinct querj^- was 
proposed by the Spirit ; in itself the thing was trifling, harm- 
less : owing to circumstances, it was made a test question, I 
shrunk from the sacrifice, — aZm(?s^ feeling that God was a 
hard master to require me to give up a thing not in itself 
sinful, though I was conscious of its being a hindrance to 
a spiritual mind. I continued in this state for tueeJcs^ en- 
countering many snares and wiles of the great adversary, 
aided by a deceitful heart and a rebellious will. As often as 
I made special effort by prayer or otherwise, I was met 
by a specific requisition, till at length I was enabled to give 
it up and say, " Yes, Lord, any thing^ every tiling thou seest 
best. 

A calm, peaceful state of mind ensued, arising from the 
consciousness that there was no longer a controversy between 
my will and God. I had been enabled to make an entire 
consecration, and felt a willingness to do^ or be any thing, 



228 THE KICHES OE aRACE. 

and a sweet satisfaction iu the thought that a holy God 
reigned. 

But I did not yet apprehend the way of faith. I still felt 
it would be presumption for me, a vile, guilty worm of the 
dust, to believe in the Lord Jesus Christ. When I related 
the state of my mind to the dear brother before mentioned, 
he at once urged upon me the duty of believing God. If I 
was conscious that all was submitted^ body, soul and spirit, 
laid upon the altar, then I ought to believe the offering was 
accepted. 

Although slow of heart to believe, a new thought had been 
suggested, and after he left me I continued to ponder upon 
it, inquiring. Lord is it so ? Immediately another distinct 
train of thought was presented to my mind. I seemed to see 
myself as one of a company of condemned sinners, awaiting 
execution. The Son of God comes forward, saying, these 
need not perish, I will die for them. God accepts the substi- 
tute, — will the sinner ? With my whole heart, most gladly, 
most thankfully I cried, yes. The scales fell from my eyes : 
I cried. Lord, I believe — 

"'Tis done, the great transaction's past, 
I am my Lord's, and he is mine. 

There was no excitement, but it seemed to be a calm, de- 
liberate reception of the precious atonement, by the under- 
standing and affections, with a yielding up of the will and 
the whole being to the Lord. The first thought was, shall I 
continue in sin ? The next, God forbid ! I am not my own, 
I belong to Christ ; and an indescribable precious sense of 
union with Him, sprung up in my heart, — a feehng that I 
lived, yet not I but Christ lived in me. I seemed, by that 
act of faith, to be incorporated into, and become a living 



THE RICHES OP GRACE. 229 

branch of the living Vine ; drawing spiritual life, as truly 
and distinctly from Christ, as the branch does from the vine. 

It was in February, 1843, that I was enabled to receive 
the Lord Jesus as my Wisdom, Righteousness, Sanctification 
and Redemption ; and as I received Him, so have I endea 
vored to walk in Him, by simple faith, up to the present mo- 
ment. I have indeed been " kept by the power of God, 
through faith ; " to God be all the glory. I have not spoken 
of the joy and peace that have flowed from behoving in 
Jesus ; they cannot be described — to be known, they must 
be felt. 

This work of grace has been characterized by a deep sense 
of the evil of sin, of my exceeding sinfulness, and a clear 
apprehension of the extent and fullness of the atonement, the 
ample provisions of grace, so entirely meeting the wants of 
depraved nature. All the great doctrines of the Bible have 
been more readily perceived and greatly endeared; the 
Scriptures have become life and power ; the precious words 
" sweeter than honey to my taste." 

Prayer is no longer a formal duty, but is become, so to 
speak, the habit of my soul. I find my thoughts and my 
desires rising spontaneously to God, not only at stated times, 
and for special objects, but at all times and in sudden emer- 
gencies, the heart is lifted up for direction ; " Thou shalt 
guide me by thy counsel," seems to be its language. 

My views of the spirituality and extent of God's perfect 
law, have been greatly enlarged ; there are no longer any little 
sinSy — the slightest deviation from that law requires fresh 
application to the blood that cleanseth from all sin. When 
conscience reproves, (and the inward monitor is very vigi- 
lant,) I find my best way to fly at once to this fountain ; in- 
deed I try to keep in that precious fountain, that maketh 
; " every whit whole." 
20 



230 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

The most decided change I find to be in the will and affec- 
tions. I am aware it is a great thing, to say, the will of 
God is my will, but I do feel, that in this respect God has 
given me a "new heart." I am able to speak with more 
confidence on this point, from the fact that the Lord has sub- 
jected me to a most rigid course of discipline, and has seen 
fit, in his unerring wisdom, to test my submission in ways 
extremely trying to the natural heart. The cup of sorrow 
has often been put to my Hps ; friend after friend has been 
taken from my sight ; the dearest earthly ties severed, and 
my family dispersed under circumstances of peculiar trial : 
but the precious Savior has himself been with me, sustaining 
my spirit, strengthening my faith, enabling me to say with 
one of old, " Although the fig tree shall not blossom, neither 
shall fruit be in the vines, &c. ; yet I will rejoice in the 
Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation." In view of 
anticipated trial, I have felt to say, " If it be possible let this 
cup pass, nevertheless — not my will, but thine." But if the 
bitter draught was presented, the blessed Lord enabled me 
to see that it was presented by the same loving hand that 
was nailed to the cross, and to receive it with a submissive 
spirit. 

One more circumstance I will mention, to show what God 
has done for me, and what cause I have to magnify the 
riches of his grace. For five years I have been confined to 
my couch by painful disease ; never free from some degree 
of suffering, at times severe. The first and second years of 
my illness, I was kept from murmuring, but I had a will; 
I did not choose to be where I was placed, and was ever hop- 
ing and looking for a favorable change in my disease. When 
I was brought into the blessed rest of faith, I was enabled to 
give that matter all up. I had such a sense of the hand of 
God in my continued sickness, and such a desire that his 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 231 

will should be done, that I did indeed enter into rest. The 
Lord has so graciously manifested himself to me, in seasons 
of severe pain, that I have felt my situation to be any thing 
but an affliction. I think I know, in some measure, what 
made Paul and Silas sing at midnight in prison. 

In view of still further suffering, I am enabled to say, " the 
will of the Lord be done." He has given me a desire to 
glorify him : let him choose his own way. If he will but 
pernnt a worm of the dust to honor him in any way, I 
have abundant cause for gratitude and praise. 



EXPERIENCE XXXII. 



In the days of my childhood, I was powerfully awakened 
by the Spirit of God, to a sense of my danger, as a sinner 
out of Christ, while reading the memoir of a pious lady. I 
saw myself a guilty, condemned sinner, before a just and 
holy God. I resolved at once to renounce the world, and 
live a Christian life. Soon the Lord spoke peace to my soul. 
The evidence of my acceptance with God was clear and sat- 
isfactory. I almost thought I was living in a new world. I 
felt that the Savior was in me and all around me. 

" Jesus all the day long 
Was my joy and my song." 

Soon after this, a member of the church in the place 
where I resided, came to converse with me respecting the 
happy change I had recently experienced. I rejoiced to see 
him, fully believing him to be one of the faithful followers of 
the Savior, having had the privilege of but very little reli- 
^ous conversation. After sitting a few moments in silence, 
he asked me " If I loved God." I answered, yes. Said 
he, " Have you had no doubts respecting it ? " None, I re- 
plied. Turning to my mother, who also was a member of the 

232 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 233 

same church with himself, he replied, " It is very strange 
that she has had no doubts." He said very little more, and 
left the house. I was much disappointed. Feeling, as the 
poet expresses, 

" Weaker than a bruised reed. " 

I expected, through his conversation, to receive strength 
and encouragement to walk the narrow, happy way. I had 
not learned that I must doubt my conversion, if I would be a 
Christian : nay, I had not so received Christ. And I now 
believe it to be the theory of the adversary. For a while I 
rejoiced in the smiles of my heavenly Father. But having 
very few religious privileges, and being surrounded with op- 
position from within and without, I soon began to decline in 
my spiritual life ; and before one year had passed away, I 
found I had almost imperceptibly deviated from the way that 
leads to God. I made many weak attempts to return, but 
as often failed ; till finally I retreated back into the world, 
and sufiered the enemy to gain the victory. Often while 
joining the gay circle, would the grieved and insulted Spirit 
of God find way to my heart, gently whispering, " When 
sinners entice thee, consent thou not." Thus I lived, prov- 
ing by experience, that " the way of transgressors is hard," 
until twenty-one years of age. About this time, a minister 
came into our village, and preached a few times. My health 
being very poor, I was not able to attend his ministry ; but 
he, with true apostolic zeal, taught publicly, and from house 
to house. He sought and found the stray lamb. He assist- 
ed me in returning to my Father's house. Again my soul 
rejoiced in God my Savior. I now united with the church ; 
but being mostly confined at home by ill-health, I enjoyed but 
few religious privileges. I now felt that I only lived to love 
and serve my God. But soon, " the foes that lurk within," 
20* 



234 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

commenced their warfare, and often allured me from the 
path of duty. 

In 1840, I felt the need of a closer walk with God. Al- 
though hearing but little said on the subject of hohness, I 
now began to see it my privilege to live in a state of entire 
consecration to Grod. The promises of God encouraged me 
to seek for it ; but here I met with great difficulties ; the 
way was too narrow for me. I could not make the required 
sacrifice. I now concluded to live as near the Lord as I 
could without the blessing, hoping it would finally be well 
with me. But still, at times, I was powerfully convicted for 
a pure heart. 

In 1841, the Lord raised me up another spiritual friend, 
in sending Br. M. to labor on the circuit where I then Hved. 
He was a humble, devoted follower of Christ. From my 
first interview with him, I was convinced of the necessity of 
being holy. About this time, a sister in the church sent me 
a few numbers of the Guide ; which proved to be just what 
I needed, to explain the way of faith to my understanding. 
I now resolved to give myself to the Lord without reserve. 
Often when attending the public worship of God, would my 
soul be filled with such a sense of the divine presence, as 
scarcely to be able to restrain my tongue from shouting the 
high praise of God : but the pride of my heart would not 
permit this. I would not be a shouting Christian on any ac- 
count. I had heard some people shout, and praise the Lord, 
whom I considered to be Christians, but thought they were 
" zealous overmuch," though humble and happy. I often 
wished myself as happy as I supposed them to be, but I also 
wished to appear respectable at all times in the eyes of the 
world. I now clearly saw, if I would be holy, I must also 
be humble. I daily mourned my distance from the Savior. 
The burden of my prayer was, — 



THE RICHES OE GRACE. 235 

" O, for a closer walk with God." 

But how to make the required sacrifice ; how to be wilhng 
to have my " name cast out as evil for the Son of man's sake," 
and be called a fool and an enthusiast ; how to meet the scorn 
and ridicule of friends and relatives, and perhaps be an out- 
cast from their society, as yet I found not. 

About this time, Br. M. was to preach a lecture near our 
place of residence ; after the lecture, there was to be a class- 
meeting. The time arrived, and I with many others attend- 
ed. Br<. M. dwelt on the subject of entire sanctification : 
his words, attended by the energies of the Holy Spirit, reach- 
ed the inmost recesses of my heart. I was blessed mth a 
sense of the divine presence of God ; the Spirit bade me 
give God the praise. I shrunk from the cross, still feeling a 
strong aversion to such exercises. " Here the Spirit left me, 
and darkness filled my soul. Here the pride and stubborn- 
ness of my heart were clearly discovered to me. Pride and 
the esteem of the world were not yet laid upon the altar : 
but, still resolved on obtaining the blessing, I promised the 
Lord, if he would permit his Spirit once more to return to 
my disconsolate heart, I would endeavor to obey him in all 
things. Soon the Holy Comforter returned, mth peace and 
love, into my soul: the same duty was presented, — again I 
hesitated ; my good name ; how can I give that up ? It was 
suggested to me, ''If you submit to that requirement, you 
will never again dare to show yourself in good society, but 
must mingle only with the low and ignorant." Language 
fails to express the anguish of that moment ! The conflict 
was severe ! " The enemy thrust sore at me." Such was 
the darkness with which I was surrounded, I feared the Spirit 
had taken his everlasting flight ; but he who died to destroy 
the works of the devil, drew near '' with the tokens of his 



236 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

passion," and engaged in my behalf. Again I dared to 
promise my merciful Grod, if he would permit his Spirit to 
return, I would be his without reserve, come hfe or death. I 
now felt the consecration to be entire. All was upon the a,l- 
tar. How solemn ; how interesting that moment ! I felt I 
was waiting for the fire to descend and consume the sacrifice. 
Presently I felt the Holy Spirit descending with his heavenly 
influences, and resting upon me ; and ere I was aware, the 
praises of my Redeemer were sounding forth from my enraptur- 
ed soul. By faith in the atonement, I claimed the blessing mine. 
I no longer regarded appearances ; the old man of sin had 
received his death-blow. The Lamb had gained the victory ! 
" Grlory, glory, glory be to God," was now the language of 
my heart, while my bodily powers were nearly overcome by 
the weight of divine love resting upon me. the victories 
of the cross ! I could exclaim with the poet, — 

" Tis done ; thou dost this moment save, 
With full salvation bless ; 
Redemption through thy blood I have, 
And spotless love and peace.'' 

I was willing the whole world should hear me shout the 
praises of my Redeemer. After the sermon was over, class- 
meeting commenced. We had a heavenly season. When 
spoken to, I related the exercises of my mind during the 
sermon, and also acknowledged what the Lord had done for 
me. Class-meeting being over, I returned home. All nature 
presented a new aspect ; and although encumbered with the 
cares of a family, I lived above the world. The Bible was 
far more precious to me than ever before. My views of the 
atonement I can never express ; so perfect, — so exceeding 
broad. With joy I was enabled to bear the cross in confess- 
ing before the church and the world what great things the 



THE RICHES 01' GRACE. 237 

r 

Lord had done for me. From that time to the present, I trust 
I have walked in the " narrow way." I still feel that I am 
a " sinner saved hy graced Now^ when the enemy tells me 
I am out of good society, I can say, while I am blessed with 
the presence of the Father, Son and Spirit, who will dare to 
say, I am out of good society ? When it is suggested that 
my company is low and ignorant, I can say it is only with the 
lowly in heart I love to associate. Glory be to God ! we 
know Christ, and him crucified. I find no other way to dwell 
in the secret place of the Most High, but by perseverance in 
the path of duty. By the assistance of grace, I am resolved 
to abide in the ship until I gain the port of endless rest. 
Glory be to God. 

" And when I quit this cumbrous clay, 
And soar on angels' wings away, 
My soul the second death defies, 
And reigns eternal in the skies," 



EXPERIENCE XXXIII. 



My childhood was marked with developments of sorrow 
and depression, combined with sensibihty. At the age of 
seven years, I was the subject of deep religious impressions, 
and was frequently under the most pungent convictions for 
sin, until I entered my nineteenth year ; about that time I 
was reading Milton's Paradise Lost, and Hervey's Medita- 
tions : these works had a tendency to convince me more 
thoroughly, of the necessity of the atonement, and to deepen 
my religious impressions, which had then amounted to an 
anguish of soul. I was very careful to conceal the state of 
my mind from every individual — a strange timidity which 
accompanied all my religious experience. In the deepest 
mental affliction, I repaired to a distant place on the farm, 
and while on my knees in prayer, was powerfully and glori- 
ously converted to God. I rose triumphant, but fell pros- 
trate ; the praises of my Redeemer flowed freely from my 
lips, comforting passages of Scripture occurred to my mind, 
with force and joy : my happiness continued inexpressible ; 
for three days and nights, Satan scarcely dared to tempt me. 

Three years since the Life of Carvosso was put into my 

hands by my class-leader ; I read it carefully, and found 

that it was my privilege to make higher attainments in the 

238 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 239 

divine life than I had yet known. I earnestly besought the 
Lord to deepen his work of grace in my heart, and grad- 
ually lost all relish for every thing that was not of a holy 
character. I grew more fervent and importunate in prayer, 
and felt sensible of an increase of faith. A close investiga- 
tion of the Scriptures had a tendency to confirm me in this 
holy faith. I plainly saw that the sacred pages were richly 
fraught with promises of sanctifying grace, and frequently 
advocated and enforced the doctrine. 

On the first day of last October, (a memorable day to me,) 
while sitting in company with two of my sisters, and expound- 
ing the Word of God on that subject, the Spirit of the Lord 
descended upon me with so much power and glory, that I 
do not think I could have lived, if he had not in a measure 
withdrawn it. I was filled Avith all the fullness of God, and 
and could only exclaim, " I am sanctified, I am sanctified." 
I seemed to be bathing in an ocean of perfect love ; my life 
was hid with Christ in God, who had cleansed me from all 
sin, by the application of his more than precious blood. It 
is in vain I attempt to describe what I experienced on that 
occasion ; language is far too weak, my words sink down un- 
der the weight of the meaning I wish to convey. Since 
then I have enjoyed that peace which passeth all understand- 
ing. My joys have been pure and abundant. I seem to 
have lived all my life in comparative darkness, with only an 
occasional ray of light ; but now my sun shines night and 
day ; the Scriptures are an inconceivable rich mine, which 
grows brighter and more precious, as I advance ; and in the 
midst of these sanctifying joys, I am often assailed by 
temptations and trials of a formidable character ; but glory 
to God, they are made my richest blessings ; I have a sweet 
and abiding assurance, that Christ is my in-dweUing Savior ; 
I am indeed a new creature. " Old things have passed 
away, and all things are created anew in Christ Jesus.'' 



EXPERIENCE XXXIV. 



My natural disposition was serious and thoughtful, rather 
inclined to melancholy than gaiety. From a child I felt 
deeply the necessity of a change of heart, to qualify me for 
the enjoyment of that world of spirits where none but the 
pure and holy are permitted to enter. I was timid and fear- 
ful, and the prospect of death was terrifying. I sometimes 
retired to secret places to ask God to have mercy on me and 
pardon my sins. When nearly grown, the Lord was pleased 
to send an affliction on me which blasted all my earthly pros- 
pects ; but with the affliction these words were applied to my 
mind: 

" Afflictions, though they seem severe, 
Are oft in mercy sent." 

I often thought of the words, but my heart was unbeheving, 
and rather inclined to murmur at the dark ways of Provi- 
dence ; and often did my wicked heart rise in rebellion 
against God, and reproach him for unkindness and injustice. 
My convictions continued to increase. I felt that I had a 
wicked heart, and that I was wretched and undone, without 
an interest in the merits of the Savior. I began to seek 
with my whole heart the pardon of my sins. I read the 

240 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 241 

Scriptures and prayed frequently ; and employed all my 
energies to subdue every evil propensity — determined never 
to give up the struggle. Glory be to God, he did not suffer 
me to seek in vain. A ray of light penetrated my benighted 
soul, and I felt a peace and calm that I had never before en- 
joyed ; and there seemed to be a " still small voice," assur- 
ing me that my sins were blotted out, and that I had accept- 
ance with God through Jesus Christ our Savior. But I was 
not satisfied ; the light which I had received v^^as too dim, and 
my evidence was not as bright as I desired. I ventured to 
express to a friend the change that I had felt, but assured 
him that I could not take this for conversion. This con- 
fession brought with it an increase of light and faith, which 
grew brighter and stronger until every doubt was removed, 
and I was filled with peace, and love, and joy in the Holy 
Ghost. Death had no longer any terrors to me. For about 
three months I had neither doubts nor fears. I could say 
continually, 

" Not a cloud doth arise to darken my skies, 
Nor hide for one moment the Lord from my eyes." 

Had I then seen the conflicts and diflSculties that awaited me, 
I should have shrunk from the field of battle and sunk in 
despair. But the Lord has led me on step by step, and I 
have ever found his grace sufiicient for me. In my darkest 
and most trying hours, he has never suffered my faith to fail. 
I have fought a thousand battles, and he has given me as 
many victories. Glory be to God, I can now look back upon 
my past life, and with feelings of love and gratitude to God, 
say, 

" In all my ways thy hand I own ; 
Thy ruling Providence I see." 

How sweetly do I feel that all my trials and afflictions have 
21 



242 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

been sanctified to my good. Glory be to God, for the 
praise is all due to him. " Bless the Lord, my soul, and 
forget not all his benefits." About the year 1833, I was 
thrown among the people called Methodists ; and as I became 
acquainted with their doctrines and customs, my heart was 
drawn towards them by the strongest chord of Christian 
affection. Surrounding circumstances made me feel it my 
duty, as well as privilege, to unite myself to this society of 
Christians. I have learned that there were yet higher at- 
tainments in religion than I had ever before thought was my 
privilege to enjoy. I was delighted. It was the very thing 
that my soul longed for. Whenever I found any thing writ- 
ten upon the subject of " holiness " or " perfect love," I read 
it w^ith eagerness and a sincere desire to be made a partaker 
of the blessing. I sought it in the sincerity of my heart, and 
sometimes felt that I was ready to lay hold on the blessing ; 
but my faith would waver, and thus I suffered myself to be 
deprived of this inestimable treasure for years, — sometimes 
doubting my privilege to enjoy it, and sometimes seeking it 
with my whole heart. 

Last fall I was very much encouraged to renew my efforts, 
and double my diligence. Several persons of my acquaint- 
ance had professed to enjoy the blessing. I was fully con- 
vinced that it was mt/ privilege also. And I determined, by 
the grace of God, never to give up the struggle, cost what 
it would ; that I would never again rest satisfied until I felt 
that I had a clean heart, and enjoyed that " perfect love " 
which " casteth out fear." But instead of looking to Jesus 
immediately, as my all-sufficiency, I began to look at my own 
unworthiness and surrounding difficulties. Consequently my 
mind became overwhelmed with darkness, and difficulties 
seemed to multiply and rise like mountains before me ; until 
my way seemed so hedged up that I almost despaired of vie- 



J 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 243 

tory. But I was continually encouraged by my faithful pas- 
tor, to persevere J though all things should appear to be against 
me. I denied myself, and took my every cross ; and the 
language of my heart was, '^ Though thou slay me, yet will 
I trust in thee." While in this state of mind I heard a ser- 
mon in which the Savior and the promises were presented to 
my mind in a most striking and forcible manner. I had a 
severe conflict with unbelief. At length it gave way, and I 
felt that I had gained the victory. I felt that the Savior was 
mine, his peace mine, his promises were mine, and his love 
was mine. I was inexpressibly happy, but did not, at that 
time, claim the blessing of " perfect love." I felt that God 
had, in some degree, given me the victory. I was enabled 
to look to Jesus, and I saw my way clearly. I continued to 
seek the blessing with increased confidence and zeal. I felt 
that the work was going on in my heart, and firmly believed 
that I should obtain it; but had an impression that it would 
be a gradual work. I expressed myself in this way to my 
pastor, with whom I was conversing upon the subject. He 
reminded me of the length of time that it had been gradually 
going on in my heart ; and made it very plain to my mind 
that there must be a time when it would be instantaneous. 
The admonitions of that day sunk deep into my heart. I 
was edified, strengthened and encouraged. I felt deeply 
impressed with the awful sin of unbelief. I could not rest. 
I felt an aching void within which nothing but God himself 
could fill. I retired to my room and threw myself at the feet 
of mercy. I wrestled and agonized, and read the Scriptures 
and sung until bed-time. My heart was very tender, and 
tears rolled copiously down my cheeks. Being wearied and 
almost exhausted in body and mind, I retired to rest and fell 
asleep. I awoke sometime in the night, and still felt that 
aching void and those awful convictions of unbelief. I 



244 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

thougbt that the Holy Spirit was striving with me for the 
last time, unless I made a full surrender and took God at his 
word. I felt that it was believe — believe now^ or be lost 
for ever. I made a covenant with God, that if he would 
sanctify me and give me a bright evidence, every power and 
energy that I possessed, should be wholly and unreservedly 
devoted to him my remaining days. I commenced singing 
the hymn, " And can I yet delay, my little all to give?'' I 
believe I sung it through, and every line was in accordance 
with my feelings and desires. I prayed in the sincerity and 
fervency of my heart that God would take entire possession, 
and make me wholly his. I ventured myself and my all upon 
the merits of that blood which cleanses from all sin. My 
faith laid hold on the promises, and I claimed the blessing. 
No sooner had I done this than a flood of light and love and 
joy poured into my soul ; and I felt as conscious of the im- 
mediate presence of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, 
as I did of my existence. I exclaimed in the fullness of my 
heart, " Now I am thine and thou art mine. I am sanctified. 
! the sweet fullness of a Savior's love. Never more with- 
draw thyself from me, and I will be wholly thine. Glory be 
to God. Bless the Lord, my soul." I felt that I was 
conversing with an intimate, loving friend, and that there was 
a sweet union between God and my soul. Words fail to ex- 
press all that I felt that night, but it seemed to me that I 
was " filled with all the fullness of God." That aching void 
was completely filled, and I was satisfied. This took place 
on the 24th of Dec. 1845, — a day never to be forgotten. 
But in eternity I expect to remember it, when I join with 
the sanctified above, to sing the holy song — "Unto Him 
that loved us, and washed us from our sins in his own 
blood, and hath made* us kings and priests unto God, his 



I 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 245 

Father ; to Him be glory and dominion for ever and ever. 
Amen." 

But the tempter came and suggested to my mind that per- 
haps I had been deceived ; that I had better not make an open 
confession of this blessing, lest I should not be able to live up 
to the profession. I listened, and reasoned, and for some 
time " kept back part of the price." But I found that this 
would not do. I lost the witness, and my mind became over- 
whelmed with darkness. The sorrow and disappointment 
which I felt on this occasion are indescribable. Tempta- 
tions came like a mighty torrent ; and it took all the strength 
I possessed, both of body and mind, to bear up against the 
assaults which were levelled upon me. Blessed be God, al- 
though he hid his face from me a little moment, he did not 
forsake me. I held on to the promises with a trembling 
grasp. I told my heavenly Father that I could not live with- 
out his smiles and his presence ; and promised solemnly that 
if he would restore that sweet witness to my heart, I would 
confess on all suitable occasions all that he had done for me. 
This sweet promise was applied to my heart — '^ In due time 
you shall reap if you faint not." I rested upon this promise, 
and in a short time the witness was restored. I now longed 
for an opportunity to make this full and open confession. At 
length it was presented ; and I believe if I had been certain 
of being put to death for it as soon as I had done, it would 
not have deterred me one moment. And what strength 
and power did I receive on that occasion ! I felt that I was 
wholly given up to God, and my peace flowed as a river. 
Since that time I have sweet access to the throne of grace, 
and commune with my heavenly Father in a far more 
endearing manner than I could with my most intimate 
earthly friend. I feel there is a sweet union between my 
21* 



246 THE RICHES OP aRACB. 

soul and my Savior ; and that fear is cast out by perfect 
love. 

" Stretch my faith's capacity 
Wider and yet wider still : 
Then with all that is in thee 
My soul for ever fill." 



EXPERIENCE XXXV. 



One morning about ten o'clock, a dear brother came mto 
my room, and after talking with me for an hour or two, left 
me with a feeling similar to nothing which I ever experienced, 
save that which I felt in the hour of conversion. I saw 
again the beauty of God in Christ, and trusted in him fully, 
not as then, for the salvation of my soul, but for its sanetifi- 
cation. I knew that I might look to the Lord Jesus as my 
friend, who would come to my help in time of emergency, 
and I felt a great reposing of my soul in his keeping to save 
it from the penalty of the law, but this had been all. The 
work of overcoming sin in the soul, and of thus preparing it 
for heaven, I thought Christ had committed to me, and I 
had been accustomed to look forward to life, as one unbroken 
series of struggles in the effort to accomplish the task. At 
death I thought Christ would finish what I had left undone ; 
but until then I must do better myself, and " work out my 
own salvation." I use this language still, but in a different 
sense from what I formerly gave to it. My friend convinced 
me that the work which I was undertaking was useless. I 
was endeavoring to perform that which was comprised in the 
office of Christ. Sanctification, he assured me, was as truly 
the work of Christ as salvation. It startled me, though joy- 

247 



248 THE RICHES OE GRACE. 

fully, and at first I could not believe it. He insisted that Je- 
sus had bought with his blood the privilege of fitting his soul 
for heaven, as truly as he had that of eventually saving 
it from hell. He quoted the passage in which Christ is de- 
clared to be not only our wisdom, but our sanctification and 
redemption — other passages in which Christ is described as 
working in us the good pleasure of the Lord, &c., and as- 
sured me that in the case of salvation, my part was only to 
trust in him for that which t desired. While he con- 
versed, the character of Christ had been expanding and un- 
folding, till it seemed most beautiful. Still I felt that I was 
not confiding in him, and asked my friend how I should do 
so. Then, said he, you are making a work of trusting, and 
are fancying that until you do something you call trusting, 
Christ will not receive you. Simply look to Christ and re- 
joice in him, leaving with him your soul, that he may sanctify 
it, just as you would leave it with him to be saved, or just as 
you would confide to me any business which you knew I was 
fully competent and willing to perform, ceasing from all anx- 
iety concerning it. I saw that he had exposed the true na- 
ture of the difficulty, and as I saw this snare of Satan, I felt 
as I never felt before, the utter hopelessness of ever escaping, 
unaided, from nets so refined, and so cunningly laid. It 
seemed as though he had thrown a fine invisible silver wire 
around my soul, and thus, unperceived, was detaining me 
from Christ, while I sought first to put forth the efibrt of 
trusting. The moment I perceived the difficulty, I rested 
calmly upon Christ, my anxiety fled, and sweet tranquillity 
stole over my soul. I seemed resting on his bosom, and 
there, panting, exhausted, scarcely daring to breathe, lest I 
should fall again, I lay, feeling that he bore me in his arms. 
This was the thought which filled me with calm delight. I 
need no longer struggle with difficulties, external or internal, 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 249 

for Christ will go with me and bear me over them in his arms, 
as the mother bears her child over obstructions which it can- 
not surmount. For a few days before and after this, I noted 
upon a little paper a sort of outline of my feelings, and by 
quoting from it, perhaps I can produce a more distinct 
conception of the transition, than by a description from 

memory. " Friday, — Brother S led the morning 

meeting — exhorted the brethren to state their feelings. 

W spoke of new views of Christ — fullness of his love. 

Those who were willing for two weeks to talk and pray daily 
with one Christian, rise while singing the last hymn." ''• Sat- 
urday, — ■ W spoke of seeing Christ in the Bib/ ii^ be- 
tween us and God — blessed views." " Sunday, --Dr. 

B ' led. Talked of cold professors. Christ will f.pew 

them out of his mouth. Jesus knocks even for them. Like 
the sleeping disciples, ' not pray one hour!' and the Gavior 
half apologizes even for them ; and now comes and would en- 
ter. Dr. wept — great feelings. (Several of the students 
seemed converted over — glorious views of Jesus." "Mon- 
day, — Brother G spoke ; has seen Christ as never be- 
fore — difference between looking at the image of the sun in 
the water, and the sun — • at the brazen serpent, or at the 
image in the mirror — no healing. Following the image of 
the mirror we go from Christ. Now he is rejoicing in Christ. 

Br. J] also is rejoicing in Christ as never before. Christ 

is the ' light of the world.' I felt we cannot shine of our- 
selves. Christ is the sun — we must open the door and win- 
dows of the heart, let him shine in, and through us light will 
go forth. Wished for it — though I have felt it not — re- 
joice that others have. B says, you have Christ, rejoice 

in him, think not of views. But I must see Christ before I 
can rejoice in him. Felt a desire to live in Christ, that I 
might speak for him earnestly, fearlessly, knowing what I 



260 THE RICHES OF G R ACE. 

affirm, then every service, and all labor will be like the flying 
of a bird — easy. Prayer for this knowledge — appears 
like twilight — I see Jesus, but not enough — rejoice in him 
as good and lovely, but his face looks not at me." " Tues- 
day. — Brother B led — he said, think of a being blind, 

but knowing that beautiful objects ar5 around him — deaf, 
knowing that delicious sounds may be heard — no taste, yet 
knowing that exquisite things may be tasted — that was my 
state a few hours ago. Now it is not so. I speak to you 
from the land of Beulah. I know now what is meant by 
joy unspeakable and full of glory. After meeting, prayed 

with E . He told me his feelings — seeing God in 

Christ while reading the first chapter of John — glorious 
Savior — loved him. To me still there are clouds. Christ 
seemed beautiful, but thin silver clouds are around him. 
Seemed to see the life of Christ in the Bible, like a stream 
of silver — beautiful. 

"At eleven B came in — told him I wanted those 

views — felt I could not serve Christ effectually without 
them. He said I must desire Christ in himself — want none 
else in heaven or on earth — leave myself with him, forget- 
ting myself, trust in him lovingly. He is all love. He could 
make me useful — give me visions of glory — or if best, 
leave me in the dark without usefulness. Trust him, he will 
do best. Determined I would. Saw him in prayer like a 
sun of love — rested in his arms, and felt a calm, sweet 
peace, which lasted all day." 

" Wednesday, — Pleasant morning devotions. I led the 
morning meeting — spoke of Christ as our pearl and ' hid- 
den treasure ' — rejoice in him — not leave in the earth, or 
only look into the lid of the casket, but take out the pearl, 
admire — love — rejoice — use treasure enough for all wants. 
Talked with B ; so full he can scarcely speak. Bible 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 251 

full of Chrisfc. All new — Christ ' the door,' ' way,' not, he 
says, through Christ into heaven, out at the other side, but 
door into Grod himself. What he did on earth not extraordi- 
nary, but a specimen of himself, as a piece of cloth, speci- 
men of the whole — willing to suffer all over again for us. 
We to fill up the remainder of his sufferings,' by shedding 
out his love over the earth — as now he, bodily, cannot. 

Knelt and did not pray, h\xi praised Grod with him. B 

says there are but three or four words in the language worth 
any thing — Jesus, love, glory — says he wanted to die; 
feels he could not long live under such visions — they came 

while thinking how good Christ had been to brother W . 

He says, in heaven he shall want to get off in some corner 
alone, and there sit and look at Christ. ' Wonldn't you have 
him look at you also ?' ' No matter, if I can only see him.' 
The Bible is so full, he can only read a few verses at a time. 
In looking for a text, he stopped at a hundred others, he says, 
as a boy on an errand sees insects and beautiful flowers on 
the way, till he stops and forgets his errand. At noon I had 
a vision of God, in his greatness, too infinite for us to know 
him, so he compressed himself into our bodj^ — came among 
us doing good — not because he loved the blind, &c. simply, 
but to show us how full of love he is to us — as if going 
among animalcules, as an animalcule, doing them good, to 
let them know, as they could not else, how much he loved 
them ; and now in heaven he is the same mountain of love. 
As I thought of God thus, he seemed a great stream of glory 
pouring down on the earth, and through the life of Christ — 
gloriously lovely. 

" Now I rejoice in Christ as my sanctification — new views : 
thought before must do this myself. But Jesus will bear it, 
and carry me in his arms through life, as the child led by its 
mother — g^he will catch it if it begins to fall. He is morally 



252 THE EICHES OF GKACE. 

omnipotent, and will contrive means to give me every needed 
feeling — send a friend to talk with me — sermon — passages 
in Bible — train of thoughts — and make all right." 

" Thursday. — Waked with sweet views of Christ. After 
meeting, talked with an impenitent friend — thought he knew 
all — told him he did not — he was blind — I saw beauties 
he could not — knew he did not love God as lover his be- 
trothed — and looked forward to an interview thus delight- 
fully. I did. If this be fiction, imagination, it is better than 
reality. The sunshine seemed coarse compared with the light 
of Grod's love in the soul. I lie like an infant in the arms 
of Christ, 0, how sweetly, and pray that the light may not 
be let in by him — dear him — too fast. 0, that this may 
never cease." 

'' Saturday, — In meeting thought of the love of God to 
follow us in indifference, and love us in coldness. Felt in- 
difference the worst of sins — saw myself vile — Christ love- 
ly — feared lest the evil spirit should turn me away from 
Christ — felt powerless to resist — thought of Christ as 
stronger than the strongest man — in darkness his arm of 
love would follow me under the clouds I had brought between 
— hold me up and bring me back. Felt as if I was lying in 
his arms. Feared this view rendered him more kind than 
the truth — remembered, ' though mother forget her child, 
yet will not I forget thee' — read, ' Spirit bears witness with 
our spirit that we are born of God.' Children — felt that 
this image even, was less than the truth. 0, infinite love. 
Fiction, fancy, fail utterly by the side of the reality, and this 
is to be for ever. 0, that I may be kept from looking away. 
Saw that sanctification is looking at Christ and being trans- 
formed into his image. During the past week, many stu- 
dents have trusted in Christ. Had a view of God's fullness, 
glorious love, that was sweet beyond expression ; prayed for 



I 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 253 

its continuance — felt that he would keep me, and give me 
those visions of himself all along through life. that I may 
see him in his glory. I desire nothing else." 

22 



EXPERIENCE XXXVI. 



I EXPERIENCED a change of heart when about eight years 
of age, but as I grew up I mingled with young people of the 
worldj and lost what I had formerly enjoyed. But I could 
not be happy ; the Spirit of the Lord strove with me, and 
continued to strive, but I continued to resist. Praised be 
his name that he did not cut me down, but that he bore with 
me, ungrateful as I was. 0, it was love, wondrous love. 
He was not willing that I should perish ; nor is he willing 
that any should perish, but that all should be saved. Glory 
be to his name. I continued in this state until the latter 
part of the year 1837, when I was led to reflect more seri- 
ously on my condition before God. I was circumstanced in 
life most happily ; my husband and most of my friends were 
pious. I dreaded an eternal separation from them in another 
world. 0, what would I have given then to have felt, as 
some have, deep sorrow for sin. But I could not weep for 
my sins. I only wept at the thought of being separated 
from friends that I dearly loved. 

I would often say to my husband, " We shall have to be 

separated ; you enjoy religion and will go to heaven, but I 

never expect to experience religion, because I cannot feel 

conviction for sin." I have kept awake sometimes half the 

254 



THE RICHES OE GRACE. 256 

night praying for conviction. I thought I would go and see 
the minister and tell him how I felt. I accordingly went on 
Monday, February 26th. He gave me much encouragement, 
and prayed with me ; but still I could not shed a tear. He 
advised me to use all the means of grace, and if I had an 
opportunity, to present myself at the altar for the prayers of 
the people of God. I shrunk from the idea of going to the 
altar with such a hard heart. But as I had gone to him for 
advice, I resolved I would do all he told me. I sought in 
the use of all the means public or private until the Sabbath 
following, being nearly one week, but felt no better. I re- 
tired to my room, threw myself on my knees, and said, what 
more can I do ; I have done all that I knew, and here I am, 
even worse if possible than I was a week ago. Must I give 
it up after all. I answered, no, I will seek the Lord till I 
die, and if I perish, I will perish calling on him for mercy. 
It was suggested, you have done every thing but come to 
Christ. " Him that cometh unto me I will in no wise cast 
out." Then I saw that I had been trusting in the means in- 
stead of looking through the means to Christ. I said. Lord, 
I come to thee, I give myself to thee just as I am ; thou 
dost receive me, thou didst die for me, thou art my Savior, 
thou canst not deny thyself. " Him that cometh ;" it is thy 
word, I rest upon it, and if I am lost, I will be lost trusting 
in thee. what a sweet peace filled my soul. I went to 
church ; every thing appeared new and lovely. what a 
love I felt for the people of God. 

My peace and joy continued to increase. Then I saw as 
I had never seen, what a sinner I had been. How ungrate- 
ful, and I wondered that God could have mercy on one so 
unworthy. I abhorred myself in the sight of God. 0, how 
I adored the riches of his grace. I saw in Christ such a 



256 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

willingness to save all that come unto him, that I was con- 
strained to cry out with the poet— 

" Lord, I believe were sinners more 
Than sand upon the ocean shore, 
Thou hast for all a ransom paid — 
For all a full atonement made," 

I immediately began to tell what the Lord had done for 
me. I wanted to tell it to all the world, and have them all 
know Jesus, and I was sure that they would love him too. 
On Monday morning I went to see my dear mother. It was 
the hour for dining. I began to relate what the Lord had 
done for me. The hour passed. I was not aware of the 
length of time I had been speaking, until recalled by my 
mother to partake of the food before me. I had not thought 
of my dinner, and found they were ready to be dismissed 
from the table. I then remembered I had not eaten any 
thing since Sunday noon, but I felt no hunger. The Bible 
was to me a new book, and the hymns I had so repeatedly 
read and sung all appeared new. I would say to my hus- 
band, what a beautiful hymn ; have you ever read it ? He 
would reply, ^' Yes, and you have read it too, and sung it 
many times.'' 

On Tuesday I attended a meeting designed especially to 
converse on the subject of holiness. I listened with much 
interest to the testimonies given in, and felt an earnest desire 
to obtain the great blessing I heard so many speaking of. I 
thought, this is what I want to keep me. I felt a hungering 
and thirsting after righteousness. My soul panted to be fill- 
ed with all the fullness of God. I had such a gratefiil sense 
of his goodness to me, that I wanted to love and serve him 
with all my heart. I said to sister P., on leaving, I want to 
be wholly the Lord's. She told me, young as I was in ex- 



I 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 267 

periencej it was the will of God, even my sanctification, and 
it was my privilege now to reckon myself dead indeed unto 
sin and alive imto God, through Jesus Christ my Lord. I 
returned home, retired to my room, poured out my soul be- 
fore God, plead the promises, and prayed that I might be 
sanctified wholly, soul, body and spirit ; that he would cleanse 
the thoughts of my heart, that I might serve him in right- 
eousness and true holiness all the days of my life. I looked 
in the word of God, and found that I was not asking too 
much. It was the doctrine of the Bible. Holiness to the 
Lord seemed written in every page. I continued thus plead- 
ing with the Lord for some time, and during the night my 
soul went out in aspirations after God. 

The next morning I again kneeled before the Lord, still 
pleading the promises ; and feeling a delightful sense of grat- 
itude towards God, I commenced singing, 

"My God I am thine, what a comfort divine, 
What a blessing to know that my Jesus is mine ; 
In the heavenly Lamb thrice happy I am, 
And my heart doth rejoice at the sound of his name." 

And while repeating the words, " My Jesus to know and feel 
his blood flow," these words were sweetly spoken to my heart, 
^^ Daughter, all that I have is thine, and thou art mine.'' I 
felt at that moment the sweet assurance that God accepted 
me wholly ; that all my unrighteousness was covered with the 
atoning blood ; that Jesus was my complete Savior ; nor have 
I ever since, for one moment, doubted it. 

Having heard some speak of the benefit of testifying to 
the work of grace thus wrought in the soul, I immediately 
sent for my companion, to tell him of the blessing I had re- 
ceived. And although the snow was falling fast, I hastened 
to see my sister, to tell her that I had found full salvation 



258 THE BICHES OF GRACE. 

through, faith in Jesus. I wanted all to help me praise the 
Lord, and I found my faith strengthened every time I spoke 
of it. But I thought, how shall I profess this before the 
church; they will think me presumptuous. One so lately 
justified, only four days, when there are so many who have 
been members of the church for years, and have not professed 
to have received this blessing. I shall perhaps wound their 
feelings, grieve them ; or perhaps they may not receive my tes- 
timony. These words were applied with power to my heart, 
" What is that to thee, follow thou me." I was enabled to 
leave myself in the hands of the Lord, and to bear testunony 
of his power to save to the uttermost. I felt my soul strength- 
ened and established in so doing. 

But I find that I have not always been faithful in the dis- 
charge of this duty ; too often I have had cause to humble 
myself before the Lord, on account of my unfaithfulness and 
slowness to believe the promises of God. Yet notwithstand- 
ing all my unworthiness, Jesus receives me, pardons me, for- 
gives me, washes me in the atoning blood. I find that I can- 
not live but by momentarily trusting in him as a present 
Savior. I feel that every moment I need the merit of his 
death, and that every moment by faith I have the merit of 
his death, and that because he lives I live also. what a 
Savior ! His name is Jesus ; he saves his people from their 
sins. I praise him not only for a full and a free salvation, 
but for a present salvation. 

I realize an increasing sweetness in this name. It is the 
name high over all. My soul loves it, and is enabled sweet- 
ly to rest in him. I fear nothing while trusting in him. I 
do not expect to be exempt from trials and temptations 
in this life, but I can sweetly rest in that promise, " All 
things work together for good to them that love God," 
and my heart is thus made to rejoice, even while passing 



I 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 269 

through the fire. I feel an increasing desire to be more 
like God. I see such beauty and so much loveliness 
in him, that I want to be like him. I have not always rap- 
turous joy, but a constant peace, and a sweet assurance that 
Jesus is my Savior. I have no anxious fears in reference to 
the future. I am enabled to leave all with the Lord for time 
and for eternity. Death is a subject of delightful contempla- 
tion, and I sometimes find myself desiring to depart, and be 
with Christ ; not from a desire to be freed from trials merely, 
but to see Jesus as he is, and to praise him as I ought. But 
while he permits me to live, I want to glorify him in my body 
and spirit, which are his, and to lay up treasure in heaven. 
Of myself I am perfect weakness ; I can do nothing ; but 
through Christ strengthening me, I can do all things. He 
is my strength and my righteousness ; in him will I trust and 
not be afraid. 0, what wondrous condescension to look upon 
one so undeserving and so unworthy. I am often led to ex- 
claim with the poet — 

" 'Tis mercy all immense and free, 
For O, my God, it found out me." 

I ever want to lie low at his feet, and to sink into nothing 
before him. I am nothing, but Christ is all and in all. He is 
the portion of my soul, and with him I am satisfied. 

My heart rejoices that the work of holiness is reviving, 
and that many new witnesses are being raised up to testify that 
the blood of Jesus cleanseth from all unrighteousness. I pray 
that it may continue to revive and spread until the kingdoms 
of this world shall become the kingdoms of our God and of 
his Christ. 



EXPERIENCE XXXVII. 



I TRUST I was converted about seven years since. The 
Lord then became the life and delight of my soul. I served 
the Lord with some degree of faithfulness, according as my 
mind was enlightened in the truth at that time. I however 
panted after a clearer vision of truth, and greater conformity 
to the will of God. About the year 1840, the Lord in his 
providence brought me to Oberlin, and placed me in circum- 
stances favorable to getting a better understanding of the 
gospel. The p^ching which I then heard, was searching, 
pungent, " pierlBfg to the dividing asunder of soul and spir- 
it," and was attended with a demonstration and power which 
I had never before experienced. I endeavored to hasten 
and follow on after the truth. But still I was so tardy and 
the truth was gathering upon me with such rapidity and clear- 
ness, that conviction ripened in my mind, and I saw myself 
far behind my privileges. I was fully convinced, that there 
w^iS a depth of meaning and reality in almost all the promi- 
ses of God, to which I was an entire stranger. There cer« 
tainly was a deep spiritual experience promised which I had 
not attained. This conviction was ripening in my mind for 
a number of months, and pressing me more and more. 

In this state of mind I sometimes waxed stubborn and re- 

260 



I 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 261 

bellious, and appeared to myself more wicked and abomina- 
ble than I had ever been before. I could enjoy no religion. 
In short, God would not let me rest until I arose and sought 
a higher spiritual state. I said to myself, I will arise and 
seek God with all my soul, and will never rest till I expe- 
rience what he has promised. I sought the Lord day and 
night for weeks. I became more and more impetuous in my 
prayer. I said I will die but that I will find God. Many 
things came up to prevent my seeking God. I had just en- 
tered college ; my studies demanded much of my time ; my 
health failed ; — indeed it seemed sometimes that I must give 
up the search. But no, said I, this is a matter of life and 
death. I will know God, health or no health ; study or no 
study. 

Just at this time a powerful revival of religion took place 
in the institution. But this only made me more and more 
anxious. Almost every body was praying. When I arose in 
the night to call upon God, I could hear, from the adjoining 
rooms and the surrounding woods, the voice of prayer, which 
broke the stillness of the night with awful solemnity. As I 
went through the halls, my ears were constantly assailed with 
deep-toned, heart-broken prayers, which pierced my heart as 
a sharp sword. Frequently, when hearing these prayers, my 
spirit was so broken and wounded that I would hasten to my 
room, and fall upon my face as a wounded man, and cry to 
God for mercy. But God had mercy upon me. As I was 
one day calmly reflecting in my room, the thought came very 
distinctly to my mind, that without faith it is impossible to 
please God. Immediately the way of faith was suggested to 
me. I took my Concordance and selected the most impor- 
tant passages that speak of faith. I studied these passages, 
and sought the Lord to show me the way of faith as it is 
taught in his word. After some reflection, and with great 



.262 THE RICHES OE GRACE. 

calmness of mind, I had a distinct apprehension of what 
faith is, and how I could exercise it, and that by so doing I 
could not fail to receive the blessings which I sought. I im- 
mediately stepped forth into faith in God, like stepping from 
a miry slough, upon a broad and sohd platform. I saw that 
I had nothing to do but to keep my confidence in God. I 
had no contention but with those things that would hinder 
my faith. Now, the Lord seemed to say, if you have any 
requests, bring them forward. I did so. My wants were no 
sooner named, than met. I knew that I had found the way 
to God. This was a time of harvest. For days and weeks, 
as my wants arose, I carried them to God, and found them 
met immediately — met fully and abundantly. 

My first request was that God would heal my head, so that 
I might pursue my studies. I had been troubled a number 
of weeks with confusion and pain in my head, so that I was 
entirely unfitted for study. I had used, and was then using 
means for my recovery, but to no effect. I judged that God 
could do it. I presented my request ; the work was perform- 
ed immediately, and so thoroughly that I have felt no symp- 
toms of that complaint since that time, which was about five 
years ago. 

This however appeared to me but a small thing. God had 
greater mercies in store for me. The way had now become 
open before me, and I went forward to those great things 
which I had so long sought. To know God, to have com- 
munion with him through our Lord Jesus Christ, to have 
complete victory over my sins, to love my fellow-men, to 
know God as my Father ; these things I sought and reahzed 
in a sense which I had never known before. In short, the 
Lord made a complete era in my experience. He commenc- 
ed a new period, which in many respects has been different 
from what I had passed through before. 



THE RICHES OE GRACE. 263 

In looking over my experience for the last five years, I 
discover three prominent facts which distinguish this peri- 
od of my rehgious life, from my former experience. 

1. I have uniformly had a clearer apprehension of truth. 
The great facts in rehgion, and its practical truths, have an 
indefinitely greater impression on my mind than formerly. 
The fact that we soon must die, meet God in judgment, that 
eternal life awaits the righteous, and eternal misery the wick- 
ed ; the awful guilt of sin ; the fact that Christ died for sin- 
ners : such facts have in my mind passed from shadows to 
substances; from mere matters of theory to facts ; from the 
obscurity of twilight, to the clearness of the risen sun. 

2. In another respect my experience has been marked for 
the last five years. There has been a permanent encourage- 
ment to live and labor for God in the world. My natural 
constitution is such, that I am easily tempted to discourage- 
ment and despondency. I have often indulged in these 
gloomy forebodings, and found them ruinous in their tenden- 
cies. But the effect of God's grace is to encourage me to 
hope. In times of general spiritual declension, in times of 
great trial, or great temptation, my soul says, " Hope thou 
in God." Even when I have sinned, (for I have in some 
instances fallen under temptation since God has enlarged his 
o-race towards me,) I still remember that God can forgive : 
that his mercy is higher than the heavens, and his faithful- 
ness unto the clouds. 

3. Another effect of God's grace has been to deepen con- 
viction whenever I fail to do my whole duty. If I see any 
want of conformity to the will of God, or short comings, or 
sins of any description, conviction takes fast hold of my soul. 

This conviction is deeper, more pungent and awful, than I 
ever experienced, either at my conversion, or at any time in 
my past life. These I take as evidences of God's grace, 



264 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

and of the progress in holiness which he is pleased to effect 
in my heart. 

that the benefits of God's grace were more appreciated. 
I cannot now speak of the thousands of daily mercies, 
precious visits, holy anointings, and spiritual favors of various 
kinds which a benevolent God has bestowed upon me through 
the merits of his dear Son. My desire is, and my effort 
shall be, to go forward and enlarge my experience in the 
boundless grace of God. By faith in Christ it can be done. 



EXPERIENCE XXXVIII. 



I PROFESSEDLY gave my heart to God and united with 
the Church about the year 1832. I then thought that I 
should always love God. But being instructed that I could 
not always stay there, but must get down into the valley of 
darkness and humiliation, and also that " evidence of my ac- 
ceptance was proportioned to my fears of self-deception," I 
did not aim to rise above my standard. If I could, by my 
labors and prayers, enjoy that elevation and depression of 
feeling, together with sincere doubts and fears of selfdecep- 
tion, that is, keep above apathy and carnal security, I was 
doing well — quite devoted. One winter while I was teach- 
ing, I recollect attending preaching one evening, and hearing 
the preacher say, that he knew he loved' God. It was the 
first time I ever heard that expression from man. It struck 
me : I pondered it in my mind, and deeply pitied the man, 
for the Bible says, " the heart is deceitful ; who can know 
it ;" supposing " it " to mean " heart," and not its wicked- 
ness. I lived along by my old standard. For some reason 
my friends urged me to study for the ministry, and I verily 
thought that I could do more good in that way than any oth- 
er. I beheve that Avas my object. I commenced study, and 
entered college at Oberhn the second year after it was found- 
23 265 



266 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

ed. I lived along by my old rule, undulating, not from sin 
to holiness, but from deep feeling to apathy, now up, now 
down, yet ever conscious of reigning sin ; now carried away 
by temptation, and then deeply repenting and weeping; 
and thus I kept alive an evidence of acceptance with God. 
I continued halting and doubting, until the great revival, 
about the second or third year of college, when I thought 
I would get my soul right. I got much broken down, and 
humbled, as I thought. The subject of confession of sin 
was a prominent feature of the revival. My own sins stared 
me in the face in battle array. It was a hard point — but 
better than to go to hell — my mind was wrought up to des- 
peration. I confessed all my sins, and felt quite reUeved, 
and as I thought, had great peace with God. But what was 
the result ? Why, just as might have been expected. I 
felt that it was confession or damnation ; true it might be, 
but I mistook confession for Christ ; and again, I mistook 
that apathy resulting from the cessation of the great conflict 
between the will and conscience, for the peace and embrace 
of a risen Savior. During the winds of excitement, the 
India rubber chord that bound me to earth had been so 
stretched that I could not see it, and I verily supposed it 
was broken. But when the winds began to die away and 
the excitement to subside, I found the chord began to con- 
tract, and I was again moving towards rocks. I had not 
" weighed anchor " and put forth out into the ocean of God's 
eternal love. Fear, and a strong sense of duty, moved my 
confessions and prayers, and not love for it, because of thirst, 
and deep abhorrence of sin. I, however, felt much stronger 
than at any time before. I believe that it was my will to do 
the will of God and serve him. But I had not yet learned 
that I must repent with no expectation of ever returning to 
sin, and that Christ had power on earth to save from sin, as 



THE KICHES OE GRACE. 267 

M^ell as to forgive it. Consequently, I did not expect to be 
saved from sin, only to keep up open hostilities against sin, 
and such a spirit of submission as to secure the blessing of 
pardon ^Yhen I did sin. And this I did by striving against 
sin before yielding, and then confession and great weeping 
after. And thus I Avalked for months. Oftentimes I had 
great and deep seasons of weeping and sorrowing, and then 
lived upon the strength of this till the waves of temptation 
rose again, and then I would strain and struggle, and finally 
yield, and then return again to weeping, and so on, doing 
penance. 

I generally calculated during term time, to accumulate 
such a stock of good feeling and religion, (so called,) as to 
last me during vacation. But it always failed for want of 
Christ. My conscience being much better than my theolo- 
gy, and more correct, and about this time, having the idea 
developed in my mind of salvation by Christ, my sense of 
condemnation was greatly increased. The strokes of my 
conscience formerly had been much mitigated by the fact, 
that I had supposed God required only penitence for sin, 
and not salvation from it. ''I was almost alive without the 
gospel, but when that came, sin revived, and I died." This 
salvation was just what I wanted. I believe I not only saw 
and approved, and desired the salvation, but chose it, if pos- 
sible to me. But I had no moral energy or faith to arise 
and take the thing. I had so long been overcome ; my pas- 
sions and appetites, the world, the flesh, and the devil, had 
so long and so thoroughly been developed, that the feeble 
volitions of my will, were but dams of sand. I could stem 
the current of small temptations. But these were not all. 
The enemy knew that there were too many objects towards 
which my sensibility was strongly developed, and with which 
it was too strongly correlated to permit me to go off victori- 



268 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

ous. And when the enemy summoned his forces, what could 
I do ? Conscious of defeats, without a helper, I was disarm- 
ed, and seemed like a tender rush in the midst of the mad 
surges of the tempesMashed ocean. I could not now, as be- 
fore, get some relief by penitence and weeping in prayer be- 
fore God, for I knew that proffered grace stood at the door, 
and that my defeat was my sin. 0, cursed unbelief! It 
seemed to me that God would be, and was, heartily sick of 
my confessing and praying, and then sinning, and then con- 
fessing — expecting to go away and do the same. 0, it 
really seemed to me that when he saw me coming he would 
turn away with loathing, and I dreaded to go. I resolved 
against sin, and stood sometimes days and weeks, but often- 
times, washed out with the surge, would yield. This encour- 
aged the foe. I resolved again and again, and as often 
suffered defeat, until I thought I might as well yield first as 
last, and save battle. Finding no comfort nor confidence in 
prayer and confession, though Jesus stood at the door, I was 
discouraged, and gave up prayer, save now and then for con- 
science' sake — got far from God, and gave myself up to en- 
joy popular sins, such as ambition and levity. But still I 
kept the ministry in view. And why, you ask. I will tell 
you. I have a good old widowed mother, who gave me up 
to God. I told her that as she was alone I would go home 
and take care of her, (and I thought she really needed me,) 
but she said no, for I am old, and must soon go, and you are 
young and can do much good in the world. I knew that it 
would break her heart for me to abandon the ministry. 0, 
I have often thought, if I had Jesus as well developed as she 
had, and he had as much power over my affections as he had 
over hers ! Sometimes I was in such distress in view of the 
ministry, that I almost wished my mother in heaven, that I 
might turn to another profession. 0, had she left these 



THE RICHES Oi^ GRACE. 269 

mortal scenes to range the fields of glory, it had been death 
to my soul. I gave myself up to ambition. I thought I 
would preach, but would get into some retired place, where 
they knew but little of the theory of rehgion, and then 
teach them with much zeal, knowing only the baptism of 
John, and leave it for others to teach them the way of God 
more perfectly. I would get their heads right, and leave it 
for others to get their hearts right. But thanks to God, I 
feel now that I can help those much now '' who have believed 
through grace." Still I thought, as near as I could learn, 
that my religion had been as good as the mass, for I could 
repent and confess, weep and rejoice in the absence of the 
enemy as well as any, and desired better days, but still my 
affections were on earth. One thing much troubled me. Am- 
bition ruled and gave me no peace so long as there was one 
question that I professed to know and could not answer. 
And I well knew that I could not tell a poor sinner the way 
to Christ, nor a Christian how to stand by faith ; and this 
the minister professes to know. I had by this time lost all 
confidence in prayer ; the heavens were brass over my 
head. I believed and I knew the same was true of others. 
I thought any one might in their own mind create a Deity 
of such attributes and powers as suited his own imagination, 
and locate him some where in space, and then rasp up his 
feelings in prayer to this imaginary being ; but his responses 
would be no better than those of Pythoness over the vapory 
orifice of the Delphian oracle. My sins pleaded with trum- 
pet tongue for gratification. Skepticism seized me as if by 
magic. I began to doubt eternal realities — doubt my own 
senses ; reasoning that objects and subjects are continually 
varying — sin has changed the fair form of nature, jaun- 
diced our vision — how do I know — are these men ? or are 
they not ? 0, my God, the cold chills of death, as if issu- 
23* 



270 THE mCHES OF GRACE. 

ing from the deep caverns of despair, would run lengthwise 
of my soul, and leave in their wake a shoal of sorrows. Of- 
ten would my whole being cry out, 0, is there any truth ! 
is there any rock, " any sure support against despair !" I 
had been advancing to this stage for two or three years, and 
was now in my second year in theology. No being knew 
my soul but God. I hid it from man by excess of levity. 
During the winter of this year I taught school. My misery 
increased, and my desire to know if there was any truth, in- 
creased more and more. I knew I was not prepared to do 
the work of a minister. I knew that I did not "know these 
things." I could not tell the poor sinner what to do to be 
saved, except to repent, and that any sinner could tell. All 
was dark. During the winter while teaching, I made my 
home with one of the order of Disciples. His house being 
near the school house and centre, the preachers of that or- 
der made his house their home, and lodged with me. My 
mind being in that state entirely unsatisfied with my own 
views, I began to inquire of the ministers as they came, into 
their views of the gospel, and of the conditions of salvation, 
having concluded previously that if I liked their views best, 
I would adopt the system and go to preaching. After rigid 
and long inquiry, I found that on their system, I could tell 
the sinner what to do to be saved, and he could do it as well 
himself as he could fit for college. I was almost persuaded 
to enter upon it, and should, had it not been for one thing. 
I knew the system was not true. I could not teach falsely 
in matters of eternal moment. I found no relief, and re- 
turned to the institution in the spring. That I was in a had 
state, which no one knew, and no tongue could describe, I 
was sensible. My heart was as hard as a rock. My beset- 
ting sins, ambition, skepticism, each made me an easy prey. 
I saw their chains ; I seemed lost, except now and then, as 



THE RICHES OF GRACB. 271 

it were a convulsion of nature, in which there would be a 
deep groan, for some truth, some rock. 0, for deliverance. 
Then I settled domi again, devoting, as before, ray whole 
soul to mj studies, a prisoner in chains. Deliverance from 
the power of sin I never expected. I did not see how my 
chains were to be broken. That I should be damned I had 
fearful forebodings, and often, certain expectations. My only 
hope was, that the Bible was not true ; for if that was true, 
how could I be saved ? for the Bible said, that to whom I 
yield myself servant to obey, his servant I was, and I well 
knew that I was a servant of sin and hell. I knelt and 
prayed, but still I knew I was under the dominion of sin. 
Whether there really was a God, or where he was, I did not 
know. What to do I did not know. And yet I knew the 
whole theory of religion, for I had studied this long and 
hard, that I might teach it. I did not say any thing to any 
one, for two reasons ; I did not wish any one to know my 
feelings or state. I knew that no man could do for me 
what I wanted done. 

I did not resort to or feel satisfied with my past religion, 
for it did not save me. I once was respectably alive with- 
out the gospel, while submitting my mil to God, and main- 
taining a warfare against sin, and at the same time overcome 
by the tempter. But now, I was, in spite of all, chained 
and sinking. I embraced and comforted myself with all the 
doctrines and decrees of God and the Bible, if they were 
true. I labored to mount astride the doctrine of " saints' 
perseverance," for I verily thought that I had given God my 
heart, and had been wilhng to do his will, only I had so long 
sinned and formed such habits, and so depraved and de- 
veloped my sensibility in the ways of sin, that I must not 
expect to have those chains broken, and my sensibility and 
conscience converted, but give God my heart and maintain a 



272 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

good warfare till I die, and then a crown would await me. 
But wind and tide were so against me — truth and wisdom — 
law and gospel — spread out their claims so broad, that in 
spite of my full belief in it, I could not hold on. I could 
jfind an ample seat, supported by truth and conduct, on the 
car of sinners' perseverance, baggage and all, but not in the 
saints', for I found, if I would go, my baggage could not, 
and there was no separation, no help. Well, thought I, I 
am as good as the most ; what of that. Suppose all are 
lost, it would not save me. Well, then, " I will give God 
my heart, and do the best I can ;" but alas ! I saw it plain 
and knew it well, I must be saved or I should perish, and 
what better am I for God to have my heart, while the devil 
has my soul and body. 0, for help, for deliverance. But 
it is not for me. I can't have it — it's not possible. I've 
sinned so long against such light and all truth, that there is 
no truth left for me. And then if the Bible is true, there 
are but a few Christians, I know of a few whom I believe 
are Christians, favorites of Heaven — really consecrated — 
but it is not for me. I can't have it. 0, I would give the 
world if I knew I was a Christian. For about a month these 
were my exercises at intervals of study, for I did not at all 
abate that. Then the subject came home with more power, 
and, unwilling to let matters of so much moment rest, I look- 
ed up anew. I could not live so. Going into the ministry 
to preach a Christ I did not know — a religion I had not ex- 
perienced — a gospel by hearsay ! And then, my own soul, 
where ! I had positively some point or points to fix, upon 
which I determined to act as true. 

1. There is evidence to believe there is a God. 2. There 
is full evidence that the Bible is true. 3. That the salvation 
and power of grace described in the gospel are what I need. 
4. That God can save me as well as any one. This was a 



THE KICHES OF GRACE. 273 

hard point. 5. That God can, if he is such a God as the 
Bible says, so save and reveal himself as that I shall know 
it. 6. I will find God, or I'll die ; for if I have got to go to 
hell, the sooner the better. This was serious business, but I 
started. I did not relinquish a single study, nor omit a duty 
of the mstitution for that, mainly, perhaps, for concealment, 
for I wanted no one to know my state. I wanted nothing of 
man. I started for^ and ivanted to find God. I don't 
think my studies retarded or lessened my deliverance, but 
rather served to regulate my judgment under the deep feel- 
ings of my soul, and temptations, and impulses. I discharg- 
ed every duty, as a student, hastily, and every spare mo- 
ment possible, I employed in deep searching and earnest 
prayer for deliverence. 

Some who read my soul in my countenance, said, believe ; 
I said, I do believe, and have believed, but still I do not find 
Grod. All was dark as midnight, but God can lead me out. 
My great cry and prayer was for God to show me by his 
Spirit, what was in the way of finding God. I determined, 
at any cost, to give up whatever God showed me was neces- 
sary. I gave up this sin — abandoned that — got on my 
horse and rode off to confess and settle another ; and soon it 
seemed that God was about to try me on each one separately. 
He would not take any more confessing in general, for he 
could not believe me, I had resolved, and promised, and failed 
so much. 

I searched and prayed; it grew thicker and hotter. 
What was before me I did not know. I could but be damned. 
I pressed my case. 0, for God ! 0, for deliverance ! 0, for 
mercy, for truth! I would believe, but how could I? 0, 
cursed unbelief! In this state of horror and darkness, I 
was much pressed one Sabbath evening to submit, believe in 
Christ, and give up, but all was dark, I had so often tried 



274 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

and tried in vain. I put it off. On the next morning, (I 
shrink to describe the remainder of the contest, for the de- 
scription may seem extravagant, but I tell you the description 
is far, far short of the 7'ealitij^^ I awoke about dawn. I 
lay a few minutes ; my mind was very clear, and seemed in 
a blank state. At that moment, (one memorable in my life,) 
the thought that I had rejected Christ struck my soul, like 
the loudest peal of Sinai's thunders, and instantly with it, 
"you are lost^^^ ''you are going to hell:''^ and, infact^ I was 
going. I seemed dying; my extremities grew cold, my 
blood stopped, my breath grew short — I could not shed a 
tear, such was my agony — my memory kindled like a fur- 
nace, and the deep agony of my soul increased in proportion 
to my vision of my state of guilt and my certain doom ; my 
reason developed by hard study, reached into eternity, and 
affirmed an eternity beyond. At first I thought I would jump 
and shriek to my utmost, and then I thought I should wake 
all the students, and they would only pronounce it just ; and 
their frowns, added to the frowns of God, would be insup- 
portable. I stopped and thought and put it down, (gestur- 
ing) — ''I^ve not rejected thee^ Vve not rejected iheeP I know 
thy grace is sufficient, and instantly a ray of hope broke in 
upon my soul. After I came out of this state, I sat up in 
bed perhaps five minutes, the sweat rolling from my body, 
and my agony such that I could not have lived half an hour 
— it seemed unearthly — and I verily believe was a taste of 
the second death ; and then I arose and put on one or two 
garments. But, 0, the trepidation ; I trembled like an as- 
pen leaf. (0 Hell ! how few know its meaning ; and an 
eternal hell. 0, poor sinner, I don't wonder at the blood in 
the garden.) But still all was dark; no God. 0, I should 
die if I did not find God. I searched and lifted up my whole 
soul for God. I had to husband all my powers to keep the 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 275 

thought away that I did not and would not reject Christ, and 
thus fall into the same state of despair as that morning. 0, 
I would not be there again for the world. The world was but 
a pin's head ; but 0, I did not know where to find God. I 
continued in this state almost a week, until the next Sabbath 
evening (about 9 o'clock, March 14, 1841,) when, on my 
knees before God, pouring out my whole soul for God, in a 
moment the thought struck me forcibly, — you cannot be 
saved on your own prayers and efforts. What this was for, 
I don't know, unless to try me to see if I was fully prepared 
to receive Christ. I acknowledged it at once. It was the last 
point. The salvation came ; yes, salvation came. Jesus was 
presented right before me, between me and God. 0, 1 jump- 
ed with all my might ; the Savior caught me ; — 0, 1 thought 
I should die, I was so glad. My heart was breaking ; I 
thought it would all flow out like water. I just lay and wept, 
how long I don't know. I looked beyond and over Christ, 
and saw a smiling God. 0, the love of Christ. / have 
found Jesus, 

Yes, I found Jesus — Immanuel. I seemed to have no con- 
sciousness of believing or submitting, or of any resolution, 
but, I went. As soon as Jesus revealed himself, I knew it 
was he, and I went^ and I never shall forget that blessed 
place, and that happy hour, or moment, when first I saw my 
Lord. What love, what joy, what a Savior, the half never 
was, and never can be told. But, 

" How I had longed for the conjin«^ of God 

And sought him hy prayer and searching his word. 
With watching and fasting my soul was oppressed, 

Nor would I give over till Jesus had blessed. 
The tokens of mercy at length did appear, 

According to promise, he answered my prayer; 
And glory was opened in floods on my soul, 

Salvation from Jesus did mightily roll." 



276 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

The Lord seemed intent on proving me on every point of 
sin and skepticism ; and so clear and considerate, (as I pray- 
ed him to do,) did he lead me, that I was as sensible when 
the last point was given up, as when the last garment is oflf. 
And then for a moment, I hung naked, when Jesus passed 
that way, and I felt his pity move ; I looked — 0, what 
a smile ! What love ! I rushed to his open arms — he bade 
me welcome, and clasped me to his bosom. My sins seemed 
aU gone and dead for ever. 0, my Jesus, Avhat a Savior wert 
thou in that hour to my soul ! I wept as if my very soul 
would gush out. Not a word was uttered ; it seemed like a 
mockery to use words to give utterance to such emotions. 
The language of my heart wou.ld have been, 0, 

" T love thee, I love thee ; and that thou dost know ; 
But how much I do love thee, I never can show." 

While thus clasped in the arms of Jesus, I seemed to lift 
up my eye, and thus I saw God the Father, smiling and rec- 
onciled. 0, my soul cried out, Abba, Father ! 

I marked out no path — offered no terms of reconciliation, 
but took the Bible alone, for there was no particular interest 
at the time more than usual, and settled down upon the truth, 
that God could and would deliver, and that I should find 
him, when " I sought with all the heart." Thank the good 
Lord, not a word failed of all that had been spoken. The 
Lord truly led me by a way that I knew not. The path was 
fearful and rugged indeed. But I well knew that it was salva- 
tion or sin — pardon or perdition — deliverance or damnation. 
During the whole course of my last search after God, I had 
enjoyed a ray of light and hope, except that morning to which 
allusion has been made. Then for a few moments, the last 
ray disappeared. Then, — — my soul ! what a moment 
was that, when 



THE RICHES OF aRACE. 277 

" First I felt damnation sure, and heard hell close ; 
And heard Jehovah and his love retire." 

Then Despair locked its massy chains, and left no ray of 
hope ! My sins seemed to spring up in dense hosts as from 
a thousand points of ambush, and rush upon me, each one 
with trumpet tongue crying aloud for justice to smite me. 
Coupled with this, the burning, awful frown of God ! The 
deep agony of my inmost soul, no tongue can tell ! All 
agonies of body are joy in the comparison. 

I have often inquired within myself, can it be possible that 
those brethren and sisters, who count sin a little thing, indulg- 
ing in it with little or no compunction, trifling with the frowns 
and feelings of God towards sin, can it be possible that they 
have ever seen sin as it is, and God's hatred of it in any 
measure ? Can it be possible that they ever knew Christ ; or 
ever once tasted his love ? Surely if they have, they must 
be of that class who have not so mucJi as heard " whether 
there be any Holy Ghost." 

I could not wish any one to see or feel what I saw and felt, 
except the love of Christ. And that^ 0, that all might know ! 
But it does seem that if God saves, he will first lead the soul 
to see that sin is exceeding sinful, that the soul is in immi- 
nent peril^ and that Jesus is our all. 

When I had found Christ, my soul was in a state entirely 
opposite to that on the morning before spoken of. Then, de- 
spair with no ray of hope or safety. Now, salvation with 
safety. I had really turned a somerset. 

I do not mean by all this, that there was any physical vis- 
ion or change, although the visions and the change were as 
clear and sensible as any change could be, such power and 
life and reality did the truth possess in the hands of the 
Spirit. 

24 



278 THE RICHES OE GRACE. 

The Lord seemed to try me on every point, and confute 
me on every one. I had not for a long time had any confi- 
dence in prayer, and yet, in prayer the Lord brought de- 
liverance. I saw and felt, just as plainly as I wanted to feel, 
that Jesus was the Christ, my salvation, and had just as 
much love as was good for me. Thank God. Whether I 
was ever converted before or not I don't know. But one 
thing I do know, " that whereas I was blind, now I see." I 
verily thought that I was as good as many, and it does seem 
that my will was to serve God and do his will. But what 
would have become of me had I died in my sins and skepti- 
cism is hard to tell. On what principle of God's govern- 
ment I could have been saved who can tell ! If I had been 
saved, I think it must have been by some " fire." 

I knew that if I had been converted, it would be madness 
for me to trust " the decrees " for salvation, for as I was, 
either God or I must break the decrees, or I could never see 
heaven. 

I think there are at least two difierent stages of Christian 
experience, spoken of in the Bible ; one in which the will 
only is changed, the other changes the sensibility also. 

In the first state, the individual apprehends his state as a 
sinner, the guilt of sin, his danger, the righteous claims of 
both law and gospel, and yields his heart, and submits his 
will, to these claims and the service of God, and the sweet 
peace of pardon flows. But his sensibility, its appetites, af- 
fections, passions, long and strongly developed towards their 
respective objects, still plead for gratification, but are held in 
check by the will and heart, under the influence of the new 
master. In the second stage, some persons, conscious of 
their deficiency, and danger, and oft repeated victory of the 
sensibility, have applied, with irresistible longings of soul, to 
Christ to perfect the work, break the power of sin, and re- 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 279 

move the enemy from the camp, and Jesus has heard their 
prayer, (thank the good Lord,) has come down — entered in; 
overthrown the tables, poured out the changers' money, brok- 
en up the deep foundations of the whole man, and rendered 
the sensibility of the soul tremblingly alive to the interest and 
love of Christ. Now there is a rest throughout all the land ; 
the soul is as a well watered garden, and its whole being, 
spontaneously, (when Christ has come in,) sets towards God 
and immortal glory. Thank God ! And 0, may Almighty 
God grant, that the number may increase a thousand fold ! 
'When will Zion learn the love and the strength of her Cap- 
; tain — his boundless resources to quench all the fiery darts of 
the wicked. 0, the love of Christ, who can sin, and grieve 
it ! To name his love, to speak of Christ, sets my soul all 
on fire. I feel that I have passed the second stage. I have, 
bless God, passed the '^ straits," and with Jesus in my soul, 

"I am rapidly sailing with strong gales of love, 

And soon shall strike soundings on the fair coast above, 
Make the high lands of Zion, and enter the road, 
And anchor for ever in the Kingdom of God. 

1 have spoken of Christ in the soul. I mean, just so, 
" Christ in us the hope of glory." " Come in and sup with 
us." '^ That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith." 
Now faith is not Christ. It is one thing to have faith in us, 
and quite another thing to have Christ in us. The Apostle 
speaks of the thing done, and the condition. Faith, behef, 
is the condition, and, to receive Christ is the thing done. 
But it costs a struggle, not to receive Christ, but, to renounce 
the world — give up self — empty out self at any sacrifice, and 
make room for Jesus. 

Before I found the Lord, I used to pray as if God were 
at a distance. But after I found him, I did not want to 



280 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

speak or whisper loud, for it seemed that that was praying 
to Jesus out of my soul and far away, when he was really in 
me. Often hushed in silence, I have given up myself to 
deep, sweet, and overflowing communion with Christ in my 
soul. 

" What precious hours I then enjoyed ; 
How sweet their memory (and their ^radice) still." 

Such have often been most rich and precious seasons to 
my soul. 

After I found Jesus, one point much troubled me. That 
is, to believe I was pardoned. It was too much. This came 
up as a distinct point. I believe God is able and is willing* 
But /pardoned ! My sins all gone ! my unbehef — my pollu- 
tion — my mockery — my broken vows — my guilt — my skep- 
ticism — my all, all gone ! 0, I can't believe it, I must suf- 
fer ! What ! have love for all this ! put it all on Christ's ac- 
count ? 0, it's too much ! At that moment the answer 
came. " I promised to do it. I came for that ; won't you 
honor me by suffering me to take all your guilt away, and 
give you in return my love ? " I instantly said, " Lord, I be- 
lieve, help thou mine unbelief," and it was as the letting in 
of mighty waters. 

Another point was to be settled. How shall I be saved 
against the wiles and temptations of the world. I had found 
God. My soul was pardoned and delivered. But how shall 
I stand ? Grace to pardon and deliver is not grace to keep. 
I went and told Jesus. He kindly gave me his blessed prom- 
ise, ^^ There hath no temptation taken you but such as is com- 
mon to man : but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be 
tempted above that ye are able ; but will with the tempta- 
tion also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear 
it." I went forth equipped. 



THE RICHES OE GRACE. 281 

At one time afterwards, being afraid that when I went 
out and mingled with others, I should fall into levity, some 
sin that would grieve my blessed Savior, which I had rather 
die than do, I went to the Lord and asked him for grace — 
for such an amount as would (so to speak,) last me till my 
return. I pleaded with God for such a stock before hand, 
as would ensure my safety. Ignorant of the way God kept 
his children, for I was literally an infant, I sought by fervent 
prayer for what I supposed necessary to keep me, for that 
was what I longed for. In the midst of my fervency, at 
once, like a gentle whisper, it came. " My presence shall 
go with thee, and I will give thee rest." In my state of mind, 
longing for present supplies for the future, I looked on the 
hare promise as not sufficient, and cast it aside, and looked up 
to God for the supply. I had no sooner done this, than (I 
don't know how else to express it,) the promise was thrown 
back upon my soul, with tremendous pow^er, and Jesus seem- 
ed to say. Won't you believe me ? I trembled and cringed 
down, saying, Lord, it is enough^ thy word is sufficient. 
I never opened my mouth any more on that point. I can 
truly say, I have never found the promise fail, but just the 
thing, grace at the time — in temptation, and not before it 
nor after it. From that day to this, thank God ! it has been 
my sure support. 0, how changed! From these sins and 
others, I had never expected to be delivered. 

At one time while seated at my table studying, at once, 
one of my old sins, one from which I feared the most, came 
up with marshall power. I thought at first I certainly was 
gone — I seemed surrounded with the enemy, (I cannot de- 
scribe it better than to say, the atmosphere seemed to be full of 
little devils.) But in the midst of their furious onset upon 
me, at once^ I dropped on my knees, my soul fled to Jesus. 

I told him, '' I was gone, if he did not help; I would not 

24* 



282 THE RICHES OE GRACE. 

stir a step, I could not, I had tried a thousand times and al- 
ways fell, and now I had taken him to do it, he had promised 
to, and he must : Lord come." (Afterwards I was shock- 
ed at my boldness.) And 0, I never shall forget it — in a 
moment Jesus came, took the enemy and set him at a dis- 
tance ; '^ Thus far shalt thou come, and no farther." And 
from that day to this, I can truly say, I have never feared 
the power of the enemy on that point. His power was brok- 
en, and through infinite grace has been ever since kept down. 
I marked this because I had before supposed the enemy's 
power could never be efiectually broken, not even by Jesus 
himself. 

I don't know where to stop ; I have already transcended 
vaj limits, for I did not intend to fill this sheet. Time and 
room fail me, to speak of the visions, of the deliverances, of 
the preservations of his grace and dying love. Truly, if any 
one ought to love God, I ought, and a thousand times have I 
thanked God that I love Him and his Son. For if it had 
not been for his grace^ my soul " had been as Sodom, and 
like unto Gomorrah." To the praise and glory of his grace, 
there has not been a day, and save one time when I mistook 
temptation for sin, I don't know an hour, since I found my 
Lord, in which I have not enjoyed sweet, sweet communion 
with Jesus, or the light of his countenance. I have not at 
all times indulged in the enjoyment as I might, but have 
been led many times to fast spiritually as to myself, and save 
my strength for others, for as every one knows who is ac- 
quainted with the deep love of Christ, there is nothing like 
the cross to prostrate the system. 

That I have ever fallen has not been owing to any want or 
deficiency of his grace, or to a want of confidence in his 
promise and power, but to the willingness of my antagonist, and 
the want of a proper watchfulness on my part when I have 



THE RICHES OE GRACE. 283 

come into new circumstances. But when I get out of his 
power I set up a " stake." I don't know that I have ever 
fallen into mj old sins, for once, except as I was decoyed by 
'' Satan transforming himself into an angel of light." But 
as soon as I see the '*^ cloven foot," with deep sorrow I turn 
at once to Christ. To be away from Christ is to be in hell. 
The last time, which like the rest was very short, the Lord 
chastised me so sharply, and showed me such love, that I 
don't expect Satan will ever catch me there again. 

A cloud over the Savior's countenance is as perceptible as 
a cloud over the noon-day sun. I can truly say that no one 
has or ever had since my espousal the power over my aflfec- 
tions that the Savior has. Some seem by their conduct to 
think that religion consists in refraining for Christ's sake from 
self-indulgence. But I think it consists in doing just what 
we want to do for Christ's sake. 0, how blessed the prom- 
ise and the possession of a new heart ! Having a new heart, 
we have nothing to do but just what we want to do, and that to 
all eternity. 0, the promise of as much love as we can contain, 
the deep fountain mthin us springing up for ever more into 
everlasting life ! And then to augment the joy, another is to 
have all the glory ! 

But when we look at the church, we see awful reason to fear 
that many have never passed beyond a state of deep convic- 
tion. Some have got so far perhaps as to be sick of sin, but 
don't receive Christ. Others evidently are in the first stage, 
(above ;) some in despair not expecting deliverance. 0, 
may God grant that their hearts may be inspired with hope 
to come to Christ and find rest^ rest to their souls. Others 
are looking, hoping, longing for Jesus, floating on the surface ; 
and 0, may God let them down a thousand furlongs. Then 
will they no more talk about and all around religion, and 
Jesus, — but will talk rehgion, — talk love — talk Jesus. 



284 THE RICHES OE GRACE. 

I long, long, to have Christ known and received. It veri- 
ly seems that every sermon I preach, must melt almost every 
heart down at the Savior's feet ; but, " fools and slow of 
heart to helieve^^ and receive Christ. One great, and per- 
haps the great reason is, they do not feel their need of him, 
they ask, but ask amiss, — not half in earnest. I am sure, 
that, unless a student or minister gets a firm hold of Christ, 
when you come to throw a cold, worldly, selfish church, as 
many are, upon his soul, it will certainly draw him away 
from Christ. I well know that, if it had not been for 
the grace of Christ and his love and power, in my inmost 
soul, I could not have withstood the opposition, temptations — 
abuses — neglect — poverty — losses and crosses, incident to 
the gospel ministry. But the servant is not above his Master. 
And I find that they, the church and the world, treat me a 
great deal better than they trea,t Christ. 0, what will be- 
come of Zion and the poor sinner! May God speed the 
time to favor Zion, when a nation shall be born in a day. 
The more I learn of Christ and his blessed gospel, the more 
I love it, and love to proclaim it. But I must stop " in me- 
diasres," having named a few things respecting the dealings 
of the blessed God mth my soul, sufiicient to show that 
'' Grod can save^^ mightily^- — and that the anointing abideth ; " 
and that for this, every thing must be given up, with an undy- 
ing longing of soul for this blessing in any way that it pleas- 
eth the Father to give it. 

Thus I have given my simple tale of God's grace and un- 
dying love, my Exodus from the kingdom of darkness to the 
kingdom of light, peace and love, with a little description of 
my fare in each kingdom contiguous to the transition point. 
Many of the richest visitations of love and power, I have 
purposely omitted, perhaps unwisely, but I think not. My 
warmest prayers go with it. may it honor Christ and do 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 285 

good. Please pardon all episodes and ejaculations, however 
exiguous or perchance exotic. I write much from memory, 
Tbut such have been my Egypt, Exodus and Canaan, that time 
cannot erase the remembrance of them. The Lord bless and 
grant support to your soul and body amid all your labors. 



EXPERIENCE XXXIX. 



"Ye are my witnesses, saith the Lord" — and should we 
not vie with each other in testifying of the wonders of his 
love — of the depth of the riches of his grace in Christ 
Jesus, as we have proved it? And should not those of his 
children who have spent many years little to his praise, be 
especially zealous to improve the time that remains in more 
abundant labors to spread the savor of his name, and by 
every possible means bring others to the knowledge of his 
salvation ? The manner in which these inquiries have ap- 
pealed to my own heart, has induced me to attempt to tell 
them that fear the Lord, '^ what he hath done for my soul." 

At a very early age, he manifested himself unto me as 
he does not unto the world ; and for a considerable time I 
rejoiced in his smile, having no doubts of my acceptance with 
him. But in the hour of temptation I cast away my confi- 
dence, and for several years walked in darkness, with only 
occasional seasons of light and comfort. Sometimes I was 
near despair, but I often lived much in the spirit of the 
world. The fear of God kept me in the church, and a sense 
of propriety led me to conform to its requirements ; but I 
used the means of grace with little faith, and prayed rather 
from a sense of duty than from any expectation that my 

286 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 287 

prayers would be answered. Yet, such was the mercy that 
followed me, they were often answered in a manner that ex- 
ceedingly surprised and humbled me. In the year 1820, a 
change of residence placed i»e in a society of Hving members, 
and the fires of devotion that burned brightly every where 
around me, occasionally kindled on my desponding heart ; 
but they were as often quenched by doubting and reasoning, 
which had become almost as habitual to me as breathing. 
Thus I continued, comparing my experience with every other 
I heard, and telling my perplexities to almost every Chris- 
tain with whom I conversed — at one time praying for con- 
version till my heart became harder than a rock ; and at an- 
other, with a little more confidence praying for a deeper work 
of grace ; till a series of temporal reverses brought me to 
feel deeply the need of greater spiritual strength. Without 
a firmer trust in the Providence of my heavenly Father, and 
a more perfect resignation to his will, I found that I could 
not be sustained. For these I besought him early and late, 
till he heard and answered ; so that I could refer every 
event of every day to his care, and thank him for all things, 
whether painful or pleasurable. I now lived much in prayer, 
and sought to follow my Savior closely ; but till this date I 
believe I had never thought of " entire sanctification " as an 
attainment possible to me. 

In 1828, having removed my residence to Cincinnati, I 
sat under the ministry of one who in almost every sermon 
presented this blessing as the glorious privilege of all believ- 
ers ; and appointed a special prayer meeting for such of his 
charge as would seek it. I was one of the few that attended 
this memorable meeting ; but alas for me ! Avhile one after 
another of my companions stepped into the pool and were 
made whole, I seemed to be " ever learning, and never able 
to come to the knowledge of the truth." I increased in 



288 THE EICHES OF GRACE. 

strength — took a firmer hold on the throne of grace — left 
the things that were behind, and reached after those that 
were before — but in all this there was much of self-confi- 
dencCj and of effort to work ou^ a righteousness of my own. 
YearSj crowded with mercies, passed away, while unbelief 
was still so much the habit of my soul that I feared even to 
offer praise, lest I should express what I did not feel. Thus 
time rolled on and found me unhealed. 

At last, wearied with the length of the way, I began in the 
winter of 1842-3, to cry mightily that the Lord would 
cut short and finish his work in my heart. At this time I 
read in the Christian Advocate and Journal, the Nos. en- 
titled, " Is there not a shorter way ? " which greatly enlight- 
ened me respecting that to me perplexing subject, " the way 
of faith," I now felt that, like ancient Israel, I had tra- 
versed the wilderness to the borders of the promised land, 
but that only the God of Israel could bring me over Jordan 
and give me possession. Here I tarried waiting for " power 
from on high'' till August. I then attended a camp-meeting 
where I had few acquaintances, and little to engage my at- 
tention, or interrupt my efforts to enter this Canaan. In ap- 
proaching the ground I was blessed, and felt that faith and 
hope were strengthened. The heavens seemed bowed almost 
to my reach, and every waking breath bore upward the 
prayer, " Lord, give me a clean heart !" I had laid all 
on the altar, and so intensely was I occupied in watching the 
sacrifice till it should be consumed, that I dreaded even the 
salutations of a friend, lest my heart should be for a moment 
diverted from its object. 

The day before the meeting was to close, found me, as I 
thought, in a less devotional frame than I had been for days. 
I had been compelled to be absent from the ground during a 
part of the meeting, and other circumstances had conspired 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 289 

to produce dissipation of mind. Perhaps I was by this 
means brought to a more perfect consciousness of my utter 
helplessness. My purpose had not changed, nor my efforts 
relapsed ; but I could not now find, even in feeling , any 
ground for hope. In this state I went into the prayer meet- 
ing for mourners, on Wednesday afternoon, about five o'clock. 
The Lord was there to heal and to save. I found around mo 
a few of those who were used to pray with and for me. One 
of them, a dear sister, began to exhort me to look up. I did 
look ; and quick as thought, was spoken to my inmost soul, 
" If you ask bread, will he give you a stone ? " A glimpse of 
the fullness of God was at the same instant presented to my 
now opened eye, and glory to God broke from my lips, which 
had so long refused to speak his praise. I wondered at my- 
self, but had no idea that I had received the " long-sought 
blessing." I had expected the " kingdom of God to come 
with observation," and was not prepared to receive it in any 
other way. But I felt that a change had passed upon me, 
and while the breathings of my soul were still for purity, 
the sky was perfectly clear above me and all was peace 
within. 

About an hour after, the congregation assembled at the 
stand for preaching. As I was kneeling, during the first 

prayer, I thought, I shall meet sister on the ground in 

the morning, and, in spite of the tempter, I will say, I am 
an heir of God ; and at the thought my soul filled and over- 
flowed with unutterable bliss. My heart had become like 
the full vessel which runs over with the slightest motion. 
That was indeed a new life in which hallelujahs rose spon- 
taneously from a heart so long unused to notes of joy. Yet 
I did not begin to apprehend what was this new state, till the 
following Wednesday night, when at a society meeting I re- 
ceived a more powerful baptism of the Holy Spirit, and these 
25 



290 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

words were applied to my heart, ^^ He that hath the Son 
hathUfe." I then legan to see the way by which the Lord 
had led me, and with joyful surprise to exclaim — 

" Jesus, and all in him, is mine." 

0, what a world of life and of bliss did this single lesson 
open in my soul ! But it was months before I ventured to 
say I had received even the lowest degree of " perfect love " 
— nor can I be sure that I ever had those powerful mani- 
festations which enable me to say — 

" Meridian evidence puts doubt to flight." 

On the contrary, temptations to doubt (especially the extent 
of the work) have been perpetual. But I have resolved 
that, in the strength of grace, I will believe with sufficient 
evidence ; and not as in former years, dishonor my God by 
looking for signs and wonders ; and hitherto he has enabled 
me to " hold fast the beginning of my confidence." 



EXPERIENCE XL. 



I PROPOSE to give a brief detail of personal experience. 
I enjoyed many religious privileges in my youth, was the sub- 
ject of many serious impressions ; do not recollect that a day 
passed during that period, without feeling more or less anxie- 
ty in respect to my soul's welfare. I believe that with a little 
of the right instruction, I might have been brought to sub- 
mit to the Savior. Like the boasting Jews of old, I always 
inwardly approved the " things that were excellent." I early 
became acquainted with, and embraced the various reforms 
of the age ; was fond of reading religious matter in the form 
of books, tracts and periodicals. For several years before 
my conversion, I had an impression, that I should one day 
preach the gospel. For various selfish reasons I desired to 
do so. All these things conspired to prepare me for self- 
deception and a false profession of religion. About the age 
of twenty-one, I was persuaded that by performing religious 
duties, such as became a public profession of religion, I 
should get the internal evidence of being a Christian. Hence 
I resolved to do so. I commenced immediately. Satan and 
my own imagination soon furnished me with the requisite 
evidence, and I quietly rested in my blindness and carnal se- 
curity. Now the last obstacle was removed, and I com- 

291 



292 THE RICHES OF aRACE. 

menced studying preparatory to the work of preaching the 
gospel. But a change of circumstances ere long occurred. 
I fell in with those who could speak a language in relation to 
Christian experience all mysterious to me. I wondered and 
queried with myself as to the cause of this difference between 
their experience and mine. It was suggested to me by a 
friend, that perhaps I was mistaken, and had never really 
been converted. I thought this a very uncharitable insinua- 
tion. Nevertheless, the evidence that this was the fact ac- 
cumulated before me, till it became irresistible. I came 
fully and deliberately to the conclusion that I was not a 
Christian, and publicly acknowledged it. What then ? 
Why, I must hecome one without delay. Here many tempta- 
tions assailed me. '' Wait a little longer," whispered a de- 
ceitful voice ! " you can more easily become a Christian after 
you have obtained more light and knowledge, say a year or 
two hence." I pronounced it a falsehood, and cast the sug- 
gestion from me. " Your sins are so strong you cannot over- 
come them now ; indulge them and let them spend their 
strength, and then give your heart to God," whispered the 
same arch deceiver. Ans. " I can overcome my sins now if 
ever, and I must overcome now, or be lost for ever." " 0, 
you are a Christian, only not quite so far advanced as some ; 
why disquiet yourself in vain ? " the flatterer oft accosted 
me. Ans. " I know I am not : and if there is nothing 
more in religion than what I have found, it is not worth hav- 
ing." " Well, there is nothing in it^ — -there is no God, no 
heaven, uo hell ; I have no soul — all this ado about these 
matters is mere illusion and enthusiasm." This was the last, 
blackest, and most horrid form of temptation. I immediately 
repelled it. I said, '' I know it is not so, I know there is a 
God, and all these other things are true, and I will act as a 
rational being in view of these truths." I sought the 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 293 

Lord with prayer and self-examination. I inquired, ''What 
is it to be a true Christian ? " Ans. '' To obey God, and 
put away sin in all its forms." My attention was now turned 
to my sins. My conflict was with them. At length the way 
of faith was revealed ; and what I could not do in overcom- 
ing my sins, by myself, I trusted in the Lord to do for me. 
Here was rest. My sins were subdued. The conflict was 
ended. And, what a rest! What unspeakable joy! 
What surprise ! What a miracle of grace ! To be thus 
snatched from the dark abyss of self-delusion, and the very 
verge of hell : from the deepest bondage to selfishness, and 
all the deceitful and insidious forms of sin ; those forms of sin 
which may exist in the heart full of all unrighteousness, and 
yet the exterior pass undetected in its counterfeit profession 
of holiness : to be thus snatched, I say, was to me a most 
marvellous and unaccountable interposition of sovereign mer- 
cy, which I could by no means find language adequate to ex- 
press. I was lost in wonder, love and praise. Yes, I 
could truly say, 

" Lord, I adore thy matchless grace, 
That warned me of that dark abyss. 
That drew me from those treacherous seas, 
And bade me seek superior bliss." 

In this state of mind I continued for eight months. Not 
a cloud — scarce a ruffle on the surface of the deep ocean 
of peace that pervaded my whole soul. I retired to rest 
each night lifting my heart in prayer to God, and awoke 
each morning chanting the praises of God from a heart all 
enraptured with his beatific presence. Being awaked one 
night by one of those, since then, oft repeated visits of eter- 
nal love, in which the heavens seem bowed, and its very at- 
mosphere seems to enrich and ravish the soul, so that sleep 
25* 



294 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

is no longer possible, and departs as an unwelcome guest — 
the circumstance suggested the following lines as describing 
in some measure that visitation of sovereign love, which I 
then called 

A HEAVENLY BREEZE. 

It comes ! it comes ! I know not why ! 

The wings of love divine surround me, 
And God is stooping from on high 

To shed the air of heaven around me^ 

It brings a calm, a Christ-like peace, 

Mid inward music sweetly flowing ; 
It whispers, " Free, and sovereign grace 

This heavenly breeze is now bestowing." 

I feel it, ay, most mild and sweet, 
In charming movements gliding o'er me ; 

It circles round my heart's retreat. 
And fans away the mists before me. 

It is not fancy that deludes, 

' Tis no impulsive flight of feeling, 
' Tis no illusion that intrudes. 

But 'tis the Holy Spirit's sealing. 

Come Holy Spirit, waft along 
A constant gale that shall surround me. 

And roll, while seraphs tune their song. 
The atmosphere of heaven around me ! 

Still let me have this lamb-like frame, 

And bask amid thy beams bright shining, 

And feel thy love's encircling flame. 
My heart with thine in union twining. 

So shall I dwell in heaven below. 

And drink thy full salvation pouring: 

On blissful gales to God I'll go, 
And fall before his throne adoring. 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 295 

In such a frame of mind, I say, I passed the first eight 
months of my Christian experience, struggling to comprehend 
the depths of sovereign love that had stooped so low as to 
notice me ! and seeking to humble myself infinitely low be- 
fore the holy majesty of the King of heaven. Whenever a 
temptation to sin came before me, I referred it at once to 
God, and said, " see thou to that," and the temptation fled, 
and I remained in quiet, undisturbed repose. But at the 
close of this period I found myself placed in different circum- 
stances, and began to query whether the Lord could keep me 
in those circumstances, as he had done before. Here unbelief 
crept in, and as a consequence I stumbled, and did not re- 
gain that stability of heart for two years thereafter, that I 
had previously enjoyed. Yet not a day passed that I recol- 
lect, during that two years, in which I did not have a witness 
of my love to God and of his favor to me ; and in some re- 
spects I have since seen that the work of the Lord was 
deepening in my heart, although for a season I thought other- 
wise. But here I come to an era in my experience which I 
wish more fully to relate. 

I said that for two years I was not so stable as I had pre- 
viously been, but was sometimes overcome with temptation : 
nevertheless do not recollect of passing a day without an in- 
ward consciousness of peace with God. When I found I 
had sinned, I would go immediately to the Savior, abhorring 
and confessing my guilt, and firmly resolving never to yield 
again. And I believe that during the second of these two 
years especially, the Lord was deepening his work in my 
heart, for sin grew more and more odious to me, and I was 
less and less frequently overcome with temptation ; and when 
I was overcome, it came to be like the opening of the gates 
of hell to ray soul ; and I could truly say, " the pains of 
hell gat hold upon me," until the Lord beamed upon me his 



296 THE mCHES OF GRACE. 

forgiving smile again. Except these occasional stumblings, 
I could still triumph in the joy of the Lord, and count my- 
self a pilgrim and stranger here, with my home and treasure 
above ; and 0, how did I long and pray with strong crying 
and tears, all this period, to be established in righteousness, 
so as to stumble no more, but be an abiding pillar in the tem- 
ple of God — a constant, unwavering witness of his saving 
grace and power ! And I may here say, that, during this 
period, (as before and since,) I continued to proclaim the 
everlasting gospel of a full salvation by Jesus Christ, as op- 
portunity offered : and I can testify that I never stood up 
thus to speak in behalf of that gospel, without feeling the 
word of the Lord like " fire shut up in my bones," and the 
power of the Lord's Spirit energizing within me ; and also 
so attending the word as not to permit me to labor in vain for 
the good of others. Yet oftentimes, while thus holding forth 
a full and permanent salvation to others, did the thought rush 
home to my own soul — " thou that teachest another, teachest 
thou not thyself ? " And I acknowledged its pertinence and 
force. But how to get established I found not ! Yet " to 
will was ever present with me." At the close of this period, 
the thought struck me all at once with startling power, that I 
had in a measure backslidden and lost my first love, and that 
this was the reason why I was not now established as during 
the first period of my Christian experience. This thought 
greatly surprised and alarmed me. I had previously at- 
tributed all my instability to circumstances. Here was my 
self justification. But now the spell was broken — the veil 
lifted ! And ! what self-reproaches ! what dismay ! what 
desperation seized me ! Is it possible to recover the lost 
ground ? in bitterness I inquired. If so, it must he done 
forthwith. It is barely possible^ was hope's faint whisper. 
Then come what will, come life or death, I shall pursue that 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 297 

one object until it is attained, or while life endures. There 
was no faltering. My heart was fixed. I was desperately 
in earnest. I coolly, deliberately, determined to conquer or 
die. I pressed forward. But 0, what conviction of sin ! 
The convictions that I experienced before my conversion 
would bear but a faint comparison with the present. Selfish- 
ness, lust, pride, unbelief — how did their guilt stare upon 
me and wring my soul with inconceivable anguish ! I spent 
my time and strength in pouring out my soul to God in 
" groanings that could not be uttered." 

how vain were words to express the intense meaning of 
my heart at such an hour. The portals of eternity on either 
hand were thrown wide open before me. The glories of 
heaven and the woes of hell were brought into vivid view in 
solemn and awful contrast ! I could not doubt their reality 
any more than I could doubt my own existence, for I saw 
them as clearly as my own existence. Heaven invited on 
the one hand, and hell threatened fearfully on the other. At 
times I would seem to be on the brink of perdition, and then 
near the portals of heaven. And how did my mind labor 
and sink as I sought to count or measure the ceaseless cycles 
of eternity. But, ah ! which ever way I look, no end! is the 
appalling prospect ! And my conscience too, all this time, 
performed its office faithfully. It thundered guilt, and rolled 
up blackness and darkness and terror before me, and left no 
ray of hope, unless I should at once escape from all my sins. 
My mind was so tossed and driven that I could not attend to 
the ordinary duties of my occupation, for I was tlien teach- 
ing a school, as well as attempting to hold forth the word of 
life on the Sabbath and on other occasions. I dismissed my 
school ; ceased appointing meetings ; withdrew one appoint- 
ment previously made ; and determined to be free from all 
distracting cares as far as possible, and to give myself to 



298 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

seeking the Lord, if peradventure I might regain his abiding 
presence, and obtain his sustaining grace. Although, as I 
said, I had seen my labors previously blessed, yet I found I 
could not bear prosperity, nor prevail in prayer as I believed 
I ought, and I concluded it was of no use to labor for others 
until I was " saved " myself. I now spent much of my time 
away in solitude, on my face before God, pleading with Him 
for deliverance. And this I asked not merely for myself, 
but also for the sake of kindred, friends, and a world in sin 
— for the sake of a professed Church that knew not Jesus 
Christ, having only a name to live while dead. I felt that 
here was my great strong hold — that God would hear my 
plea " for their sakes," although, as to myself, I were too 
unworthy to receive. 

During this struggle, which lasted full three months, in 
which my life and condition were continually passing in solemn 
and earnest review before me — my mind continually on the 
stretch, and every nerve in tension, looking every hour for a 
complete deliverance, which came not, except by degrees, I 
was preserved from absolute despair by the fact that the 
Lord did strengthen me more and more, day by day, from 
my first commencing to seek the Lord afresh, with the deter- 
mination to rest not till permanently established in him, and 
also from the fact that I found many Scripture promises 
which represented the Lord as " leading the blind in a way 
that they know not," and, as needful for them to be " in 
heavinessfor a season," for the trying of their faith, but that 
if they held on '' hoping in God," they should be " exalted 
in due time," and yet be permitted to " praise God for the 
help of his countenance." True, my convictions kept grow- 
ing deeper and deeper for a season, and I appeared to myself 
to wax worse and worse, but this only encouraged me, for I 
knew that this revelation of my satanic character was all 



I 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 299 

needful, and I besought the Lord, as he loved my soul, to 
spare me not, but to let me see the worst of my case, at 
least as much as I could bear and live : and he did so, and 
thereby " slew me," as it respected all self-righteousness and 
self-trust, and brought me to trust alone in him. At first I 
was where no sympathizing human ear could listen to my 
complaints — no human voice attempt to soothe the anguish 
of my heart, for I was a stranger in a strange land, and I 
thanked God that it was so, for the three following reasons : 

1. I knew that man could not help me. I was shut up to 
God as my only hope, and I wanted to present my cause and 
urge my plea before him alone — I knew my duty, and I 
only wanted the strength of grace to do it. 

2. I was afraid, lest, making known the mere fact of God's 
dealing with me in such a manner might be an occasion for 
temptation to pride, which form of temptation I dreaded 
almost as I dreaded death itself. 

3. I was afraid of wrong instruction. I knew that God 
could teach me, but as for man, I knew that I never had re- 
ceived any human instruction that answered in my present 
condition ; for all would cry, " only believe, and cease all 
this struggle." I knew that I did believe and hope only in 
God, yet was not "filled with Grod;^^ and hence I knew 
that such instruction did not answer my purpose ; nor did it 
correspond with the teachings of God's word ; so I resolved 
to throw myself on the mercy of God, to be guided by his 
word and Spirit, not doubting but that if I held on, I should 
be led aright, and in due season, (after he had sufficiently 
tried and sifted me,) come forth into the " glorious liberty of 
the children of God." 

I ought to have stated, that while my mind was so laboring 
to measure eternity, while all its fearful realities were so 
vividly portrayed before me, I could not but look upon all 



300 THE RICHES OE GRACE. 

the thoughtless multitude as absolutely mad ; and I wonder- 
ed how a professor of religion, in view of such awful destinies 
as awaited the human race, could laugh and jest and make 
merry ; while it seemed to me a totally opposite course was in- 
finitely more appropriate. 0, what were hfe ! what all earth- 
ly good in such an overwhelming contrast ! Life ! an inch — 
a point ! a shadow ! nay, dwindled to very nothing ! What are 
people thinking of ? Eternity right in view ! Ah, they're bhnd ! 
reckless — insane ! My extreme tension of mind, and anguish 
of spirit, in view of my sins and the necessities of my case, as 
revealed to me by the Spirit of the Lord, which also seemed to 
be so justly chiding me for my vile ingratitude to God, wore 
severely on my physical system ; so that I was oft reminded 
of those words of the Psalmist, " When thou (Lord) with 
rebukes dost correct man for iniquity, thou makest his beau- 
ty to consume away like a moth." And various other passa- 
ges in the same author seemed peculiarly applicable to my 
case. See Ps. 38 : 42 & 77. My acquaintances when they 
saw me wondered what was the matter with me. I told them 
I had been wicked, and that that was the matter. But God 
led me forward step by step. Yea, he led the blind by a 
way all unknown before. And I saw the wisdom of this, for 
I was thereby shut up to simple and constant faith in his 
naked promises. Every day and many times a day did I 
find some sweet promise just suited to my case. These I ate, 
just as a starving man would devour his longed-for food — 
just as a condemned and dying criminal would seize the free 
and life-giving pardon. For 0, I was a criminal most justly 
damned ! I looked at myself as a very devil, waging a most 
unprovoked and cruel war against the Almighty, the Grod of 
all love ! For many long weeks did I groan in view of my 
diabolical wickedness to God, in sinning against his forgiving 
grace ; and though I earnestly sought his forgiveness, yet I^ 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. ^ 301 

solemnly voAved that I never would forgive myself. I tried 
to get my rocky, flinty heart all broken at the Savior's feet, 
but it would not break. I besought the Lord to break ifc, 
audit seemed as if his Spirit had placed a lever underneath, 
and was trying to pry up the rock from the foundation and 
break it, but it would not break. At length, by means of a 
deeper and still deeper view of the love of Christ, and God'KS 
infinite goodness, the rock which would not break began to 
melt! Yes, glory to God! how did my soul all gush out 
with contrition, while scalding tears and heaving sobs could 
now take the place of those groans which before would scarce 
admit a tear ! How did my throbbing, yet melting heart 
find relief in pouring out tears like water, and weeping vehe- 
mently as I prostrated myself so often before my much in- 
jured Savior. But ah, that Savior knew how to heal the 
wounds himself had made ! He knew how to bruise and 
how to make whole again, blessed be his name ! I thanked 
him then for bruising, and because I knew it was he that did 
it, I dared to hope he would make me whole again ; and how 
did I pour forth my thanksgivings as I discovered he was thus 
restoring me. The pangs of remorse by degrees subsided. 
The load of guilt passed away. The strength of temptation 
was gone. " The prince of this world came and found noth- 
ing in me." I began to have a witness that my heart was 
cleansed. I now began to query whether this was not the 
blessing the Lord had been so long leading me forward to 
possess. Yet I was not fully satisfied. I did not know be- 
forehand how things would appear, but I knew that when 
God was satisfied with me, he would also make me satisfied, 
and would absolutely let me know that I was jusfc where he 
wanted I should be. I said, " God is his own interpreter, 
and he can make it plain.'' And he did so. In place of 
the pangs of remorse, I began to feel an indwelling fullness 
26 



302 THE KICHES OE GRACE 



1 



of the Spirit of God, like a sweet holy unction, or like the 
fountain of the water of life, constantly rising, boihng up, 
as it were, within me. Both during the period that I was in 
such grief and bitterness of soul, and now also, there seemed 
to be a sensible manifestation of God by his direct power af- 
fecting my heart and sensibility, and this often made me 
tremble ; to find myself thus noticed and thus in the awful 
presence of the Holy One. 

I said I began to query whether this witness of the 
indwelling of God were not the blessing which God wished 
to put m.e in possession of: especially as I had been so long 
pressing after the unknown^ yet to he well known evidence of 
being in an acceptable state before God. I had all along 
assumed these three things, and had proposed these as condi- 
tions of being satisfied, ere I would cease to struggle and 
plead for a greater deliverance. I said, when I get where 
God is well pleased with me, I shall 1st, he rights (i. e. at 
heart.) 2d, I shall do right ^ i. e. in all my outward conduct : 
or, in other words, I shall keep all God's commandments, 
both in spirit and in action. And 8d, I shall /(^<3Z right^ i. e. 
all my feelings shall be in perfect harmony, and no discord, 
no jarring nor tossing within. But as yet, there was a feel- 
ing that God had something more for me to receive ere I 
should rest satisfied. But my physical energies were so ex- 
hausted by the long continued struggle, (for I had now 
been about three months in this conflict,) I began to see 
that I must rest down on the promises of God, and give my- 
self more rest of body, and let the mercy of God do for me 
whatever else God desired to do in my case. Right here, 
and all at once, a light began to arise around the horizon of 
my mind. That^ said I, is the thing the Lord wishes me to 
receive : he wishes to merge my soul into the noon-day bright- 
ness of the Sun of Righteousness. This is but the dawning 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 303 

twilight. Now, my soul, press on and receive its meridian 
blaze. The New Jerusalem, the city of God, seemed to stand 
off in the distance, resplendent, and basking in the glorious 
light of God. My soul, I said, Thou must pass into that, 
and there abide, for there God makes his tabernacle with 
men. At this crisis how earnest did my soul become, and how 
fearful lest I should sin and grieve the Spirit, and not be 
permitted to see, and walk in the fullness of this glorious light, 
lest I should not enter into this city of God ! I prayed, 
watched all my ways with more jealous care, and pressed ar- 
dently forward. God heard me ! The Sun of Righteous- 
ness kept rising, and more and more swiftly I drew nearer to 
the city, yea, close to its limits ! In two or three days from 
the first dawning of this light, and all at once, the darkness 
was all past, the heavens were all resplendent with the light 
of God, (almost dazzling to my natural eyes, it seemed,) and 
I found myself translated into that holy city, " brought out 
of the kingdom of darkness into God's marvellous light." 
Here were wonders ! This was like a God ! But why 
attempt to describe it with words ? they are weak ; and I 
felt it thus ! Did not say much to any one about myself: 
dared not, could not ! Those who have seen, know, and they 
alone can know ! I have had many glorious seasons with the 
Lord since that time ! The light has been constantly increas- 
ing : God has established my goings ! He has quelled many 
fears ! For a year after this I often feared exceedingly lest I 
should sin, and lose this light ; but God kept me, and kept 
shining upon me. The brightness of his glory has oft-times 
been so great as almost to extinguish the lamp of this mortal 
life. The heavens seem bowed, and my soul almost drawn 
away from its frail tenement. At such times I ask permis- 
sion to live, because my work on earth is not yet done. 
Sometimes I have severe conflicts with Satan, and other se- 



304 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

vere trials ! But the Lord delivers me out of them all. 
My nervous system and bodily health in other respects, has 
suffered from so much tension of mind ; partly from the fact that 
at first I knew not how much effort my physical system could 
endure, and partly from the fact that an all-absorbing desire 
for a world's recovery jfrom its lost estate, consumes me, is 
constantly urging me now to over-action, in seeking to accom- 
plish it. I know that this is the great object for which I 
wish to hve ! I know that God has taken away my sins, and 
has permitted me to love him with all the heart. I have the 
daily witness of this, and can most heartily adopt those words 
of the poet, altering them a little, as I may, and say, 

O ! matchless bliss of perfect love, 
It lifts me up to things above ; 

It bears on eagle's wings : 
It gives my ravished soul a feast, 
And makes me here a constant guest, 

With Jesus, priests and kings. 



EXPERIENCE XLI. 



I LOVE holiness ; its very name is sweet, but how much 
more so is the thing itself. One year ago I knew nothing of 
this full salvation. I believed it to be taught in the Bible, 
but could not think it was for me at present. It was too high. 
I must first become better, not considering that this was seek- 
ing it by works. 0, how many snares the devil lays for 
unwary souls But my blessed Lord is stronger than the 
strong man armed ; and he sent his children to converse 
with me, and to urge me to seek the blessing as a specific 
object, and that now was the accepted time. I listened — 
was encouraged to ask for it — felt it was for me ; and after 
struggling a few days, I did on the 4th of May, 1846, lay my 
whole being upon the Christian altar ; and reckon myself the 
Lord's property — my debt was paid and I was freed. Thus 
by a simple act of faith I was cleansed. I felt no ecstatic 
joy, but a heavenly calm, and a peace indescribable. I 
knew I hved entirely by faith, and I behoved God saw it 
best to try its strength. I felt such a perfect submission to 
his will, whatever it might be, that I was willing to live all 
my days entirely by naked faith, if he saw it best. I 
remained in this position without any further spiritual illumi- 
nation a day or two ; Satan at the same time presenting the 
26* 305 



306 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

most powerful temptations to make me believe I was deceiv- 
ing myself. Still I clung to God's word. After he had 
suflSciently tried my faith, he poured in floods of glory, and 
made my soul happy as I could live in the body. I was 
hardly sensible that I was an inhabitant of earth ; my spirit 
was so buoyant that the body seemed no impediment, and I 
felt as if walking or rather floating in mid air. This state 
of rapture continued two or three days, and left a settled, 
abiding peace, an unshaken confidence in God, and a realizing 
sense of my union with Christ, which I can neither explain 
nor describe. Suffice it to say, " He is mine and I am his." 
It must be experienced to be understood. Immediately on 
my coming into this highway of holiness, my spiritual vision 
was strengthened, and I clearly discerned the heartlessness 
of professors of religion, and the idols cherished by them, 
which caused me to mourn on their account. At the same 
time I was led to wodder that those who were spiritual had 
borne with me so long ; but above all I wondered at the long- 
suffering of God, who had spared me while I was withhold- 
ing from liim his own ; viz. my undivided heart. 0, the 
blindness of the human mind, and all brought on by sin. 
How then can it be that any can cling so closely to it ? 

I am led to this train of thought by the remembrance of a 
conversation with some professors, who start at the idea of free- 
dom from sin in this life ; and yet say they love holiness, and be- 
lieve it is taught in the Bible ; but we must not expect it till 
death. My heart was pained at their limited views of the 
a^tonement, expecting death to accomplish that for them 
w^hich the blood of Christ fails to do. Yet in the midst of 
my pity for them, I could praise God from a full heart, for 
showing me a better way. I thank the Lord that he has led 
me to believe the atonement is as extensive as the fall ; else 
it would not be full. The beauty of this feature captivates 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 307 

my soul. I love to consider man as originally made pure 
and upright, created in the moral image of God, in righteous- 
ness and true hohness ; pronounced by his Maker " very 
good ; " though by his fall he forfeited all these, became a rebel 
against God's government, exposed to his righteous indigna- 
tion, and deserving nothing but eternal banishment from his 
presence, yet the bosom of infinite Love, self-moved, devised 
the glorious plan of salvation ; and by the sacrificial death of 
his Son, the demands of justice were satisfied, and the way 
opened, not only for our pardon, but for our restoration to 
pristine purity. In this, I may by some be thought heretical, 
but I gather my views from the sacred volume. 

Some who love the doctrine of holiness, are led to stumble 
at the very term " Christian perfection," confounding it as 
they do with angelic, or God-Uke perfection. May the Lord 
clear the sight of such persons. 

My only object in writing these lines is to advance the 
cause of Christ. Since I have known a full salvation, I am 
not circumscribed by denominational lines. Praise the Lord, 
I feel that we are all brethren ; for wherever I see the image 
of Christ, there my affections are attracted ; and those who 
are most like him, are dearest to me. 



EXPERIENCE XLII. 



I HAVE for a long time felt it my duty to make known what 
the Lord has done for my soul, and have endeavored to, as 
far as I could reach the ear, by the word of mouth ; but be- 
lieving it may encourage some, I trust many, to come to the 
fountain, from whence such fullness flows, I will endeavor to 
give a brief narration of the dealings of the Lord with me, 
the few past years of my life. 

When about nineteen, I was brought to seek the Savior, 
and to find him to the joy of my soul. He, for his own 
name's sake, spoke peace to my troubled spirit, and I have 
no doubt still, but my sins were then forgiven. 

I had much light and joy, and of course great peace for 

a time, but the sun that had risen in my moral horizon did 

not remain long without clouds and darkness ; and when it 

shined afterward, it was only at intervals, to be succeeded 

by deeper darkness. I think the first reason why I did not 

follow on to know the Lord from that time, was, that I began 

to measure myself by my teachers, and those whom I thought 

worthy of imitation. I thought t must not take a course 

that differed very much fromi what they thought to be right. 

Here I left the Bible, and the teachings of the Spirit in part, 

and did not see and understand as I have since, what I was 

308 



THE RICHES OF aRACE. 309 

doing. But I was without excuse, for I had the law, and 
the testimony, yea more, the teachings of the Spirit to guide 
me in the way of hfe. Yet notwithstanding these, I stumbled 
on the dark mountains of unbeUef, and became an easy prey 
to the tempter ; and thus I lived for a number of years, sin- 
ning and repenting. Sometimes light shone on my path-way, 
and then again darkness that might be felt surrounded me, 
and all my resolutions were like ropes of sand, toward hold- 
ing me in the path-way of obedience. I was often led to cry 
out, " Who shall deUver me from the body of this death ? " 
despairing of deliverance until death, and sometimes almost 
longing for death, as a release from unbelief and sin. I 
found it truly a life of hard bondage, the spirit warring 
against the flesh, and the flesh against the spirit, each ruhng 
in turn. Yet the Lord in mercy kept me from open out- 
breaking sins. From the time that Jesus first spoke peace 
to my soul, I felt deeply, that Christians ought not to live 
and practise as the world ; that they should be a peculiar 
people, zealous of good works, and not zealous to follow the 
customs, maxims, fashions and vanities of this world, which 
if we love, the Savior has said the love of the Father is not 
in us. Many times have I tried to find some one, who could 
point out to me the way into liberty. But instead of finding 
help, I was driven farther ofl* than before, by their laboring 
to convince me that I must not be singular so as to become a 
subject of remark, for it would do injury to the cause I much 
desired to honor. If it had been said that I should not be 
singular for the sake of being singular, but that it was riffht 
to diSer from all, who differed from the Bible, I think I 
should have found my way into the liberty of the gospel, 
much sooner than I did. I can look back now, and see that 
the Lord in mercy was urging the blessing of " the liberty 
wherewith Christ maketh his people free," upon my accep- 



310 THE EICHEB OF GRACE. 

tancGj by every consideration that could be brought to bear 
upon my mind. At length, becoming more and more weary 
of bonds and fetters, I began to inquire in earnest, if liberty 
was to be enjoyed in this life, and what were the privileges 
and duties of the disciple of Jesus. I learned from my 
Bible that the Lord was not a hard master ; that he required 
nothing of his creatures that he would not enable them to 
perform ; that Jesus was represented to be a present help in 
every time of need to all who put their trust in him. I did 
not know at that time, that there was an individual on the 
earth, that lived by the Bible ; but I saw from it that there 
were those who had '^ walked in all the commandments and 
ordinances of the Lord blameless ; " and if it was their privi- 
lege, I understood that it was mine, and I would enjoy it or 
perish seeking. Such was my ignorance of the meaning of 
the blessed Bible, that I did not understand what the bap- 
tism of the Holy Ghost was, or what Jesus meant when he 
told his disciples to '^ tarry at Jerusalem until they received 
the promise of the Father," or any other Hke passage, that 
shone out upon almost every page of the Bible. But my 
heart fastened upon this — I want a pure heart, or in other 
words, I want that which will qualify me to do the will of 
God on earth. I had ceased to be anxious about present en- 
joyment, or that my soul might be saved in heaven at last, 
although this had very much occupied my thoughts previous 
to this time, during the ten years of my professed disciple- 
ship. All these and similar considerations were lost sight of, 
while the glory of God, and the good of dying men swallowed 
up every other desire. I commenced my suit at the mercy 
seat, feeling that it was the will of the Lord, and for his 
glory, that I should have a pure heart, and clean hands, to 
do the work he had given me to do ; for I felt that he was 
saying to me, " Go preach the gospel to every creature," in 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 311 

your life and conversation ; just as much as though I had 
been a minister called to preach from the pulpit. I then 
felt that in weighing the matter and counting the cost, I was 
doing business for eternity, taking a stand from which I was 
never to recede, putting on the harness, never to lay it off 
till death removed me to a higher sphere of service in heav- 
en. About that time I began to pray — " Lord, show me my 
dntjy SLiid in th^/ strength I can and I tvill do it.^^ I soon, 
in the strength of Israel's God, took a long leap out of self, 
into the cleft side of Jesus, where that fountain is open that 
washes away sin and all uncleanness, and every stain that sin 
has made upon the soul. I found the Lord true to his 
promise, " Ye shall find me, when ye shall search for me 
with all your hearts I found it even so. 

My only grief is, that I did not thus seek him much soon- 
er, that I might not have lived so long to no purpose in this 
world that lies in wickedness. As soon as I was brought to 
believe that it was my privilege to enjoy uninterrupted com- 
munion with my Savior, and not only so, but that I was 
grieving the Spirit while I was walking in darkness, and dis- 
honoring God every time I spoke of doubts and diflSculties, 
as though the Lord was not able and willing to supply the 
wants of his children, and to supply them ahundantly — from 
this time, I say, my tongue was silenced in regard to com- 
plaining of the scantiness with which my wants were supplied. 
I saw it was my own fault. It was, and is still the greatest 
wonder to my mind, that the Lord should spare my unprofita- 
ble life so long ; that he did not cut me off as an unprofita- 
ble servant, and appoint me my portion with the fearful, the 
unbelieving and the hypocrite. I feel truly that it is because 
he is God, and not man, that I still live to recount his mercies. 

At the time I began to be in earnest, and honest before 
the Lord, not making provision for the flesh to fulfil the lusts 



312 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

thereof, light began to break in upon my mind as an over- 
flowing stream. My heart seemed hke a measure filled, 
pressed down, heaped up, shaken together, and still running 
over. It seemed to me that the Lord caused just as much 
of his goodness to pass before me, as this mortal frame could 
endure and live. From that time, until this, which is about 
five years, there has been a constant increase, so that what the 
Lord permits me to enjoy at the present, compared with that 
period, is an ocean compared with the small drop of the 
bucket. I find as my heart is enlarged, so it is filled, and 
from that time to this, I can truly say, my wants have all 
been abundantly supphed. In Christ I find all my wants 
met. He is all in all to me, working in me both to will and 
to do, of his own good pleasure, so that it is not I that do it, 
but the grace of God that dwelleth in me. 

Now the inquiry may arise in some minds — How did you 
get this blessing ? I would answer, simply hy faith in Christy 
which gift he is waiting to bestow on all who are willing to 
receive it. 

In regard to the professed people of God, I feel as though, 
in the strength of the Lord, I would lay hold of them with 
holy violence, and pull them out of the fire, hating the very 
garments spotted with the flesh ; and I understand this is to 
be done by living out the principles of the gospel, fully, and 
perseveringly before them. From the time that my fetters 
were loosed, my prayer has been, day and night, that Zion 
might arise, her light come, and the glory of the Lord rise 
upon her ; and such are my feelings sometimes, that I can 
only groan before the Lord, that deUverance may come in 
some way ; for it seems to me that the professed church is 
dragging the world to perdition by her ungodly influence. I 
feel that I am not alone in this, but that there are those, 
scattered over the earth, who are offering the same prayer, 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 313 

and living for the same end, and the Lord grant that the 
number may be rapidly increased, until Jerusalem is made a 
praise in the earth, instead of the hissing and by-word of the 
enemy ; until her light goes forth as brightness, and her sal- 
vation as a lamp that burneth. (Will this ever be ? Yes 
it will be, for the mouth of the Lord hath spoken it. There- 
fore we can trust and not be afraid, while the Captain of our 
salvation leads the way.) I can now truly say, that my sun 
does not go down, nor my moon withdraw itself, the days of 
my mourning are ended, and a new, and never ending song, 
is put into my mouth, even praise to our God. 

When I see the gospel feast prepared at such infinite ex- 
pense, without money, and without price to any and all, my 
heart sinks within me, because so few can be persuaded to 
come and eat and drink abundantly, and be made every whit 
whole. I am glad that the Lord does not get weary with our 
continual coming to make our wants known by prayer and 
supplication. He has told us to pray till he rain righteous- 
ness upon us. I find Jesus a constant companion all the day 
long and in the night watches, opening up before my mind, 
the meaning of the word, until I am lost in wonder, love and 
praise. When I think of the transforming influence of the 
blessed gospel on the heart, especially on one so hard, stub- 
bom and rebellious as mine has been, I am overwhelmed. It 
sometimes seems to me that I drew back, in opposition to the 
truth, until the fatal charm was in mercy broken, and then my 
heart drew in the opposite direction, and ever since the lan- 
guage of my heart is, Lord, Avhat wilt thou have me to do, 
that thy name may be glorified and souls saved ? The Avorld 
now cannot crowd itself into the mind in any way. Its hon- 
ors, its pleasures, its wealth, are no longer objects to be de- 
sired. I now know something what it is to live above the 
world while we live in it, using it as not abusing it, knowing 
2T 



814 THE RICHES OF aRACE. 

that the fashion thereof passeth away. Every thing aside 
from the glory of God, and the salvation of man is as a dead 
carcase without Hfe or interest ; but the name of Christ and 
holiness, carries a thrill of joy through the whole soul, 
unspeakable and full of glory. If such is the sweetness of 
the stream, what must the fountain be ? 

This is a very brief and imperfect sketch, a mere outhne of 
the mercies that the Lord has heaped upon unworthy me. 
To him be all the glory forever. 



I 



EXPERIENCE XLIII. 



In order thai the various parts of the following narrative 
may be understood, I would remark at the outset, that I 
have been a professor of rehgion for more than seven years, 
three of which were spent in studies preparatory to the 
Christian ministry, and two in the actual labors of a pastor. 
Yet appalling though it may seem, the Lord has recently 
convinced me that I have been completely deceived about my 
own character. After a long profession of religion, — after 
pursuing a course of theological study, — after laboring for 
some time as a minister, — and even being the means of 
saving others, it has become manifest to my mind that I have 
been an utter stranger to experimental godliness. Lord! 
what is man ! For years have I been walking on the very 
verge of hell, clad in the habiliments of a Christian, yea, 
even in the garb of a minister of Christ. But for interposing 
grace, I should, after having " preached to others, have been 
myself a cast-away." Oh ! what a spectacle to God, to 
angels, and to devils, have I been ! 

But to my narrative. Having been blest with a religious 
training, I was early and frequently the subject of deep con- 
viction. For a considerable time, however, the only result 
of this was the formation of inoJBfectual resolutions. I re- 

315 



316 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

solved and re-resolved, but invariably relapsed into a state of 
thoughtless unconcern. In the fall of 1838, the Spirit of 
God strove with me mightily. I became extremely anxious, 
and eagerly sought religious books and ministerial advice. 
At length, I became, as I thought, truly penitent ; and to 
render my vows of devotedness to God as solemn and bind- 
ing as possible, I drew up a covenant of self-consecration, 
to which I deliberately signed my name. I now considered 
myself pledged to the service of God, and shortly afterwards 
made a profession of religion. In the course of a few months 
I began to think seriously of the ministry as the future busi- 
ness of my life. I thought I desired to engage in this work 
from pure motives, though I now see that this was a great 
mistake. On making known my thoughts to friends, they 
encouraged me, and I supposed myself divinely led. In Sep- 
tember, 1841, I commenced a course of study, and in June, 
1844, took a charge, over which I was ordained in October 
following. Aug. 4th, 1846, my eyes were opened, and I 
read as distinctly as the Chaldean monarch of old, " Tekel, 
Tekel." 

During the whole of the time spoken of, I was troubled 
more or less with great doubts and misgivings as to my spirit- 
ual state. These I often mentioned to friends in whose piety 
I had confidence, but false comfort was always administered. 
I was told that if self deceived, the devil would take care I 
should have uncomfortable feelings, and that I might rest 
assured he was attempting to undermine my faith. Never 
was it suggested that perhaps I was mistaken, and the Spirit 
of God was endeavoring to convince me of it. Thus, friends 
who would have shuddered at the idea of helping to ruin my 
soul, were in reality rendering aid in keeping the veil of self- 
delusion before my spiritual vision. 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 317 

Once J during a protracted meeting which was held in the 
city where I was studying, I was on the point of giving up 
my hope, and presenting myself among the anxious, but was 
deterred by the supposition that it was Satan who tempted 
me to cast away my confidence. 

I had many painful exercises of mind after entering the 
ministry. For the first few weeks my soul was enveloped in 
darkness that might be felt, I would spend hours in ago- 
nizing prayer, sometimes gaining temporary relief, and at 
others only becoming more consciously wretched. So great 
was my distress at times, that I wished myself any thing but 
a minister, and should undoubtedly have forsaken the work, 
but for an impression of which I never could rid myself, that 
the curse of God would follow me if I did. About two 
months after the commencement of my ministry, some re- 
markable instances of usefulness led me to regard all my 
anguish as the work of Satan, and to resolve that I would 
view any recurrence of the like mental exercises in this light. 
Yet I could not rest calmly satisfied. In spite of all my 
efforts to repress them as temptations, the ouestions would 
recur, " Do I love the Lord or no ? Am I his, or am I not ? " 
Well do I remember how, on the day of my ordination, my 
heart was wrung with anguish because I could not say, " I 
know in whom I have believed." In relating my experience 
on that occasion, I frankly mentioned my misgivings, yet my 
account was received as perfectly satisfactory. On review- 
ing the document then read, I am amazed that such a detail 
could have been regarded as a genuine Christian experience, 
either by myself or by others. 

My feelings, in connection with my work, were frequently 

insupportable. The people among whom I labored, were in 

a very low spiritual state, and with all my efforts there were 

no indications of improvement. Often have I preached when 

27* 



318 THE KICHES OF GRACE. 

it was with the utmost difficulty I could refrain from a burst 
of grief over myself and my charge. 

There were several things in my experience which I found 
it almost impossible to reconcile with the word of God, and 
the experience of saints. 

1. A want of heart-felt peace. I had a hind of peace, 
but often thought it could not be " the peace of God," for it 
did not satisfy the deep longings of my soul. 

2. An inability to appropriate expressions of Christian 
experience found in the Scriptures, and in the memoirs of 
eminent saints. If I may so express it, I did not feel the 
language of Christian experience to be my native tongue. 

8. A sort of iU-concealed reluctance to engage in very 
spiritual exercises. I was sensible that, as a general thing, 
secret prayer was not truly delightful. As a duty^ I regu- 
larly attended to it, and often felt considerable liberty and 
satisfaction while engaged, but knew nothing of that sweet 
drawing of soul to the throne of grace, which many of the 
Lord's people spoke of, and which I now continually enjoy 
myself. Nor^vas the perusal of the Scriptures a luxury to 
me. I read them because it was a duty. When I read Da- 
vid's language on this point, I felt I could not make it mine. 
If I considered the matter intellectually, I of course admit- 
ted the word of God to be more precious than rubies, and 
sweeter than the honey-comb, but I could not help knowing 
there were other books I read with more relish. 

The spiritual exercises of my work as a minister, were not 
sweet. I knew I ought to reprove sin, to converse with in- 
dividuals on the subject of personal religion, to introduce re- 
ligious topics of conversation, to close my pastoral visits with 
prayer, &c. I therefore generally made it a matter of 
conscience to attend to these things, but they were in reality 
a task. 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 319 

4. A restless, unsatisfied state of mind. While my con- 
science approved qyqvj thing I did in the service of God, 
my heart did not enjoy it. I wanted something more than 
I hadj to make me truly blest. 

6. My continual yieldings to temptation. Oh ! the 
bitter agony I found from the fact that I knew I was con- 
stantly sinning. And I could not reconcile this feature of 
my experience, with such passages of Scripture as Gal. 5 : 
24. 1 John 3:9. I saw that it Avas the characteristic 
of a Christian that he did not sin, and that this was what 
distinguished him from the children of the devil. I could not 
but conclude from such portions of Scripture, that although 
a Christian might occasionally be overcome by temptation, 
yet, as a general thing, he obeyed God ; it was his habit to 
do this. The sinning seemed to be the exception^ and the 
avoidajice of sin, the conquering of sin, the rule. With me, 
however, I knew it was far otherwise. By dint of much 
striving, I occasionally resisted temptations to sin, and then 
felt all the proud satisfaction of a Pharisee — but alas ! I 
was ever and anon overthrown by the tempter, and forced to 
exclaim, " ! wretched man that I am ! " 

6. My not growing in grace. I clearly saw I made no 
progress in the divine life. Nay, I often thought my sins 
and lusts tightened their cruel grasp of my soul. To ad- 
vance in religion seemed almost as impracticable as to 
climb a steep ascent all glared with ice. If any progress 
appeared to be made at any time, it was almost as quickly 
lost. 

7. A want of efficiency in my work. The Apostles and 
first ministers preached with power — I did not. My words 
too often seemed "icicles that freeze before they fall," and 
under their influence, my hearers, instead of being melted, 



820 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

continued the same icy statues, stiff and frozen in spiritual 
death. 

I had various ways of accounting for these discrepancies. 
Sometimes I imagined myself peculiarly a victim of Satan's 
malice ; then again, I would explain what perplexed me on 
the gro'jnd of my ignorance, lack of faith, or distance from 
God : and at other times I supposed that through excited 
feeling the experience of saints was generally stated in rather 
exaggerated language. 

There was another short-hand method of accounting for 
my difficulties, to which I will just refer. While a student 
I became intellectually convinced of the truth of the doc- 
trine of Entire Sanctification. Hence I was often comforted 
by the idea that if I could only get out of the wilderness 
of sin, and plant my feet on the mount of holiness, all would 
be well. I read all I could on this subject, took a journey 
to Oberlin in the summer of 1845, for the sole purpose of 
gaining information, and prayed much for a clean heart ; 
but not understanding the nature of true faith and repent- 
ance, all my efforts were unavailing. Still I viewed myself 
as a Christian struggling with inbred sin, and often " out 
of the depths " would cast many a wistful glance towards 
" the high table land of promise " spread out before the 
believer in the word of truth. 

Passing by other things that might be referred to, I will 
now come to the circumstances by which I was brought to 
a knowledge of the truth. Becoming extremely dissatisfied 
with myself, my ecclesiastical connections, my charge and 
my work, and increasingly anxious to get into a better state 
of mind, I at length resolved to remove to Oberlin. I 
thought I would devote myself for awhile to further study, 
and ardently hoped that I might receive some aid from 
the dear brethren resident here, in getting extricated from 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 321 

the bewildering labyrinth of spiritual difficulties in which I 
had been so long wandering. Little did I think what await- 
ed me ! 

For several weeks after my arrival in this place, the ex- 
ercises of my mind were very similar to those I have already 
described, with the addition, however, of an increased awak- 
ening to the importance of some great change, of which I 
did not seem to have any very definite idea. 

On Tuesday, Aug. 4th, I procured Prof. Finney's new 
work on Systematic Theology, and at once commenced a 
careful perusal of the lectures devoted to the Evidence of 
Regeneration. 

On reading remark 7, page 546, I began to feel alarmed 
for myself. " Here," said I, " is an accurate description of 
what has been the state of my soul for these years past. 
Here is my experience portrayed to the very life. Had I 
dictated every word, the description could not have been 
more exact. I read on. As I proceeded, the props that 
had sustained my delusive hope, one after another, fell to 
the ground. I saw that some of the most solemn and 
emphatic declarations of the word of God were against me. 
I was clearly convinced that I had not the religion of the 
Bible. I closed the book, and felt that it had been the 
executioner of my hope. I surveyed my past history; 
and the more I investigated it, the more thoroughly was I 
convinced of its utter emptiness of real piety. Conscience 
told me I had ever been selfish, and that I had served God 
from legal and not from gospel motives — because I felt it 
a duty, rather than because I felt it a delight. Oh ! what 
a sense of utter desolation crept over my soul on that 
never-to-be-forgotten evening, as I exclaimed, " I have 
been utterly deceived ! I am a lost sinner !" Next morn- 
ing I called upon Prof. Finney. ^'^Sir," said I, I have 



322 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

been carefully reading your new work on the Evidences 
of Regeneration. If you are right, and my conscience 
tells me that you are, I am all wrong." " Well, my brother, 
I cannot help it," was the reply ; " every plant that 
my heavenly Father hath not planted shall be rooted 
up. The provisions of the gospel are all before you, and 
you have but to follow the directions you have often given 
to others." I spent that day in seclusion — resolved if 
possible to find the Lord. I fasted, prayed^ and wept, but 
all to no purpose. Another day of still deeper gloom and 
wretchedness succeeded. The third day dawned, but 
brought no gleam of hope to my soul. I was filled with 
vexation and disappointment at the discovery which had been 
made to me. I felt myself a rebel against God, and my proud 
heart refused to yield. The thought struck me, what if I 
should die thus ? and my heart suddenly replied, " I cannot 
help it if I do." How truly horrible was the state of my 
soul! I learnt something of Ps. 116: 3. Life became a 
burden. I could have hailed annihilation, so intensely miser- 
able did I feel. I abhorred myself, and knew that God and 
all the good abhorred me too. 

In the afternoon a dear brother from the country, for 
whom I had previously engaged to preach on the following 
Sabbath, called upon me to make the requisite arrangements. 
I told him of my sad condition, and added, that I must feel 
vastly different before I could think of preaching again. I 
had mocked God long enough. That dear brother's affec- 
tionate counsels were of great benefit to me. He showed 
me that my state of mind was completely rebellious, — that 
under the semblance of not mocking God with any more 
hypocritical services, I was in reality hardening my heart 
against his righteous claims, — that I appeared determined 
to serve the Lord no more until he should pour a stream of 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 323 

peace and joy into my soul, — and finally, that I had taken 
a self-willed, obstinate stand, which would assuredly prevent 
my attaining peace. He obtained my consent to preach, and 
on his departure, I calmly reflected on my position. The 
truth of the reasoning to which I had just listened became 
fully apparent to my mind. I saw that I had assumed a 
posture of rebellion, dictation and obstinacy. Among other 
things I had resolved that since I had been so wofuUy deceiv- 
ed in the past, I must now have a very signal conversion. It 
was not enough for me sweetly to surrender myself to the 
Lord ! no ; I must do some great thing. There must be a 
tremendous storm of conviction, and then a great calm of 
heavenly peace. This was my plan. 

Here the case of a dear friend, converted under my minis- 
try, occurred to my mind. When convinced of her guilty 
and lost state, she became bent on having a noiseless change. 
Any expression of feeling, would be a violation of the laws 
of propriety. To make the least outcry would be horrible. 
I remember how the Spirit of God thwarted her schemes, by 
presenting the truth with so much vividness as to compel the 
very outbreak of feeling she had dreaded. Now I w^as pre- 
scribing the very opposite process. I did not care though I 
should make an outcry that might be heard from Maine to 
Georgia. I saw that it would be possible for me to work 
myself into a perfect tempest of agitated feeling, and yet 
fail of peace, for self-will was dictating all this. It was 
enough. I threw myself upon my knees, exclaiming, Lord, 
I will serve thee whether thou givest me peace or not. I 
make no more stipulations. Do with me as thou wilt. I 
was relieved of my load at once, but yet, strange to say, did 
not recognize this yielding as true gospel submission, nor the 
conscious relief that followed as the flowing in of peace with 
God. That evening I resumed my duties at the family altar, 



324 THE mCHES OF GRACE. 

whicli, during my distress, I had transferred to my dear wife ; 
but though my heart was dissolved in tenderness, I seemed 
not to know that divine love had melted it. I lay awake 
several hours that night meditating on the Lord's goodness 
and my own perversity, but still unconscious that the contro- 
versy was over. I felt like weeping my soul away, but yet 
knew not that this was the godly sorrow that worketh re- 
pentance unto life. During the next day, (Saturday,) my 
soul was calm and peaceful as the summer ocean, yet still I 
did not realize this as peace with God. Fearful of some 
other delusion, I continued in an attitude of expectancy. 
The Sabbath dawned, and found the serenity of my soul un- 
disturbed. I preached twice, and a day of such sweetness 
I never passed in the ministry before. Towards evening, 
while meditating on the occurrences of the past few days, 
the thought struck me that " old things had passed away," 
and that the heavenly calm within my breast, could be none 
other than the result of reconciliation with God. It was 
even so. My soul rejoiced with joy unspeakable and full of 
glory. 

My peace ever since has flowed like a river. I have had 
many sweet visits at the throne of grace. My heart has 
often gushed forth in tenderness, contrition and gratitude. 
Truly I have been brought up out of an horrible pit, out of 
the miry clay. 

When I think of the infinite mercy that has opened my 
blind eyes, and plucked me as a brand from the burning, 
I am at a loss for words to express the overpowering thank- 
fulness that thrills through my whole being. And now, hence- 
forth, I am not my own. 



EXPERIENCE XLIV. 



The precious interviews which Christians occasionally have 
in this world with those, the recital of whose experience tends 
to strengthen and encourage them, are indeed not unlike 
springs in the desert, and the influence reciprocally exerted 
at such seasons no doubt has much to do with our usefulness 
through life. 

When I look over my life and think of the influences 
which my Heavenly Father has thrown around me to restrain 
my waywardness, and to lead me to trust implicitly in him, 
my heart is dissolved in gratitude, and almost involuntarily 
exclaims, '' Surely I have been led in a way that I knew 
not." In my early life I often thought that I should love to 
be a devoted Christian, and the influence of a fond mother 
instilled into my mind an abhorrence of every thing vulgar 
or profane. I well remember the impressions that were made 
upon my mind at her death, and though in the years that 
intervened between that time and my conversion, in conse- 
quence of my waywardness and the influences by which I 
was surrounded, they were for the time lost sight of, still they 
were not forgotten. At the age of nineteen, as I thought, I 
gave my heart to God. Whether I did or not I do not know. 
Be this as it may, the trial of my feelings while a member of 
28 325 



326 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

the institution with which you are associated was much more 
severe than anv thing I had ever reahized before. I look 
back upon the influence exerted over me by those dear breth- 
ren at Oberhn with feehngs better felt than described. Once 
and again have I commenced writing to express my gratitude 
to the diflerent professors and teachers whose influence I 
most deeply felt, but the effort would seem to fall so far short 
of accomplishing the object, that at each successive time I 
have given up the idea, and have settled down upon the con- 
clusion that my hfe should be a test of my fidehty to those 
principles which were engraven, as with the point of a dia- 
mond, upon my heart — never, I trust, to be effaced. The 
struggles which I had with my own heart were indeed most 
severe. 

Many times, during the first year, I gave myself up for 
lost. I went to Oberlin in the exercise of a good deal of 
what I supposed was Christian zeal, but how different were 
my feehngs, when, under faithful instruction, I saw how much 
of selfishness there had been mingled with my religion. In- 
stead of loving and serving God because his character was 
deserving of love and reverence, I had been serving him that 
I might gain his approbation and obtain a title to a seat in his 
everlastmg kingdom. In other w^ords, my religion had been 
a legal religion, instead of a religion of love and purity of 
heart. I felt lost and undone, as I indeed was without a 
Savior. Every step I took seemed to lead me into condem- 
nation. I could not feel that my supreme object in living 
was to glorify God without regard to my own happiness, 
which I was convinced it must be if I would be a real Chris- 
tian. In this state of mind I remained for weeks, not know- 
ing which way to turn, I could not pray. The very food I 
ate seemed to condemn me. I know my feelings did not ac- 
cord with 1 Cor. 10: 13, which says, '^ Whether therefore ye 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 327 

eat or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God." 
In this state of inind I was tested over and over again ; every 
succeeding trial of my feelings only serving to show my sel- 
fishness in a more deplorable light. I felt that there was for 
me no ray of hope ; until finally, as if to close the controver- 
sy and give a final test, the Spirit seemed to press this 
inquiry — Whether (knowing my unfitness for a seat among 
the pure and holy in the state of mind I was in, and realiz- 
ing the holiness of God's character,) I would consent to take 
up my abode with lost spirits and spend an eternity in mak- 
ing' known to them his glory. what an hour. How 
necessary God saw it to be in some way to break in upon the 
whole current of my feelings. My heart responded in the 
affirmative. I felt that I could even undertake that work 
with delight, I felt such a sense of unworthiness, that if I 
might but be permitted to make the Savior's glory known 
to the lowest beings in the universe, I could rejoice in it. 
Those who have by experience, as many there are, known 
what such or similar trials are, will appreciate my feelings at 
the time, and the eSectthat followed. Grace had triumphed. 
The power of the tempter was broken. " Old things had 
passed away ; behold all things had become new." I saw 
with new eyes ; I heard with new ears. From that 
time to the present the whole scene has been changed and 
though I have many times since been called to pass through 
trials that wrung my heart with anguish, yet I have always 
been permitted to see a Father's hand and to feel that that 
hand, having led me on thus far, would still be extended for 
my good. In consulting his own glory the Savior, who 
would die for men lost in sin, could not be regardless of the 
well being of the children he had by his death redeemed, but 
would make all things work together for their good ; if the 



328 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

question is indeed settled, whether in deed and truth they love 
him. Rom. 8 ; 28. 

I often think of those dear classmates with whom I was as- 
sociated. Some of them, as I have learned by the Evange- 
list from time to time, have gone home ; no more to engage 
in reciting lessons in Greek and Latin, but to recite and re- 
recite over and over again the blessings of redeeming grace 
and dying love. Blessed, thrice blessed employment. Were 
there not an eternity before them, when should they close 
their labors ? Well might the poet, when thinking of the 
work of redemption undertaken by the Savior, exclaim, - 

" But oh ! Eternity 's too short to utter all thy praise." 

Others have gone forth to herald the glad news of salvation 
to those who had not before heard the tidings. Their situa- 
tion is far from being an unenviable one. They are gather- 
ing laurels which the world knows not of, and which are seen 
only by an eye of faith. Many others of us there are who 
are placed in more private stations, whether to exert a holy 
and salutary influence, or to fall in with the current of 
worldly feeling, is known to the Searcher of hearts and the 
judgment will reveal it. How is it, dear classmates, with 
those of you whose eyes fall upon this letter ! Do your feet 
stand ^rm upon the " Rock of Ages," or has the current of 
worldly feeling swept you away like a mighty flood ? Let us, 
after exchanging congratulations, reason together for a mo- 
ment, and if any of us have strayed away and become indif- 
ferent to the claim which God has upon our afiections, let us 
heed the invitation given in that hymn which says, 

" Return ! O wanderer, to thy home^ 
Thy Father calls for thee; 
No longer now an exile roam, 
In guilt and misery." 



THE RICHES OF GRACE, 329 

That a majority of us will ever meet again in this world is 
not probable ; that we shall not all meet is sure. Let us 
then ever keep in mind the love that Christ has exercised 
towards us and act accordingly. Soon the time allotted us 
to learn the great lesson given us by our Heavenly Father will 
close, our work be done, and we if prepared^ be permitted 
to join with all our friends in singing eternal anthems of 
praise " to him who hath washed us and cleansed us in his 
own blood." Till then, dear friends, " let us be vigilant 
and watchful," " knowing that our adversary, the devil, as 
a roaring lion goeth about seeking whom he may devour ; " 
" whom let us resist steadfast in the faith," feeling assured 
that " God is faithful who will never suffer us to be tempted 
above what we are able to bear, but will with every tempta- 
tion provide a way of escape." "And what I say unto you, 
I say to all, watch." 
28* 



EXPERIENCE XLV. 



The benefit I have myself received from the testimony of 
others, induces me, in compliance with your request, to re- 
view the leading circumstances of my own experience in 
relation to the subject of Christian holiness. 

Long before I became personally interested in the subject 
of religion, I adopted the beUef that it is the privilege of 
Christians to live without falling into sin. And though my 
views, both in regard to the nature of this state and the 
means of obtaining it, were very limited and indefinite, yet 
they were sufficient to bring my mind into continual con- 
demnation after I had professed rehgion, because I did not 
more decidedly seek to know by experience, that which I 
had already admitted in theory. 

After receiving evidence that a principle of holiness had 
been implanted within, I was pained to perceive that my 
heart was yet 'prone to depart from God. This discovery 
gave rise to repeated resolutions to seek entire conformity to 
the requirements of God, but these resolutions seemed to 
avail nothing. Finding they were not sufficient to keep me, 
discouragement, doubt and darkness gathered over my mind, 
tempting me to lay aside the subject in despair. Circum- 
stances often occurred tending to increase my conviction. I 
I will refer to only one. 
330 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 331 

In the spring of 1838, being in Providence, I met with a 
gentleman from Oberlin, who professed to believe that sin is 
not a necessary part of the Christian's life. I heard him 
converse upon the subject, and felt convinced that his views 
were correct. Turning to me, he said, " Do you believe it 
your privilege to live as we have stated ? " I rephed, " Yes, 
decidedly." "Do you live in this manner ? " "No, sir," 
said I. Lifting his hand, he exclaimed, " What an account 
you will have to render ! your responsibility is a thousand 
times more awful than if you did not know your master's 
will." From that time I felt the burden of my responsibility 
as I had not before. My desire for holiness had been more 
on my own account than from a sense of duty. Now I felt 
more sensibly that God not only permits but requires his 
children to be holy. I felt more and more that sin was a 
grievous burden under which I could not bear to live. 
Though at times I could. believe my sins forgiven, I did not 
receive power to retain a clear conscience, since sin seemed 
to be mixed with all I did. Thus I lived on, sinning and 
repenting, till August of the same year ; when, hearing that 
a camp-meeting was to be held in Eastham, I resolved to at- 
tend. I thought, as the meeting was to be among a people 
who believe in the attainment of that state of perfect assur- 
ance for which I had been so long seeking, I might, perhaps, 
receive some benefit. 

The order prevailing throughout the camp-ground was 
favorable to religious improvement — the sermons were well 
calculated to be profitable — and especially, the tent meetings 
were such as a Christian could hardly fail to enjoy. Only 
one subject, however, interested me. I could not feel inter- 
ested in any prayer, sermon or exhortation, that did not bear 
directly upon the great subject of personal hoHness. If any 
other subject was presented in the tent to which I belonged, 



332 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

I sought another, where prayer was being offered for holi- 
ness of heart. In one tent, a spot to which my mind ever 
reverts with pecuhar interest, there were several individuals 
in whose prayers I found the state of my own mind described. 
They seemed to have come to the ground with the same 
object in view ; and while they prayed that they might there 
find " a grave for their sins," and return home to labor in 
the cause of God with consecrated hearts, I could sometimes 
hardly refrain from responding aubibly to their petitions, so 
entirely they expressed my heart's desire. Many hours I 
lingered about that tent, listening to the burdened prayer of 
the disconsolate, or to the praises of those just dehvered 
from bondage. The subject continued to present itself in a 
clearer light, but I gained no relief. I was surprised that 
those with whom I conversed dwelt so much on faith, urging 
me to believe, in much the same terms I should have used 
with an unconverted person. I thought I had faith and 
needed something else, I knew not what — some almost 
miraculous influence to slay every inbred sin and set my 
spirit free. On the day previous to the close of the camp- 
meeting, a praying circle was formed specially for those who 
were seeking sanctification. After some hesitation, I went 
forward with those who requested prayers. " Create in me 
a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me," 
was the burden of my desire. I did not at that time receive 
an evidence that prayer was answered ; but the result of 
that exercise was a calmness of mind, accompanied by a 
desire to praise God for his willingness to grant so great a 
blessing to any of his creatures. A momentary fear came 
over my mind lest my evidence of sanctification should be, 
as that of my justification had been, somewhat indistinct at 
first, like the earliest morning dawn ; and as the fact that I 
could not refer to any time as the date of my conversion, 



THE RICHES OF GRACE, 333 

had been the means of many doubts, I feared I should be 
continually in danger of doubting whether my heart was 
ever sanctified — so little did I at that time understand the 
clearness of that witness which is the privilege of the conse- 
crated believer, the strength of that living faith which rests 
not on past experience or future hopes. 

That evening, I attended meeting in the tent in which I 
had passed so many hours. After several had expressed it 
as our desire that the work of grace might be deepened in 
our hearts, we joined in prayer. I say we^ for I beheve 
those who spoke audibly were not the only ones who prayed. 
One cloud of incense arose, burdened with one request. At 
an interval, a sister spoke of the extent of the atonement. It 
never appeared so efiicacious to me before. I only wanted 
faith to feel that it was for me. While one was leading in 
prayer, a heavenly influence seemed to pervade the tent, and 
fill the very atmosphere. He paused, and all was silent. 
'' Peace ^ feace^'' said he^ ^^ all is peace here,^^ I could 
respond heartily to this sentiment. " Happiness, happiness^^ 
said he, " happiness is hereP I felt that it was so. " Grlo- 
ry, glory ^"^ he again exclaimed, ^^ there is glory Jiere^ I 
was conscious that this also was true. Never so forcibly did 
I realize how much is contained in that song of the angels, 
" Glory to God in the highest, on earth peace and good will 
to men." 0, how easy, then, to believe in Christ as my 
present Savior. My mind instantly recurred to the dear 
church, with which I am connected ; I longed to be in their 
midst, and tell them what a blessing I had found, — scarcely 
doubting, but that upon the presentation of a subject so glo- 
rious, and yet so simple, they would embrace it with their 
whole hearts. 

My peace of mind continued undiminished for several days 
after my return home. I realized an increase of spiritual 



334 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

discernment, enabling me, as I thought, to distinguish be- 
tween subjects tending to profit, and those wholly useless. 
Once, however, having engaged in a conversation which at 
first seemed calculated to result in good, I unguardedly re- 
lated an anecdote, which, upon reflection, appeared to me 
foolish and worse than useless. This threw me into great 
distress. I was unwilling to give up my confidence, and yet 
feared I had no right to retain it. I called upon a clergy- 
man and related the cause of my anxiety. He advised me 
to go directly to the cross of Christ, without stopping to in 
quire into the nature and extent of my error ; first, to seek 
an evidence of pardon, and then, in the light of God's coun- 
tenance, I should be better prepared to examine the subject. 
This advice I have since found of use, in instances almost 
innumerable. By this course, my peace of mind was restor- 
ed, and became as a river. I learned to live by looking to 
Christ ; and though the great enemy of souls has often 
sought to bring me again into bondage, I feel that he is a 
conquered foe. 

I still rejoice in a full salvation, and am willing to bear this 
testimony, that the " blood of Jesus cleanseth from all sin." 



EXPERIENCE XLVI. 



For your encouragement, and those now thirsting for a 
full salvation, permit me to declare (in humility) what the 
Lord has done for my soul, though of all the most unworthy. 
In view of th^^oodness of God to me, I can but exclaim 
with the Psalmist, " Praise the Lord, my soul, and all that 
is within me praise and bless his holy name." Truly the 
forbearance of God is great, in sparing so long the barren fig 
tree, while justice has cried, " cut it down, why cumbereth it 
the ground?" 

When fifteen years of age, I experienced a pardon of sin, 
and was connected with the Methodist Episcopal Church. 
For five years following, I lived as many others doubtless 
live — at times would enjoy much peace of mind, then yield 
to temptation, fall under condemnation, and feel the keen 
pangs of sorrow ; my confidence in God and myself would 
be lost ; darkness would enshroud the mind, and the recon- 
ciled coxmtenance of my Savior Avould be hid from my weep- 
ing eyes. Thus I spent five years, sinning and repenting, 
and was unwilling to obey the call of God, to leave all and 
follow Christ. In the spring of 1839, I resolved to do my 
duty to God and my fellow men, and commence preaclnng 
the everlasting gospel. But in order to warn the sinner of 

335 



836 THE RICHES OF aRACE. 

his danger, I felt the importance of being saved entirely 
myself. I thought somewhat on the subject of holiness, but 
not suflSciently. One year since, I was led to feel more deeply 
on the subject, by reading Mahan, the Guide to Christian 
Perfection, Br. Rice's experience, and also by conversing 
with him on the subject, as to the nature and importance of 
entire sanctification in this life. After mature consideration, 
I came to the conclusion that it was possible to be holy in 
this life, and that without it I could not be of much use to 
the church or world. 

. I commenced seeking for the " baptism of the Holy Ghost," 
for a clean heart, an entire consecration to God ! My prayer, 
I trust, was answered ; my soul was filled with love, joy, and 
constant peace ; my communion with God was continual and 
sweet. For two weeks lit 

"Not a cloud did arise to darken my skies, 
Or hide for a moment my Lord from my eyes." 

it was glory from the rising of the sun until its going down. 
At this time a query arose in my mind like this, — " Is it 
my duty to publicly acknowledge what the Lord has wrought 
for my soul ? " I began to distrust the omnipotency of my 
blessed Lord, and the adversary of all good gained a hearing. 
He reasoned in this way, — " Tou are young, exposed to 
many temptations, of a lively temperament, and a cheerful 
disposition : if you make so high professions, you will be 
watched by the church and world with jealous eyes, and you 
will likely fall from this height, and great wall be your fall : 
but you may keep it to yourself ; then if you do lose the 
blessing, you will not wound the cause publicly." Alas for 
me ! I listened to these crafty insinuations of Satan, and 
thereby lost the heavenly treasure. I deeply mourned the 
loss, but concluded to live in the enjoyment of a tolerable 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 337 

degree of religion, and not think of being holy till about to 
leave this world. Then I would seek for holiness, " without 
which no man can see the Lord." But this did not pacify 
my conscience when I read on the subject, or heard the sacti- 
fied soul exult in the joys of a full salvation. It would pain 
my heart, knowing that once the same joy was mine. At 
times I was troubled much on this point, and would try to 
content myself with my present enjoyment, and think that 
some individuals, from their peculiar circumstances in life, 
or from their being differently constituted, having fewer 
besetments, might be holy. But it was too much for me. 
Thus I reasoned, and thus I lived, full of hope and fear. At 
times on the mountain top, and then far from my Lord — by 
the side of Babylon's cold waters. 

Last month I left my charge, taking some of the church 
with me, and found my way to " Millenial Grove," with the 
intention of regaining the costly pearl, the loss of which had 
so long and grievously afflicted me. But the enemy followed 
me even to the grove, and told me there the same old story, 
" If you regain the blessing you cannot retain it." But we 
were told on "Wednesday afternoon, (the second day of meet- 
ing,) that we could retain it as long as did Enoch of old. 
His short but powerful arguments, by the application of the 
Spirit of God, allayed my fears, dispelled all my doubts, and 
I resolved that from that moment, with divine assistance, I 
would be wholly the Lord's. I felt much of the power of 
God before the close of that exercise, especially while a 
brother was singing after the sermon. The public exercises 
of that afternoon closed ; I repaired to my tent, but still 
continued to look to the Lord. I resolved, like Jacob of old, 
to wrestle till I prevailed. I saw my heart as it was, discov- 
ered many things wrong, sinful ; my prayer was, " Lord, 
show me what I am. Tear every idol from my heart ; 
29 



?jQ8 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

cleanse me from all sin." I plead not for joy, for happiness, 
but for a clean heart, for pure love to God. One enemy 
after another was driven from my heart ; my faith increased ; 
gradually and silently I sunk out of self into God. My 
heart I beheved was purified, the roots of sin taken out, and 
I was filled unutterably full of love and of joy ; heaven 
seemed to come down to earth ; my soul was full of glory 
and of God ! Two others, at the same time, were prostrated 
by the mighty power of God, and drank with me at the same 
fountain, or rather were plunged into the same pool. The 
rest of the meeting to me was, in truth, a heaven on earth. 
The worship of God never seemed so delightful before ; com- 
munion with saints never so sweet. Wherever I could be- 
hold the image of Christ it was indeed lovely. Whenever I 
met an individual enjoying a full salvation, I met a true 
friend. No matter by what sectarian title known, we were 
one in Christ Jesus. Glory to God in the highest, for that 
perfect love which can destroy selfishness, pride, envy, and 
the spirit of unjust emulation. This is the " balm for every 
wound, the cordial for every fear." This cement of perfect 
love will unite the whole Christian church, of whatever name 
or order. that I could describe the feelings of my heart ; 
the gratitude which flows continually to God for past mercies, 
present favors, and future prospects. 

It seems that the set time to favor Zion has come. The 
work has commenced where it should, in the church, in its 
ministry and membership. They should be holy. Too long 
already have we been apparently unconcerned for ourselves 
and others, but we have reason to rejoice that increasing 
interest is now felt. In many churches we hear an almost 
universal cry for holiness of heart. In this place many are 
seeking this inestimable blessing. From every direction wo 
hear the cry, " Lord, create in me a clean heart." Many 



THE RICHES OF GRACE, 839 

are now swimming in the ocean of perfect love. Hundreds, 
in various places, can now testify in sincerity that the blood 
of Christ does cleanse from all sin, even in this life. And 
by the assistance of divine grace we can retain the blessing ; 
yes, glory to God, we can continually feel that " all is well." 
My peace of mind is now constant ; my confidence in God 
unshaken ; my faith is strong — it claims the blessing now. 
Communion with God — 0, how sweet ! The Bible unfolds 
new beauties. A new and stronger relish for divine truth 
seems to have been formed ; especially where it treats of ho- 
liness of heart and life. No subject is so interesting as this ; 
no topic of conversation so delightful to dwell upon. I find 
it now easy to perform any and every religious duty. Once 
it was very crossing to converse with individuals, directly 
and pointedly, on the subject of religion — especially to ex- 
hort the Christian to greater diligence ; but now it is a pleas- 
ing, a delightful task. It is now easy preaching the word of 
life ; of salvation, free and full. Difficulties that previously 
were insurmountable, now are light, hardly worth noticing : 
if noticed at all, they serve rather to stimulate than discour- 
age. We care but little what the world say or think of us. 
The question is not who and how can I please, but rather, 
how can I be instrumental in the advancement of my Re- 
deemer's kingdom ? What can I do for the souls of others, 
and for the glory of God ? Love to God and man is the 
mainspring that impels to virtuous action. Love, perfect 
love, filling the heart, constitutes the fountain from whence 
streams of kindness and Christian philanthropy continually 
flow. My heart can truly say, " Praise the Lord " for the 
rich provision made, so that man, fallen man, can have a full 
supply of grace, rich grace, to drive all his wants away ; that 
we, unworthy worms of earth, can so near approach to God 
as to be adopted into his family ; be purified by his blood, 



340 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

and constantly cry, Abba, Father — my Lord and my God. 
Glory to God ; while I write, the iSre of God's love burns 
within, on the altar of my heart: the sacrifice, I trust, is all 
consumed, and " Christ reigns without a rival there." 
Christian friends, go on ; " be steadfast, unmovable ; always 
abounding in the work of the Lord." Let us continually 
pray that the entire church may be baptized with the Holy 
Ghost — especially those whose duty it is to bear the vessels 
of the Lord. Truly we can sing, 

" O, how happy now are we, 
Since we 've gained the victory .'* 



EXPERIENCE XLVII. 



As I have been much interested, and often profited, by 
reading the " Guide," and as the experiences it has contained 
have proved a blessing to me, I am constrained, through sense 
of duty, to communicate the gracious deaUngs of the Lord 
to my unworthy soul. Realizing my own inability, I trans- 
mit the following to you, to dispose of as you may think 
proper. 

In taking a retrospective view of the past, my soul is filled 
with gratitude and praise to my heavenly Father, for his 
abundant goodness and tender mercy, which have followed me 
all my days. I was in early life the subject of many serious 
impressions, but continued to resist the strivings of the Holy 
Spirit until nearly thirteen years of age ; about which time, 
durmg a revival of religion, I became deeply convinced of 
the necessity of the pardoning grace of God, by hearing a 
sermon from that text of Scripture which declares that 
" Cursed is everyone that continueth not in all things written 
in the book of the law to do them." I felt that I had, all my 
life, been disobeying the righteous command of God, and 
grieving his holy Spirit ; that I was a guilty sinner, already 
condemned, and every moment exposed to the wrath of a holy 
and righteous God. I found no rest until I was enabled to 
29* 341 



342 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

cast my wearied soul entirely upon the mercy of him who 
shed his precious blood even for the chief of sinners. It has 
been about eleven years since God for Christ's sake forgave 
my sins. I was for some length of time happy in the Lord ; 
I felt that my sins were all forgiveuj my name written in the 
Lamb's book of life ; but I soon found that there were remain- 
ing corruptions in my heart. I felt that I had a heart prone to 
wander from the Lord. My days were spent in doubtmg 
and hoping, in sinning and repenting. In this miserable way 
I lived on for nearly ten years, sometimes reviving, then 
again being slain. I tried to serve the Lord, but it was with 
a divided heart, — • I made very little if any progress in the 
way to heaven. I was taught by older Christians, that there 
was no better inheritance for Christians while here below, and 
that death only would free them from this state of bondage. I 
often resolved to set out anew to serve the Lord, and serve him 
with all my power, but I as often found my resolutions vain, 
— I felt that I was led captive by Satan, at his will. I be- 
came sick of living at such a poor dying rate. I felt, it was 
worse than death my God to love, and not my God alone. I 
realized that I was not prepared to live or die. 

About two years since I commenced reading the " Guide 
to Christian Perfection." I began to search the Bible with 
a desire to know the truth and the whole truth. I became 
convinced that it was the will of God, even our sanctification ; 
that the blood of Jesus was sufficient to cleanse from all 
unrighteousness. I resolved to seek for holiness of heart — 
for full conformity to the divine requirements. 

In the summer of 1841, I became acquainted with several 
persons who were enjoying full salvation ; and I have great 
reason to praise God for the assistance I received through their 
prayers and conversation. It had now become the burden 
of my prayers that God would sanctify me wholly — that he 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 343 

would " create in me a clean heart, and renew within me a 
right spirit." 

The December following, I had the privilege of attending 
a protracted meeting. During the meeting some precious 
souls were brought into the fold of the Redeemer, others re- 
ceived the pearl of perfect love. The meeting commenced 
on Monday. Day after day of the meeting passed, until 
Saturday evening came ; and my soul was yet under the 
power of sin and Satan. I had at times, during the meeting, 
enjoyed much of the presence of the Lord, but I still felt 
that all was not right within. I had often wrestled at the 
throne of grace for a clean heart, and at times seemea almost 
to grasp the prize, but had as often been thrown back into a 
state of darkness and perplexity. Saturday noon came ; the 
struggles of my mind had become severe. I was tempted 
to give up the struggle ; but that I resolved I would never 
do. If die I must without this blessing, I resolved to die 
pleading for full redemption through the blood of Jesus. 
Darts from the enemy flew thick and fast around me. My 
mind was like the troubled sea. Sin like a heavy burden 
wearied my soul. My past unfaithfulness in the cause of 
Christ came up before me, and seemed to call for the dis- 
pleasure of a holy God to rest upon me for ever. During 
the intermission I retired alone to pour out my whole soul 
before God. I think I felt willing to become any thing or 
nothing, or even a fool, for Christ's sake. The language of 
my heart was, " As the heart panteth for the cooling water 
brook, so thirsteth my soul after thee, my God." 

I returned to the prayer meeting in the afternoon, weary 
of my life, yet with the determination that, though 
" Devils rage, and hell assail, 

I'll fight my passage through ; 
Though foes unite, and friends desert, 

I '11 seize the crown in view." 



344 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

During the prayer meeting one brother arose and invited 
those who were seeking for hoHness of heart, and who desir- 
ed to be especially remembered in the prayers of their 
Christian friends, to rise. That beloved brother then led in 
prayer. The Lord was present to hear and answer ; power 
was given me to beheve. When we arose from prayer, my 
soul was calmly resting on God ; although I did not, at the 
time, realize that my heart was cleansed from sin, I felt 
that I had given myself entirely to the Lord, and was safe 
in his hands. I think I had long been as willing to be entirely 
the Lord's, as I was at that time ; but never before felt such 
a trusti^ in him. I soon began to contrast my feelings with 
what they were a few hours previous to that time. All now 
within my breast was as serene and peaceful as a summer 
evening. Not a wave of trouble rolled. At the evening 
meeting, I felt it my duty to acknowledge what the Lord had 
done for my soul. I was blest in so doing. I could freely 
adopt the language of the poet, where he exclaims, 

" My God is reconciled, 

His pardoning voice I hear ; 
He owns me for his child, 
I can no longer fear. 
With confidence I now draw nigh. 
And Father, Abba, Father, cry." 

Sabbath morning came. My soul was in perfect peace. 
I enjoyed that perfect love which casteth out all fear. The 
fear of death was taken away ; I felt it would be a privilege 
to lay this body down, and rest for ever in the Lord. I did 
not fear the reproach of a vain world, it being the only desire 
of my heart to do the will of my heavenly Father. 

Several months have passed away, and I feel that Jesus is 
the same both yesterday, to-day and for ever — a present, 
an all-sufficient Savior to those who believe. I now enjoy 



I 



THE RICHES OE aRACE. 345 

his presence ; my heart is stayed on God ; I find the yoke 
of Christ easy, and his burden light. My trust is in him 
who is able to keep me from faUing, and to present me fault- 
less before the throne of his glory. My peace is like a river. 
I bathe in the ocean of God's love. I- feel a blessed assu- 
rance that I am accepted of God, that Jesus is mine, and I 
am his. Although I have passed through trials, temptations 
and persecutions, I have thus far been enabled to cast all 
my cares on Jesus, feeling that he careth for me. At pres- 
ent my motto is. Onward It is my earnest desire and prayer 
to God, that all Christians may come up to their high priv- 
ilege, that the same rich blessings which have been imparted 
to unworthy me, may be enjoyed by every child of God. 

Who that has ever tasted of the love of God, and does 
not desire to have his soul filled with that love ? Who that 
loves, can love enough ? 

" The love I owe for sin forgiven, for power to believe, 
For present peace, and promised heaven, no angel can conceive." 



EXPERIENCE XLVIII. 



HAYlNa read the Guide with much interest and comfort, I 
shall be happy if I can add any thing to its pages in favor of 
the blessed doctrine it teaches ; hoping that some desponding, 
doubting soul, may be encouraged to beHeve and fearlessly 
plunge the cleansing fountain. 

By the grace of God, I was induced in the morning of my 
days, to attend to the strivings of the Spirit. I sought and 
soon found the pearl of great price ; and, for a considerable 
length of time, enjoyed the light of the reconciled counte- 
nance of my heavenly Father. This peaceful frame, how- 
ever, did not always last ; for experience taught me that my 
foes were not all destroyed. Unbehef, my most powerful 
enemy, often brought me into captivity. Years passed and 
found me still wandering in the wilderness of unbehef; fre- 
quently traveUing over the same ground and making but little 
advancement. Sometimes I caught a glimpse of the prom- 
ised land, and desired greatly to partake of its precious fruit ; 
but, hke the distrustful Israelites, I feared I should never be 
able to possess it, because my enemies were strong and pow 
erful. Thus I passed eight years of my reUgious cause : 
although I endeavored to Hve consistently with my rehgious 
profession. At this time, I was made to feel deeply, 

846 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 347 

" 'T was worse than death, my God to love, 
And not my God alone." 

Happy would it have been for me, had I then relied with 
persevering faith upon the never failing promises of God* 
Then might I have brought forth every thing which I felt op- 
posed to the reign of the Savior in my heart, and had it slain 
at the foot of the cross. But this was too much for my 
weak faith to expect at the time. I saw the promised land 
afar off, and resolved to leave no means untried which would 
give me the victory over my spiritual foes, and bring me 
nearer to the land of promise. I accordingly united in a 
band with a few kindred spirits, who, like myself, were seek- 
ing the full salvation of their souls ; and taking Wesley's 
rules for our guide, we hoped by watching, fasting, denying 
self and bearing the cross continually, we should crucify our 
sins and arrive at that state of mind where we could consist- 
ently expect God to apply the all-cleansing blood of Jesus, 
to wash out the stains of sin from our souls. Not that I ex- 
pected any thing on the ground of merit ; for I was fully 
sensible that could I keep the whole law, I should do no more 
than my duty, and should then be but an unprofitable servant. 
My error was, that I sought by works to prepare myself to 
exercise faith, believing the Lord could not consistently bless 
me, while there was any thing I was unwilling to do for his 
sake. I therefore went forward, neglecting nothing which I 
thought could be duty, whether in public or private. But 
instead of getting my heart into a better state, I continually 
saw it in a worse light. The fountain of the great deep of 
my depraved nature being broken up, I could only, with the 
publican, cry — " God be merciful to me a sinner." I spent 
much time in prayer and searching the Scriptures ; some- 
times endeavoring to reach and take the blessing, which, I 



348 THE HICHES OF GRACE. 

firmly believed, was not only my privilege, but duty to enjoy ; 
but could never believe fully, because I thought I was not 
quite in the right place. 

Thus passed many dreary months, and found me frequent- 
ly endeavoring to double my diligence in getting myself pre- 
pared for the coming of the Lord. Meanwhile I was exhort- 
ed to believe ; to come to God as I was, and rest upon his 
promises. But this appeared to me too much like presumption. 
To me it appeared easier to create a world, than for the Sa- 
vior to take possession of such a heart ! Almost a year had 
passed, from the time when I decided to be wholly the Lord's, 
when a special means of grace was appointed. To this I 
looked forward with much interest, hoping and praying it 
might be the time when I should be delivered from the body 
of death with which I had so long been oppressed. But, alas ! 
the state of my mind can better be imagined than described, 
when, at the close of the anticipated meeting, I found myself 
unblessed. I was now brought to a critical point, and knew 
not what to do. I saw it was vain for me to hope to be 
blessed in the way I had sought the year past ; for, notwith- 
standing I had endeavored to discharge my duty faithfully, 
yet I could see nothing but sin in all I had done ; and I nev- 
er had seen a moment when I appeared farther from God 
than at this time. I spent much time in prayer, searching 
the Scriptures on my knees, for some sweet promise to 
shield me from despair, in this time of trial. But the Bible 
was a sealed book, and the heavens seemed brass over my 
head. I feared, yea, greatly feared, that I had so grieved 
the Holy Spirit by my unbeUef, that he had taken his depar- 
ture from me. But praised be the Lord, who leadeth the 
blind by a way they know not. A friend called to converse 
with me, who, by the blessing of God, was made the means 
of removing the scales of unbelief from my eyes. I was 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 349 

made sensible of the reason why I had so long wandered in 
darkness. It was because the pride of my heart had hinder- 
ed me from humbly submitting to the righteousness of Christ 
by faith, instead of endeavoring to establish my own ; or, in 
other words, to find something good in my heart. I now 
saw my great sinfulness in distrusting God, and of praying 
in unbelief. From this moment, I raised my heart to the 
Savior in prayer, believing him a physician able to heal every 
disease of the soul. I retired to my room, threw myself on 
my knees, and opened my Bible at the 14th of John. I 
was greatly comforted, in reading the soothing address of the 
Savior to his disciples, and when I read the precious promise, 
" Whatsoever ye ask in my name, I will do ; " it was effectu- 
ally applied to me. It was now clear to me, that though I 
possessed such a depraved heart — a heart free from any 
native goodness — yet he, who is the end of the law for right- 
eousness to them that believe, now bid even me ask what I 
desired, and he would do it. I now felt it my privilege to 
believe the Savior would perform his word ; and, with child- 
like simplicity, asked for a clean heart. The calmness of 
a summer evening pervaded my spirit as I walked to 
a place where a humble few had met for prayer. I en- 
tered, and a sense of the presence of God rested upon me. 
I plead the promise, and felt that now was the time when I 
should be made clean in the blood of Christ. But the adver- 
sary of souls was not willing to relinquish his prey Avithout a 
struggle. He caused my sins Hke mountains to tower around 
me, and suggested the temptation — can you expect these to 
be removed now ? I struggled a moment, and then again 
grasped the precious promise. Glory to my Savior, he not 
only comforted me with his word, but himself came to my 
rescue. I realized his presence, and felt that he presented 
me to God, the Father, clothed in liis own righteousness. 
30 



350 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

My sins were gone, God was reconciled, for Jesus had made 
a full atonement for my individual sins. Had I been the 
only sinner, and had I seen the Savior crucified for me, I 
could not have had a clearer view of the nature of sin, and 
the price paid for my redemption. I felt that God loved 
me for his Son's sake, and owned me for his child. 0, amaz- 
ing love ! I rose and fell upon my knees, I wondered, and 
adored. Heaven came down to earth, and the glory of God 
surrounded me. I felt myself to be but a mote, as it were, 
wafted about on the ocean of the love of God, — yet with 
confidence crying, " Abba, Father." I felt indeed that I was 
in Christ and Christ in God, and such was the union I enjoy- 
ed with the Father and Son, that, with St. Paul, I could say 
— Nothing was able to separate me from the love of God. 
I indeed was dead^ and my life hid with Christ in God. Self 
was crucified. I was no more my own, but was bought with 
a price ! I was therefore the Lord's, wholly his, soul, body 
and spirit. To know and do his will, was now the only desire 
of my heart. I feared no cross, for I was alike regardless 
of the frowns and smiles of the world ; the sword, the faggot 
or the rack, could not have daunted me ; for Jesus was my 
all, and wherever he saw fit to send me, there he also was to 
support me. 

My simple faith laid hold on every promise. I asked and 
received, and felt indeed that I was in God, and his glory 
surrounded me. The veil was removed, and the way into 
the holy of hohes was now made clear, by the blood of Christ. 
I felt that I stood upon its threshold. I drank at its pure 
fountain, and partook of its precious fruits. I saw before 
me an extended field, Avhich was mine to explore. Very 
contrary to what I had anticipated, I had no ecstacy or even 
joy. A calm peace pervaded my whole soul, so sacred, that 
I feared to move or speak, lest I should disturb the sweet 






THE RICHES OF GRACE. 351 

communion "which I enjoyed with Deity. I arose, however, 
and sung — ^' My God is reconciled/' &c., and wished to 
speak of what the Lord had done for me ; but found I was 
not beyond the poAver of temptation. I feared I should not 
be believed, and might convey wrong impressions, and so 
injure the precious cause ; which, for my life^ I would not 
have done. My peace, however, was like a river ; broad, 
deep, and ever flowing. I returned home a new person, 
and almost in a new world ; wondering at the unparalleled^ 
unspeakable love of God, to so unworthy and sinful a being 
as I was. All was of grace, free, unmerited grace ! I won- 
dered at my unbelief in refusing, so long, to let go my hold 
of self, and to fall into the arms of Jesus, which had ever 
been extended to receive and sanctify me, as unholy as I 
was. I now found the words of holy writ more precious than 
gold, for I received them as from the mouth of Deity direct- 
ly to me. All this, I saw, was only because he loved me, 
because I was the purchase of the precious blood of Jesus. 
This great salvation, I clearly saw, was not restricted to a 
few ; but was for all ; and for them now ! if they would but 
believe and accept it. 

For about six months, I went on, trusting in God at all 
times, and endeavoring to discharge every duty which God 
enjoined on me, and pursuade all I could to believe and be 
made whole. About this time, I attended a camp-meeting, 
where I expected to receive a fresh baptism of the Holy 
Ghost. It, however, proved a time of severe trial. A cloud 
darkened my spiritual horizon. This led me to ask the cause. 
I feared I had sinned ; but felt no condemnation. The 
direct witness of the spirit was withdrawn, and I knew not 
what to do. Had I then had some experienced friend to 
teach me still to hold on, by faith, in this trying hour, I 
might still have gone on in this good way. But not having 



352 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

seen or conversed witli a single experienced friend since I 
first received it, and, like many other unfortunate souls, I did 
not distinguish between sin and temptation. I reasoned with 
the adversary of souls, instead of looking to Jesus, the author 
and finisher of my faith, until I was induced to believe that 
if I was guilty of no other sin, I at least had yielded to 
unbelief! Then was my shield gone ; and, like Sampson 
shorn of his locks, I had become as weak as another. 

I need not speak particularly of my exercises during this 
time, and the time when I was again enabled to lay hold, by 
faith, on the hope set before me, except it be to say, that sev- 
eral times, for short periods, I was enabled to exercise that 
faith which brought me near the bleeding side of my dear 
Redeemer. But not receiving new light, sufficient to make 
so deep an impression as at first, I soon cast away my confi- 
dence. Having once tasted the good word of God, and the 
powers of the world to come, nothing short of this could sat- 
isfy my mind. I also knew, that I could not glorify and 
serve God without it ; and when I exhorted others, my words 
returned to myself, and my inconsistencies appeared in their 
true light. But what could I do ? Strange as it may ap- 
pear, the same obstacles hindered me from coming directly 
to the throne, as at first. I was not penitent and humble 
enough. But to live without it, was but a living death. I 
resolved, deliberately resolved, to place myself once more on 
the sacred altar. I retired with a friend, and knelt before 
the Lord. I recalled this promise, knowing him to be im- 
mutable : " Whatsoever ye ask in my name, I will do it." I 
calmly and understandingly believed he would do as he 
promised ; resolving never to remove my cause out of his 
hands. I asked not for happiness, but a clean heart ; and 
this, I knew, was the will of God I should possess. And 
glory to his name, as unfit as I was in my own eyes, my Sa- 



I 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 353 

vior permitted me not to wait long. As soon as I had fully 
consecrated all to him, I was enabled to lay hold, by faith, upon 
my Savior, and the victory was won. Again I was brought 
nigh, by the blood of Jesus, to God, my reconciled Father. 
I now resolved, no more to distrust the willingness of God to 
bless, since he had so repeatedly bestowed his favor on one 
so unworthy. None need distrust or hesitate in the least ; 
for he is a Savior well able to save from the power of sin, 
and impress his image on every heart that will submit to 
him. 

30* 



EXPERIENCE XLIX. 



It is now nine years since God forgave my sins, and gave 
me a clear evidence of my acceptance with him. Soon after 
my conversion, 1 became convinced of the necessity of purity 
of heart, and made several attempts to obtain it. At times 
I believed I had gained the full blessing ; again, would be 
far from it. In this fluctuating state, I remained till I en- 
tered the ministry and received my first appointment. I 
then felt deeply^ that I could not preach the whole gospel, 
unless I preached holiness ; and though I often touched the 
doctrine, I dared not preach it definitely^ until I was myself 
in possession of the blessing. In August, 1837, 1 attended 
camp-meeting at Eastham, for the sole purpose of finding 
this priceless pearl. For several days I struggled, visited 
every praying circle, and listened to every one whom I heard 
talk on the subject ; but found no relief. On the contrary, 
I seemed to be farther from the prize I sought. At length, 
almost in despair, I retired into the depth of the forest to com- 
mend myself to God, as my last, my only hope. While pray- 
ing, I was enabled to believe the word of the Savior, " I 
will ; be thou clean." Immediately, wonder of mercy ! I 
felt the work was done, and I was saved. I had previously 
supposed rapturous, overwhelming joy the invariable and im- 

354 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 355 

mediate result of Sanctlficntion ; but I now found it to be 
(in my case, at least, and I believe it to be so generally,) 

" The sacred awe that dares not move, 
And all the silent heaven of love." 

All idols were taken out of my heart, and I calmly exclaim- 
ed, " Now I have none but Christ." 

I returned home in the same peaceful frame, and told my 
people what God had done for me. I lived in the full blaze 
of Gospel love for a few weeks, frequently speaking of the 
great blessing, until, in an evil hour, I concluded that, while 
I still enforced it on others, I would say nothing of my own 
personal enjoyment of it, lest by often referring to myself I 
might appear an egotist. After I thus resolved, I soon had 
occasion to cry, '' 0, my leanness." I lost the witness, and 
went mourning. I am thus particular, that others may see 
and shun the rock on which I fell. I soon began to neglect 
urging its necessity on others, either from the desk or in my 
visits ; for how could I enforce on men a duty which I was 
neglecting ? From this time, unbelief had a great ascendan- 
cy over me. After some ineffectual struggles to regain 
what I had lost, I gave it up, and concluded to enjoy all that 
I could in a justified state, and hoped to do some good, and 
get to heaven finally. In this state I remained till the next 
summer, when I was again brought into this glorious 
liberty. Since that time I have been enabled, with the ex- 
ception of some intervals, to rejoice in the fullness of the 
blessing. Praise to God, I retain it, as I received it, by 
simple faith. 

" This, this alone, my soul can save." 

And this does save me from turmoil and from slavish fear. 
I trust my present and eternal all with Christ. I am able to 



356 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 



claim, constantly, the promise, " Lo, I am with you." This 
is the glory of our holy religion. May the church univer- 
sally come up to its enjoyment. It must be done. I repeat 
it, the church must enjoy it. Holiness and effectual " per- 
sonal effort," which is destined to be the mighty instrument 
in the conversion of the world, go hand in hand. 

May the hallowing tide of the atoning blood flow till the 
church and world shall be, by the Savior, " purified unto 
himself, a peculiar people, zealous of good works." 



EXPERIENCE L. 



Your request, that I would write you a more particular 
account of the way in which God was pleased to lead me to 
the discovery of the riches of His grace in Christ Jesus, has 
not been forgotten. My principal reason for deferring it has 
been, lest I should seem to arrogate something peculiar to 
myself. Yet I know that you will not so understand me. 
Indeed, if there has been any thing peculiar in my case, it 
has been a peculiar amount of hardness of heart and unbe- 
lief, which has resisted the grace of God. 

It was in the spring of 1836, that I first indulged a hope 
in the pardoning mercy of God. For more than a year my 
mind had been laboring under deep conviction, yet contend- 
ing till the last moment with that gracious influence which 
was drawing me towards my Savior. Notwithstanding all 
my waywardness, the Holy Spirit had been gradually dis- 
covering to me the glory and excellency of the divine charac- 
ter, until God's perfect equity, his unchanging goodness, and 
above all, his love in Christ Jesus, presenting themselves in 
contrast with my vileness, had rendered my sin and guilt an 
insupportable burden. In vain did I look at the various 
ways in which my mind had been hitherto seeking help ; their 

357 



358 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

efficiency had all vanisbed. Refuge failed me. Nothing lay 
between me and everlasting death, save the mere mercy of 
God. I was distinctly conscious of casting myself on him 
as my only hope. I saw clearly that it would be perfectly 
just in him to cast me off for ever — 'that I could never re- 
deem the soul I had destroyed, nor atone for one of the 
least of my sins ; but that, if ever I was saved, it must be 
by the free, sovereign grace of God. Long had I admitted 
this sentiment in theory, yet never till this moment had I 
known the meaning of Geace. A new idea had taken pos- 
session of my soul, and I sought in vain for a new term by 
which to express it. But still it was grace ; and, whatever 
epithets I might add to it, I could express no more than the 
gospel had always expressed, of the way of salvation through 
Christ. 

But 0, in what a glorious light did the gospel now burst 
upon my view ; so adapted to man's necessities, — so simple, 
and yet so glorious, — so worthy of its Author. It seemed 
to melt my whole soul in love and gratitude and praise. My 
happiness did not arise from any change which I supposed 
wrought in me, or in my relations to God, for it was not until 
some time after, that I discovered any such change to have 
been wrought. But it w^as what I saw in God, and especially 
in his way of salvation through Christ, which filled my heart 
with rapture and my lips with praise. My whole soul re- 
joiced that the entire universe was under the government of 
such a Being, and wherever I turned my eyes the whole 
earth seemed full of his glory. For several weeks I was 
conscious of no other feeling than that of love to God, and 
desire to spend and be spent in his service. 

I knew very little, however, of the nature of true religion, 
or of the way by which the soul draws life and strength from 
Christ. The consequence was, that, struggling against 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 359 

temptation in my own strengtli, I was soon overcome, and 
my mind brought into darkness. For many years I lived, for 
the most part, in a state of bondage to sin ; earnestly desiring 
deliverance, yet knowing not Avhere to find it ; vainly resolv- 
ing, striving, and praying against it, yet continually conscious 
that the world divided my heart with God. True, I could 
go to a throne of grace, and there pour out my complaint, 
confess my wanderings, and renewedly throw myself on the 
sovereign grace of God. This was my first, and this my 
only hope, that salvation was of God alone. I should have 
given up at once, had any thing depended on me ; but I 
could not despair, Avhile Jesus lived to dispense a salvation 
founded alone on free, unmerited grace. Sometimes I would 
for a season feed in green pastures, beside the still waters, 
but oftener I was constrained to inquire — 

" Where is the blessedness I knew, 
When first I saw the Lord ? " 

In the early part of 1842, 1 heard Elder Knapp preach 
several times in Boston. His discourses led me to think more 
than ever before of my own responsibility, and convinced me 
that my slow progress in the divine life had resulted wholly 
from want of effort on my part. I returned home, fully de- 
termined to exert my utmost powers to lead a godly life. 
But, alas ! the more I strove the more I sinned and stumbled, 
and the deeper and more awful appeared the depravity of 
my heart. I now began seriously to question whether this 
was the new heart which God had promised to behevers. 
The fountain of my hope underwent a thorough examination. 
I took the Bible anew, as the word which must judge me 
at the last day, and sought to learn of Christ and hig 
apostles, what it was to be a Christian. The more I studied 
upon this point, the more thoroughly did I become convinced 



360 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

that it was no small thing to be a disciple of Jesus. A high 
standard of Christian character was before me, but how 
should I attain to it ? 

While searching to know what provision God had made 
to enable his people to meet his requirements, the gospel 
opened before me as a glorious plan of sanctification. So 
new and precious did its promises and provisions appear, that 
it almost seemed like a new gospel. I saw in it all that I 
had ever desired or wished for. It was truly the pearl of 
great price. But how should I come into possession of it ? 
Its blessings, I saw clearly, were all promised to faith ; yet 
for a long time I sought to attain them by works. My proud 
heart wanted to do something towards its restoration. Still 
my confidence in God was daily increasing, as I saw more 
and more of the wonders of his love towards us. I felt that 
he was worthy of our unmingled confidence, and that no sin 
could be equal to that of unbelief. 

One day I had been reflecting on the 11th of Hebrews, 
and while considering the various examples of faith, as 
there recorded, my mind rested on that of Gideon. I 
thought of his fleece twice tried, and of his listening to the . 
dream of the Midianite, till it really seemed to me that, | 
under the same circumstances, I should have had more faith ' 
in God, — that to me the command of God would have been ..^ 
enough without any such tests. What, thought I, had he to ! 
lose, supposing God had not sustained him ? Could he die ^ 
in a better cause than while executing the commands of > 
Jehovah ? Amid such thoughts as these, I again retired 
to my chamber, to wrestle with God for a heart to love him 
with all my soul. Of this one blessing it seemed to me I 
could not be denied. I saw that God was so worthy of the 
love and service of every rational creature, that I longed, 
with a desire I can never express, that in all things I might 



f 



THE RICHES OE GRACE. 361 

live to his glory. The passage, " Whether therefore ye 
eat or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God," 
came with peculiar force to my mind. I began to plead 
with God for such a disposition, when it seemed forced upon 
me as a command, with an authority I had never before felt. 
Here, thought I, is a command, as obligatory, and as much 
directed to me, as was the command to go against the Midi- 
anites on Gideon. But this is wholly beyond my power. 
So was that beyond his. I have tried a thousand times to 
obey this, yet always failed. Then, has God commanded an 
impossibility ? I saw that it was awful impiety to refuse to 
do what God had commanded, however seemingly impossible; 
yet I feared to undertake. At this moment my reasoning 
respecting Gideon came home to me with power.. What 
had I to lose ? Suppose I should not succeed, would there 
be any harm in making the attempt ? I dared not decline ; 
yet 0, my weakness! With what feelings did I leave my 
chamber as I saw on the one hand the justness and excellency 
of the command, and felt that nothing was so desirable as to 
obey it — yet, on the other hand, I had reduced myself by 
a course of sin into a state of guilt and impotency, which 
made me weaker than a bruised reed. Still my constant 
prayer was for grace to enable me to obey this precept. 
No special duty was before me, nothing but the common 
avocations of my family. But as I went from one thing to 
another, the question still was, Will this be for the glory 
of God ? Of some things I felt constrained to say, Yes ; 
of others, I was doubtful ; while a third class I thought 
could not possibly glorify my heavenly Father. And would 
I not have done these yesterday, thought I, without any 
compunctions of conscience ? Yes, because I thought them 
trifles, without any particular moral character. As to those 
things respecting which I was in doubt, I could but ask 
31 



862 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

myself, how I could be so ignorant of the moral character 

of actions which I was in the daily habit of doing. This 

question brought with it the astounding fact, that I had never 

really made it my business to do all I did to God's glory. 

My soul sank in abasement before God at this discoverj^, and 

I longed for an opportunity to retire again to my chamber. 

Three distinct errands urged me to a throne of grace. 

First, to thank God for having enabled me thus far to keep 

before my mind a desire to promote his glory. Secondly, 
to ask for wisdom respecting those things of which I was in 

doubt ; and, thirdly, to confess my awful guilt for never 
having made his glory the one object of my life. 

Never shall I forget that season of prayer. My soul 
seemed to melt before God. I felt that I was indeed nothing ; 
that he was all in all. Yet there was a sweet consciousness 
that what I wanted accomplished in my soul was the very 
object most dear to my heavenly Father. And though all 
weakness, yet I felt to lean on him to mould and fashion me 
into his own image ; I felt to choose him as my only portion. 
Everything else looked like dross, as less than nothing, and | 
vanity. I felt, too, to take him as my king, to rule in, and 
reign over me for ever. . As I looked back, it seemed to me 
I had all my days been serving self ; now I could say in 
truth, Whom have I in heaven but thee, and there is none 
upon earth that I desire beside thee. The Lord is my 
Shepherd, I shall not want. My whole soul w^ent out after 
God, and delighted itself in him with joy unspeakable and 
full of glory. Yet, like a little child, I could repose on his 
arm of infinite love with a peace w^hich truly passed all un- 
derstanding. Never before had I known such a heaven on 
earth. 



If 



EXPERIENCE LI. 



I HAVE long felt it a duty I owed to my Father in heaven, 
and to you as instruments in his hands, to give in my testi- 
mony to a dying world to his goodness and wonderful conde- 
scension to me, and what he has done for my soul. He 
sought me, and although I was so wayward and refractory, 
he led me at length to the green pastures and still waters of 
his infinite love, to enjoy that which is unspeakable and full 
of glory. Oh, how much does every famishing child of 
Adam need just such a Savior. Why, oh, why will they not 
come up and accept of him in all his fullness, instead of 
limiting the Holy One of Israel, and saying by precept, and 
much more by example. Can God spread such a table in the 
wilderness ? I would call upon my soul and all that is within 
me, to confess that I feel sure that he can^ and more than 
that, he will^ if we will only ask, expecting to receive. He 
has indeed led me along by a way I knew not of; and I 
bless his name for all his dealings towards me. My Avay was 
at first almost Egyptian darkness in comparison to the light I 
feel I now have shining upon my soul. I can compare it to 
nothing but the situation in which the children of Israel were 
placedy when they were commanded to make bricks without 
straw. I saw the command, " Strive to be perfect," but my 

363 



364 THE mCHES OF GRACE. 

Christian brothers and sisters, (not many of them,) ever 
thought of believing that we could obey this command, or 
that it was attainable ; I reasoned thus with myself. How 
can it be possible that a God, all luisdom^ could lay any com- 
mands upon us, that he knew it was impossible to perform. 
But I am rather anticipating my story. 

About six years since, I trust I was translated from the 
kingdom of darkness, into that of God's dear Son. It was, 
indeed, a wonderful change. Nothing troubled me so much, 
as a belief that I should ever grow cold — that I ever should get 
lukewarm in this blessed cause. I looked upon such a per- 
son as the most inexcusable being upon earth, and one that 
brought the greatest reproach upon the cause of Christ, and 
it pained me to the heart to see them thus dragging upon the 
chariot wheels of salvation. When I entreated them to 
arise and take up their crowns which they had cast to the 
ground, they paid but little heed to what I said, and would 
add, that, as a matter of course, /should not always feel as 
I did then. How little did I believe their predictions would 
come to pass ! It was even so ! But mark well the means 
" my Father " used to bring his prodigal back to his house. 
Oh, how unsearchable are his works, and his ways past find- 
ing out. Truly 

" He moves in a mysterious way, 
His wonders to perform." 

I had an idol that stood between me and my God. A 
dear, kind, affectionate husband, whose every wish and de- 
sire seemed to be to make me happy. Before I met with this 
change, 

" Our hearts, our hopes, our aims were one, 
Our comforts and our cares." 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 865 

That he felt the change very sensibly I need not tell you. 
He looked upon me with grief rather than in anger, and 
would act as if I was lost to him for ever. Oh, how often I 
have left him alone to attend our prayer meeting, exclaiming, 
Father, have I not left all. If he had opposed me, I should 
have been upon my guard, but he did not. He won me from 
the path of duty by his forbearance and indulgence. I for- 
got my duty to God in my affection for him, and instead of 
persevering in trying to have him come up to me, I left my 
work, and went down to him. Oh, that I could raise my 
voice so loud as to be heard by every wife that they would 
avoid the rock upon which I almost made shipwreck of my 
faith. And certainly it is a source of wonder, love and praise, 
that the Almighty did not at that time leave me, as he did 
one of his servants of old, and say, " Ephraim is joined to 
his idols, let him alone." I remained in a cold, stupid state 
about two years, alternately sinning and repenting. My 
conscience condemned me all the time. I lived some dis- 
tance from the church, where we attended worship, and, as 
a general thing, I found some good excuse (as I then thought) 
for remaining at home on the Sabbath with my husband, his 
health being very poor. Thus I lived till July, 1844. On 
the fourth of that month, we attended a celebration together, 
and he took a very active part in the exercises. We returned 
home, and in about a week from that time he was snatched 
from me by the relentless hand of death. In vain w^ould it 
be for me to describe my feelings. He was sick only four 
days, a raving maniac most of the time. I could not even 
ask for his life, for the jewel I most prized was irrecoverably 
gone and only the casket was left, and that in a most en- 
feebled state. 

Only one night had he any reason. Towards morning he 
called me to his bed-side and told me he had found the Savior 



366 THE KICHES OF GRACE. 

precious to his soul ; then, with a look of affection, he said, 
^' This will all work together for good, and you will find it so." 
These were the last intelligible words he ever uttered. I 
was completely prostrated upon a bed of sickness and was 
not permitted to follow him to his last resting place, and 
could find no comfort in any thing. All I felt I could say 
of every earthly thing was, " Miserable comforters are ye all." 
All this time the Lord was waiting to be gracious, and would 
whisper amid the howling of the tempest, " Be not afraid, it 
is I." He was walking on the billows with me, and his arms 
were reached out to save me from sinking in the deep waters. 
At length his voice reached my ear, and my heart, in accents 
more deep and thrilling than ever before, stirred my soul. 
It was the voice of " Perfect Love," — unchangeable^ undy- 
ing — thanks be to the Lord, brought down to my poor, weak, 
feeble capacities ; and I can say that I greatly rejoiced in 
spirit, and could say from my heart, I thank thee, Lord of 
heaven and earth, that thou hast hid these things from the 
wise and prudent, and revealed them unto hahe^, I thank 
Him, and He doe% raise up men after his own heart to distri- 
bute the heavenly manna to hungry, starving souls. Yes, 
and that it doe% suit our every case and supply our every want. 

" ' Tis manna to the hungry soul, 
And to the weary, rest." 

I feel convinced that those who do not come up and accept 
of the Savior in all his fullness, are guilty of the sin of un- 
belief. The Evangelist was sent me by a very dear friend, 
and has been for two years, and my heart responds, " ever 
more give me this bread." It has indeed been an un- 
speakable blessing to me, and I feel that it is a blessing from 
the Giver of every good and perfect gift that I am thus per- 
mitted to address you, my dear brethren and sisters, and wish 



i 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 367 

you God speed in this great and glorious work. May we 
count it all joy if we are called to suffer in this cause. If 
you are driven from one city, flee to another. If God 
be for us, who can be against us? Let us cease from 
man, whose breath is in his nostrils, and bless the Lord that 
he has laid help upon one that is mighty even to the pulling 
down of the strong holds of Satan. Yes, our weapons are 
not carnal, but mighty through God to the entire demolition 
of Satan's kingdom. 



EXPERIENCE LII. 



At the age of ten and a half years, I was led to the 
knowledge of Jesus by the remission of sins. My peace and 
joy in the Lord abounded ; and for some weeks subsequent 
to my justification, I felt nothing contrary to perfect love 
tvliieh casteth out fear ; constantly rejoicing in God, and en- 
deavoring to serve him with all my powers. My heart seem- 
ed to cleave to him with increasing intensity of love and 
firmness of purpose. But soon I felt the rising of depraved 
nature, and had to contend with evil dispositions which I dis- 
covered were lurking within, and rebelling against the King 
of kings and Lord of lords, Avho, though he reigned in my 
heart, had not yet fully destroyed the man of sin, but had 
subjugated him, and bound him, (as it were, hand and foot,) 
so that he could not have dominion over me. Yet, though 
thus subdued, he still remained, and was continually striving 
to regain the ascendancy, and usurp the throne of which the 
adorable Redeemer had possession. To prevent sin from 
having dominion over me, w^as my unceasing effort, and my 
soul was pained and grieved inexpressibly, to feel the work- 
ings of this vile enemy within : often did I weep in extreme 
anguish of spirit on account of it, for I was not then aware 
that it was my blessed privilege to have this foe cast out and 

868 



( 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 369 

utterly banished from my heart. But shortly after this pe- 
riod, there came a holy man of God, to preach in the place of 
my residence. As a good and faithful shepherd, he soon 
sought out the lambs of the flock, and as I was the youngest 
and most tender one, he made me an object of peculiar care. 
"With unremitting solicitude he watched over me, and assidu- 
ously strove to guide me into " the good and the right way 
of the Lord." He did, indeed, lead me (with all the flock of 
which he had the pastoral care) to living fountains of water, 
and green pastures of grace. Most clearly, and forcibly, 
and constantly, he preached the doctrine of full salvation, as 
the privilege of all the children of God; and 0, with what 
avidity did my hungry, panting soul, seize the living bread, 
and drink this life-giving water ? This was just what I want- 
ed ! In the fullness of my soul, I exclaimed — 

" This is the way I long have sought, 
And mourned because I found it not ; 
My grief a burden long has been, 
Because I was not saved from sin. 



And now — 



The King's highway of holiness 
I'll go, for all his paths are peace ! " 



0, what an unutterable joy sprung up in my soul, in the bliss- 
ful hope of being delivered out of the hands of my enemies, 
that I might serve God without fear, in holiness and righte- 
ousness before him, all the days of my life. From that hour, 
in which it was first presented to me as my privilege in 
Christ Jesus, I sought it with unremitting diligence and 
earnestness, and I think I may say, I that hour presented 
myself to God '' a living sacrifice," — that hour gave my- 
self to him " in the bonds of an everlasting covenant" — 
and that hour began to " reckon myself to be dead indeed 



370 THE RICHES OF GEACE. 

unto sin, but alive unto God^througli Jesus Christ our Lord." 
TThis, I think, was about six months after my conversion to 
God ; yet I did not, at that time, receive the evidence that 
the work was fully wrought. It was several months after, 
that I was made to '' rejoice with joy unspeakable and full 
of glory," in possession of that precious gift, the witness of 
the Spirit, that my heart was cleansed from all unrighteous- 
ness. And never, never could I forget the felicity, — the 
ineffable bliss of that hour ! So great was the '' weight of 
glory " which filled my soul, that it prostrated my body, de- 
prived me of physical strength, and of all my external 
senses : for some time I was unconscious of what was pass- 
ing around me ; I was in communion with heaven, and my 
blessed Redeemer seemed so near to me, that I could see 
him face to face, and so was I overwhelmed with the glory 
of his countenance, and so captivated with the words of un- 
utterable love which he spoke to my heart, that I could 
neither see nor hear aught beside. When I received power 
to speak, I endeavored to tell those around me " how great 
things God had done for me ; " and I was afterward informed 
that such was the power of the Holy Spirit accompanying 
my words, that all were melted to tears, and many com- 
menced seeking to be " made partakers of like precious faith." 
How clearly did this demonstrate that it was the work of God 
— for a little, ignorant, feeble child to be thus empowered to 
speak words that would affect the hearts of persons advanced 
in years and in knowledge! How manifestly was divine 
" strength made perfect in Aveakness !" It is to magnify the 
grace of God, that I thus allude to the effect produced by 
the relation of the manifestation of divine love to me w^hen a 
child. I am fully sensible that it was all of grace. What a 
confirmation of the truth of the words of inspiration — " Not 
by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, saith the Lord ! " 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 371 

From that time, I went forward in the way of holiness with 
undeviating steps, and rapid pace, for some length of time, 
(I think about nine or ten months,) and then, by Hstening to 
the advice of some, whom I considered wise counsellors, I 
had a season of spiritual darkness, which, however, was of 
short duration. I was advised to cease professing the attain- 
ments of holiness ; they said I could show it by my life and 
conversation, without professing it ; and it would appear more 
humble and becoming, especially as I was a little child ; and 
I was always ready to receive instruction and counsel from 
older Christians, and therefore yielded to their opinion, be- 
lieving they were influenced by the good Spirit. But I soon 
discovered that the holy flame in my heart began to grow 
dim ; I was alarmed, and began to search for the cause, 
praying with great fervency of soul to have the fullness of 
love restored to me, which I felt I had in a measure lost ; 
yet I could appeal to the Omniscent one and say, '^ Thou 
knowest that I love thee ! Thou knowest that since I laid 
myself upon the altar, and gave myself an offering to thee, 
I have never taken the sacrifice, away ; I have never re- 
moved the offering thence ; I am thine, blessed Jesus, only 
thine, wholly thine ! I will ever be thine! But where, 0, 
where, is that fullness of peace, and joy, and light and love ? 
Where is that sweet communion with him whom my soul 
loveth — that constant intercourse Avith heaven ? I can not, 
will not, rest without this ! After having drank at the foun- 
tain of bliss so copiously, I cannot be satisfied with a scanty 
supply. The hohness I must have ! I did not long wrestle 
thus in earnest believing prayer, before the windows of hea- 
ven were opened, and a plenteous effusion of holy love was 
poured into my heart, and again I rejoiced in possession of 
the fullness of love. I then saw clearly that it was my duty 
to speak more frequently on this subject, and on every suitar 



372 THE RICHES OF GRAE. 

ble occasion to proclaim tlie riches and the glory of this great 
salvation. I discerned more perfectly the way in which I 
ought to walk : that I must look to God's word and Spirit 
for direction, and not depend so much on frail mortals for 
guidance. The language of my heart from that time was, 
" Lord, what wilt thou have me to do ? " and I was enabled to 
pursue the narrow path with renewed ardor and diligence, 
and made rapid advancement in the knowledge and love of 
God. For several years my course was steady, and my hap- 
piness in God continually increasing and abounding. In the 
year 1835, I left the place of my birth, and residence from 
my childhood up, and came to the place of my present resi- 
dence. In the society here I found some of " the excellent 
of the earth," but the church in general were not deeply 
devoted to God. I soon discovered that there was a pecu- 
liar repugnance felt by many to the profession of entire 
sanctification, and was informed that several who had for 
many years enjoyed this blessing, had long since ceased to 
profess it. I thought, now if I profess it, I shall stand en- 
tirely alone, and I shall be considered arrogant and assuming. 
They will say there are mothers and fathers in Israel who 
have so long shown the fruits of holiness, and they do not 
speak of it pubhcly — and lo, here comes a stranger, and 
elevates herself above these devoted souls, who are well 
known as the excellent of the ea;rth. This was too much for 
me^ — for by reasoning with the evil one I was, like Samson, 
^' shorn of my strength." I yielded to the tempter, and re- 
solved to hide the gift of God that was in me, though it was 
still my purpose to live wholly devoted to God, and to guard 
the sacred treasure of holy love in my soul with great care. 
The thought of losing this precious pearl, was the most distant 
from mv mind. 



THE RICHES 1} GRACE. 373 

But, alas, how vain were my efforts to retain this hallowed 
enjoyment! I had grieved the Holy Spirifc, — clouds and 
darkness gathered round me, and I was filled with gloom and 
sadness. I besought the Lord, in fervent supplication, to 
remove the clouds, and again reveal to me " the brightness 
of his face," for without it I could not rest, — I could not 
live. This earth seemed indeed as a barren wilderness, and 
my soul found no food, no sustenance — it was famishing, 
dying. While engaged in prayer, my gracious, condescend- 
ing Lord dispelled the darkness, and with unutterable joy I 
saw again the out-beamings of his glorious countenance, who 
was " the life of my delights," and again went on my way 
rejoicing. But alas, " the fear of man, which bringeth a 
snare," again brought me into darkness. Again I concealed 
the light which God had commanded me to set up before the 
world that they might glorify him ; and what wonder that he 
withdrew it from me, when I would not improve it in showing 
forth his praise ? But in the ever abounding goodness of 
God he again looked upon his rebellious child, and through 
Jesus, whose all-atoning merits I pleaded, and by faith could 
claim, he received me graciously, and again owned me for 
his child. 

But after all this, I again hesitated to be a public witness 
of the efficacy of his all-cleansing blood, though I did speak 
of it to individuals, and urged it upon them as their privi- 
lege, and endeavored to be diligent in every good word and 
work, but still " kept back a part of the price," and conse- 
quently my enjoyments again declined. This vacillating 
course I continued to pursue till the winter of 1840, in the 
month of January, when I was led to seek, with all my heart, 
an entire conformity to the image of Jesus. 

One day, after having entered my closet, determined never 
to leave it till this blessed work was wrought in my heart 
32 ' 



874 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

the Spirit of God revealed to me that I must come to a point 
to which I had hitherto been unwiUing to come, or I could 
never receive the blessing for which I was seeking. I must 
resolve and covenant with God that I would no more hesitate 
to be a " witness " for him, no more yield to the fear of man, 
but be willing to bear the reproach of Christ, — be willing to 
forsake all and follow him fully — or he would take his Holy 
Spirit from me, and I should no more enjoy his favor. The 
time had now come when I must be a whole Christian, or no 
Christian ; and now was the severe test. Could I bear to 
have my '' name cast out as evil " — to be called enthusiastic, 
presumptuous, arrogant ? I thought of the priceless worth 
of the treasure I was to receive, the ineffable bhss I should 
enjoy, if I would make the sacrifice ; and, ! in that moment, 
the glory, the value, the exquisite delight of that " unspeak- 
able gift" absorbed my whole soul. I did not hesitate. I 
could not. I said, Lord, take my soul, my life, my all ! I 
will forsake all and follow thee ! I '11 

" Gladly reckon all things loss, 
So I but Jesus gain ! " 

Yes, I will count it all joy even to be persecuted for Christ's 
sake, and rejoice to be counted worthy to bear the glorious 
shame of my Redeemer's cross ! My gracious, long-suffering 
God accepted the sacrifice, and once again embraced me in 
the arms of his mercy ! 0, what bliss did I feel in realizing 
that he had indeed accepted the offering, and sealed me his ! 
that henceforth I was " to live, not unto myself, but unto him 
that died for me and rose again ; " that I was now to work, 
and speak, and think, for God alone. And from that time 
how gladly have I run at the bidding of my Lord ! I have 
not stopped to ask if this or that would be pleasing to the 
church or to the world, — if in so doing or speaking I should 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 375 

gain the approbation of my fellow mortals. I only ask, 
Will it please God ? Is it the will of my adorable Redeemer 
for me to do or speak this or that ? and whatever I believe 
to be in accordance wdth the word and spirit of God, that I 
endeavored to do. " And the peace of God, that passeth 
understanding, keeps my heart and mind through Christ 
Jesus." 0, the blessedness of having a single eye ! one ob- 
ject, one desire, one purpose, one aim — for God to live and 
die ! With deepest sorrow and regret I retrospect the period 
when, through my unfaithfulness, I grieved the blessed Spirit 
of God. IIow many were the dark seasons through which 
I passed, by reason of the clouds which I brought upon my 
own soul, when I might have enjoyed perpetual sunshine, had 
I diligently barkened to the voice of the Lord, and faithfully 
obeyed his commands. 0, had I always been willing to deny 
myself and take up my cross, how much farther should I 
have advanced in the blessed way of holiness ! I am confi- 
dent that this is the only way to retain the perfect love of 
God. There must be the spirit of sacrifice. We must be 
" crucified to the world, and the world to us," and our " life 
be hid with Christ in God." There must be no compromise 
with self, or earth, or sin ; there must be an entire renunciar 
tion of all we have and are, if we would be conformed to the 
likeness of him who knew no sin — if we would have the Sa- 
vior to dwell in us and walk in us — if we would be steadfast, 
immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord. 

I would remark, with reference to my refusal or unwilling- 
ness to confess what God had wrought in me, I did not do 
this with a clear and full conviction that I was acting con- 
trary to the divine will. Satan managed it so that I did not 
discern it thus. There was always something presented to 
my mind as a reasonable excuse for not professing this at- 
tainment : it was in no case my intention to act contrary to 



376 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

the divine requirement, or to incur the displeasure of heaven. 
Yet I cannot believe that there was an entire abandonment 
of self at those times when I was led into that fatal snare ; 
there was not a forsaking of all for Christ, otherwise I should 
have been so entirely under the Spirit's influence that I 
should have been guided into all truth, and would have seen 
clearly the way in which I should walk. From this I have 
learned the necessity of cleaving closely to the side of my 
Savior, and of looking to Jesus, moment by moment, to keep 
my feet from falling, and to save me from the power of the 
tempter ; and while I live thus near to God, Satan, nor earth, 
nor self, nor sin, can have any influence over me. Pray for 
me that I may be preserved " blameless unto the coming of 
our Lord Jesus Christ," 



EXPERIENCE LIII. 



Since I have thought of writing, in answer to your pro- 
posal, I have labored under a sense of extreme inability, and 
have been almost ready to shrink from the undertaking. 
But at length I have broken through every objection, believ- 
ing, through Christ strengthening me, I shall be able to de- 
clare what God hath done for my soul. 

Five years previous to the time I was convicted for holi- 
ness, I experienced the pardoning love of God. I had not a 
doubt of my acceptance with him. 

For nine months, I rejoiced continually, and obeyed the 
voice of the Spirit. I loved my Redeemer, and longed to 
depart and be with him, which I considered far better than 
life. After this I began to decline, and by degrees lost my 
enjoyment, and became formal and spiritless in my religious 
duties. Remains of sinful tempers began to trouble me, and 
I doubted my former experience. But though I was unhap- 
py, and my heart unholy, yet I was enabled to live uprightly 
as to my outward walk. At this time, the Rev. E. Hedding 
was stationed in Boston. I was reclaimed, and brought into 
liberty again ; after vfhich, I retained a sense of my justifica- 
tion, till I resolved to seek for holiness of heart. 
32* 37T 



378 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

It is now full three years since I began to read the word 
of God carefully, diligently, and with prayer, to see if the 
doctrine of Christian perfection could be proved by it. I 
likewise took my pen, and marked every text in the New 
Testament w^hich proved or favored that doctrine. After 
thus carefully examining the Scriptures, I was convinced that 
this was purchased by the Savior's death, and that God in- 
tended that we should be restored to his full image. I saw 
that he had promised it to us, and that he commanded us to 
be perfect. At this time my mind was greatly perplexed 
with doctrines. I read many books, and the different ideas 
and sentiments I met with greatly confused my mind. But 
the Lord, who delighteth not in the death of a sinner, in 
great mercy caused light to break in upon my mind and shine 
upon my path. February 18, 1818, in prayer I cried to 
God that he would show me -my state, earnestly entreating 
him to let me see all that was in my heart, when he inclined 
his ear and granted my request. But the sight made me 
tremble, and for a time almost threw me into despair. I 
found the remains of almost every sin in my heart; and 
groaning in this deplorable situation, I lost sight of Christ as 
my mediator. I struggled, mourning, weeping, prostrate on 
my face ; for some time being tempted to think that my 
damnation was sealed. I lay, as it were, crushed under the 
mighty hand of God ; for Christ, my advocate, was hid from 
my eye of faith. A sense of God's penetrating eye survey- 
ing my heart, beholding all, yea, more than I saw, sunk me 
down, and I appeared to myself as a mote; yet my sins ap- 
peared like mountains. But after all this, I saw that there 
was compassion in God ; and soon my Savior appeared to my 
view. I saw by faith that he loved me, and had given him- 
self for me. I plainly saw that he had bought me with his 
own blood, and that his blood was sufficient to cleanse my 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 379 

polluted heart from ev^ery sinful temper — yea, from all sin. 
I could now cry for mercy, peace, and a pure heart. My 
soul was comforted, and a gleam of hope appeared. 

But it was soon suggested, " All mankind will eventually 
be saved — why do you trouble yourself? You will lose 
your senses at this rate." This temptation brought darkness 
upon my mind, and I could not believe that all would be 
saved — there was no rest for me here. I cried to the Lord, 
and light broke in upon my mind. I said, " Lord, strengthen 
me, and open my way before me, and I will not rest until I 
obtain a clean heart." I opened the Bible (which lay before 
me) on these words, (Rev. iii. 8,) '' Behold, I have set be- 
fore thee an open door, and no man can shut it." This, and 
w^hat followed, to the end of the chapter, greatly strengthened 
my faith, and I cried, " I will, I do believe ; and my way 
shall be open from this moment." I resolved to obtain the 
blessing, at the expense of every thing else. From this tim.e 
I began to fast and pray, and to seek sincerely and earnestly 
for full sanctification. I strove to keep the whole law. I 
sought by Avorks to subdue my sins, and conquer myself. 
But, alas ! I grew worse ; and my heart rose against God, 
because I could not conquer it. I asked, and obtained not. 
I strove, but did not receive the blessing. At times I was 
apprehensive I should never obtain my end. I gave way to 
temptation, and involved myself in many difficulties. I saw 
no power to live to God a single day. I found indeed that 
I was weakness itself; and my sins appeared like mountains, 
separating between me and my God. But I had some com- 
fortable seasons. I had now and then a taste of the little 
streams which flow from the great fountain of life and comfort. 
I had a little strength to keep my resolution, that I would 
have the blessing of sanctification at the expense of every 
thing, and deliverance from my Lord's enemies in my heart. 



380 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

At one time, this text was brought with power to my mind, 
^'You have not resisted unto blood, striving against sin." 
Sometimes Christ w^ould fly over the mountains of my sins 
and transgressions to my soul, and for a short season would 
comfort me. Then again he would leave me in the dark, 
struggling with my temptations and troublesome forebodings 
of future things. I was in an agony, and knew not what to 
do. It appeared to me as though Satan led me captive at 
his will. One day, while contemplating the wretchedness of 
my condition, it came to my mind, as if spoken by a person 
standing by, " Read H. A. Rogers' Life." I arose from my 
meditations, and immediately obtained it. ! praise ! praise ! 
praise the Lord, that ever this precious book fell into my 
hands ! I read it with prayer, and my heart opened to con- 
viction ; for I had done all that I could do, and was none the 
better, but rather grew worse, like the woman in the gospel, 
who, having spent all that she had, was at last glad to come 
to Christ for a cure. In like manner I came at last. 

In reading Mrs. Rogers' letters, I saw that the way to ob- 
tain sanctification was by faith, and hereupon discovered my 
own error. I found that by works alone I could not obtain 
salvation from all sin. I resolved, however, not to lay works 
aside ; but used the means, waiting at the foot of sovereign 
mercy, expecting to receive ; for I w^as laid low, j^ea, in the 
dust I could lay my mouth, with my hand upon it, crying, 
unclean^ unclean, I saw the way I was to come, with all 
my pollution and unworthiness, and cast my soul upon Christ ; 
and I believed that he would accomplish the work in me, 
that he would slay all my foes, and by his spirit and grace 
make me truly alive. Here grace and nature had many 
a struggle ; but grace always prevailed. Self now appeared 
out of the question — nature and grace fought the battle ; 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 381 

for T had given myself to Grod, in the name of Jesus Christ, 
to do with me as it pleased him. 

I cried continually with many sighs and tears, *^' Give me 
thyself to know, from every sin set free : cleanse my heart, 
sanctify my nature!" I could take no denial. I said. 
Give me this, or I die. Take every thing I possess, but give 
me an in-dwelling Savior. I must have this. Nothing short 
of this can satisfy my immortal mind. Lord, give me thy 
nature, thy perfect image. 

" I cannot rest till pure within, 
Till I am wholly saved from sin." 

I had many temptations to think this was not the time ; but 
in such a place, or in such a meeting; at home, in the closet, 
I might obtain. Notwithstanding the power of Satan to 
tempt, I was enabled to look to God by faith, and wait 
patiently till the work was accomplished. 

Whether at home or abroad, my language was still the 
same. One night in class, I felt my heart exceedingly hard ; 
but it was soon melted before the Lord. After I arrived at 
home, these words were appHed to my heart: 

" Dear Savior, steep this rock of mine 
In thine own crimson sea ; 
None but a bath of blood divine 
Can wash my sins away." 

After this I resolved to open my mind to our minister, who 
had not preached the doctrine of holiness so explicitly and 
fully as he afterwards did. I went to his house, trembling, 
weighed down, fearing I should not be able to stand against 
the opposition I should meet with ; for few/u% believed the 
doctrine of heart holiness, even among the Methodists. I 
endeavored to tell him the exercises of my mind, and he ex- 



382 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

plained some things, and prayed for me. While in prayer I 
shook exceedingly ; and when we arose from our knees I 
found I had lost my burden, I felt neither sorrow nor joy. 
I went home much relieved. I had no sense of any thing, 
only my soul w^as delivered. 

A day or two after this, I began to think I had lost my 
convictions ; and it appeared to me that I had lost my 
earnestness for the blessing. I was somewhat alarmed, and 
feared I should not obtain what I so much desired. I re- 
tired, with a view to pray for conviction; and, to my great 
surprise, when I came before the Lord, I could not feel dis- 
tress ; but the following words were set home upon my heart : 
'^ Abide in me, and I in you: as the branch cannot bear 
fruit except it abide in the vine, no more can ye, except ye 
abide in me." At this moment I was in Christ; my every 
passion was at once laid even ; and a sweet stillness, a peace 
like a river, or, like the waves of the sea, wave after wave, 
thrilled through my soul, as no tongue can tell, or pen 
describe. I arose from my knees to see what it was, or from 
whence it came. I looked abroad upon the trees, and every 
leaf appeared awed into profound silence before the Lord ; 
and all that I saw brought joy into my soul. The weight of 
love I realized was great indeed. 

From this moment I had the witness that the work was 
done, and that God had full possession of, and dwelt in my 
heart. '' Know ye not that your bodies are temples of the 
Holy Ghost ? " But again I erred ; for I resolved to be 
cautious about telhng of it. I thought I would see the 
fruits it produced, before I professed it. And although it is 
proper to be careful, yet it is the duty of sanctified souls, in 
simplicity and godly sincerity, to make known what God has 
done for them. I brought a dark cloud upon my mind by not 
professing it at a certain time, when it appeared my duty. 



I 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 383 

But as soon as I began to declare what God Lad done for me, 
light shone upon my mind ; and from that time to the present, 
I have had the abiding witness of the same, except once for 
a few days, when under great weakness of body and severe 
trials of mind. I professed this blessing with great weakness, 
feeling my entire helplessness ; but in every instance, when 
I have been called to profess or defend this glorious salvation, 
God has stood by me, and I believe he ever will. Though 
earth and hell should be engaged against me, they shall not 
prevail, while Christ is my strength and my shield. 



EXPERIENCE LIV. 



Being deeply impressed that in order to be a Christian in 
the full meaning of the term, one must be a student, a con- 
stant student, I have, with all decision, made it my one em- 
ploy, to live under%tandingly ; and vfould be happy in con- 
tributing something to the interest of the " Guide," with my 
favorite signature. At the age of twelve years, my atten- 
tion was attracted from the ordinary lessons of the world to 
that given by our great Teacher. At that period I learned 
the present effect of repentance and trust in Jesus for the 
pardon of all the sin and folly of a childish life. From this 
I proceeded onw^ard to further knowledge, (not, however, be- 
ing a close student,) sometimes seeing clearly — more fre- 
quently as through a mist, while attempting to know the 
meaning of this or that Christian grace. For the six years 
subsequent to the time mentioned, I re?Jized gradual advance 
ment in the justified way ; yet deeply oppressed at times, 
while thoughts of dissatisfaction and discouragement arose, 
occasioned by my too frequent vacillations. I knew, I felt 
often, in deep anguish of spirit, that my soul was not deeply 
fixed, by faith, in him whom I desired to love. In such 
exercises, I saw my need of gaining that point, where the 
will of the creature is lost in that of the Creator, and entire 

384 



I 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 385 

or perfect love is the element of the being. Bufc here, the 
love of self, inasmuch as there existed a fear of the respon- 
sibility of great profession, hindered my examining the sub- 
ject of Christian holiness with deep and sincere interest, as 
one in which I should engage myself, until the autumn of 
1836. (I had, from childhood, been so situated as to hear 
such blessedness frequently spoken of.) At that time, while 
witnessing the exercises of some devoted ones seeking 
inward purity, my own state was compared with theirs. I 
saw the distance between myself and them as seekers of the 
grace of hfe. I saw, too, and ! how searching ! the vast 
diflference between myself and him whom I had called Fa- 
ther ! At this time I took this subject — entire consecration, 
with the application of the promises, closely in mind ; seclud- 
ed myself for its consideration, when, to my own astonish- 
ment, I found myself a wavering behever in it. Some, a few 
special ones, may realize this great attainment ; but so nearly 
angelic is it, it cannot be suited to human nature every where 
— Avas my mental language. But my wearied, unsatisfied 
soul, rested not here with the subject. By a train of men- 
tal exercises, too tedious to be mentioned, I came to the full 
and unwavering belief that Christ Jesus would save any and 
all of his desiring people from their sins, would they but be- 
lieve. Yet, strange to be said, I did not then decide to come 
to the very point — make the entire consecration at the very 
time, now^ though deeply impressed with a sense of the great 
want I was suffering, and yet bringing upon myself. My 
former devotion appeared superficial. I had indulged a self- 
ishness ; a reserve of the heart, of some portion of the heart, 
at every consecration heretofore made ! so that for weeks, 
and months, I unceasingly cried for a willingness to be made 
holy. I could not wonder, should the reader exclaim, 
33 



386 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

What a prayer ! for my soul would repeat it, What a prayer ! 
But to come to the point of my meaning, I should say I was 
wiUing for all, except a certain responsibility of walking in 
so narrow a way as would be implied in a profession to live 
free from sin. For a time I sought a resting place in good 
decisions ; resolving to live heartily near my Savior, — much 
in prayer, — but would take the course of the majority of 
Christians, in reference to the subject of sanctification, for 
the present. Need I say, this was a dangerous place ? 
What spiritual eye cannot see the danger? A heart 
unyielding to clear and known duty cannot be ever justified 
in his sight who requireth the whole soul. Thus I found it, 
to the deep regret of my heart, now not justified. Clouds 
and darkness rolled upon me ; and while attempting to carry 
my decisions into practice, my undesirable state was kept in 
open view ; and though for a time my resolutions for prayer, 
and separation from that which was unholy, were kept rigor- 
ously, discouragement had unseen influence, insomuch that 
unconsciously my purpose was yielded, and general dechne 
was perceptible. The passing of days and weeks, was but 
the constant reminding that the influence of the creature's 
will brings death-like blight, and lays low the cultivation of 
every Christian grace. The winter had passed which brought 
me to March, 1837, but the dreariness and bleakness of the 
mind had not gone ; neither was there any sign of verdure, 
pure waters, or fruit. Yet seeing my state, having no rising 
hope for the better, while in that position, my judgment was 
called upon to compare the points — that of living in part to 
self, with that of entire, constant and everlasting consecra- 
tion to the King of kings and Lord of lords. In answer to 
earnest supplication, the value of eternal things, with the priv- 
ilege of walking with Christ, were brought near, so that my 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 387 

judgement saw the exceeding benefit of living for holiness. 
At this time, in this light, I made the decision. I felt, I now 
feel, that by divine grace, it was ^ final decision. I desired 
only to be prepared to live so as to fulfill the blessed com- 
mands, to live for souls : by my hand it was recorded, by my 
heart it was repeated : to seek entire death to all but that 
which should please my Lord. Now my heart was set upon 
unreserved living to him who is invisible — upon a life of 
faith, purity of heart, present salvation from all sin. Here 
commenced my seeking this distinct, comprehensive attain- 
ment. Now my unutterable desire was reahzed. Searching 
the heart by the holy word, successive hours in prayer be- 
came absorbing ; meantime, I fell into many errors ; such 
as seeking a p^^eparation to be made holy — to be prepared 
by good works and good emotions, in order to exercise the 
true faith. And again, so great inconsistency did I see in 
happiness without holiness, that I resolved to be unhappy in 
mind, until pure in heart ; (I mention these particulars, 
thinking, perhaps, they will meet the eye of some one thus 
inclined,) thus I condemned myself most rigorously for feel- 
ing the least rising of joy, until thoroughly pure in heart. 
Gloomy agonizings and despairings were the companions of 
all my hours. Autumn again returned, and found my state 
not perceptibly changed. Now I seemed in a thicket. Not 
having had personal instruction from those who understood 
the deep workings of the heart when firmly set for that it 
does not fully understand, my errors had become multiplied. 
Where am I ? Have mercy. Lord ! was the language of my 
heart. At this time I resolved to go to a ^^ tented grove," 
where much, probably, would be said and felt of the '^ pre- 
cious faith." My thirsty soul panted for instruction. This I 
received ; and from those, too, who had in clear remembrance 



388 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

the darkness from which they had just emerged ; they taught 
the way of faith ; all was clear to me, but one dark step ; 
this my philosophizing feelings would noL assent to. Such a 
week I had never experienced; fasting, praying, and hearing, 
seemed alike fruitless, for I stopped at the main point, '' be- 
lieve that ye have the things that ye ask, and ye have them ; " 
and so tenacious did I find myself of my supposed understand- 
ing of the way to receive the blessing for which I plead, that 
a kind of triumph frequently arose, that I had been kept from 
so great an inconsistency, saying, a thorough work I must have, 
if life itself must be a sacrifice. The privileges of this meeting 
had passed, and my object was not attained. How insecure 
and wretched did I then feel myself to be ! One day, with 
a journey of sixty miles, brought me to another meeting of 
the same character as the former. Through the privileges 
of this, I passed in like exercises, until nearly the last day 
of social exercises there. Increased inclinations to despair 
of becoming free from the bondage of sin, with a dread un- 
told of a future life, long or short, without holiness, produced 
emotions unutterable. Not the excitement of the exercises 
of others did I seek, but close and convincing teaching. I 
now found that I had gained nothing by long seeking, and by 
my repeated trials to get the YiQd^ri placed aright. I seemed 
now farther from the salvation than at any moment before. 
While feeling that the point of decision must soon turn in 
general despair or victory, I called the promise to mind, 
"believe that ye have the things ye ask," &c., and asked, 
can it be that it should be taken coldly, intellectually ? would 
it, could it be thus ? I saw my infidelity in this ; decided to 
do it, hazarding all, for no other resort did I know ; all else 
had come short. I took the blessed Book, turned to the 
promise, retired where no human eye was seeing, no human 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 389 

eai was hearing ; knelt, holding forth the hand of faith ; re- 
solving intellectually to believe it, to continue to believe it, 
and yet believe irrespective of emotion ; for my emotions 
now seemed dead ; I must take it thus, or have it not at all. 
One half hour, and yet without perceptive change ; constant 
intellectual exercise of counting myself dead to sin, and free 
therefrom, as I performed the condition required for it; 
(which is the simple believing, in itself,) without my evidence 
of it, save the veracity of him who had promised ; — believ- 
ing absolutely, hoping against hope, with an elBTort to remem- 
ber the Father is ever the same, the Fountain for cleansing, 
opened by the crucified Jesus, ever the same. A long time 
elapsed, and I had yet to say, coldly intellectual yet I will, I 
do believe. Now a resting of spirit I began to realize, as I 
forgot self, while gazing at Christ ; remembering, when we 
cease from our own works, (or efforts,) we enter into rest, the 
rest of faith. And lo ! the darkness is gone ! the way is 
clear ! all was done by my Lord, and had been done since 
the promised redemption, would I only " believe unto right- 
eousness." Then, in a sense not known to me before, did I 
feel '' the sacred awe that dares not move, and all the silent 
heaven of love." All is Grod^ was my spirit's language. It 
is enough ! All is well ! Salvation ! Self is gone and 
Christ liveth ! Deep, unbroken, hallowed peace, with a silent 
triumph filled the soul, and more and more so, while confes- 
sion was made thereof. Having received Christ Jesus by 
faith, my purpose Avas and is, so to walk in Him. (By faith 
we stand, by the moment ! How dependent ! Every moment 
the blood of sprinkling we believe for, by which we have ac- 
ceptance.) Having, with all His creatures, the constant aid 
of divine grace, irrespective of sight, my soul shall ever as- 
cend in faith ; though it sometimes be upon the naked arm 
of absolute believing. Thanks be unto God who giveth the 
33* 



390 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

present victory^ through our Lord Jesus Christ ! So let it 
be! 



In giving an account, in the August number of the Guide, 
of my experience in the " narrow way," I briefly spoke of 
certain errors ; thinking that some one might be benefitted 
by the mention of them. Some of those errors I will now 
more particularly refer to ; for, once, twice and thrice, I have 
found myself pursuing a course, which, if long followed, 
though in a deep sincerity, would have proved, in the result, 
fatal to my object. At one time, less than one year after 
my entering a state of perfect faith and love, my feelings were 
deeply excited in view of the destruction awaiting the thought- 
less, soul-neglecting multitude ; so that it was a subject of 
wonder that I had previously felt their case* no more. Ac- 
cordingly, upon this point I fastened my mind, renewing and 
repeating my petition to my heavenly Father, — to bestoT\ 
upon me as deep a sense of their state as I could bear and 
live, in order that my spirit might be so exercised in behalf 
of souls exposed to everlasting destruction, as henceforth to 
feel unutterable promptings to labor unceasingly for their 
rescue. In this strain I continued to supplicate ; grasping, 
as it were, infinity of feeling upon this point ; not once think- 
ing of the possibility of not being approbated by Him who 
knew my object was, to be prepared to labor for the greatest 
good of the greatest number of my kindred travellers. ! 
for a deep and close view of the awful" end of the wicked," 
to be constantly before me, was the cry of my heart. My 
Father, who doeth all things in wisdom, and maketh even 
our very errors lead to wisdom, if the he^t be wholly conse- 
crated to Him, took me at my word : my spirit trembled at 



THE KICHES OF GRACE. 391 

the \ieM' which He gave me ; my heart quaked. My soul, 
deeply oppressed, got utterance only in bewailings andlament- 
ings. Language I could not use. In society I could do 
nothing, for presence of mind had nearly gone ; and in re- 
tirement, nothing was accomplished. Days passed. The 
brain became feverish ; the nerves tremulous ; the whole sys- 
tem prostrated. Yet so absorbed, and utterly absorbed was 
my mind in the view which had been presented to me, that I 
thought not of the cause of this physical debility, and mental 
confusion, until after receiving the instructions and admoni- 
tions of a Christian friend. At that moment my eyes were 
opened, and I saw something of the import of my ill-judged 
prayer. Astonished, deeply humbled, I now must look up 
for the blood of sprinkling, that the error be laid not to my 
charge ; henceforth, saying. Give as Thou m\t ; — as much, 
or as little, of this or that sensation ; for I have no ivisdom 
with which to come to Thee. Amen! 

Notwithstanding, in this case, I had forgotten my resi- 
dence in a house of clay, and was brought to remember 
it, by learning that I had asked a degree of feeling which 
would unfit, instead of preparing me for the work so desir- 
able, I again proved my liability to fall into other errors of a 
similar kind. While yet in the first year of mj experience 
in the deeper things of God, I was impressed that I had not 
received the baptism of the Holy Ghost as mortal might re- 
ceive ; as others had received. So, for this, particularly, I 
set my heart ; that I might be better prepared to labor with 
power and effect. Night and day, at morn, and the midnight 
hour, I plead for this until my petition for it took the place 
of all those which I was accustomed to offer other things. I 
hardly need say here, that in this case I lacked discernment ; 
not thinking that I had, perhaps, already as much as I could 
bear. For some time, my pining spirit sighed for that it did 



Q 



92 THE RICHES OF GRACE, 



not understand, or the entire effect of which it had no con- 
ception of, until its zeal for this obscured the blessings 
already possessed, — a sense of purity and peace. Here, I 
saw, n2Lj,felt, the strugglings in which I once verged on de- 
spair ; and now, by this intimation, I saw myself stepping 
upon critical ground. Ignorance ! Blindness ! were my ap- 
propriate exclamations. Lord Jesus! what, and how much 
shall I ask ? The holy Sabbath came. My morning and 
retired exercises were indescribable. During church service 
nothing touched my case ; no light shone upon that point, 
until, when at the library with my Sabbath scholars, an 
angel of mercy came for my strengthening — my rescue. 
Its form was " Fletcher on Christian Perfection." The 
most emphatic words which I heard at that time, I will 
quote. (He spoke as if one with us at the time) : " Do 
not confound Angelical with Christian perfection. Uninter- 
rupted transports of praise, and ceaseless raptures of joy, do 
not belong to Christian, but to Angelical perfection. Our 
feeble frame can bear but a few drops of that glorious cup. 
In general, that new wine is too strong for our old bottles • 
that power is too excellent for our earthen cracked vessels 
but, weak as they are, they can bear a fullness of meekness, 
of resignation, of humility, and of that love which is willing 
to obey unto death. If God indulges you with ecstacies 
and extraordinary revelations, be thankful for them; be 
not exalted above measure by them ; take care, lest enthusi- 
astic delusions mix themselves with them; and remember 
that your Christian perfection does not so much consist in 
building a tabernacle upon Mount Tabor, and enjoying rare 
sights there, as in resolutely taking up the cross, and fol- 
lowing Christ to the palace of a proud Caiaphas, — to the 
judgment-hall of an unjust Pilate, and to the top of an igno- 
minious Calvary. You never read in your Bible, Let that 



I 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 393 

glory be upon you which was also upon St. Stephen, when he 
looked stedfastly into heaven and said, ' Behold I see the 
heavens opened, and the Son of man standing on the right 
hand of God.' But you have frequently read there, ' Let 
that mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who 
made himself of no reputation, took upon him the form of a 
servant, and being found in fashion as a man, humbled him- 
self and became obedient unto death, even the death of the 
Cross.'" — At this, my waiting spirit cried, Amen ! and 
amen! 



EXPERIENCE LV. 



It is more than two years since my mind became much in- 
terested in the subject of personal holiness — a subject to 
which, at that time, the attention of the religious community 
was particularly directed. I was entirely dissatisfied with 
the attainments I had made in religion, and fully aware that 
I was not living wholly for Christ — that there was too much 
conformity to the world, and too Httle of the " fruits of the 
Spirit" manifest in my life. My soul thirsted for holiness, 
as the only means of usefulness or happiness, and I sought 
it earnestly in prayer. I obtained at that time increased near- 
ness to God and uncommon peace of mind, which I enjoyed 
for several weeks — but it was not abiding. A few months 
after, at a religious meeting, I became acquainted with the 
experience of some who professed sanctification. Being my- 
self of the Congregational order, the subject was in a great 
measure new to me. I was deeply afiected with the state- 
ments made of their religious exercises, and felt that such a 
work of grace as they described was just what I needed, 
and entirely beyond any thing I had experienced. From 
this time I became much interested to inform myself respect- 
ing the doctrine of " Christian Perfection," and examined 
the Scriptures and other books in reference to it, having my 

394 



THE EICHES OF GRACE. 895 

heart mucli set on obtaining the victory over sin, if such were 
my privilege. I found much encouragement to enlarge my 
desires, from the precious promises of the Bible ; and de- 
termined never to rest till I could appropriate to myself the 
language of Paul, " I am crucified with Christ ; nevertheless 
I live ; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me,^^ My hungerings 
after righteousness were greatly increased, and also my hopes 
in regard to it, by reading the Memoir of J. B. Taylor. 
As I contemplated his elevated piety and exalted joys, my 
whole soul panted for hke attainments ; yet, notwithstanding 
my efibrts, I seemed, for a while, "nothing bettered, but 
rather grew worse." 

After the lapse of several months a revival commenced 
among us, and my anxiety for advancement in holiness in- 
creased. I felt that I was unprepared to labor for the con- 
version of others till my own soul should be set at liberty, 
and that my first duty was to myself. My mind became 
exceedinglj^ burdened. I was convinced that I must make 
a new and entire consecration of myself to God, yet shrunk 
from such a total surrender. I sometimes felt that if the 
Lord would make some communication to my soul, as a 
pledge that he was ready to meet me, and would grant 
sufl&cient grace, in case I entered into such solemn covenant 
to be his, I could then venture to engage to live henceforth 
for him alone ; but, through weakness of faith, I dared not 
venture forward upon his naked promise. No such aid to 
my faith, however, was granted me. I saw that the surren- 
der must be unconditional, and became overwhelmed with 
the intensity of my feelings. In this state, having retired 
one evening for prayer, I deliberately surveyed the whole 
subject of an entire consecration to Christ — counted the cost 
and laid the peculiar difficulties, which I apprehended in my 
own case, before the Lord — and then, as I believe, by the 



396 THE RICHES OE GRACE. 

help of God, surrendered myself to him, without reserve, 
to be his for ever. I arose from prayer relieved of the bur- 
den which had oppressed me ; but my mind, though calm and 
peaceful, was shrouded in darkness, and scarce a ray of 
light gleamed across my path. Nearly the same state of 
my mind continued through the succeeding day ; yet I had 
reason to believe that God was with me, granting me unusual 
aid against temptation. The next day there was a great in- 
crease of my peace. I found my faith much strengthened, 
and felt satisfied that God was with me of a truth, and that 
he had accepted the sacrifice which he had enabled me to 
make. The day following, which was Sabbath, the little 
rivulet of my peace had swelled to a river, and my heart 
was filled with the love of God. I had a dehghtful conscious- 
ness of his presence, and was so absorbed in holy contempla- 
tion and communion with my Savior, as scarcely to be sensible 
*of what was passing around me. I was remarkably assisted 
in every duty, and the hours glided sweetly by. Thus my 
evidence of acceptance, and my joy in the Lord, increased 
daily. I had little disposition for food or sleep ; and during 
the wakeful hours of night, quite unlike to my former experi- 
ence, my mind was intensely occupied with devout medita- 
tion and prayer. 

As weeks and months passed by, I discovered more and 
more the value of the blessing I had received. I continued 
to enjoy a sweet serenity of soul, a calm submission to the 
will of God, and trust in his fatherly care, (which shielded me 
from every thing like anxiety or disappointment,) an abiding 
sense of his presence, and access to him free and delightful 
as that of a child to a parent. I found his yoke indeed easy 
and his burden light, beyond what I had ever understood 
before ; and was taught by daily experience, that " wisdom's 
ways are ways of pleasantness and all her paths are peace." 



I 



THE RICHES OE GRACE. 397 

At two or three different times, in mj past life, (for I had 
been a professor of reUgion thirteen years,) I had walked 
with God and enjojed great peace of mind for some days or 
perhaps weeks together ; but had always suffered much fear 
of soon losing the narrow path — which fear had, in every 
instance, been realized — but now, I had such filial confi- 
dence in God, such love, as almost cast .out fear. He seem- 
ed to me not hke a hard master, watching for my halting, but 
a loving father, always ready to lend his aid, and better to 
me continually than my expectations ; and his goodness, so 
abundantly manifested, drew from my heart corresponding 
returns of love and gratitude to him, such as I never knew 
before. I felt that I could make any sacrifice for his sake, 
and should " rejoice to be counted worthy to suffer shame for 
his name." I could cheerfully renounce the world, and the 
good opinion even of those whose esteem I had most highly 
valued, when it came in competition with my Savior's love. 
I was willing to incur reproach and have my name cast out 
as evil ; yea, to be counted a fool, if necessary, for Christ's 
sake — and delighted to pledge myself anew from day to 
day, to perform any service to which he should call me. 

It is now not far from a year since I received this great 
blessing, and I feel that I can never sufficiently praise the 
Lord for what he has done for me. I have ever since abode 
under the shadow of the Almighty, and had constant experi- 
ence of his faithfulness and loving kindness. Surely it is 
not a vain thing to serve God. He still voixchsafes to me his 
presence, and an abiding, blissful peace, which is indescribar 
ble. I have passed through some seasons of severe trial, 
being in great " heaviness through manifold temptations ; "' 
but at such times I have been distinctly conscious of divine 
support ; there has been a deep-seated tranquiUity, which I 
think has never left me, and an unwavering confidence in the 
34 



398 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

love of God, which has sometimes enabled me to bless and 
praise him, from my inmost soul, for his dealings with me, 
even while his hand was heavy upon me. I could adopt, as 
never before, the beautiful language of the psalmist, '^ Why 
art thou cast down, my soul ? hope thou in God, for I shall 
yet praise him,^^ I recur with gratitude to the memorable 
day to which I have referred, as the time when my feet were 
taken from the miry clay and set upon a rock ; when I was 
enabled to present myself " a living sacrifice " to God, 
henceforth to be wholly devoted to his service. Since then, 
I think I have felt continually that I am not my own, and 
have sought to glorify God in my '' body and spirit, which 
are his. " I have kept in view the direction, " "Whether ye 
eat or drink, or whatever ye do, do all to the glory of God ; " 
and have felt that it is perfectly practicable, by the help of 
God, to obey this command. I have loved daily to repeat my 
vows to be the Lord's ; and my heart has responded, to the 
words of the psalmist, " Whom have I in heaven but thee ? 
and there is none on earth that I desire beside thee." 
I have been led to seek the guidance of the Spirit in all my 
concerns — temporal and spiritual — and have learned how 
sweet it is to cast all my care on him who careth for me. 
The most prominent feature of my experience has been a 
cordial submission in all things to the will of God ; which, 
together with a clear perception of his overruling providence, 
even in the most minute events, has reconciled me to every 
situation, and produced, at all times, that contented mind 
which is " a continual feast." I have often been surprised at 
the strength afforded me against temptation, and have some- 
times felt 4hat I had nothing to do but '' to stand still and see 
the salvation of God." Since I have learned to look simply 
to Christ for grace, instead of depending, in a great measure, 
on my own efforts, I find it is very easy for him to work tha 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 399 

in me which I had been vainlj seeking for years, (though 
not aware at the time of my self-dependence,) to effect in 
myself; and since his gracious interpositions bring new evi- 
dence of his love and faithfulness, I do, with St. Paul, 
" glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest 
upon me." It is my constant prayer that I may grow in the 
knowledge of Jesus Christ ; for I have learned, more than 
ever before, that in him is all my salvation ; that he is an 
overflowing fountain, and his fullness a mine of inexhaustible 
wealth to those who believe in him. 

In all past years, there has been, at times, an aching void 
in my heart, which nothing on earth could fill ; but since the 
date of my recent experience, I have not for a moment been 
conscious of that painful sense of want, but have ever found 
the promise verified, " Whosoever drinketh of the water that 
I shall give him, shall never thirst ; but the water that I shall 
give him, shall be in him a well of water springing up into 
everlasting life." 

While I thus recur with gratitude to the past, I would by 
no means rest in present attainments. It is the height of 
my ambition to press forward in the heavenly race — to get 
clearer views of the glory of the Savior, and thereby be 
" changed into the same image, from glory to glory, as by 
the Spirit of the Lord." 

It may be that these professions may expose me to the 
charge of boasting ; but, could the accuser look, as God 
does, at the heart, I think he would see his mistake ; boasting 
is excluded — by the law, not of works, but of faith. I see 
this far more clearly than when I was under the dominion of 
a legal spirit ; and so deep is my sense of obligation to rich, 
unmerited grace, that I can hardly conceive of being so mis- 
understood. It will be found, I think, that where man may 
judge thus harshly, God sees only the prompfmgs of duty, 



400 THE RICHES OF GRACE, 

and a desire to bear some feeble testimony for Christ, that 
others may be induced to drink at the same fountain, and 
secure for themselves a like blessing. The poor, helpless 
orphan, that should tell to his companion in misery the story 
of another's generosity, who had supplied all his wants 
without money or price, and was ready to do the same 
for him, would hardly be accused of boasting. It w^ould 
seem that gratitude to his benefactor, and a benevolent 
desire for the happiness of his friend, must prompt to such 
a course. 

It is in the hope that my humble testimony to the freeness 
of divine grace, bestowed on me, most unworthy, may be 
the means of encouraging some poor, famishing soul to 
avail himself of the fullness of Christ, that I make this 
communication. It is my sincere desire and fervent prayer 
that the church may arise and shine, clothed in her Re- 
deemer's righteousness, that the lives of its members may 
be, in all respects, consistent with their professions. Then 
will the grand obstacle to the progress of religion be re- 
moved, when all who profess to live under its influence, 
shall feel and exhibit its power ; then, also, will complaints 
of coldness and unfruitfulness be exchanged for the cheer- 
ing words of the apostle, " Our rejoicing is this, the testimo- 
ny of our conscience, that in simplicity and godly sincerity, 
not with fleshly wisdom, but by the grace of God, we have 
our conversation in the world." 



I 



EXPERIENCE LVI. 



When about sixteen years of age, I trust that God, for 
Christ's sake, forgave my sins. I neglected to connect my- 
self with any church, until about a year afterwards ; I then 
joined the M. E. Church. The situation in which I was then 
placed was any thing but favorable to my advancement in the 
cause of piety. I was surrounded by youthful associates, 
who regarded not the things of religion, and, although not 
openly vicious, were filled with pride and vanity. It is not 
much to be wondered at, that I soon declined into a state of 
coldness and inactivity. I offer this not as an apology, for 
young as I then was, I well knew, that let others do as they 
might, it was my duty to live soberly and righteously. Some 
months after, I was baptized ; and this, I believe, was the 
beginning of better days with me. My minister enjoyed 
the blessing, and was instant in urging it upon the church, 
I believe that from him I heard the jir^t sermon that I ever 
heard upon the subject. To me, it was a convincing one. I 
immediately became convinced that this was something 
which I did not enjoy. I began to search my Bible, to 
converse with Christians, and to pray much upon the subject. 
In my Bible I read, "Without holiness no man shall see the 
34* 401 



402 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

Lord ; " and again, " Be ye holy," &c. Many of my Chris- 
tian friends exhorted me to strive to become holy, and the 
Spirit of God whispered, while I prayed in secret, " Thou 
art called unto holiness." 

I had, in common with many others, conceived the opinion, 
that this blessing was only to be enjoyed by persons of such 
master minds as were possessed by a Wesley, a Bramwell, a 
Fletcher, and others equally great and renowned ; and had, 
therefore, as too many are now doing, satisfied myself with 
a medium share of enjoyment. When I heard brother B. 
urge upon each individual member of the church, to seek 
for entire holiness of heart, and heard many of the brothers 
and sisters tell how the blood of Jesus, as applied to their 
hearts, washed from." all sin," I was, as before observed, 
convicted, and cried unto the Lord in the bitterness of my 
soul, to make me also, entirely His. My friends all took a 
deep interest in my case, especially my sister-in4aw, with 
whom I boarded; and often did she urge my suit at the 
throne of grace, and earnestly entreat, that my youthful 
soul might be filled with the fullness of that gospel, which 
had so effectually saved her. But, notwithstanding all the 
exertions of myself and friends, my trouble of mind daily 
increased. Many, who were fellow seekers with me, step- 
ped into the pool, and were healed. I wept — I prayed — I 
struggled — I agonized. It seemed to me that I must feel 
more pungent grief, have greater sorrow for past coldness, 
before I could be 

"Plung'd in the. ocean of his love." 

But when, after many days of trial to prepare myself for the 
blessing, I gave up in despair of success ; then it was, that 
God made my extremity his glorious opportunity. It was at 
one of my stated seasons for secret prayer. Never did I 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 403 

feel as I then felt. All my interests for time and eternity, 
seemed to hang upon that moment. My feelings became 
every moment more and more intense ; the earth receded ; 
the heavens lowered ; my faith grew stronger ; until, at last, 
losing sight of self, and grasping with the firm grasp of faith 
upon the promises of God, I could say — 

" Here, Lord, I give myself away, 
'T is all that T can do." 

That struggle sealed my victory. In a moment, 0, how 
changed ! Love flowed into my heart like a river ; every 
feeling and passion seemed changed, and, in the sentiment 
of the poet, I could cry — 

" For ever here my rest shall be, 
Close to thy bleeding side." 

My prayer was turned to praise, and had I been in possession 
of ten thousand souls I should have given them all to Jesus, 
so lovely, so exceedingly beautiful did he appear. 

Since then I have passed through various scenes ; I have 
been variously circumstanced and tried ; but whenever I 
have put my trust in the Lord, I have ever found him a 
" present help." Praise God for the fullness, the freeness, 
and preciousness of the Gospel. I have not had continually 
the witness of my full acceptance, but most of the time I 
have been able to hold the blessing as I received it — by 
simple faith in Christ. 

It rejoices my heart to hear of so many who have received 
this priceless pearl ; but when, 0, when, will the church be 
freed from the very appearance of evil. May God in mercy 
speed the time ! Then will cease all strife and contention. 
Then, and not till then, will the church be able to exert a 



404 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

holy and salutary influence upon community; and Chris- 
tianity be wiped of a stain which has long stigmatized and 
debased her. Brethren, enlist anew in the ranks of Christ, 
and come up to the help of the Lord of hosts, against the 
mighty. 



EXPERIENCE LVII. 



At the age of 17 years, I was led, as I trust, to give my 
heart to God, and obtain an interest in the blood of Christ. 
I did not obtain a very clear evidence of my acceptance with 
God at the time, and consequently did not acknowledge him 
before the world till two years afterward, when I was again 
visited by the Spirit of God and brought to feel that duty 
required me to come out from the world, and publicly ac- 
knowledge myself on the Lord's side. I did so, but supposed 
that when that was done, nothing more was required of me 
than to maintain what was then called a consistent life, at- 
tend the public worship of God, and to attend to the ordinan- 
ces of his house, and maintain secret prayer. I had no idea 
that to be a consistent Christian, God required me to live an 
entirely holy life. I had been taught to believe that Chris- 
tians in their best estate were constantly sinning and repent- 
ing. I compared myself with others who were older, and 
while I heard them complaining of sin, and expressing doubts 
of their acceptance with God, I was not aware that such 
things were inconsistent with the Christian character. 

Consequently, (as might be expected,) I had very little 
real enjoyment. At times the Lord would visit me by the 
influences of his Spirit, and grant me a short season of re- 

405 



406 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

freshing from his presence, but not having been taught that 
it was my privilege to go on. unto perfection, but that such 
seasons could not be expected to continue long, and that 
darkness and stupiditj^- must follow of course, I was left to 
grieve the Spirit, and these visits were usually of short dura- 
tion. Thus I lived with very little of the sensible presence 
of my God, and of course doing very little in his service, for 
ten or twelve years. 

Then God, in his mercy, led me to feel that he required 
vastly more of me as a Christian than I had ever rendered 
to him. I had, for some time, felt an ardent desire to be 
useful, and with this feeling I had assumed the responsibili- 
ties of teaching. I now felt that I was exerting an influence 
upon immortal minds that w^ould be lasting as eternity. I 
felt, too, that I was not in a situation to do the good that was 
required of me there, while I was conscious of so much sin 
in my own heart. 

It appeared to me that I could not hope to influence others 
to put away sin till I was freed from it myself. I began to 
enquire : is there no Avay to escape this thraldom of sin ? 
Has not God provided a way of escape ? I looked at my 
past life. I felt that I had been enabled by grace to over- 
come, in some degree, my most easily besetting sins ; yet I 
still felt their blighting influence, and longed to be delivered 
from it entirely. I began to reason in this way : if grace 
has been given to overcome in part, may I not hope for a 
sufficient supply to overcome wholly ? I went to the Bible 
to see if I could find any thing there to authorize me to go to 
God and ask for deliverance from sin. I there read this pas- 
sage, " The blood of Jesus Christ, his Son, clcanseth us from 
all sin ; " and again, " If w^e confess our sins he is faithful 
and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all un- 
righteousness," and many other such like passages. I con- 



i 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 407 

tinued to read, and tlie more I read the more I felt the neces- 
sity of holiness of heart. 

While in this state of mind, God, in his providence, led 
me where I spent a few weeks with those who believed that 
Christians need not wait till death to be delivered from the 
power of sin. I obtained all the information I could upon 
the subject, and went to the Bible to see if it would agree 
with these sentiments which I had heard. I went to my 
closet to plead for the teachings of the Spirit, and after a 
long and prayerful examination, I became convinced that God 
did require of his children entire consecration to his service, 
and that he had made ample provision for deliverance from 
sin. I felt that the claims of God were upon me, and that 
nothing short of full salvation from all sin, would satisfy the 
longing desires of my mind. 

The question was then presented to my mind with consid- 
erable force : should you receive the blessing, would you be 
willing to go home and acknowledge it in the church ? I 
felt that the repulse that I should meet with would be such 
that I could not. I continued to pray ; I tried to plead the 
promises, but could not claim them as my own. Still this 
question would be presented : will you go home and profess 
it ? I at length came to this decision : if duty seems to re- 
quire it^ I will. The Lord then spoke peace to my soul, and 
I was permitted to enjoy such sweet communion with him as 
I had never before enjoyed. I felt that T had near access to 
the throne of grace ; I could then claim the promises as my 
own. This state of mind continued for some weeks, during 
which I returned home. I was soon placed where I felt that 
duty required me to own w^hat the Lord had done for me. 
I made some remarks leading to this subject, and was met 
with such a repulse that I could go no farther. I very 
soon lost much of the enjoyment I had possessed. I could 



408 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

not gain that near access to the throne which I had enjoyed 
before. 

Since the time my mind has been vacillating. I have never 
been suffered to disbelieve this precious doctrine, neither have 
I seen the time when I did not feel its importance. I have 
ever felt that nothing short of this could qualify me for use- 
fulness in the world, and this I felt to be the most ardent de- 
sire of my soul. 

Something like a year and a half ago I commenced taking 
the Oberlin Evangelist. I found the doctrines there advo- 
cated to be food to my soul, yet I felt that I was living far 
below what was there held to be the privilege of the Chris- 
tian, and consequently I was not in a situation to do the good 
that was required of me in the world. I sometimes felt that 
I could not live in that state, and yet the influence under 
which I was placed was such, that hope was almost entirely 
excluded. 

Since that time, God, in his providence, has removed me 
for a time from that influence, and placed me in more favor- 
able circumstances. As soon as I found myself thus situa- 
ted, I began to feel that now is the time for me to seek and 
obtain this great blessing. My mind was immediately direct- 
ed back to the church of which I am a member. I felt that 
the claims of God were still upon me, and I should yet be 
required to proclaim to them what God had done for me. 

I felt that I had consecrated mv all to the service of God. 
I now felt that I could most heartily renew this consecration, 
and lay all upon the altar of God, to be disposed of just as 
he pleased, yet I wanted faith to -believe that he had accept- 
ed the sacrifice. While under the influence of such feelings 
I commenced attending a protracted meeting where God was 
pouring out his Spirit and converting souls to himself. I 
went there v/ith the resolution to try to obtain, if possible, 



I 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 409 

this great blessing, thinking that I could not labor success- 
fully for the salvation of others till I had the evidence cf this 
in my own heart. I had been there but a little v/hile, when 
the Lord laid on me a burden for souls, and I felt that I must 
lay aside all anxiety about myself and begin to labor and pray 
for the salvation of others. While thus engaged in praying 
for another, the Lord met me and abundantly blessed my own 
soul. I felt sweetly constrained to cast all my burden upon 
him and to say, Lord, if thou canst use such a worthless worm 
for thy glory, use me in any way or in any place that thou 
pleasest, only glorify thyself in the salvation of souls. A 
sweet peace flowed into my soul, and I seemed to launch out 
into the ocean of boundless love. I felt that I could and 
would rejoice in the Lord and joy in the God of my salvation. 
But language fails me to express what I then felt ; suffice it 
to say, I rejoice that God has provided a way for the salvation 
of his people from sin, even here. I rejoice, too, that he has 
raised up those who are willing to go forth and proclaim to 
the world a full salvation from all sin. My prayer is, that he 
would continue to raise up and send forth such laborers, 
until the blessedness of their doctrine shall be known and 
felt through the length and breadth of the land. 

35 



EXPERIENCE LVIII. 



Having been blessed with pious parents, I was taught 
from my earhest childhood to regard the Bible as the word 
of God, written by " inspiration, and profitable for doctrine, 
for reproof, for correction, and for instruction in righteous- 
ness." And from that book, together with what I was taught 
by my parents, I early learned that I was a sinner against 
God ; and in order to be saved and reconciled to him, I must 
have a new heart and a right spirit. For this end I often 
raised my desires in secret to him who " seeth in secret," 
and prayed that he might reward me openly. And thus, for 
many years (not being " almost and altogether " persuaded 
to become a Christian, but preferring the enjoyment of this 
life and the pleasures of sin for a season,) I lived, alternate- 
ly sinning and repenting, repenting and sinning. This kind 
of repentance I have since learned was not true repentance. 
It was not that which needeth not to be repented of. 0, how 
can I but love and adore that Being who was so good, so 
kind, so merciful and long-sufiering towards me, not willing 
that I should perish, but desirous that I should be brought 
into the knowledge and love of the truth. About a year 
since, where I reside, there seemed to be a general feeling 
upon the subject of religion, and I felt again called upon, as 

410 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 411 

if it were the last time, to make a surrender of myself to 
God — to give up all for Christ. All my sins were arrayed 
before me. I then felt that I was indeed and in truth poor 
and needy, wretched and undone. But thanks be to God, 
by the assistance of the Holy Spirit, I was enabled to see 
that there was " help laid upon one that was mighty," and 
that there was one who was able and willing to save, even 
unto the uttermost. It was then, I laid down my weapons 
of rebellion — then I gave my heart to the Savior. And 0, 
what peace, what joy in believing ! For some time I was 
wiUing to leave this world and all who were near and dear to 
me here. Yea, I was more than wilhng ; I longed to " de- 
part and be with Christ," which I considered far better. I 
prayed, I gave thanks, I rejoiced and trusted in the Lord 
with my whole heart. It was then I could say, " I've given 
all for Christ, He's my all." But 0, the sin of ingratitude, 
and the sin of unbelief! The former has slain its thousands, 
the latter its tens of thousands ! From what I was told by 
all, I was led to fear that I should not, and that no one 
could always live in this state of mind. So the deacon be- 
lieved, the pastor believed, and the church believed, and 
how could I doubt but what all said must be true. It proved 
true in my case. For the moment I began to doubt, I was 
in darkness — I lost my " first love." Not long after this, 
while conversing with a young lady of my acquaintance, who 
had experienced a like change with myself, I was asked in 
an inquiring manner, if I thought it was the duty of Chris- 
tians to pray to be freed from all sin. I replied at once — 
It is our indispensible duty — it should be the constant desire 
of our hearts. " Why is it ? You do not believe we shall, 
or can be in this life, and how can it be our duty ? Certain- 
ly we cannot ask in faith, and whatsoever is not of faith is 
sin," was her reply. These few words, spoken, as I suppose 



412 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

they were 5 with great sincerity of heart, bore with much 
weight upon my mind. And from that time I was led to 
make dihgent search in the Scriptures of divine truth, deter- 
mined if possible, to know the will of the Lord, and to see 
what provisions were made in the gospel for our redemp- 
tion and deliverance from the effects, the power and domin- 
ion of sin. Although I had heard but little in regard to the 
doctrine of holiness, yet I must say I was somewhat preju- 
diced against it. But when I came with an honest and sin- 
cere heart, desirous to know the truth — what was actually 
taught in the Bible — how different it appeared. It was to 
me a new book. I there learned that God required " truth in 
the inward parts " — that he was satisfied with nothing short 
of the whole heart — that it was his will I should be holy even 
as he is holy, and that " without holiness no man shall see the 
Lord." From this time I began to be more and more desir- 
ous of making an unreserved surrender of myself to God, 
for time and for eternity. But often would I find on exami- 
nation, that my observance of the Sabbath, attendance on 
public worship, secret prayers and devotions, were almost if 
not altogether from selfish motives. They were observed 
and performed that I might receive a blessing, and eventual- 
ly be brought into the kingdom. I found, too, that I was 
not fully reconciled to the will of God — not praying as 
Christ had taught, viz : " Thy kingdom come, thy will be 
done," but was setting up my will in opposition to the will of 
God. The more I learned of the sinfulness and depravity 
of my own heart, the more frequent and fervent were my 
prayers that the Lord would " forgive my sins, and cleanse 
me from all unrighteousness." It was now, in preference to 
all things else, my prayer in the morning, my desire in the 
evening, that the Lord would '' search me and know my 
heart, try me and know my thoughts, and see if there be 



i 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 413 

any -wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." 
It was a source of much grief to find within me a selfish dis- 
position — a sinful heart of unbelief, not wholly in subjection 
to the will of Grod. From day to day my prayer was, 
" Create in me a clean heart, God, and renew a right spirit 
within me." Thus I prayed for months, and desired the bless- 
ing which I was satisfied God alone could bestow, until, about 
two months since, after returning from a social meeting in the 
evening, I took the Bible and read with uncommon interest, 
believing it to be in truth what God had said, and what he 
still says by his Holy Spirit; " Look unto me, and be ye 
saved, all the ends of the earth, for I am God, and there is 
none else. Believe on the Lord Jesus and thou shalt be 
saved, and thy sins and iniquities will I remember no more." 
My heart with raptures replied, " Lord, I believe, help mine 
unbelief." I heard, as if it were the still small voice, saying, 
" My grace is sufficient for thee — I am thine and thou art 
mine — there is no condemnation to them that are in Christ 
Jesus — they are freely forgiven all trespasses — they are 
justified from all things — their sins and iniquities will I re- 
member no more." These, I replied, are the immutable 
words of truth. They cannot be broken. 0, my soul, trust 
thou in them. Believe without doubt or wavering — with- 
draw not thy confidence. I will trust and not be afraid. I 
do believe all that the Lord hath spoken. He will do all that 
he hath promised. " The Lord is my strength and song, 
and he is become my salvation. In him will I put my trust." 
Here I found peace and consolation to my soul which I had 
never before enjoyed — a peace which indeed " passeth all 
understanding." I now became satisfied that the Father 
was perfectly reconciled, not for any works of righteousness 
which I had done, but through the life and death of his Son, 
giving me as a free gift, the benefits of his life and death, 
35* 



414 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

and putting me into possession bj believing. Bless the Lord, 
mj soul, and all that is within me praise him for the exceed- 
ing riches of his love. What a mercy it is that he has 
brought me into this way of peace ! Lord, may I ever 
believe, may lever trust in the merits of thy Son — take 
encouragement from thy blessed word. Find what consola- 
tion it gives : " Having, therefore, brethren, boldness to en- 
ter into the holiest by the blood of Jesus, by that new and 
living way, which he hath consecrated for us, through the 
vail, that is to say his flesh, and having an high-priest over 
the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart, in full 
assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil 
conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water." What 
perfect peace is here proclaimed to the children of God ! — 
Having been separated from Him by sin, but now having 
access through his Son. This is indeed a " new and living 
way," in opposition to the old way of works. All that are 
alive to God live by faith of the Son of God. I speak the 
truth in Christ, I lie not, my conscience bearing me witness 
in the Holy Ghost, that being justified by faith, I have found 
peace and free access to a reconciled God. We are agreed, 
and now I desire to walk with him. He is my Father, and 
has towards me as his offspring, the most tender affection. I 
ought not, it would be base in me to question it, since he has 
shed his love abroad in my heart by the Holy Ghost, who 
has made me of one mind and of one heart with himself. 
These are the fruits of the Father's covenant, grace, and 
everlasting favor. 0, what exceeding riches of love are 
these ! If I would declare and speak of them, they are 
more than can be numbered. And now, what more shall I 
say ? I feel an abiding peace and consolation, a nearness to 
my Savior which I never felt before. At times, it is true, I 
am tried, but not forsaken ; and, as if it were cast down, but 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 415 

not destroyed. My Savior is ever round about me — a very 
►present help in time of trouble. It is my desire to " give to 
the Father praise, and glory to his Son ; " for I know that I 
have been blessed, greatly, wonderfully blessed, by him. 
And to his honor, to the praise of his great and adorable 
name would I say it. I am satisfied that I have been kept, 
and must still continue to be kept by grace through faith, 
" and that not of myself, it is the gift of God." And what 
more can I ask ? 0, my Father, thou hast said, " My 
grace is suflScient for thee." I trust, I believe thy word — 
all that thou hast said. I trust in thee, and thee alone. For- 
bid that I should ever trust in any being or power e2L0<'pt 
thine own self, for thou art my strength and my Redeei*\i'/. 



EXPEJaiENCE LIX. 



I HAVE perused a few numbers of the Gruide^ by which 
I have been both edified and blessed. I saw a number some 
time since, and read upon the cover, " We are in special 
want of matter for the Guide." I felt impressed to con- 
tribute for the promotion of holiness, my own experience. A 
suggestion arose. It would do no good in such a glorious 
cause : consequently I concluded to be silent. But after 
more mature deliberation and prayer, I felt conscious God 
had done much for me, and if it were possible, I ought to 
promote his cause by confessing " the blood of Christ had 
cleansed me from all sin." I turned to my diary, from which 
I make the following extracts : — 

January^ 1836. — During this revival, quite a large num- 
ber were converted. My own soul was often like " a well 
watered garden." I longed to be spent in the vineyard of 
the Lord. But 0, the longings of soul I felt for perfect 
purity. Sometimes, when praying for mourners at the altar 
of prayer, my heart would be drawn away from their con- 
dition to pray for holiness for myself in such a manner, that 
it seemed I could pray for nothing else ; and though often 
blessed, it did not satisfy me. I saw such a fullness in 
Christ, such a beauty in the holiness and purity of God, that I 

416 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 417 

could not be satisfied unless filled with all his fullness. I had 
been convinced, by reading the Bible and pious memoirs, 
that it was my privilege to enjoy it. The unsatisfied desires 
of my soul urged me to seek it. 0, what hungering and 
thirsting I felt for the living God. I panted after him as the 
hart panteth for the coohng water brooks. And often did the 
inquiry arise in my mind, " After thy lovely likeness. Lord, 
ah ! when shall I wake up ?" The least trifling word afflic- 
ted my conscience, which was as tender as the apple of an 
eye. Vain and idle thoughts were unwelcome guests. An 
unholy dream gave me pain. I wanted my whole life con- 
formed to the holy example of my Savior. I wanted " to 
walk even as he walked." I was grieved to see professing 
Christians jesting or trifling. I could not bear a fretful, 
peevish spirit ; and the words 

" What, never speak one evil word, 
Or rash, or idle, or unkind ? 
O how shall I, most gracious Lord, 
This mark of true perfection find ? " — 

were often applied to my mind. I wanted to hear and talk 
of nothing but holiness. It even mingled with my sleeping 
hours, during the silent watches of the night. I prayed 
hours for it. I read every thing I found on the subject ; 
and the sermon that did not directly or indirectly touch upon 
it, appeared to me like a skeleton. But when I heard it 
preached upon, my soul was all desire. A pious friend gave 
me the following rules of holy living : 

1. Let your words be few and serious. 

2. Let your temper be mild, and all your actions kind. 

3. Let your deportment exhibit cheerfulness, modesty, 
and devotion. 

4. Begin every day with prayer ; spend it watchfully and 
dutifully, and end it with praise to God. 



418 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

I endeavored to regulate my life by these, and to keep 
God's glory constantly in view ; and in all I did, to have in 
reference the day of final judgment. Devoted souls were 
my delight. How irksome was the society of any but those, 
who either enjoyed or were pressing after entire purity of 
heart. I even dreaded a visit from a near friend, as it di- 
verted my mind from communion with God and the pursuit 
of his renewing grace. I prayed without ceasing for days 
together ; whether eating, drinking, walking or conversing, 
my heart was engaged in mental prayer for entire sanctifica- 
tion. This was last in my mind at lying down at night, and 
first in rising up in the morning. I often fasted for it, and 
in this I found sensible benefit. I watched over my words 
and my thoughts ; believing, with the psalmist, if I " ordered 
my conversation aright, I should see the salvation of God." 
Sometimes, in a retired apartment, I walked the room, lifting 
up my heart in silent prayer to the Lord for his cleansing 
grace. This would sharpen my devotions and increase my 
desires, and give a more wakeful appetite to prayer. I longed 
to have pride and unbelief rooted out of my heart. I want- 
ed that faith which credits all the word of God. I desired 
to have a freer access to a throne of heavenly grace at all 
times. In my approaches to God, I felt at times a spirit of 
fretfulness and impatience ; and often did I cry, 

" Lay the rough paths of peevish nature even, 
And open in my heart a little heaven." 

The conviction for this blessing far exceeded that for justi- 
fication, though I felt no guilt or condemnation. My sympa- 
thetic powers were acute ; a tender spirit of weeping often 
melted my soul in prayer. I profited much by reading the 
Lives of Bramwell and Benjamin Abbot. Merritt's Address, 
in pamphlet form, on Christian Perfection, was made a great 



THE RICHES OF GEACE. 419 

blessing to me, especially that part treating upon the dispen- 
sation of the Holy Ghost. The Acts of the Apostles I often 
read over and over again. The baptism of the Holy Ghost, 
so often spoken of therein, I ardently desired to feel. I 
thirsted for it as one famishing by thirst in a desert land. 
The words of our Lord Jesus Christ, " Ask and receive, that 
your joy may be full," more than a hundred times were ap- 
plied to my mind, often drawing tears from my eyes. I 
sometimes felt so much in family prayer, that I trembled like 
a leaf in the wind. I retired one evening for secret prayer. 
I felt the Spirit's influence in such a degree as to produce a 
weakness throughout my frame. I had hardly opened my 
mouth in prayer, when it seemed as if the heavens were com- 
ing down to earth. An awful sense of the presence of God 
rested upon me. It appeared as though the powers of dark- 
ness surrounded me to prevent my obtaining the blessing. I 
drew back with fear. The temptation, " put it off until 
family prayers," was suggested to my mind. I listened to 
it for a moment, but the presence of God as then manifested, 
was withdrawn. I almost despaired of obtaining, as the 
nearer I approached the blessing, the more powerful and 
cruel were my temptations from Satan. I thought as I 
preached, how could I teach others what I did not know my- 
self. I could be of little use in the world, or church, with- 
out this blessing, and the thought of being but a weak, dwarf- 
ish Christian all my days, and thereby depriving my soul of v 
what had been so dearly bought by my Savior's precious 
blood, and probably miss of heaven at last, only prevented 
my giving up the struggle. Again did I resolve to go up 
and possess the Canaan of perfect love. I waged an irrecon- 
cilable war once more with my internal foes. And although 
I have been defeated, I resolved once more to approach, in 
the name of Christ, the citadel of my enemies within. One 



420 THE RICHES OF ORACE. 

morning, in company with a circuit preacher at Br. B.'s, dur- 
ing a season of social prayer, I felt again an unusual strug- 
gle for the blessing. The power of God rested on all pres- 
ent. It threw my soul into an agony, and even " my flesh 
cried out for the living God." I fell to the floor in deep dis- 
tress. The blessing approached almost within reach, and as 
I looked to Christ by faith, it seemed to approach still near- 
er. Temptations, hke chilling water, were poured upon my 
spirits, to dampen my ardor, and divert my mind. My soul 
appeared all desire, and the language thereof, 

" My heart-strings groan with deep complaint ; 
My flesh lies panting, Lord, for thee; 
And every Hmb, and every joint, 
Stretches for perfect purity." 

But Satan tried to keep me from it ; his temptations were as 
cruel almost as death itself. I groaned and cried to the 
Lord for victory. 0, how I felt the need of some one to 
pray for me, far more than when seeking pardon. The cir- 
cuit preacher had fallen under the Spirit's power, and lay 
motionless on the floor, and some had risen from their knees. 
I was tempted to think that they thought I had been a hypo- 
crite, and had never been converted, and was then crying for 
mercy under conviction for my actual sins. I yielded to the 
temptation for a moment ; my ardent desires left me ; the 
presence of God was again withdrawn. I arose dishearten- 
ed and unhappy ; I felt as one who had been fighting for a 
prize and had lost the conquest. 

Next day being Sabbath, I attended meeting. And whilst 
leading the class, the sacred purifying fire went through my 
soul, burning up my pride and unbelief. I ventured all on 
Christ. Glory to his eternal name ; I was filled with un- 
speakable joy. 0, what faith and confidence I felt in God. 
Salvation in heavenly floods was poured upon my soul. It 



I 



THE EICIIES OF GRACE. 421 

appeared to be a fire of burning love throughout mj whole 
soul. After this, when I went to mj private devotions, ere 
I had opened my mouth in prayer, the Lord poured his bless- 
ings upon my soul. And often was I so sweetly and fully 
blessed, that I desired to break away from the clay ten- 
ement, that I might inhale the pure air of heaven, and gaze 
upon my adored Redeemer and see him face to face without 
an intervening veil, and be lost and swallowed up in the 
ocean of love divine. I now felt that the Father, Son, and 
Holy Ghost resided within my unworthy heart ; and at times 
it has seemed that I had distinct communion with all three. 
The Father has appeared to me to be like an unbounded 
ocean of purity and majesty, which always filled me with 
solemn awe and veneration. And sometimes I have viewed 
the Son by faith, in person, so near me, and so much like a 
reality, it seemed I could clasp him in my arms, and pray to 
him, as I would converse with a friend, face to face. 0, 
how have his sufferings and wounds endeared him to me ! 
And in my approaches to the Father for his blessings, the 
name of Jesus only repeated, was the most successful peti- 
tion I could use. And Jesus has always appeared to me the 
most precious appellation by which he is called. 

At other times, I felt no particular communion with either 
the Father or Son, but with the Holy Spirit. Sometimes I 
have felt the outpourings of the Spirit almost as sensibly as I 
could water. At other times, it appears more like a pure 
flame, burning on my heart ; but generally, hke the gentle 
fountain springing up into everlastling life ; and so exquisite 
has been my enjoyment at times, that I felt I was a wonder 
to myself. ! to hold communion with the triune God, who 
upholds universal nature, has appeared to exhibit such con- 
descension on his part, as would sink me in adoring silence 
at his feet, and involuntarily I would utter from my lips : 
36 



422 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

" O ! for this love, let rocks and hills 
Their lasting silence break ; 
And all harmonious human tongues, 
The Savior's praises speak." 

I could not now be silent in the company of the unconveii>- 
ed without warning them of their danger, and pointing them 
to Christ. ! how plain was my duty. The Spirit would 
roll upon me a burden for undying souls in the way to ruin, 
so that, at times, I could not converse with them without 
weeping ; and if I neglected to speak to them, I gTieved the 
Spirit, and lost my light and enjoyment." 

But to proceed. I lost the witness of the blessing, by 
giving way to the idea that if I had not those raptures con- 
stantly, I had not perfect love. If I was tempted or weigh- 
ed down, I concluded a sanctified person did not feel as I 
felt, and consequently dared not profess the blessing ; but, 
after struggling and praying for it, again it would be given 
me. And then, ! how happy ! The very spirit which 
glowed within my heart would seem almost audibly to say, 
"surely, this is perfect love." And thus, for some time, I 
kept gaining and losing the blessing, until I have become 
less ignorant of Satan's devices. And now, let my frames of 
mind or feelings be what they may, I live by faith, and often 
are my severest trials and temptations precusers to greater 
blessings. I now, in all suitable places, confess what God 
has done for me, through the merits of his Son." 

I preach hohness ; and I have seen, when preaching on 
this subject, men fall under the poAver of God like men slain 
in battle ; and in praying with those who were seeking puri- 
ty of heart, I have seen them sink down in a motionless, 
deathlike state, being 

" Plunged in the Godhead's deepest sea, 
And lost in His immensity." 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 423 

Nothing so enraptures my soul as preaching, praying and 
talking about hohness. 0, blessed subject ! It is the mar- 
row of the Bible — the essence of the gospel — the bone and 
sinew of Christ's church ! I almost envy the Editor his task 
and usefulness, 0, may he spread sheets innumerable, until 
the world becomes Emanuel's land, and a mountain of holi- 
ness to the Lord. 



EXPERIENCE LX. 



If you judge it would be acceptable to your readers, I 
"would ask permission to record the great goodness of God, 
my Savior, to me in my afflictions. I have been laid aside 
from my ministerial work for more than two months, so that I 
have made but four very feeble attempts to preach since last 
January. My disorder has been a deeply seated chronic 
catarrh, which has reduced my strength so much that I have 
been able to walk or ride but very little ; and there was evi- 
dent danger, from the extreme prostration of the system, that 
consumption would follow at no distant period, unless rehef 
could be obtained. But, thanks be to the merciful and wise 
Disposer of events, my symptoms are now more encouraging ; 
and though I am not now entirely out of danger, yet I and 
my friends cherish the hope of recovery. The Lord has 
been peculiarly good to me in my afflictions ; but in record- 
ing his merciful doings, permit me to revert to the past. 

More than twenty years since, and after several months of 
earnest endeavors, and much prayer for the blessing of entire 
sanctification of heart, on a fine summer's day, as I was 
leading my horse down one of the high hills of New Hamp- 
shire, a few miles east of Keene, earnestly lifting my heart to 
424 



THE RICHES OF aRACB. 425 

God, that he would then give me faith to embrace the blessing, 
and finish his great work of grace in my heart, he poured 
upon my longing soul such a full baptism of the Holy Spirit 
as perfectly assured me that the work I had been seeking 
was accomplished, and that the inestimable blessing of perfect 
love was mine. The calm, solemn, sweet joy I then felt was 
truly " unspeakable and full of glory." So perfectly was I 
filled and surrounded with the salvation and all-pervading 
presence of my blessed Savior, that when I lay down upon 
my bed that night, I felt assured that with such a Savior with 
me, I should be perfectly safe, even if I lay in the very jaws 
of Satan. But he was then under my feet; and this assur- 
ance of a full and present salvation I enjoyed, with scarce an 
hour's obscuration, for more than two years, relying solely 
and steadily on the blood of Christ, which cleanseth from all 
sin ; and being then free from domestic cares, and also from 
the responsibilities of having the charge of any society, my 
situation was peculiarly favorable to the enjoyment of that 
blessed state. And during all the labors, cares, responsibili- 
ties, temptations and privations of my humble ministry for 
these twenty years, this salvation has been my comfort and 
my support. It is true, I have been conscious of many er- 
rors, defects and short-comings, and I have often had occa- 
sion to lament the absence of that fullness of love and sweet 
emotion which I felt for the first two years ; but holiness has 
always been the most delightful theme of my preaching and 
meditation. I have frequently had the witness of the bless- 
ing clear, and have uniformly felt a cheerful acquiescence 
with the will of God in all his known requirements ; and, 
while endeavoring to do his will, I have rested my soul on the 
all-atoning blood. This cordial coincidence of the will with 
the will of God, as a habit of the soul, is satisfactory and 
valuable evidence of a heart purified from its evil propensi- 
36* 



426 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

ties, though the direct witness of the Spirit may not always 
be clear. But it would be manifestly unsafe to depend on 
either as a test of holiness for any length of time without the 
other. Some seem to seek for what they call sanctification, 
chiefly for its joys ; that their crosses may be fewer or lighter, 
and their joys greater ; and when they acquire a high state 
of rapturous emotion, they often erroneously suppose they 
are pure in heart — but, perhaps, in the first contest with 
sin or temptation, they lose their raptures, discover some 
evil in their hearts, and immediately fall into doubt, if not 
into despondency. 

My object in seeking holiness of heart was, that all my pro- 
pensities which stood opposed to the will of God, which St. 
Paul calls " the law of sin in our members," might be 
destroyed; that ^Hhe law of the spirit of life in Christ 
Jesus might make me free from the law of sin and death ; " 
that I might be prepared cordially and cheerfully to bear 
my crosses, perform my duties, fulfil my ministry, and 
be fitted to give up my final account with joy. God gave 
me the blessing, and since that hour his will has never 
appeared too difiicult to be performed, or too hard to be 
borne ; but his service has been my choice and delight. 

And now, when called to suffer deep affliction, and to con- 
verse with death, this blessing has been a rich source of con- 
solation, and the firm basis of my hope. It has disarmed 
death of its terrors, and presented the " valley of its shadow " 
as the gate to endless joy in the presence of my God and 
Savior. The anticipations and foretastes of that holy and 
blissful state have often, within a few weeks past, melted and 
overwhelmed my soul ; and though I have been deeply hum- 
bled, in view of my many defects, errors and short-comings, 
and the little good I have done in the cause of God, yet I 
have been enraptured with grateful emotions of love and 



THE RICHES OE GRACE. 42T 

praise, for such great mercy shown to one so unworthy. And 
it has been a source of pecuUar satisfaction to find myself 
fitted for these spiritual and joyous exercises, without being 
under the painful necessity of seeking a preparation for my 
great change amidst harassing doubts and fears, and languor 
of a sinking body. I have often closely searched my heart 
to see if I had any choice between life and death, and have 
found none. The language of my heart is, " The will of the 
Lord be done ;" so that if my Savior should submit to me 
which to choose, I should at once wish to refer it to his will. 
He knows, with infinite precision, which will be most for my 
good, the interests of his kingdom, and his own glory. I 
should be happy to live and labor for souls ; and yet I should 
exult to hear the summons to depart and be with Christ and 
glorified beings, beyond the reach of toil and suffering, and 
the assaults of sin and Satan. The following Unes of the 
immortal Watts most appropriately express my feelings ; and 
in the views they present, my spirit has often been melted 
with joyful hope of heaven : 

" Raise thee, my soul ; fly up and run 
Through every heavenly street ; 
And say there 's nought below the sun, 
That 's worthy of thy feet. 

Thus will we mount on sacred wings, 

And tread the courts above ; 
Nor earth, nor all her mightiest things, 

Shall tempt our meanest love. 

There, on a high, majestic throne, 

The Almighty Father reigns, 
And sheds his glorious goodness down 

On all the blissful plains. 



428 THE RICHES OE aRACE. 

Bright, like the sun, the Savior sits, 

And spreads eternal noon ; 
No evenings there, nor gloomy nights, 

To want the feeble moon. 

Amidst those ever shining skies, 

Behold the Sacred Dove ; 
While banished sin and sorrow flies 

From all the realms of love. 

The glorious tenants of the place 

Stand bending round the throne ; 
And saints and seraphs sing and praise 

The infinite Three One. 

Jesus, and when shall that dear day, 

That joyful hour appear. 
When I shall leave this house of clay, 

And dwell amongst them there ? " 

This testimony to the Lord's inexpressible goodness to me 
in this time of heart-searching affliction, I wish here to record 
to the honor of his name and the glory of his grace, that my 
brethren and friends may rejoice and praise the Lord with 
me, and pray for me ; and that others may perhaps be in- 
duced to seek for the same salvation, as the best qualification 
for their duties as Christians and ministers, and as the only 
preparation for undisturbed peace and joy on a sick and dy- 
ing bed. 

How long a time is allotted to me here, or what will be the 
issue of my present disorder, is quite uncertain, nor am I 
solicitous to know. I hope I may live more to the glory of 
God while I remain on earth, whether in doing or suffering 
his will ; and when he shall call me away from earth, I hope, 
through grace, to meet the message with joy. But all my 
salvation hitherto, and all my hope for the future, has been, 
and still is, through the blood of our Lord Jesus Christ. 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 429 

Since the last conference. Rev. J. 0. Dean has gone to 
his reward. He was a devoted and useful minister, and, I 
doubt not, is now with the glorified. And that beloved 
brother. Rev. E. M. Beebe, has just gone up to take his robe 
of white. We labored harmoniously together in former days ; 
I have always loved him much, as a faithful minister, and 
when I heard of his death my soul melted in joyful anticipa- 
tion of soon meeting him in glory. He has gone, perhaps, 
but a little before to try his harp in new strains of praise. 



EXPERIENCE LXI. 



On the 14th day of February, 1842, the writer, after a 
severe and protracted straggle in prayer, found peace in be- 
lieving on God. 

Amid alternate hopes and fears, he struggled on until the 
9th of September, 1843, when his mind became deeply exer- 
cised on the subject of holiness of heart. An extra meeting 
was at that time in progress in Sag Harbor, and Br. E., a 
faithful and holy man, was present to aid our stationed preach- 
er in his arduous labors. The first sermon Br. R. preached 
was a very close and practical one on the subject of holiness, 
explaining how it might be obtained by consecration and 
prayer, and that it was our privilege to so overcome every 
besetting sin as to love God with all our hearts. He then 
invited all who would seek for the blessing of holiness or per- 
fect love, to come forward and kneel for prayers. Being 
myself within the altar, I did not arise to pledge myself to 
seek the blessing with those who came forward. I thought 
it was useless for me to seek for holiness, believing that while 
engaged, from day to day, in my store, I could not live in 
the enjoyment of the blessing, even if I should obtain it. 
But, when they knelt for prayers, I knelt with them. I 

430 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 431 

theiij led by the Spirit, began to think how I could overcome 
my evil propensities and live a holy life. The first besetting 
sin presented to my mind, as an obstacle, was anger, or a spirit 
of fretfulness. In the strength of the Lord I put this upon the 
cross, and made up my mind, that, by the grace of God assist- 
ing me, I would, by watchfulness and prayer, overcome it, re- 
membering, at the same time, that precious promise, " My 
grace shall be sufficient for you." As soon as I had decided 
to overcome this sin, another and another came up before my 
mind, until all the temptations to which my disposition and 
associations peculiarly expose me, were presented before me, 
and as I grappled with them as they came along, with a full 
determination to overcome them, I was overwhelmed with 
deep sorrow and penitence. Tears bedewed my cheeks, and 
prayers and cries went up to God for help. After the pray- 
ing was over, whilst still on our knees, Br. R., with a heart 
filled with the Holy Spirit, and with a sweet, clear, shrill 
voice, commenced singing those beautiful lines, ''Lord, sanc- 
tify me, just now, just now." And while hstening to that 
heavenly music, my heart melted as wax before the fire. 
Tears gushed from my eyes anew. I was completely over- 
come and sank upon the floor writhing in the greatest agony 
of soul, while the beloved Brother H. fervently invoked hea- 
ven's blessing upon me. At the close of the meeting I felt 
some relief, but went home rather cast down. The next 
morning, when I awoke, it seemed as if the room was filled 
with the full rays of gospel glory, and I then loved God with 
all my heart, soul, strength, and mind. It appeared that 
heaven was about as high as the steeple of the church, and 
that if I prayed aloud, angels could hear me in heaven. All 
that day and the next day my heart was filled with this same 
heavenly love. In the evening I again went to church, and 
Brother 11. explained the witness of this great blessing, where- 



432 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

by I knew that I had obtained it, and felt it my duty publicly 
to confess it, which I did. While going home from the meet- 
ing I was greatly tempted. I thought that I now had con- 
fessed to the world that I had obtained the blessing of perfect 
love, and that if I did not retain it, I should bring reproach 
upon the cause of Christ. The next day my faith began to 
grow weak. I thought I should lose the blessing ; that my 
faith was too feeble to hold it ; and while meditating about 
losing it, I began to be a little worried about some temporal 
business, and there seemed at once to be two spirits contend- 
ing in my heart — the spirit of the world and the spirit of 
God. Then I thought, surely I shall lose it, and according to 
my faith, so it was unto me. That afternoon it flickered 
away like an expiring candle, and went out and left me en- 
tirely in the dark. I felt so bad that I would not go into the 
altar or take a part in the public exercises, as I had been ac- 
customed to, but sat back in the church and waited until 
Brother R. came out. I told him I had lost the blessing, 
and asked him what I should do. He said, yoa received it 
by faith, did you not ? Yes, sir. Do you keep consecrated ? 
Yes, ^ir. Well, said he, hold on by faith, and you will get it 
again. He then left us, and was gone about a week. When 
he returned, the subject of holiness was again preached, but 
still I was in the dark. I thought, however, of this rich 
promise, "• If ye keep my commandments ye shall abide in 
my love, even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and 
abide in his love." This promise I turned over in my mind from 
day to day, and prayed over it ; finally, I believed that this 
promise was true. That if I kept the commandments, I 
should abide in the love. I thought I would bring it to the 
test, and that I would adopt a system^ such as I would in any 
other Important business. On Sunday evening I prayed until 
I was blessed ; I then knew that I was in the love, and keep- 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 433 

ing the promise in view. I was determined the next daj to 
watch myself closely and see what it was that stole my peace 
away. I found that the same old besetting sins which I once 
had overcome, again sprung up and robbed me of my love. 
The next evening, I laid these besetments before the Lord, 
with a full determination to overcome them. And in answer 
to prayer, I was blessed, and was again in the love of God, 
The next day I watched myself again, and found that I had 
so overcome the first besetments, that they did not trouble 
me. But other temptations again stole my peace away. 
The next evening I laid them all on the altar, and, in answer 
to prayer, had my soul blessed, and was again in the love of 
God, and so continued to consecrate for several days. About 
the fourth day, I went into my closet, and began to look 
around for some besetting sin to nail to the cross, and finding 
none, I felt that they w^ere all overcome ; and, of a truth, I 
said that I loved God with all my heart. There was a perfect 
calm. Not a murmuring thought in my mind. The commu- 
nication between my soul and God seemed to be direct. As 
far as the eye of faith could reach, there seemed to be one 
broad ocean of love, without bottom or shore. Then I praised 
God with all my heart. Then I basked in the full sunshine 
of gospel glory. Since then, when I keep the command- 
ments, I live in love ; if I wilfully break or neglect them, I 
lose it ; and then, by using the same means, I obtain the 
same end. My joys often ebb and fiow, but generally my 
peace is like a river. How sweet it is to live near the bleed- 
ing side of our blessed Redeemer. This love casts out all 
fear, except the fear of breaking the commandments, grieving 
the Holy Spirit and losing my love. When my affections are 
on any thing more than God, then that love plumes its wings 
and takes its flight. I can live and enjoy it in the same way 
a man can keep perfectly clean. If he washes himself clean 
37 



434 THE RICHES OI' GRACE. 

and puts on clean clothes, he can keep himself pure only by 
washing and changing his clothes from day to day ; so the 
Christian, in answer to prayer from day to day, must have 
his heart washed in the atoning blood of Christ, be cleansed 
from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, and be clothed with 
the garment of salvation. 



THE FIRST DAY OF THE NEW LIFE 

" Ah, how long shall I delight 
In the memory of that day," 
When the shades of mental night 
Sudden passed away ! 

Long around my darkened view 

Had those lingering shadows twined, 

Till the Gospel, breaking through, 
Chased them from my mind. 

There was light in every thing, 
Every thing was bathed in bliss ; 

Trees did wave, and birds did sing, 
Full of happiness. 

Beauty in the woods shone forth. 
Beauty did the flowers display ; 

And my glorious Maker's worth 
Beamed with matchless ray. 

" Ah, how long shall I delight 
In the memory of that day," 
When the shades of mental night 
Sudden passed away. 



EXPERIENCE LXII. 



[The following experience, as will be observed, was written at differ- 
ent times and comprises not only a general account of the Lords deal- 
ings, but also a particular account of private exercises as extracted 
from a diary. The length of this article will be no barrier to its being 
read. The editor only regrets that he has not room for further extracts.} 

I READ 5 with deep interest, the " Guide to Christian Per- 
fection," and find myself thereby enlightened, strengthened 
and encouraged in the way of hohness. The subject of heart 
holiness has been to me the last year, one of all-absording in- 
terest. And not only heart holiness, but a holy walk, a 
a holy life, a holy conversation, a life of entire symmetri- 
cal holiness ; — an aiming to be in the world as he was, our 
blessed Pattern, our holy Redeemer. I say,/<9r the last year^ 
holiness to the Lord has been my motto. I have been a pro- 
fessor of religion sixteen years, but I never heard of the 
doctrine of entire holiness, as a thing to he realized in this 
life^ until February, 1839. When I tell you that I do not 
belong to your order, and had never been at all associated 
with a people of this belief, you will be able to account bet- 
ter for my ignorance. In the good providence of God, I went, 
last February, into a Methodist protracted meeting. I heard 
a sister there speak, as I never before heard man or woman 
speak. A holy composure sat on her countenance, and she 

435 



436 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

seemed to me to be breathing the atmosphere of heaven. 
She spoke with the simphcitj and love of the beloved disci- 
ple, who leaned on Jesus' bosom. I sought a private inter- 
view with her. I opened to her my heart. I told her I 
lived in a state of daily condemnation, and I had never in- 
dulged a hope of living above this state. Then, for the first 
time in my life, I heard of Jesus, a present Savior from all 
sin. We knelt side by side and prayed ; she, to a present 
God, clearly seen in and through Jesus ; I, to the Great Un- 
known, to God, afar off. The news of this salvation, a sal- 
vation from sin, was good news, glad tidings. This, thought 
I, is worthy of the Son of God ; this is indeed peace on earth. 
I seemed to see, if this were true, it was the healing balm 
for all my woes. I will not undertake to describe my past 
experience. I will turn away from this long dark chapter of 
my history, only with saying, I remember three diflFerent pe- 
riods of this experience, when, it now seems to me, I might 
easily have entered into this state of entire consecration to 
God, and perfect love in the soul, had I met with such a 
friend to guide me. But I cannot excuse my sins, my unbelief 
of God's Word. There God, even my Crod professedly^ had 
always called me to holiness, and I may say in truth, that I 
never read and meditated upon His Word, without seeing 
and feeling the difference between the gospel standard, and 
that by which I was living. I had only one interview with 
this sister, as she left town, having been here only on a visit. 
Alone, unaided, except by the Spirit of God, I pursued the 
doctrine of heart holiness. I came to the word of God with 
a determination to lay aside my former creed ; to forget the 
experience of those dear servants of Christ I had long known 
and loved, and understand for myself what the salvation of 
the gospel was. Being so situated as to be able to control 
my time, I laid aside all work, excepting the more necessary 



1:he riches of aRAc:^. 487 

and peculiarly pressing family duties, and devoted my time, 
for eight AYeeks, to the study of the Bible. I commenced 
with Paul's writingSj and often read one epistle through four 
or five times before I went to another ; dwelling on his ex- 
pressions, and endeavoring to find out all his meaning. From 
the epistles I went to the gospels, and from the gospels to 
Isaiah's glowing descriptions of the church. I soon became 
speculatively convinced, not only of the extent of God's re- 
quirements, but of the obligation and the ahility of the Chris- 
tian to fulfil these requirements in and through Jesus, who I 
saw was manifested to take away our sins. I now set myself, 
by prayer and supplication, to seek the Lord. I fasted, wept, 
and prayed. Passages of this import, " if any man love the 
world, the love of the Father is not in him ; " " if ye have 
not the Spirit of Christ, ye are none of his," were searching 
texts. The Spirit of God accompanied the word, and it was 
like a two edged sword piercing my heart. But I had come 
to the Bible to receive and believe it all, and my eye fastened 
on the promise of our Savior, " Blessed are they that hunger 
and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled." Bless- 
ed, sweet promise, my heart swells with emotion while I repeat 
it. While pleading this promise, kneeling before God with 
the words on my lips, I felt a sweet assurance that my prayer 
was heard ; a sensible peace entered into my soul. I arose 
and returned to my Bible with new emotions. Now I saw 
and believed. I should have said, that as soon as I believed 
that holiness was to be attained in this life, I immediately 
commenced perfecting myself — that is, I labored to control 
every sinful emotion, and herein I advanced externally, but 
found my heart was ill at rest. But after this peace or love 
entered into my soul, nothing moved me. I thought if every 
friend on earth should die, my happiness could not be efiected. 
I had but one desire, viz : that God's will might be done. I 
37* 



438 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

seemed to have no will of my own. I could conceive fully of 
the feelings of martyrs, and it seemed to me an easy thing 
to yield up life for Christ's sake. Indeed, I felt, to die is 
gain. I read my own heart's emotions in the strong language 
of Paul and David. Christ was my all in all. I could say, 
" "Whom have I in heaven but thee ; and there is none on 
earth that I desire beside thee." The presence of Christ 
was as much of a reality as if he had been in the flesh, sit- 
ting by my side ; and as I read the gracious words which 
proceeded out of his mouth, I received them as fully as if I 
had heard his own voice. Thus my feelings ran for several 
weeks ; my soul seemed completely under the power of love. 
I knew of no contrary emotion existing there. I had been 
conscious, in weeks prior to this state of love, of the Spirit's 
power on my heart, particularly in setting home the truths of 
God's word, but I now receive a special manifestation, as 
much of a reality to my soul as the sun light to my eye. It 
came gently, yet powerful and overpowering ; it was like a 
mighty rushing wind in the soul, extending itself through all 
my bodily frame. I said, " Lord, I am thine, entirely thine : 
come life or come death, I am wholly consecrated to thee." 
I seemed now to know what is meant by the Holy Ghost. 
This manifestation brought me nigher to God than ever be- 
fore. I could now say. Father, Abba, Father. I seemed 
joined to Christ ; the oneness I cannot define ; but our Sav- 
ior prays, '^ that they may all be one, as thou. Father, art in 
me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us," and I 
think I know what he meant, and received the very thing he 
then prayed for. I could now say, " I live, yet not I, Christ 
liveth in me." I felt strong in the Lord, and in the power 
of his might. Now came various temptations, and in various 
ways; but out of them all the Lord delivered me, and he 
doth yet deliver, and I believe he ever will, if I only confide 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 489 

in him. I do know that my Savior hath power over Satan, 
and through him I expect to conquer every foe. Sometimes 
I have been in heaviness through manifold temptations, doubt- 
ful of the path of duty, and variously tried^ yet have I nev- 
er lost my faith and love. As with the desperation of a 
drowning man, clinging to some rope, extended to draw him 
to shore, thus have I held on to the promises of God, deter- 
mined never to cease my hold. Often have I come, pleading, 
" I will never leave thee nor forsake thee," and on his prom> 
ise anchored my soul, though in darkness, beset with tempta- 
tions. For the last year I can say, the life which I now live 
in the flesh, I live by faith on the Son of God. Blessed be 
God, his word is as immutable as himself. I have known 
much of this world's happiness. Eiches, friends, and intel- 
lectual pleasures have ever been spread out before me ; but 
all, all I have ever enjoyed, now seems as nothing, compared 
with my happiness the past year. I have now found rest to 
my soul; everlasting life and blessedness has dawned there, 
and the prospect is widening, and I sometimes get an open 
vista into heaven. The sunlight of God's countenance, the 
great Grod, whose beautiful works I every where behold, and 
have so often admired, — even the terrible God, who rideth 
in the chariot of his anger, to destroy the rebellious nations 
from off the earth, this God is my God ; the sunbeams of his 
love rest upon me ; upon me^ a poor, frail child of dust, once 
all polluted with sin, but now a joint heir of Christ, a partak- 
er of his holiness, with immortal glory full in view. Glory, glo- 
ry be to God ; glory and praise for ever and ever. Amen. Do 
I then shrink to give up all for Christ ? Do I withhold my 
heart, my whole heart ? 0, no. How much I love the first and 
great command I cannot tell ; how much I love that Savior, 
who atones for past offences, and now frees from condemnor 
tion by enabling me to fulfil this command, I cannot say in 



440 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

words. I trust my life will tell the story of my love, and in 
death I expect to praise his name, and throughout eternity 
to love and adore. 0, could I speak to the Christian world, 
I would proclaim, '' His name is Jesus, to save us from our 
gins. Be it imto thee, according to thjfaith.^^ 



EXPERIENCE CONTINUED. 

In the April number of the Guide for the year 1840, I 
gave some account of the gracious dealings of the Lord with 
my soul ; how he had brought me out of darkness into mar- 
vellous light ; how he had won over my heart entirely to 
himself, making me to count all things as loss for the excel- 
lency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus, my Lord. And 
now, nearly four years from this date, I am again permitted 
to record on the pages of your little periodical, sacred to ho- 
liness, the continued goodness of the Lord to me. Hitherto, 
from that time, I may say, the Lord has been my helper. 
While I have continually felt myself to be as a house in 
ruins, and liable to fall, yet has the Lord been my prop ; on 
all sides my supporter and help. Praise to the goodness of 
the Lord ; praise the Lord with me, ye saints of the Lord, 
whose eyes shall read this record. Praise him for his good- 
ness to thyself; praise him by a life devoted to his service. 

In this continuation of my experience, in the summing up 
of the feelings of several years, I am at a loss where to be- 
gin, and what to say ; how to give the right expression, the av- 
erage weight of feeling. But through every change I think I 
can say in truth, I have maintained one purpose — one fixed 
and unalterable desire, to glorify God by the constant exhi- 
bition of the spirit and temper of my Lord and Master. I 
account it my highest happiness to have known the Lord Jo 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 441 

sus, as a pattern for imitation^ in interior purity, and in out- 
ward conformity to the will of God. I have been made hap- 
py (as happy, it seems to me, as a mortal in the body can 
be) in the love of God. Hemmed in, and checked and 
chastened on all sides, by my own weakness and frailty, I 
have had occasion continually to look towards myself with 
feelings of deepest self abasement. I think I have made 
progress in the lesson of humiliation, and have not only felt 
myself to be nothing, but become willing to be any thing or 
nothing as the Lord pleases ; looking to the accomplishment 
of God's will as the one desire and sole delight of my heart. 
That beautiful expression of the Lord Jesus, " Lo, I come to 
do thy will," has often been before my mind, and as an affec- 
tionate, obedient child, I have come to my heavenly Father, 
breathing this as the one desire of my heart. I have been 
daily fed and nourished by the word of God. It has been 
to me a well spring of life. I have been greatly blessed in 
committing to memory the 119th Psalm ; meditating on the 
Word, my soul has gained new Hfe and strength. As the tree 
planted by the rivers of water is flourishing and fair, so pros- 
pers the soul that is fed from the living fountain of God's 
word. 

The prevailing state of my mind has been in no wise that 
of high emotions. On the contrary, there has been great 
calmness, placidity, and quiet of mind ; a freedom from ex- 
citement or agitation of feeling. I have often thought that 
peace was the peculiar, the special state of mind belonging to 
Christ's disciples, as he said, " Peace I leave with you, my 
peace I give unto you." But while this has been the pre- 
vailing state of my mind, I have not been exempt at times 
from conflicts, from severe and close temptation. Heart 
searching and soul trying questions have often come up be- 
fore me ; temporary causes of disquietude have sometimes 



442 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

arisen. The Lord knoweth my frame, the pecuh'ar structure 
of my mmd, my situation, my temptations, and is my Friend 
and Helper; this has been my comfort in every tribulation. 
Trial has only brought me nearer to himself ; made me to 
love holiness more, and increased my desire for more perfect 
likeness to my blessed Lord. All is well, while my heart is 
fixed, trusting in the Lord. 

March 30, 1839. — This month has found me in the dili- 
gent and prayerful study of God's word ; in the examination 
of a new truth, which has of late, for the first time, been 
brought before my mind, viz : the realization of present en- 
tire sanctification to God. The result of this investigation 
is a deep and thorough conviction that this state may be real- 
ized, through the abounding grace of God given in answer to 
believing prayer. I henceforth set myself to seek the Lord ; 
to seek full redemption in the blood of Jesus. My prayer 
is, " Create in me a clean heart, God." 

April 20. — The Lord is with me to set his seal to truth 
by the operations of the Holy Spirit on my mind. The Word 
is appHed to my heart and conscience ; the Spirit aides me in 
prayer, and I am already blessed. One evening, especially, 
while in prayer, I received a draught from the river of life, 
a satisfying portion, which quenched my thirst. My faith 
laid hold on Jesus — a present Savior. As the tempest-tossed 
mariner enters the quiet haven and is at rest, so my soul was 
calmly anchored ; all was well. I reached the spot where 
was safety. As I pass on from day to day, I find increasing 
sweetness in the word of God. The promises are so many 
jewels of gold ; I seize them ; I bind them round the neck ; I 
press them to my heart ; I search for them, as one searches 
for hidden treasure. 

I feel a tenderness of spirit I never felt before ; a melting, 
a dissolving heart ; a walking softly, as if God were present, 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 443 

and bending towards me, with all his heart of love. I cannot 
sin against him. Every thought and "desire is lost in the 
sweet perception of God's presence, in the desire to please 
him. As the little child, that cannot walk, stretches forth 
his hands to his parents, and the parent comes and helps him, 
so I stretch forth my hands to God, and he comes and helps 
me, — he leads me ; yea, he carries me. 

April 30. — Retired one morning for prayer and medita- 
tion. Before I had opened the Bible, while sitting and medi- 
tating, the Holy Ghost came upon me, and the power of the 
highest overshadowed me. God had come into my heart in 
truth, in reahty. I w^as pure, for God himself had breathed 
upon me. The exercises of mind which followed this baptism 
of the Spirit, were a sense of purity ; a feeling that I was 
wholly the Lord's ; that God was my Father ; — I had free 
and perfect access to Him ; that I was united to Christ. I 
seemed to myself to have been born again ; to have come 
into the kingdom of God as really, though not as fully, as if 
I had entered heaven itself. I had no interest but that of 
God. All my thoughts and feelings centred in him, as if 
God were myself, and I had no being out of God. If I 
looked to find myself, my former self, it was not there. 

May. — A sweet peace of mind have I enjoyed this month, 
calm, delightful, and almost uninterrupted. Have suffered in 
two instances, being tempted ; realized who Satan was. Was 
in an agony for a few moments, lost in the thoughts that were 
pressing upon me — -I had sinned. Prayed earnestly to God, 
and soon found peace and joy restored to my bleeding bosom. 
To sin against him whom my soul ardently loves, how can I 
endure it. Have been enabled to visit from house to house, 
particularly amongst the poor. I find the precious word more 
and more precious to my soul ; I live upon it, even as my 
body is sustained by food. I find here a table spread which 



444 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

more than meets all my wants. It seems to me that only one 
promise of the true and faithful God would be enough, would 
satisfy me ; but how many do I find. 

Have an abiding sense of God's presence, and at times my 
heart seems not only filled, but to overflow with the love of 
God. No clouds nor darkness overshadow my path ; my 
faith receives no check ; it seems fixed immovably on God. 
Have felt a strong desire to declare publicly, yea, to all the 
world, could my voice be heard, what a Savior I have found ; 
one that makes whole ; but am hindered. I mourn as a child 
who so loves he fears to grieve his parent; as one whose 
heart is full, and yet is forbidden to speak. Was greatly 
comforted, in this strife of feeling, between love and fear, as 
I opened to and read again and again, 1 Peter, iv. 1 : " For- 
asmuch, then, that Christ has suffered for us in the flesh, arm 
yourselves likewise with the same mindJ^^ 0, what sustaining 
power did I find in this chapter. Verily, I went in the 
strength of that meat many days. 0, Lord, thou knowest I 
desire only to do thy will. Let me but know thy will, 
and it is done, if all the world despise me. I sacrifice 
nothing when I give up all the world to thee. 

May 25. — After much deliberation, and many weeks of 
prayerful study of God's Word with reference to this duty, 
was led this evening, at a public prayer meeting, to declare 
the greatness of the salvation I had experienced. Now, 
Lord, have I sacrificed all to thee ; a willing sacrifice thou 
knowest. Be thou still my God, and joyfully will I bear re- 
proach and shame, 

June 20.— My peace this month has been abundant ; like 
the river, ever flowing. And my joy, at times, has risen 
high, even as the swollen river, overflowing its banks. New 
sources of joy arise in my contemplations of God, and God 
alone is the object on which my mind rests. It seems a 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 445 

waste of thought to dwell upon myself, on my past sins. 
God's forgiveness seems so complete, mj sins so blotted out, 
as if no more remembered, that I cannot name them. My 
poor, famished soul, so long oppressed in darkness and in sin, 
having found new wings on which to rise and soar, scarcely 
dares look back, but hastens on to know more and more of 
God. 

June 27. — For the first time since I received the baptism 
of the Holy Ghost I felt the sudden rise of an indignant 
emotion. Hitherto my mind had been so kept and raised 
above external influences, that nothing from this source has 
seemed to reach and move it. Retired immediately for 
prayer and humble confession. Found it good to prostrate 
myself before the Lord ; to ask and to receive forgiveness ; 
yes, receive forgiveness. Such were my views of God, such 
my sense of Godly sorrow, that I could not come from the 
place of prayer unforgiven, unblest. I realized that the 
blood of Jesus is ever flowing into the heart of the humble 
and contrite, to wash away sin. Read with great comfort the 
86th Psalm — " Bow down thine ear, Lord ; hear me, for 
I am poor and needy.'' Am distressed, at times, from a fear 
of self-seeking, while actively engaged in the cause of Christ. 
This suggestion is as the viper's sting ; it enters into and 
deeply wounds my spirit. I cry unto the Lord ; I spread 
out my case before him as it is. Lord, thou knowest I 
have forsaken all for thee. Yea, my own life — my reputation 
in the world, and that which is most dear. I desire only to 
do thy will and pleasure. No one suggestion so often tries 
my mind as this, self-seeking, self-gratulation. Lord, I ab- 
hor it. I feel myself to be a worm, and less than nothing, 
only as thou dost breathe upon and give me spiritual life. I 
do not, I cannot take any glory to myself. Not of myself, 
but of thy grace and goodness to me do I make mention. I 



446 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

am willing to speak, or willing to be silent, only let me glorify 
thee. 

July 18. — Truly all things have become new. I seem to 
live in a new world, and to breathe in a new atmosphere. As 
I look upwards to the visible heavens, my soul itself seems 
transported thither. In the sun's pure rays, in the moving 
clouds, in the pure blue ether, I myself am soaring. As 
I descend and look around me, all nature is clothed with new 
beauties, such as I have never seen before. I gaze upon the 
trees, the fields and flowers, with intense delight. I listen to 
the sounds of nature, to the wind, to the smallest insect's 
notes, to the music of the birds, and all seems melody and 
praise to God. Voices of music, and instruments of music, 
which to the worldly ear have worldly charms, to me are 
sacred, holy sounds, on which my spirit rises higher up to 
God. Nature and nature's God are all identified, and from 
the objects around me I derive great holy enjoyment. God, 
the great, the good, is all around me, wherever I turn my 
eye. He is within me, a portion of myself. In him I live 
and breathe. I seem to myself to be no longer earthly, 
grovelling, but my whole spirit lifted up to God, as if I were 
united, coherent with him. I now know what heaven is, as 
I never conceived before. I seem to be no moment separate 
from God. I now see how God can fill and take up the 
whole being, so as to become the life, the soul of its existence. 
I lie down at night unwilling to slumber, to interrupt the con- 
scious union of my soul with God ; but in my dreams I am 
still with him, and I awake with the same union of mind, 
with the same burning emotions of love, as with which I 
slept. There is a living flame of love in my bosom, which 
the live coals, all glowing and radiant with heat, seem aptly 
to represent. 



THE IlICHES OF GRACE. 447 

July 28. — The love of God is still abounding and over- 
flowing in my bosom — yes, overflowing ; my delight in God 
is beyond expression blessed. I have found the Lord, 
the true and only God, the Maker of the heavens and the 
earth, and the Author of my Spirit, and he is my God. 
What more do I desire ? Lord, it is enough to possess thee, 
to call thee my God. Thou dost fill my soul with thyself. 0, 
blessed being ! delightful existence to know and enjoy God. 
Now I thank thee for my existence as I never could before. 
He only lives who lives in God. 

Aug, 31.— Received, a few nights since, a special token 
of God's remembrance of me, which greatly cheered and 
comforted my heart. I returned from church conference de- 
pressed, not finding in the breasts of others any response to 
my own feelings, and under the influence of much that was 
discouraging committed myself to sleep. I awoke at dead 
of night, surrounded by God's presence. Surely he had 
come, or sent some angel visitant to bear up my spirit which 
was drooping. My reflection was, what can I not do, what 
can I not bear, sustained by God ? One other such angel 
visit at dead of night, I would here record, two months since ; 
it was light, glory, and blessedness in my soul, which banish- 
ed all sleep, and kept my eyes waking, and strengthened me 
for the performance of a cross bearing duty which immedi- 
ately awaited me, and I knew it not. 

Am still often anxious on account of self seeking. I want 
to feel that I am wholly rid of self, and living purely, simply 
for God, and to God. I long to be wholly free from all self- 
entanglements, and live and breathe only for God. 

Sept, 28, — Have been called, in providence, to spend 
much of this month in company with others, and have had 
less opportunity for retirement and prayer than usual. Not- 
withstanding this, I have realized much of the (and may I 



448 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

not say in truth the continued .^) presence of God. Surely, 
I have be'en kept by the Good Shepherd, and have not pass- 
ed from beneath his watchful eye. Wherever the Lord calls 
his children to go, there he will be with them, and surely my 
prayer has been, " If thy presence go not with me, carry me 
not up thence." Have realized something of the feelings 
expressed by Madam Guyon in the verse, — 

" To me remains nor place nor time, 
My country is in every clime ; 
I can be calm and free from care 
On any shore, since God is there." 

But I find it good to be alone again with God. I cannot 
mingle in the world for enjoyment ; duty only calls me from 
my retirement. I have found short interviews desirable, and 
all approach to disputation unprofitable. To be a child of 
God, and speak only when I can glorify him, requires great 
simplicity, and in the main but few words. Have had some 
trials and sorrows of mind ; realized something of Paul's ex- 
perience in the passage, "troubled, yet not distressed; per- 
plexed, but not in despair," &c. 

26. — Would record, with gratitude to God, that my mind 
is at rest on a subject which has caused me some anxiety, 
and which I have often prayed over. While praying, a view 
of the subject was presented to my mind, which fully settled 
the question. I bless the Lord, who hears and ansivers 
prayer. 0, hoAv much is that child-hke confidence in God 
worth, which approaches him, expecting to be heard and an- 
swered, and to be directed by him in the path of duty. 
Lord, do thou enable me to possess more and more of the 
simple prayer of child-like faith and trust in thee. 

Bee, 9. —-Am now enjoying, for a number of weeks, a 
season of leisure, away from home ; a freedom from care, 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 449 

which furnishes much time for reading, meditation and prayer ; 
alsOj special opportunities of Christian communion and fellow- 
ship with God's people. Yet I ask myself, and with feeling, 
What are circumstances, however favorable, without God ? 
They are as the wood and coals without fire ; they are 
nothing. 

" Were I in heaven without my God, 
'T would be no joy to me." 

Yet may I not, do I not expect and claim a blessing here ? 
Has it not been my prayer, '' If thy presence go not with me, 
carry me not up thence." And hath he not said, "I will 
never leave thee nor forsake thee?" I cannot indulge a 
doubt but what my God will be with me here. My desire is 
unto him, and my confidence is in him. that he will be with 
me, and sanctify and bless to me this opportunity. 

Dec. 25. — Christmas day. Memorable day! A time 
when God appeared, and permitted me to plead with him, as 
face to face ; as a man with his friend. It was as when one 
of old plead and prevailed. Through the Spirit's power I 
had access to God, power to plead, and prevailing prayer ; 
yea, my prayer was turned to praise. Surely the Spirit 
maketh intercession in us, for things agreeable to God's will. 
The blessing I sought was on its way ; it speedily came. 
Next to the sanctification of my own soul, no greater blessing 
could I have asked. And now, what thanks shall I render ? 
I feel myself to be a weak, unworthy worm of the dust. I 
was never so dissatisfied with myself as now; my praises 
seemed so small, so inadequate. I wanted an angel's harp, 
and angel lips. As the poor imprisoned bird against the 
wires, so I use my little strength, and then fall back disheart- 
ened, to be nothing ; yea, nothing mjse\i ; absolutely nothing ; 
and God all. 

38* 



450 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

Jan. 1 — 18. — On this morning of the new year, I con- 
secrate myself without reserve to the Lord God Almighty, 
to be his, soul, body and spirit. I look back to the period, 
nine months since, when the Holy Ghost was shed on me 
abundantly, and I realized that I was indeed sanctified to the 
Lord. And I have inquired solemnly, earnestly, with a sin- 
cere desire to know the truth, whether I have preserved my- 
self sacred to the Lord ; whether I am still wholly his, and 
living alone to glorify him. One trying point, especially, 
has come up before my mind, viz : whether I have fulfilled 
that requisition of the apostle, " Whatsoever ye do, whether 
ye eat or drink^ do all to the glory of God." A tender point, 
one on which I have often examined, and sometimes condemn- 
ed myself. Upon strict examination of my feelings, it is a 
consolation to me this day to feel that I am ready, yea, de- 
sirous, to make any sacrifice in this respect which love to 
God requires. 

Jan. 7. — Music, sweet music! not of earth, but from 
heaven ; angel harps, blending harmoniously, softly, sweetly ! 
Such music I heard in a dream, a vision of the night, and it 
carried my soul up to heaven. A happy feeling is in my soul ; 
the sound thereof is in my ear as I review it. 0, to dwell 
for ever in such enchantments, where music is all around me, 
and every sound harmonious praise to God. 

Jan. 10. — Enjoyed once more, and for the last time, an- 
other delightful interview with Christian friends. These in- 
terviews have been rich in blessings to my soul, for into these 
little companies Jesus himself has come. Yes, it is his 
presence that has made these interviews so blessed. As 
daylight to the eye, so is the presence of Jesus to the soul. 
I will endeavor always to bear in mind, distinctly, prominent- 
ly, that I am to look alone to him to refresh and comfort my 



THE KICHES OF GRACE. 451 

soul, and no less in a social meeting or in an interview with 
fi'iends, than when alone in my retirement. 

May 10. — For a short season, last night, was severely 
tried by a pressure of evil suggestions. I seemed to be en- 
tangled as in a net. While struggling for free Spiritual 
breath, and asking in anguish of spirit. Can I hold on, and 
hold out, and continue to reckon myself holy to the Lord, 
this passage, " He suffered^ being tempted^ ^ came power- 
fully to my relief. There was strength in the thought, that 
temptation was not necessarily sin ; that Jesus knew and 
sympathized in my anguish : that he was present^ and that by 
his authority this blessed passage was brought to my mind. 
Thus was my grief and disturbance of mind changed to a 
calm, settled repose, and I slept. It was like reclining on 
the bosom of Jesus. 

July 4. — Memorable day ! spent in delightful social in- 
tercourse, in prayer and praise, and holy conversation with a 
beloved member of the household of faith. While convers- 
ing on doing the whole will of our Father, we found our 
minds enUghtened, and increased in spiritual understanding 
and knowledge of his will. Such interviews, where heart 
meets heart, are grateful indeed, and refreshing even as the 
streams of water to an eastern traveller. Sometimes I have 
questioned, whether I did not neglect too much the customary 
social intercourse. If so, it arises, in part, from a fear of 
finding such intercourse unprofitable to myself and to others. 
There are visits of mercy, to the sick, the poor, the afflicted, 
which admit of no question, and which I hasten to perform ; 
but other calls, the customary calls of society, admit of a 
question in my mind. Can I thereby do good, and glorify 
God ? Still I would not restrict myself to any rigid rule of 
duty, knowing that wherever the Lord calls his children to 
go, he can there bless, and make them a blessing. But to 



452 THE RICHES OF GRACE. 

be " unspotted from the world,'" without a mark or sign of 
worldliness, and yet in the world, is a diflScult lesson. 

July 11. — Have enjoyed, of late, sweet fellowship with 
Jesus, — have had a view of him as my Companion by the 
way ; as my Beloved, on whose arm I am to lean through my 
earthly pilgrimage ; to whom I am to look up for counsel 
and guidance ; yea, who is himself engaged to watch over 
my steps, and keep me from falling ; who is the bridegroom 
and protector of my soul ; one engaged to support, defend 
and bless me. 

July 16. — " Is any thing too hard for the Lord ? " Can 
he not renew the heart in holiness, and preserve it holy ? Is 
it not his desire we should be holy ; and while my own desires 
concur with his will, can the malice of devils prevent it ? 
have they any power at all against God ? against man, when 
his strength and reliance is in God ? "Whatever others may 
do or doubt, I must, if I stand alone, as did Abraham, be- 
lieve God. I know what he has promised he is able to ac- 
compHsh. Let me alone, ye fiends of darkness, and ye un- 
believers in the church of Christ. I cannot graduate my 
faith by yours. I must believe in God, to fulfil his word, his 
will in me now, even now. Thus shall the world know there 
is a God, who killeth the life of self, the natural man, and 
raises up that heart, a holy temple, for his worship, his 
praise. I thank God, for increasing faith in the doctrine of 
present sanctification, for a firmer grasp upon the truths of 
his word. I find the way of holiness less and less encumber- 
ed with difficulties. I can more easily distinguish between 
temptation and actual sin — a point which has often much 
perplexed and distressed me. 

To know more and more of God ; yea, as much as mortal 
can know, has been my desire of late. But while consider- 
ing to-day his greatness, his power, I found my mind un- 



THE RICHES OF GRACE. 453 

profitably lost in the vast contemplation. Then how gratefully 
I turned my eye to Jesus, as God revealed ; as the God I 
can study ; whose ways I may imitate ; whose precepts I 
may foUoAV. Says Paul, I desire to know nothing but Jesus, 
and him crucified. Henceforth be this the desire of my 
heart, to know Christ, in order to be like Him. Yes, Christ 
shall be my lesson ; and thou, 0, Holy Ghost, my teacher, 
for, says Christ, "He shall testify of me." 0, Holy Ghost, 
my teacher and comforter, sacrificing joyfully all other knowl- 
edge, I come to thee, to accomplish in me thine own office work. 
Behold me ready, (or, if not, make me so) to receive the 
knowledge of Christ. Thou hast taught me the way of sal- 
vation through him. Do thou teach me, also, the way of life 
by him, by his example, his precepts. 

Feh,j 1842. — To be a vessel, sanctified^ and meet for the 
Master's use, is my highest aim. I praise the Lord for the 
evidence I have that he does accept, and own me as his 
child. I received, a few days since, a special favor from on 
high, the sensible influence of the Holy Ghost, breathed upon 
me more powerfully than I had experienced it since that 
memorable period, two years since, when the glory of the 
Lord filled the temple of my heart, and made it fully sub- 
servient to himself. Similar results have followed. I have 
found the precious Word more precious in its application to 
my heart ; have had increased happiness in God, and renew- 
ed desires to be wholly his. But, notwithstanding this gra- 
cious visitation, I find I am not exempt from powerful temp- 
tation. I was in great fear lest I should sin against, and 
grieve the Holy One. I could only look to Jesus and im- 
plore his aid, and while thus doing, or endeavoring to do, for 
I could not pray to my own satisfaction, my soul was set at 
liberty. On the following morning, as I awoke from sleep, I 
found these words had taken possession of my mind, " My 



454 THE KICHES OF GRACE. 

strength is made perfect in weakness/' and I thought I fully 
comprehended their meaning. 

July 10. — My mind has been drawn out unusually of late 
to pray that God would so control my whole mental being, as 
to bring every thought into subjection to himself. Why may 
not my intellect, my memory, my imagination be so subject 
to God, as to become a storehouse of holy thoughts and im- 
ages ? What measures shall I adopt to secure this object ? 
I answer, faith in God. He can do it, and more specific 
faith may effect the object. As far as may subserve thy 
glory, thou Eternal Mind, I would pray for an enlargement 
and improvement of my mental capacities. Save me from all 
vain imaginations, from idle and wandering thoughts. Save 
me from all unprofitable recurrence to past actions which can- 
not be amended. Let my mind rather be engrossed with 
God and present duty. I find it greatly for my spiritual ben- 
efit, yea, indispensable, to dismiss the thoughts regarding past 
exercises and acts, whether pleasing or painful ; also, not to 
permit my mind to run in advance of the present time. I 
live only in the present moment, for the present passing mo- 
ment only am I responsible. By thus taking care of each 
moment, my course of life will become comparatively easy, 
and I may expect to find grace equal to my necessities. 

July 18. — I now feel as if I had come into the central 
attraction of God. Sanctification of mind, every thought 
brought into captivity, has been my experience for a few days 
past. It is surpassingly blessed ; beyond the -power of lan- 
guage to express what it is to the soul, thus to find God. My 
heart has long dwelt with him ; but 0, this tossing to and 
fro, this scattering of the intellect — where shall it find a ba- 
sis, and rest at ease ? It now seems to have stretched itself 
to God; or rather God, in answer to my prayer, has come to 
my mind, and let me know what it is to have my mind stayed 



THE RICHES OE GRACE. 455 

on him, yea, united with his mind. 0, blessed union with 
the Eternal Mind ! Thus are the drops of Heaven's own 
bliss exhaled, and poured out, a delicious fragrance, into the 
soul of man. 0, let me be ever looking up, as the eagle to- 
wards heaven, nor stop, nor tire, until all I have and am, is 
wholly lost in God. 

March 20. — To-daj I enter on my year. I can look 

back only on the three last years of my life with any degree 
of satisfaction. Each day of these years has found my 
heart in the same position, delighting in God and seeking his 
glory ; jinding all my happiness in doing his will. The years 
previous to this, I mourn over as years of darkness and sin, 
of lamentations, and bitter repentings ; as spent without God, 
or without the enjoyment of God. How could I enjoy God, 
in his works, in his Word, while my soul was like the troubled 
deep, casting up mire and dirt ? His works, so full of beau- 
ty, bespeaking such power and wisdom, I turned from them, 
for there came a voice to my soul, speaking condemnation. 
The holy word, where on every page I read, '' Thou shalt love 
the Lord thy God, with all thy heart and soul, and might, and 
mind and strength," was condemnation. The blessed Sacra- 
ment, the feast of love and sweet communings with the Sav- 
ior, I was there, a Judas ! Is this religion ; this the enjoy- 
ment of God ; this happiness ? My soul with all its energy 
says, No. Ruin and wo follow in the train of alienation 
from the blessed Lord God ; and who wants his soul restored, 
and to feel conscious bliss, let him return unto the Lord with 
a heart of perfect love. 

The enjoyment of God is a rich, a blessed experience ; 
happiness indeed, and I reckon my life to have begun when 
I found God, as revealed by the power of the Holy Ghost, 
in and through Jesus, to my soul. Then did the kingdoms 
of this world, and thei glory of them, pass away ; and all 



456 THE EICHES OF GRACE. 

flesh became as grass, and myself an atom of creation, and 
God All in all. Then were the idols of my heart demohsh- 
ed, and my soul cleansed ; it could easily have found a home 
among the pure spirits above, yea, heaven was in my soul, 
for the indwelhng God, the Holy Ghost was there. 

0, sacred temple ! has it since been polluted ? Father, 
thou knowest. I hope, I believe not. The foul breath of 
disease and death has often blown upon it, but the breath of 
the Eternal has consumed it, and 0, shall I not say it, left 
the temple still his own ? Lord, if it is so, I am wholly a 
debtor to thy grace. Thou knowest my weakness, — through 
what straits of temptation I have sometimes passed ; how near 
my feet have come to slipping, if I have not slipped. And 
thou hast seen the anguish that has almost overpowed my 
spirit, from the dread of sin. Yes, the thought of Thy pres- 
ence has supported, has comforted, has cheered, when my soul 
was bordering on hell, on sin ; and I still live, my soul is 
still alive to praise Thee — to declare thy great goodness, thy 
faithfulness to one of the children of dust, of emptiness, of 
very weakness itself. 

come, ye hearts of love, let us worship and adore and 
praise the Lord our Maker, our Redeemer, our Sanctifier ; 
the holy, holy, holy. Three and One, in whom our salvation 
is complete. In the beauty of holiness, in the secret depths 
of the soul, let us worship and love and adore, now and for- 
evermore. Amen. 



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